itsanything Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Met this girl in my grad school class and she seems super cool. Talked here and there during weekend hikes and other social events. I'm fairly interested and we've had some semi flirty texts that are reciprocated. She's suggested we eat together sometime (context is hard to tell whether it was just as classmates grabbing food or something more). However the other night she came to a social gathering with a few of her friends and I asked them if she was seeing anyone (obviously when she was distracted) and was told that she is but that they don't know if it's serious or not. They advised I wait a month to find out (apparently it's been a long distance different state type of thing). I pretty much told them that I don't typically wait and that it sounds like it isn't worth my time (I never want to interfere with anything) to try getting to learn more about her. But they insisted on giving it a month. Any ideas? As a side note, we have discussed dating in general and were in agreement of what we look for etc. Obviously this was done before I actually became interested. She never brought up this other guy in conversation, found out by asking her friends.
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Sounds like she likes you and you both get on well. Her friends can only give you an indicator of whether she's 'available' or not. You need to speak to her in person. A long-distance relationship can be anything - serious or barely there. I think you need to ask her directly if she's seeing anyone. Do not expect anything to come of it at that point, but just see what she says. Also, by asking her, you are giving her a clear message that you might be interested. I don't think it does any harm to show that kind of bravery up front.
The Urbanyst Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Some women are branch swingers. They wait until they line up a new man before dropping their current man whom they've lost all interest in but are just staying with to not be single lol. 3
Logo Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Some women are branch swingers. They wait until they line up a new man before dropping their current man whom they've lost all interest in but are just staying with to not be single lol. Yeah. You don't want that type of woman in your life. When the time comes, she'll start phasing you out and phasing in the new guy. And she'll keep it all hush hush. Forget about her.
Author itsanything Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Sounds like she likes you and you both get on well. Her friends can only give you an indicator of whether she's 'available' or not. You need to speak to her in person. A long-distance relationship can be anything - serious or barely there. I think you need to ask her directly if she's seeing anyone. Do not expect anything to come of it at that point, but just see what she says. Also, by asking her, you are giving her a clear message that you might be interested. I don't think it does any harm to show that kind of bravery up front. It sounded like her friends don't know if it's serious or not since, hence why they said give it a month...Yeah I will be asking her soon if she wants to grab a bite or something; I generally prefer 1-1 conversations versus 1-1 in a group setting. Do you think it's weird that we barely speak in class but speak outside of class (we joke about this a bit. For me I do it since I'm focused on class and don't exactly want my classmates to know I'm interested)?
Author itsanything Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Some women are branch swingers. They wait until they line up a new man before dropping their current man whom they've lost all interest in but are just staying with to not be single lol. She has said she is single.
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Well if she is single, then you are at liberty to ask her out. No it's not weird that you focus on class when there. It sounds like there is some chemistry there between you. 1
Author itsanything Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Well if she is single, then you are at liberty to ask her out. No it's not weird that you focus on class when there. It sounds like there is some chemistry there between you. Question is how much or if she's just being friendly.
Popsicle Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 You need to arrange to spend time alone with her and ask her if she has a boyfriend. Get the deets directly from her. What she says will tell you what to do.
Popsicle Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Some women are branch swingers. They wait until they line up a new man before dropping their current man whom they've lost all interest in but are just staying with to not be single lol. This is fact. A lot of women and men are branch swingers. They just can't be alone. The way you handle them is to make your interest in them KNOWN, but tell them that for personal integrity reasons you won't get with them while they are with someone else and to hit you up when they are broken up and done with that other.
Author itsanything Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 This is fact. A lot of women and men are branch swingers. They just can't be alone. The way you handle them is to make your interest in them KNOWN, but tell them that for personal integrity reasons you won't get with them while they are with someone else and to hit you up when they are broken up and done with that other. Easy enough if I can secure a 1-1. 1
TheFinalWord Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 Met this girl in my grad school class and she seems super cool. Talked here and there during weekend hikes and other social events. I'm fairly interested and we've had some semi flirty texts that are reciprocated. She's suggested we eat together sometime (context is hard to tell whether it was just as classmates grabbing food or something more). However the other night she came to a social gathering with a few of her friends and I asked them if she was seeing anyone (obviously when she was distracted) and was told that she is but that they don't know if it's serious or not. They advised I wait a month to find out (apparently it's been a long distance different state type of thing). I pretty much told them that I don't typically wait and that it sounds like it isn't worth my time (I never want to interfere with anything) to try getting to learn more about her. But they insisted on giving it a month. Any ideas? As a side note, we have discussed dating in general and were in agreement of what we look for etc. Obviously this was done before I actually became interested. She never brought up this other guy in conversation, found out by asking her friends. No, you should not wait a month. That's a sure way to ensure you overthink and over invest in something that could be a waste of time. I would not have asked the friends as they are going to tell her. Would have been better to gauge for yourself and then decide to ask or not. What's done is done. Just ask her if interested and then if she says she's seeing someone, the ball is in her court. If they brake up, she'll let you know she's single. I would not wait around for a month, but that's me. Plus if she is seeing someone, its not really cool to try to move in on another guys, gal. Guy code.
