anger

[semi]

so i had a cheating ex, and i find myself dwelling on it, she is doing so much better than I am from reports I here from friends. I am very angry. I am moving on and I know anger is a part of the grieving process, but does anyone have any tips on how to deal with the anger. I am real mad, but not showing it at all. Maybe a punching bag would help me. godd I hate this slut.

[Woggle]

Do what i did. Take all tha nwegativbe energy and refocus it in a positive direction to imrpvbe your life. Success is the best revenge. Take up a hobby or try to advance in your field. Just find something you enjoy doin and put yoyr all into it. Focus in making you happy. Just forget about her. Any woman worth crying or stressing over will not make you cry or stress you out in the first place. You are only hurting yourself not her by dwelling on it.

[moon]

Semi,

 

Your feelings are totally natural. I am sure you are more hurt than angry. You got taken advantage of. A person you loved and cared for used and abused you. There is no worse kind of betrayal. So whatever hurt and angry feelings you are experiencing are totally natural. I personally think you need to get the anger out. Anger festers inside of you. In my last relationship, when my ex f*cked me over, I got the anger out on him personally. This was quite cathartic for me. I personally think maybe you should write a letter to your ex AND SEND IT and tell the girl what she did to you. Now I know NOBODY here is going to recommend that. Everyone is going to tell you to take a step back and learn to let go. But if you got raped, beaten, left for dead....whatever would you not want to see justice be done. If you had a chance to face your abuser would you not want to tell them what they did to you. I don't know why we think that the closest people to us, the ones that dump us, put us into counseling, treat us like utter sh*t are somehow immune from hearing our side of things.

 

So write the girl a well thought out letter telling her what she did to you. EXPLAIN FULLY. Refrain from using words like you are a whore and a slut. I'd just tell the girl what she's done. Tell her how she broke you. Who cares about silly pride. I don't know maybe you've already done this, but that's one way to try to get out some pain and hurt.

 

After that I'd get yourself a good therapist. Talk through the pain with another person....week after week for months. Go get yourself as many hobbies as possible. Know that you're going to hurt for a while. It's just inevitable. But try to get out your anger and pain. Experience it.

 

In the long run, I am sure you'll probably come to the conclusion that your ex just wasn't right for you. You'll probably remember back to big signs that she was a terrible flirt or noncommital or untrustworthy. You'll begin to realize that you can do better and this girl has her own problems. Slowly, slowly, you'll realize that you have a lesson to learn here and you'll start to forgive the girl (but never forget) and tell yourself that you deserve better. And if you can get to a point where you put yourself first again and accept you got f*cked over this time, but not the next time............you'll win half the battle. That's basically the conclusion I came to after my ex and I broke up. But it took a while. Hey their loss...........NOT YOURS.

 

Good luck.

[moon]

I'd just like to add from my above post that some people will try to tell you.......hey get over because your ex wasn't in love with you or fell out of love or some other non-sense. This might be true, but it doesn't change the way THEY dealt with the situation. Cheating and bed hopping is very childish and wrong.

 

My ex broke up with me and started dating another girl like a week later. It's been like 10 months since we broke up and NO the next girl after me did not turn out to be the love of his life. When I asked him about her later he said....I quote "she was a conniving bitch." Then he moved on to another girl and that girl dumped him, telling HIM she thought she could do better. I think now he's just out looking for anybody!!! He's alone and realizing what a piece of sh*t he is. He's a decent person, just horrible in relationships. Like I said I forgive me.

 

So don't think this is all about you by any means. Forget about all the ridiculous excuses they gave you. More times than not it is about them and their poor judgement and their WISH that the grass was greener on the other side, which about 90 percent of the time is not the case. More times than not they just f*ck themselves over in the end. So just know you didn't deserve any of this!!! And more likely than not, they'll reach the same conclusion in the end.

 

By the way my ex came crawling back to me too. But it was a no-go. I never want to experience his immaturity again. Our break up was about him and not me. My ex is a big avoider of problems and always has been. I am sure he'll be back again too, but he made his bed........

[semi]

So it all ended very badly lots of arguing and I told her I never want to speak to her again. She didn't like that idea, but I guess she is doing fine not talking to me. I just want an explanation, no fussing, fighting, just some closure from her. This sounds like a really horrible idea but I just need something.

 

I know that i am still not over her yet, so it is not a good idea to talk to her. Part of me is just waiting for the day to come when i am over her so I can say hi and check up to see how things are going. I am so weak.

[Blackfrost]

Hit the gym. Anger and rage are a great fuel for building yourself into a new man

[semi]

so I got a gym membership this morning and worked out and i feel pretty good right now.

[april]

Originally posted by semi

so i had a cheating ex, and i find myself dwelling on it.

Same thing happened to me - oh gawd the RAGE I felt.

 

For me, the anger stage lasted for 4 months. My ex brutally dumped me a year ago.

 

I'm okay now.

 

You can't fast-forward the recovery.

 

This is going to sound terrible I know - but you MUST go through this, it's part of the healing process, hun.

 

Don't worry, it WILL pass..eventually ......

 

P.S. My doctor suggested going to anger mangement sessions (I didn't),but maybe that might help you.

 

P.P.S. Do not look to get closure from her...do it on your own, with your own thoughts.

 

Good luck

[semi]

I don't think i need anger management classes, I just need to find a way to get through this on my own. I don't find myself taking it on others just have this "demon" inside my head right now. This is a good start I guess.

[april]

Originally posted by semi

I don't think i need anger management classes, I just need to find a way to get through this on my own.

Gawd I hate hearing men say this...it is NOT wrong to ask for professional support

sometimes.

 

Geez even shrinks have shrinks - know what I mean?

 

Please don't be afraid to ask for the help you may need.

[JS17]

I'm having trouble with this as well, still, after 7 months. I feel that I'm on my way but I'm not quite there yet. The two things that helped me were learning to forgive him which I did by putting myself in his shoes and realizing that it was his problem not mine as well as dating other people. I'm single again since the last two guys didn't work out and I find that I think about it a lot more now that I'm alone.

[Opium]

I don't think he needs a shrink he just needs to stop being angry, that's all. When? It's up to him, not because it's a guy but even me personally sometimes when you're angry and unhappy doesn't mean you need to go to a shrink.

 

Being angry is just another phase of getting over being hurt and betrayed. It bothers even more when it's someone you really care about and loved. This anger you have will go away once you realize, it's not your fault and maybe, just maybe, you want her to feel your pain and since you see she's not, it makes you furious.

 

I'm not saying you want something terrible to happen, but you want her to hurt and be angry just like you. You put time and effort into a relationship that in the end was a waste of time and that's what makes you angry. The fact that you couldn't' make it work and no matter how much you compromised and made promises you knew in the end it wasn't' going to work out, and that makes you angry.

 

You get hurt, then sad, then mad, then you're angry and frustrated, then you get over it. It's just a grieving process that takes time and it requires you to forgive and move on. I don't say forgive and forget because you never forget someone that hurts you and makes you feel less of yourself.

[semi]

I don't think therapy is a bad thing and I am definately not above it. I think what I am feeling is natural and I am trying to work through it on my own. If there comes a day when I need professional help then yes I might just do that, but for now I have supportive friends and a gym membership to boot. I guess that will be my therapy.