My ex or my boyfriend?

[Sandy9634]

Hello everyone, I am new here seeking suggestions to unlock my situation. I was in a relationship since 4 years. My ex was very secure nature. He use to call aur message when he wants to talk. Whenever I use to call or msg him he use to say I'm busy, I'm with my family, etc. We had breakup last year. Reason of our breakup was, he got engaged without even telling me. His friend called me and told me that he got engaged. I loved him so much. I never thought my life without him. After few months I got in relationship with a friend my brother who is 1.5 years younger then me. He use to love me alot. He knows everything about my past. Now even I have feelings for him. We are seriously for each other.

Now few days back I got a call from my ex, he told me that he is not happy with his engagement. He told me he loves me. He wants to meet me. But I don't want to because I can't cheat my boyfriend. And I also know that we don't have any future as his dad won't allow him to end up his engagement.

I don't know what should I do? Should I meet him or not? (My boyfriend and my ex are neighbors and my boyfriend don't I like him. )

 

IGNORE SPELLINGS AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES.

[smackie9]

Stop talking to your ex. Cut off contact and let him go now.

[Gaeta]

If you are serious with your boyfriend and you love him then forget the ex. DO NOT talk to him, DO NOT meet with him. It would be a great disrespect toward your boyfriend and it would break his trust in you. Don't sabotage what you have now with a man that makes you happy. Your ex lied to you and embarrassed you. Let him rot.

[kendahke]

Hello everyone, I am new here seeking suggestions to unlock my situation. I was in a relationship since 4 years. My ex was very secure nature. He use to call aur message when he wants to talk. Whenever I use to call or msg him he use to say I'm busy, I'm with my family, etc. We had breakup last year. Reason of our breakup was, he got engaged without even telling me. His friend called me and told me that he got engaged. I loved him so much. I never thought my life without him. After few months I got in relationship with a friend my brother who is 1.5 years younger then me. He use to love me alot. He knows everything about my past. Now even I have feelings for him. We are seriously for each other.

Now few days back I got a call from my ex, he told me that he is not happy with his engagement. He told me he loves me. He wants to meet me. But I don't want to because I can't cheat my boyfriend. And I also know that we don't have any future as his dad won't allow him to end up his engagement.

I don't know what should I do? Should I meet him or not? (My boyfriend and my ex are neighbors and my boyfriend don't I like him. )

 

IGNORE SPELLINGS AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES.

 

 

You've answered your own question.

 

Don't meet with him.

 

He chose to find someone else behind your back and asked her to marry him, not you. His father will not let him back out of the engagement, so he's stuck with her.

 

I'm curious though: how is it that you and he are in the same place and he's able to start a relationship with someone new and you don't notice him not spending time with your or seeing a change in his demeanor?

 

In the meantime, but your ex on block and delete his phone number. He means you no good.

[BaileyB]

Your ex is your ex for a reason... While you were dating, he got engaged to another woman. Who does that?

 

Seriously, don't go back to this man. Move on.

[d0nnivain]

Your EX was two timing you at best & didn't even have the courtesy to tell you he got engaged. You should be furious that he has so little respect for you that he's back sniffing around. Why are you even questioning whether you should betray your BF for this louse who is only offering you crumbs since he's going to marry this other woman anyway because his father won't let him break the engagement? He's a spinal liar. You have done better with your new BF. Why would you hurt that guy (the BF) for the jerk who practically humiliated you only so he can do it some more?

[Redhead14]

Hello everyone, I am new here seeking suggestions to unlock my situation. I was in a relationship since 4 years. My ex was very secure nature. He use to call aur message when he wants to talk. Whenever I use to call or msg him he use to say I'm busy, I'm with my family, etc. We had breakup last year. Reason of our breakup was, he got engaged without even telling me. His friend called me and told me that he got engaged. I loved him so much. I never thought my life without him. After few months I got in relationship with a friend my brother who is 1.5 years younger then me. He use to love me alot. He knows everything about my past. Now even I have feelings for him. We are seriously for each other.

Now few days back I got a call from my ex, he told me that he is not happy with his engagement. He told me he loves me. He wants to meet me. But I don't want to because I can't cheat my boyfriend. And I also know that we don't have any future as his dad won't allow him to end up his engagement.

I don't know what should I do? Should I meet him or not? (My boyfriend and my ex are neighbors and my boyfriend don't I like him. )

 

IGNORE SPELLINGS AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES.

 

Your ex cheated on you with his now fiancee and now he wants to cheat on her with you and you are entertaining that idea??? Wowee! Your current BF and your Ex's fiancee don't have winners. Geezus.

 

C'mon . . . do you honestly think he's going to drop the fiancee for you? He was messing with her and asked her to marry him while you "thought" he was your boyfriend. He's going to do the same thing to her . . .

 

I have a feeling you were/are very gullible.