Author itsanything Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 No, you should not wait a month. That's a sure way to ensure you overthink and over invest in something that could be a waste of time. I would not have asked the friends as they are going to tell her. Would have been better to gauge for yourself and then decide to ask or not. What's done is done. Just ask her if interested and then if she says she's seeing someone, the ball is in her court. If they brake up, she'll let you know she's single. I would not wait around for a month, but that's me. Plus if she is seeing someone, its not really cool to try to move in on another guys, gal. Guy code. I personally don't care if they tell her or not, it's pretty clear I'm interested through arranging social events and having her come and through our texts etc. Gonna secure a 1-1 and ask if she's seeing anyone and see how she replies. I would never wait a month if I knew she was seeing someone; which is why my initial response to her friends was that I wasn't going to bother if someone else was in the picture. Hard to tell if she's serious about the guy or not since she identifies as single. Guess I'll find out soon!
The Urbanyst Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 This is fact. A lot of women and men are branch swingers. They just can't be alone. The way you handle them is to make your interest in them KNOWN, but tell them that for personal integrity reasons you won't get with them while they are with someone else and to hit you up when they are broken up and done with that other. Meh.. I don't do this "waiting around" for people anymore. For all you know she might decide to just stay with the guy she is with or start dating someone completely different. Most women today are very flaky. I don't wait for people. Just last week I tried to make plans with this new girl I went out with once. I asked her out for Friday night. She told me she might be free Friday but wasn't sure yet.. so I should check with her Friday morning. You know what I told her? I said never mind, and I made other plans. I'm not going to keep my Friday open so I can be a back up plan for you lol. Screw that. This is after two attempts for a second date. She had valid excuses the first two times. But once I get this "maybe" nonsense I move on.
Pumpkin008 Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 There is only one way to find out! Just ask her to go for coffee or a quick bite. The person that can give you the correct answer on the boyfriend question is her. 1
Bastile Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 Yes, she's worth pursuing. But keep her friends out of your business as much as you can. Stop involving them, and deal with the girl direct. Escalate, get her out, flirt and have some fun. See how the land lies. This "boyfriend" is more likely a borefriend. Just ignore it and escalate. Otherwise, don't get dragged into drama, and just leave it alone. 1
Author itsanything Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 Yes, she's worth pursuing. But keep her friends out of your business as much as you can. Stop involving them, and deal with the girl direct. Escalate, get her out, flirt and have some fun. See how the land lies. This "boyfriend" is more likely a borefriend. Just ignore it and escalate. Otherwise, don't get dragged into drama, and just leave it alone. It was her out of state friends I asked, I have no intention on asking them anything else. Yeah I'll be seeing if she wants to grab a bite. Grad school is super busy so it's hard to nail down free time, but is definitely doable. I'm just trying to approach it in a way that doesn't bring unwanted attention by classmates etc.
Popsicle Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 Meh.. I don't do this "waiting around" for people anymore. I never said wait around. You tell them what I suggested and keep moving.
Author itsanything Posted September 12, 2017 Author Posted September 12, 2017 I never said wait around. You tell them what I suggested and keep moving. I have no intention of waiting. I completely agree with doing what was suggested.
Author itsanything Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 I never said wait around. You tell them what I suggested and keep moving. So I asked her to lunch and she said we could talk on that day pending how she feels since she's going out the night before. So basically the response was maybe.
