napoli Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Sorry this is long but would love some insight please. I met someone online about 1 1/2 months ago. Since then we've spent every weekend together and he'd stay with me about one night/week. He was making all these plans, saying how happy he was to meet me, loved everything about me, wanted to meet family bla bla bla. We even took a small roadtrip together and had a great time. Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago I had invited him to dinner with my brother. I met a few of his friends, at his work he introduced me as is GF etc. I tried to get something set up with my friends but their schedules were too busy, I figured I'd have him meet my brother cause he's pretty easy going and I really thought they'd get along. Up until that point I let him make all the plans, initiate phone calls (I'd text a good morning or thinking about you text here and there) but overall was letting him take the lead. 2 days before he decides its too early to meet family and asked if I thought we were 'quiet' together, I told him I was confused cause we talked about that and we both said we liked the fact we could be around each other without talking a lot but it wasn't awkward. I told him we had plenty of time to meet family, don't feel pressured and I only did it because I didn't want him to feel I was trying to hide him from people around me. He said he'd come by still that Thursday. Thursday comes and he's texting he's excited to me and all that, then around 2 asks if I'd be mad if he worked a PM shift cause someone called in, I said that was fine and we could always reschedule if it was too much to come over after work, he said he'd keep me posted and let me know, he'd tried to leave early, really wanted to see me bla bla bla. He knows when he comes over I usually cook dinner, I think I'm a pretty easy going and practical person...and I just said keep me posted on whether you're coming or not. Didn't hear from him at all - 10:30 rolls around and I sent a text saying I thought I would've heard something by now, hope everything is okay and I'm going to bed. Then, I admit, I got impulsive and wanted to see if he had been on the dating site recently - he had logged in the night before. So that set me off (bad I know) and I basically went off on text and ended things. Long story short I apologized and said I overreacted, if he wanted to try again I'd be happy, if not I understood. He said we should definitely try again. We met and had a good conversation. Last weekend we spent 3 days together and had an amazing time but I noticed there was a small empty bottle of wine in his trash, I joked (cause I seriously didn't think much of it) that 'oh you drink wine now?' cause i know he ony drinks beer and whiskey. He said his friend came over the night before and drank it....okay right. Then yesterday I had a major thing going on that I had been stressing about for the last week and everyone close to me knew about it so that morning I got texts from about 4 people wishing me a good day, everything will be fine etc. I especially expected to hear from him since we text good morning EVERY DAY for the last 1 1/2 months. I didn't hear anything from him all day and frankly feel a little hurt, out of everyone I know he probably knew the most how stressed I was. Again, I don't expect much....a small 'have a great day' would've been enough. But nothing. I saw he had been checking Facebook and all that so he wasn't dead, in the evening I decide to message him so around 10 I just said "Just wanted to say hi, hope you had a good day' No response (despite seeing he checked FB and WhatsApp, again) so I know he was on his phone. He texts me this morning 'hey, sorry for the late response. my day was good, normal. how is your weekend?' I didn't respond, he called me a few hours later I didn't answer. Am I wrong for feeling hurt? Every day for the last 7 weeks he contacts me, either text or phone. Then the one day he knew was really important I hear zilch. He's not a dumb guy, he's 41 (I'm 31) and very intelligent and intuitive and up until the last few days was really supportive with this work transition I'm going through. I feel like he's losing interest and I just need to let it go.
