She sleeps with someone now wants to make things right.

[Jackson3]

Oh OP.

 

I was in your shoes JUST a year and also a few months ago and even a FEW WEEKS ago.

 

Based on what you are describing, you will most likely not get those feelings back. I tried for over a year with no success.

 

My partner wasn't terrible when he came back but that MAGIC was 100% gone. He tried in ways he could but unfortunately it wasn't enough.

 

Prior to my ex leaving me, I felt like I had won the lottery with him. I remember our first thanksgiving together and how grateful I was. I was even thankful for all my past heartbreaks because they led me to him. I considered myself the luckiest girl in the world for FINALLY finding someone "worth all the heartbreak". I looked at him and literally felt like I had the world in my hands. Just seeing his face made me smile, seeing him sleep made me happy, my family loved him and vise versa, we had a great relationship (so I thought) everything was just as close to perfection as it got. Early on I knew I wanted a future with him. Also first time i've actually been in love. It couldn't have gotten any better.

 

This is exactly how I feel because I love her family. She has older brothers that are all my age with neices and nephews I absolutely adore. I even dressed up as Santa last Christmas for the kids. But I feel like I've been **** on. Yes, she was completely free of what she wanted to do after we werent together but it feels like a massive slap in the face. She just continues on with how much of a mistake it was and she hates herself that she needed to push herself that far but that gut feeling wont go away.

[Chi townD]

My question is, who recommended "taking a break" and how soon after did she sleep with this guy when the "break" happened. I mean, if it happened within the first month or two, she broke up with you to be with this guy. That tells me she didn't even mourn the loss of you or the relationship.

 

It just turned out that this guy probably wasn't Prince Charming and wanted to 'Hit it and quit it". My question is, if she was so disgusted with herself, why would she do it twice. So, she came running back to what was safe and familiar.

 

Dude, you got a lot of thinking to do. What happens when the next guy that comes around that catches her eye? Another break?

[Hatelove_1]

But I feel like I've been **** on. Yes, she was completely free of what she wanted to do after we werent together but it feels like a massive slap in the face. She just continues on with how much of a mistake it was and she hates herself that she needed to push herself that far but that gut feeling wont go away.

 

I totally feel for you because everyone told me the same thing. His family went as far as telling me "you weren't engaged or married" and my mental response was "EXCUSE ME, WTF does THAT MEAN" we weren't engaged or married when I believed all his fake promises soooooo, the point is?. I mean basically, some people make promises in relationships they can't keep. Like very early on, him and I agreed that if we ever encountered any issues, we would work through them, that promised failed on his part. I was blindsided and left in the complete dark.

 

Once you reach the point of breaking up, that means that the relationship is OVER. That you couldn't work though your problems together. Some inexperienced people hang up the towel when times get tough, move on then come back trying to fix the problem. By then, too much damage has already been done.

 

I get it, you weren't with that person and it's completely understandable, but I believe that what some people fail to understand in some of THESE cases is that this decision of breaking up was not "mutual" but rather one party decides that is not working for them, while the other party wants to work through the relationship. This caused me a lot of confusion because to me it was like , WELL, I never wanted to break up to begin with, so why should I have to out up with all this baggage now? I had no say in the decision.

 

It's very easy for the other party to come back because they've made a mistake or so they feel but ultimately the trust is completely broken. I can tell you that even after my ex broke my heart and left me alone in the dark, people kept telling me, there is someone else and I refused to believe that he could ever do that. I felt like even if he moved on, he would have a little bit of respect for me, and try not to hurt my feelings again so soon.

 

Once I saw that picture of him and that girl, I think that day, the way that I viewed him, changed forever. While it crushed me, I realized what type of person he was and I decided that I no longer wanted him back. I really think this was a moment of clarity for me. I had fallen out of love with him. ( I didn't realize this at the time but rather when he came back). Talk about a FULL slap in the face when this girl was introduced to his family and became friends with them on social media and basically began forming a relationship with them all, then I come back in the picture like OKAY im back. That was embarrassing and humiliating to me on so many levels.

 

If you read around these forums most of these types of second chances rarely work out. If they do, it's usually after a long time, years down the line when both parties re-entroduce each other and they really start at a clean slate.

Edited September 13, 2017 by Hatelove_1

[ayoung73]

I have not experienced the ‘same’ situation, but my wife did cheat on me and although it was EXTREMELY difficult to do, I forgave her and our relationship now is far better than before the infidelity! It sounds ridiculous I know, but it is and we both learned great things about ourselves, our relationship, and the inroads to a happier life together. We have kids, we were married for six year already, but when we began rebuilding our relationship it was like we were courting all over again.

 

It sounds like she really wants to be with you, the feelings sound real, and as you wrote, it may be old school but this is how you feel, don’t ignore your own feelings or sacrifice yourself just to be with someone. So, my advice, tell her how you feel, don’t pick up where you left off, discuss everything that is on your mind, if there’s a question about the breakup or her activities, hash it out, leave nothing open, no thought or feeling festering under the surface because it may boil up and cause problems down the road.

 

Once this foundation is laid, go slow, court again, go out on dates etc., just don’t fall back into the same old routine, that is your past and it is dead. Do something different this go around. What do you think? It worked for me, many of the psychoanalytical papers out there also advocate a fresh start or perspective on a relationship on the mend. I don’t recall the papers or books, it was around ten years ago, but I’m sure you can find some on the internet, maybe your pastor, or library. Our pastor helped a great deal, I’d suggest starting there if this is an option. I’d love to hear back, I will keep you both on my prayer list.