Author itsanything Posted September 17, 2017 Author Posted September 17, 2017 There is only one way to find out! Just ask her to go for coffee or a quick bite. The person that can give you the correct answer on the boyfriend question is her. I did ask her to lunch, she said maybe depending on how she felt since she was going to party with her friends from out of town the night before. She ended up sleeping instead although she failed to tell me. I pretty much left things in her court since it's the second time she's said maybe/possibly. I'd say each time has been legit though, grad school is busy etc. She did say she'll let me know when she can. Pretty much everyone in my class is at school from 9am-5pm everyday and the rest is spent on hw/studying etc. Free time the girl has been out with me and others but it's not great in a group setting for showing my interest.
Bastile Posted September 17, 2017 Posted September 17, 2017 Any different women on the horizon? Are you engaging with others? Or are you just minding your business, and suddenly one woman comes into your life out of the blue? Because I've done both, and I assure you that it's better when you make this a regular part of your life. Be getting a couple of numbers a week from women. You can do that in a multitude of different ways (it's 2017, use Tinder or whatever. Meetup groups are easy mode. Keep enlarging your social circle. Or push things and start talking to women whilst out and about). If a girl doesn't want to go out with you, then it shouldn't be a big deal. You should be getting new numbers next week anyway. Those fresh numbers will supersede this one in your interest. The other benefit of this is that women can sense when you are in abundance. It comes across in your subliminals. It makes you a lot more attractive in general. You'll have a guy like "Corey Wayne" giving basic advice on how to protect your ego. When the opposite should be taking place. You should be more shameless The guy has the face of a bulldog chewing a wasp, and the charisma of a damp rag. His stuff appeals to a guys sense of wanting to stay in comfort. So, when she tells you that she's busy, you say the line: "Tell me when you are free" (putting the ball in her court, and giving her the power). If you were in abundance, with a bunch of girls on your whatsapp, you would feel free to joke around and push things. The response would be more something like: "BORING ;)" Dating is no fun at all when you have one option come along that you overinvest in, and don't want to screw it up or try anything new, because you don't know where the next is coming from.
Author itsanything Posted September 18, 2017 Author Posted September 18, 2017 (edited) Any different women on the horizon? Are you engaging with others? Or are you just minding your business, and suddenly one woman comes into your life out of the blue? Because I've done both, and I assure you that it's better when you make this a regular part of your life. Be getting a couple of numbers a week from women. You can do that in a multitude of different ways (it's 2017, use Tinder or whatever. Meetup groups are easy mode. Keep enlarging your social circle. Or push things and start talking to women whilst out and about). If a girl doesn't want to go out with you, then it shouldn't be a big deal. You should be getting new numbers next week anyway. Those fresh numbers will supersede this one in your interest. The other benefit of this is that women can sense when you are in abundance. It comes across in your subliminals. It makes you a lot more attractive in general. You'll have a guy like "Corey Wayne" giving basic advice on how to protect your ego. When the opposite should be taking place. You should be more shameless The guy has the face of a bulldog chewing a wasp, and the charisma of a damp rag. His stuff appeals to a guys sense of wanting to stay in comfort. So, when she tells you that she's busy, you say the line: "Tell me when you are free" (putting the ball in her court, and giving her the power). If you were in abundance, with a bunch of girls on your whatsapp, you would feel free to joke around and push things. The response would be more something like: "BORING ;)" Dating is no fun at all when you have one option come along that you overinvest in, and don't want to screw it up or try anything new, because you don't know where the next is coming from. I'm in a town where it's like 98% Caucasian. I'm Asian and generally the Caucasian women here aren't too into Asian guys. I've legit had 10+ Caucasian women on dating sites straight up say they don't date Asians and or minorities. The dates I've gone on has generally been with women 3-10 years old with more travel experience and more cultural exposure. I've pretty much minded my own business due to school and find this one girl interesting which is why I'd like to get to know her better. As an Asian guy who has only dated Latina's and Caucasian being in this town has been **** in terms of dating compared to where I came from where I could literally meet someone new who was open to Asian men every day. I wouldn't say I'm over investing at this point, pretty much resigned to the fact that she probably isn't interested so I'm not going to invest time in trying to initiate something. I was talking to a few of my fellow single male classmates and I'll probably organize a night for us to just go out and meet other people though. Back where I'm from I was always the guy who went up to women when I was with a group of friends (they never wanted to approach anyone) so I know I can do it, it's usually just a matter if I want to or not since a bar is not generally where I associate with meeting someone for a long term relationship. Edited September 18, 2017 by itsanything
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