[Sandy9634]

Thank you for your replies . But still sometimes I him miss a lot. Literally I use to cry for him. 4 year is not a joke. Many of his friends told me that he is not happy with is engagement. But now l'm in a relationship and my boyfriend is really very sweet and caring. Not only with me but with his family too. He is also punctual in his work, also gives me time. I love him. But the problem is he has every bad habits like he drinks too much, he smokes, he use to do betting, he use to play cards not regular but I don't like this. Even my parents won't agree for him. He is younger then me and also my brother's best friend thats is already a problem on that his bad habits. What do I do to make him out from these habits? So confused Why I'm still thinking about my ex even though I love my boyfriend. Why he wants to get back in my life? Why?

[kendahke]

Many of his friends told me that he is not happy with is engagement.

 

That is not your problem. That's his, his father, the girl and her family's problem.

 

 

But now l'm in a relationship and my boyfriend is really very sweet and caring. Not only with me but with his family too. He is also punctual in his work, also gives me time. I love him.But the problem is he has every bad habits like he drinks too much, he smokes, he use to do betting, he use to play cards not regular but I don't like this. Even my parents won't agree for him. He is younger then me and also my brother's best friend thats is already a problem on that his bad habits. What do I do to make him out from these habits? So confused Why I'm still thinking about my ex even though I love my boyfriend. Why he wants to get back in my life? Why?

 

You're thinking about your ex because you don't want to be by yourself until a good man who loves and and mature enough to not do things which harm his health and his finances comes along. You are so afraid of being by yourself that you're entertaining the notion of being your ex's mistress.

 

If no appropriate men are in your life right now, concentrate on working more so that you can amass the money to move elsewhere and find someone new. If your family is against this guy, then take heed of that and kick him out. Get yourself on better financial footing so that you dont' have to worry about being with any guy (or being at the mercy of any guy) for a place to lay your head at night.

 

To answer your question: he wants back in your life because you're easy enough to get back if he says the right things. Seems that he's right, so far...

[guy45]

do you love your current bf?

[d0nnivain]

Dump your BF if you like because you certainly don't seem like you admire & respect him. I get the sense that you love him out of obligation & you rebounded into him after your EX dumped you.

 

 

I don't know why you still pine for your EX. It probably has to do with you not giving yourself enough time to process how horribly he treated you before settling for your current BF.

 

 

Even if you break up with your BF you can't be your EX's side piece. He's not man enough to defy his family & break the engagement. If he does that then & only then can you consider getting back with him. Now all he's offering you is a sordid affair. Don't sully yourself.

[Sandy9634]

do you love your current bf?

 

Yes alot. But his habits ?

[Redhead14]

Thank you for your replies . But still sometimes I him miss a lot. Literally I use to cry for him. 4 year is not a joke. Many of his friends told me that he is not happy with is engagement. But now l'm in a relationship and my boyfriend is really very sweet and caring. Not only with me but with his family too. He is also punctual in his work, also gives me time. I love him. But the problem is he has every bad habits like he drinks too much, he smokes, he use to do betting, he use to play cards not regular but I don't like this. Even my parents won't agree for him. He is younger then me and also my brother's best friend thats is already a problem on that his bad habits. What do I do to make him out from these habits? So confused Why I'm still thinking about my ex even though I love my boyfriend. Why he wants to get back in my life? Why?

 

4 year is not a joke -- It is if he was cheating on you and asked another woman to marry him without a word to you!!!!!!!

 

And this new guy is no prize either. You can do better for yourself. Hold yourself and your dating partners to higher standards, really. Your "man picker" is really off.

 

Why he wants to get back in my life? -- He doesn't want back in your life. He wants in your pants . . .

[Sandy9634]

Dump your BF if you like because you certainly don't seem like you admire & respect him. I get the sense that you love him out of obligation & you rebounded into him after your EX dumped you.

 

 

I don't know why you still pine for your EX. It probably has to do with you not giving yourself enough time to process how horribly he treated you before settling for your current BF.

 

 

Even if you break up with your BF you can't be your EX's side piece. He's not man enough to defy his family & break the engagement. If he does that then & only then can you consider getting back with him. Now all he's offering you is a sordid affair. Don't sully yourself.

Fankly I don't want him to broke his engagement. Why the girl suffer in between us who don't even know about this. I love my boyfriend. I m not like my ex who leave him. Because I know how much he loves me. Whenever I to ask him for breakup even as a joke he use to cry. No, No I can't leave him not even I want to cheat him that why I don't even want my ex.

It is just I miss my ex. I want him to be happy in his life.

[Redhead14]

Fankly I don't want him to broke his engagement. Why the girl suffer in between us who don't even know about this. I love my boyfriend. I m not like my ex who leave him. Because I know how much he loves me. Whenever I to ask him for breakup even as a joke he use to cry. No, No I can't leave him not even I want to cheat him that why I don't even want my ex.

It is just I miss my ex. I want him to be happy in his life.

 

I want him to be happy in his life -- That's HIS problem not YOURS. Focus on your own life. Block, delete, ignore your ex and think about dumping the current BF. That's a dead end too.

