CrazyAboutHiim Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 (edited) I've been dating this sweet guy for a few months now. We are similar in our values, and get along really well. However, he did say a few lies to me in the beginning regarding his job, GPA etc. as I'm more of a nerd than him.. so he felt like he had to boost himself up. I forgave him for that.. but now I'm starting to self-doubt this decision. He is trying to get into a new role at the bank he works at and he needs to pass an exam for it. The issue is he's already failed it twice, and has really low self-confidence. He is constantly jealous of his buddy who easily passed the exam, and is now a bit ahead of him in terms of position. I've also written this exam, and passed it.. and have sent my boyfriend multiple resources to study from. I even took out a library book and bought this study guide to help him out. I don't meet him often.. maybe once a week for 1 hour, because he's always working or as I assume, studying for the exam. I was shocked the first time he failed because he had no distractions on my part, and had all my resources.. and had plenty of time to study. Turns out.. he was wasting time on youtube/insta etc. Then the second time, I said plz don't lie to me..and really give your best to this exam. He improved his mark a bit.. but still failed again. Each of the these times he failed..he messaged me the next second to break up as he felt he can't handle a gf at this stage in his life as hes not moving up. I dont understand this because I'm not meeting with him like regular couples do.. we barely go on dates.. maybe once a month if he's got time and in a good mood.. and I've supported him a lot with exam material.. Honestly sometimes i wish i could just tutor him.. if he only lived close by. I hate how the blame always goes on me.. like Im the one whose causing his failure not his own time-wasting behaviour. I really thought I was dating an ambitious, hard working guy.. but he turned out to be a 'projector.' he even admits that he's all talk and doesnt really work for anything in life. he has admitted that he's highly jealous of ppl ahead of him..but does nothing to overcome this. Its killing me inside that I cant do anything to motivate him in these times.. in fact, his negativity and lack of action is making me regret our relationship. But, i really do love him and I can't leave him in his hardships... I really really want to help him.. I just don't understand what can help a man who is highly ambitious, but lacks the positive mindset and work ethic to achieve his goals. Everything else is right about him.. he loves me dearly and wants to keep me happy. However, after constant cycles of breakups, dates not happening because he's feeling low because of the exams etc etc.. I'm feeling low myself as I have to hear the insults later on about why he failed.. but then the next day he'll apologize etc etc. Down the line.. I'm afraid he will be jealous of my own accomplishments and will always feel like he's less than me... I hate this feeling. Edited September 11, 2017 by CrazyAboutHiim
PegNosePete Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 i really do love him and I can't leave him Come on, stop over-sensationalising this. You say you've been "together" for a few months, and only meeting once a week for 1 hour. That is what, 12 hours in total spent together? He's tried to break up with you multiple times, you describe "constant cycles of breakups", all in just a few months?? This is supposed to be the honeymoon period. You've got a long list of grievances about his laziness, his serious truthfulness issues, and he has no problems lying to your face. This is not what "love" looks like. In fact this is exactly what "terrible relationship" looks like. You should dump this loser immediately and find someone who is in your league. This relationship is going nowhere, you're just wasting your time trying to help someone who clearly doesn't want to be helped.
basil67 Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 (edited) He's not "highly ambitious" - he's a dreamer. An ambitious person is someone who works hard for what they want. Anyway, it's been only a few months with him - with breakups, not seeing each other and him blaming you for his fails. Yet you love him? Come on, get serious. Edited September 11, 2017 by basil67 1
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