lostbuttefly Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 (edited) I broke up with my bf a year ago and while I don't think I have any feelings left for him, there is something that is bothering me... Here is our background: we were in a long distance relationship (from the very first day). We met on a vacation and he did everything to stay in touch, to visit me several times and went out of his way to impress me when i visited him. In other words, everything was initiated and organized by him. I met his family, friends, etc. Then, last summer it was his brother's birthday and they went camping. This is the exact time he got distant. I checked his Instagram but found nothing. However, his borther's gf posted a picture. I noticed a girl, I never met before. She was standing next to my ex. They didn't seem close but were just standing next to each other. In the next two weeks, my ex and I went on a trip together and he kept acting weird and distant. I asked him what he wanted and he told me that long distance is hard but wants to keep trying. After two months of this behavior, I had enough and told him it was over. He replied that he didn't want it to be over. So we talked, we even made plans for me to move to his city in a year and he got better with texting and calling. But not for long (and he blamed being distant on stress and work). So we finally broke up, and he didn't have any objections this time. It was December. Now, in January, his friends post a picture on Instagram. It is his best friend, his gf, my ex and again this girl from camping. And again, they are standing next to each other, my ex look miserable (as if he was going to cry). In March, another friend (his friend) posts another picture. A group of people and again everything is the same. They are next to each other, she has her arms in front of her (they do not seem close but my ex is not as miserable). And finally, this summer his brother post a picture and again there she is standing next to my ex. My ex doesn't add any single picture on Instagram since we broke up, and she adds only pictures of herself or friends but never my ex. I am confused if they are together or just friends. They all come from the same background and stick together (friends plus family and cousins) but this girl never appeared in any of the pictures before and all of a sudden she is everywhere and there is just too many instances where they are next to each other in pictures. But on the other hand, my ex was planning trips with me even in December before we broke up and seemingly tried to make things better. Is it obvious that they are actually together? But why wouldn't he at least put his arm around her? they seem pretty cold in these pictures... I am not sure why I need answer to this question. I guess I need some closure. Edited September 11, 2017 by lostbuttefly
smackie9 Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 He liked her, but she friend zoned him, crushing his heart.....what you are seeing is a guy with a deflated ego because he got friend zoned, and her ditching him because he expressed his feelings for her. She wanted none of that. 1
stillafool Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 If you are over him stop looking at his social media. 4
Author lostbuttefly Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 He liked her, but she friend zoned him, crushing his heart.....what you are seeing is a guy with a deflated ego because he got friend zoned, and her ditching him because he expressed his feelings for her. She wanted none of that. But he is still willing to hang out with her?
Author lostbuttefly Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 If you are over him stop looking at his social media. I wish it was that easy. He was trying to get me for 7 months after we met, I wasn't even interested. A month prior to going camping for his brother bday, he invited me on cruise with his family (parents, grandparents, siblings, everyone). And only few weeks later, he fells for another girl (and as shallow as this is, she can't even come close to me looks wise and I am just average cute girl). Once I fell for him, spent tons of money and time to see him, he decided he wasn't interested anymore.
Author lostbuttefly Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 Oh and she is friends with his mom on fb. I am not stalking her, we just have mutual friends and I saw yesterday his mom liked her picture and that made me wonder.
stillafool Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 So are you admitting that you are not over him? He could be dating her if she keeps showing up in those pictures or she may just be a friend of his friend's gf who tags along. It takes more than looks to keep a man interested. Looks may catch him but it is the emotional aspect of a relationship that keeps him hungry for you.
Author lostbuttefly Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 So are you admitting that you are not over him? He could be dating her if she keeps showing up in those pictures or she may just be a friend of his friend's gf who tags along. It takes more than looks to keep a man interested. Looks may catch him but it is the emotional aspect of a relationship that keeps him hungry for you. i think I am more hurt than anything else. He literally couldn't wait to see me, and was texting me every single moment while on a cruise and even later while at the party with his friends before camping trip. And then, it all changed overnight (during that camping event). But he still kept saying even when we broke up that he would love if we meet again in a year or so (when we would be able to close the distance). I am just trying to understand that overnight change.
smackie9 Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 Someone had a talk with him. He was probably on the fence about things, and once he talked it out, he made the decision that distance wasn't in anyone's best interest. 1
kendahke Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 I wish it was that easy. It is that easy. Change is never hard. You do it, it's done. The decision to change while at the same time lying to yourself is what is hard. You're choosing not to do it and then selling yourself on the lie that it's hard. It's like getting a flat tire. It's easy to change it, but if you're more invested in driving around with a flat tire and saying "gosh! It's so hard driving this car. It's not easy to change the tire", then you're just dragging out things and risking further damage because you refuse to change it. No, you go in and you block your ex so you're not looking at his social media. You do the same with his circle of friends--you stop following them. At the end of the day, you chose to break up with him--doesn't matter why, you ended it, so really, what he's doing now with his life and with whom is no longer your concern. 1
kendahke Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 i think I am more hurt than anything else. He literally couldn't wait to see me, and was texting me every single moment while on a cruise and even later while at the party with his friends before camping trip. And then, it all changed overnight (during that camping event). But he still kept saying even when we broke up that he would love if we meet again in a year or so (when we would be able to close the distance). I am just trying to understand that overnight change. He didn't want to wait on you. That's all. Like Smackie said, someone talked him off the fence and he's moving on with his life. You should do the same, too. 2
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