[BaileyB]

That is not your problem. That's his, his father, the girl and her family's problem.

 

 

 

 

You're thinking about your ex because you don't want to be by yourself until a good man who loves and and mature enough to not do things which harm his health and his finances comes along. You are so afraid of being by yourself that you're entertaining the notion of being your ex's mistress.

 

If no appropriate men are in your life right now, concentrate on working more so that you can amass the money to move elsewhere and find someone new. If your family is against this guy, then take heed of that and kick him out. Get yourself on better financial footing so that you dont' have to worry about being with any guy (or being at the mercy of any guy) for a place to lay your head at night.

 

To answer your question: he wants back in your life because you're easy enough to get back if he says the right things. Seems that he's right, so far...

 

Why do you still pine for your ex? I don't know.

 

I do know, it is a stupid woman who thinks only with her heart, and not her head.

 

I think, you need to be single for a while.

[Gaeta]

How old are you?

 

There are hundreds of men if not thousands, around you available to date. The person you will pick to marry needs to be reliable and worthy of trust. It's not the case of your ex, and it's not the case of your current boyfriend.

 

Dump both. You will survive.

[Sandy9634]

4 year is not a joke -- It is if he was cheating on you and asked another woman to marry him without a word to you!!!!!!!

 

And this new guy is no prize either. You can do better for yourself. Hold yourself and your dating partners to higher standards, really. Your "man picker" is really off.

 

Why he wants to get back in my life? -- He doesn't want back in your life. He wants in your pants . . .

 

Even he was not knowing anything. He is a believer of some saint and her fiancé too. His saint arranged this relationship. To keep respect of his saint he got engaged to that girl. I know this is wired but that Saint is like his grandpa. Thats why at that time he agreed for the engagement as he was knowing that if he will speak up for our relationship it will become an issue for me and he didn't want that to happen. But now he is not happy with his engagement, he is compromising his life and getting married in feb 2018. Thats why he wants to meet me.

[Sandy9634]

How old are you?

 

There are hundreds of men if not thousands, around you available to date. The person you will pick to marry needs to be reliable and worthy of trust. It's not the case of your ex, and it's not the case of your current boyfriend.

 

Dump both. You will survive.

 

Dear, I love my boyfriend. I jst want him to get out of his habits.

[d0nnivain]

Don't meet your EX. Look at it from the FIs perspective. Would you want your FI meeting an EX behind your back less than 5 months before your wedding? Of course not because a man with integrity wouldn't do such a thing. Your EX's character is showing & it's not pretty. You don't need this drama.

 

 

You keep saying you love your BF but want him to change his bad habits. Bad habits don't change; they get worse. Bear that in mind. Go re-read your 1st posted description of your BF. Just read that. Pretend it is not about you. Does the woman who wrote that -- from that alone -- sound like she loves her BF?

[Redhead14]

Even he was not knowing anything. He is a believer of some saint and her fiancé too. His saint arranged this relationship. To keep respect of his saint he got engaged to that girl. I know this is wired but that Saint is like his grandpa. Thats why at that time he agreed for the engagement as he was knowing that if he will speak up for our relationship it will become an issue for me and he didn't want that to happen. But now he is not happy with his engagement, he is compromising his life and getting married in feb 2018. Thats why he wants to meet me.

 

His saint arranged this relationship. To keep respect of his saint he got engaged to that girl. I know this is wired but that Saint is like his grandpa.

 

Are you from a country or is he in a religion that arranges marriages? Because if not and this is his story, I'm speechless.

[Gaeta]

Dear, I love my boyfriend. I jst want him to get out of his habits.

 

You don't get men out of their habits. You are dating him just the way he is so why would he change? The only thing that will shake a man is if you break up with him and you tell him you'll come back ONLY when he's a better man. From there you stop talking to him. If you do that you have to be ready to walk away from the relationship forever.

 

Also, it's not because you love someone that they're good to you. A lot of women are being mistreated by their bf or husband and they still love their bf or husband, it's still not a good reason to remain in that relationship.

 

Drinking too much and betting are not 'habits' they are ADDICTIONS. Addictions are extremely hard to stop, people have to seek help to get rid of addictions and it's a daily battle,

[Redhead14]

I don't recommend having a boyfriend who is a project. You want a man who is already what and who you need in your life. You do not need an alcoholic with a gambling problem. You don't date guys hoping you will change them.

[ToGoFruit]

This is a complicated one! However, I would encourage you to really examine yourself introspectively. What are the facts of each situation? Why did the first relationship of 4 years end? What were the issues there? I think you'll find some strong answers to those questions that will help make your decision now. In addition, what are the strengths in your current relationship? There's something to be said about the partner who knows you really well and still wants to be a strong, loving support to you. Is this the kind of relationship you're currently in? I would also suggest seeking wiser, older counsel from someone you trust. Their outside perspective could be very beneficial to you. I hope things turn out positively. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.

[sandylee1]

Was it an arranged marriage/engagement?