Dis Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Ohhh I'm so sorry girl I've been in your shoes before It sounds like he's pulling the 'slow fade'. He's slowly backing off and eventually, he'll be gone Do you mind me asking why you two are still on OLD after 7 weeks of dating? Thats more than enough time to determine if you want to focus soley on each other and delete your OLD profiles. The fact that he didnt bring up exclusivity after 7 weeks and is actively using OLD sounds very fishy to me The wine bottle in the trash... dun, dun, dun. Not good. Not good at all. When I read that I immediately thought he had another woman at his place. And if I've learned anything from dating and from LS, he probably did. I wouldnt doubt it at all. The wine bottle combined with him being MIA, canceling plans, the slow fade, his concerns about your relationship, him not supporting you when he normally would.... he's a goner You sound like a confident woman whos is not willing to chase after a guy who isnt worth it. That a girl If I were you, I'd maybe try to have ONE upfront, very straightforward talk about what he's doing (slow fade) and after that, let the chips fall where they may If he really wants you, he'll make an effort. If not, let him go. You've pulled more than your share of the weight. If by some chance he does come around, do keep in mind he probably had another woman at his place and I dont know about you, but I wouldnt date a guy like that even if he did try to redeem himself Best of luck girl 1
Author napoli Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Disillusionment373 - Thank you for the reply so I don't feel like I'm nuts. As far as being online still - he was the one after about 2 weeks saying he wanted to be exclusive, had no desire to meet anyone else, considered me his GF, etc. I hadn't logged into the site after that and assumed he hadn't either. But when he pulled that stunt and not showing up something told me to check. When I asked him he said his card was going to get charged and went online to remove it and was disappointed I didn't trust him. He acknowledged he should've called me and let me know what was going on but got busy at work with an event, and then some client gave them a bottle of whatever and he got tipsy. I responded back that I treat people how I want to be treated and I never would've gotten so busy or drunk that I forgot to text him, especially knowing he was waiting for me to come over. He seemed like a very genuine person with a good heart, very into his family, takes this 85 year old woman out for lunch every other week cause he said he feels bad that she has no family in the U.S. (he invited me with him one day and we had a lovely time the 3 of us). It just makes me crazy how someone can say and do certain things and then their feelings change overnight. When he was talking about falling in love and meeting family and he see's me in his life for a 'very long time' I told him straight not to BS me and it was still early to be saying all those things, but he was the first guy who was consistent with communication, making plans, etc...until 2-3 weeks ago. I really appreciate your reply! When you had this happen how did you have the conversation, what did you say? 1
Dis Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Disillusionment373 - Thank you for the reply so I don't feel like I'm nuts. As far as being online still - he was the one after about 2 weeks saying he wanted to be exclusive, had no desire to meet anyone else, considered me his GF, etc. I hadn't logged into the site after that and assumed he hadn't either. But when he pulled that stunt and not showing up something told me to check. When I asked him he said his card was going to get charged and went online to remove it and was disappointed I didn't trust him. He acknowledged he should've called me and let me know what was going on but got busy at work with an event, and then some client gave them a bottle of whatever and he got tipsy. I responded back that I treat people how I want to be treated and I never would've gotten so busy or drunk that I forgot to text him, especially knowing he was waiting for me to come over. He seemed like a very genuine person with a good heart, very into his family, takes this 85 year old woman out for lunch every other week cause he said he feels bad that she has no family in the U.S. (he invited me with him one day and we had a lovely time the 3 of us). It just makes me crazy how someone can say and do certain things and then their feelings change overnight. When he was talking about falling in love and meeting family and he see's me in his life for a 'very long time' I told him straight not to BS me and it was still early to be saying all those things, but he was the first guy who was consistent with communication, making plans, etc...until 2-3 weeks ago. I really appreciate your reply! When you had this happen how did you have the conversation, what did you say? I know the feeling. Its awful, isnt it? And no, you're not going crazy. You're being played and that makes a woman feel crazy. Trust me, I know. When it comes to OLD, dont assume anything. If he was really serious about you, he wouldve taken it upon himself to delete his profile, tell you and you'd follow suit. He kept it up for a reason. Girl, if it walks like a duck, quaks like a duck, looks like a duck, its a duck. I get the feeling he's lying to you left and right. About his OLD activity, was he removing his profile? Did you check? Is it still there? I dont buy it. Here's an inconsistency that jumped out at me. In your OP you said he said his friend brought the wine over. Now he's saying a coworker bought it for him? Ugh... I wouldnt believe a word coming out of his mouth Did he come on so strong from the very beginning? It sounds like he might have been love bombing you (google it) it happened to me and when that relationship ended... I was as shocked as you were. The guy laid it on so thick. Tons of compliments, communication 24/7, lots of time spent together, future faking. Then he's over it in a heartbeat. THAT is love bombing. I have a suspicion this guy was doing the same to you What did I do when this happened to me? I let the guy go. I certaintly wasnt going to chase him and once I had some space from him I realized how messed up he was. My head was in a fog when I was with him, I couldnt see the red flags until my head cleared. He asked to get back together. Called and texted, over and over. I stayed quiet. Didnt say a word and moved on. Consider yourself lucky this ended as soon as it did. If a guy is willing to throw you away so easily.... you're much better off without him 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Yes, I would agree that he has lost interest and could have met someone else. I am sorry he didn't have the guts and decency to just come out and tell you that. I would be very disappointed too. Your gut was right in warning you that he was moving things along too quickly. There is a reason people on these threads often say guys (and girls) who start out red-hot are best avoided, because they also usually the ones who burn out quickly too. 2
Author napoli Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 I agree, there are just too many fishy things. As far as the wine thing, those were two separate incidents. The day he was supposed to come over and never called/showed up was supposedly because he and his manager had too much wine to drink. The second time was finding the wine bottle (rose no less!) His profile is still there but he hasn't logged in since that night, however that doesn't meany anything since there are tons of sites out there. I just want to tell him off but I know that's not going to do anything so I'll just keep silent. Thanks again for your input!
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