Popsicle Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 After that she said Yes I agree! to plans to meet again. All the signs were there of her liking me. Playing with her hair, laughing constantly throughout the date even at stupid things I said. She was literally laughing at one point for like 2 minutes straight at one point. I just don't buy she's using me for a meal & for attention like a few have stated. She also showed up before our scheduled time. Even before me by a minute or two. I'm glad it's working out. See? You were worrying for nothing. So when is the date?
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 I'm glad it's working out. See? You were worrying for nothing. So when is the date? I don't get why a lot of others in here think I did something wrong or that she's not interested though.
Dis Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 Huh? Where do you get that idea from what I said? Where did I not get that idea from what you said? The writing is on the wall
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 I'm glad it's working out. See? You were worrying for nothing. So when is the date? And you mean when is the second date?
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 Where did I not get that idea from what you said? The writing is on the wall Explain to me though. I don't get it. She was laughing constantly throughout the date & texted me first like 15mins after the date to say she had a nice time. Than agreed we should meet again.
Dis Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 Explain to me though. I don't get it. She was laughing constantly throughout the date & texted me first like 15mins after the date to say she had a nice time. Than agreed we should meet again. Shes using you for an ego boost. A lot of women do that. Why would she turn down someone to stroke her ego, give her loads of unnecessary attention, free drinks and food? We've all given you lots of feedback as to why she's not into you Fyi, when I'm on a date with a guy and I'm not into him, I dont let my disinterest show. I laugh, seem interested in what they're saying, and put on a happy face. Its common courtsey. I however dont agree to a vague future meet up if they suggest one... but thats because I'm not thirsty for attention. Some people will hang out with a person they'd never take seriously just because they want that external validation... which I highly suspect this girl does
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 Shes using you for an ego boost. A lot of women do that. Why would she turn down someone to stroke her ego, give her loads of unnecessary attention, free drinks and food? We've all given you lots of feedback as to why she's not into you Fyi, when I'm on a date with a guy and I'm not into him, I dont let my disinterest show. I laugh, seem interested in what they're saying, and put on a happy face. Its common courtsey. I however dont agree to a vague future meet up if they suggest one... but thats because I'm not thirsty for attention. Some people will hang out with a person they'd never take seriously just because they want that external validation... which I highly suspect this girl does How do you fake laugh though? This girl was seriously crying from laughter a few times. It wasn't fake laughing at all. She also remembered small details of things I've stated even like a week or so ago that she brought up. Also asking me questions about myself & about family. She also was playing with her hair a few times while talking to me which is an indicator of attraction or at least that's what a lot of people say. Also, why would she show up even before I do for the date? Wouldn't she not even care to show up on time? She was there a minute or two before I even arrived.
Dis Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 How do you fake laugh though? This girl was seriously crying from laughter a few times. It wasn't fake laughing at all. She also remembered small details of things I've stated even like a week or so ago that she brought up. Also asking me questions about myself & about family. She also was playing with her hair a few times while talking to me which is an indicator of attraction or at least that's what a lot of people say. Also, why would she show up even before I do for the date? Wouldn't she not even care to show up on time? She was there a minute or two before I even arrived. Wow You're going to believe what you want to believe but you're going to have a reallyyyy tough time dating if you dont wake up sooner than later Let me guess, this is the first girl you've gone out with in awhile and you dont have any other prospects? That combined with a naive and very foolish view on dating... you have a very bumpy road ahead of you I wish you all the best 1
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 Wow You're going to believe what you want to believe but you're going to have a reallyyyy tough time dating if you dont wake up sooner than later Let me guess, this is the first girl you've gone out with in awhile and you dont have any other prospects? That combined with a naive and very foolish view on dating... you have a very bumpy road ahead of you I wish you all the best I'm just confused though. How are all these indicators of interest not being interested? You're making it out to make it seem like this girl is a narcissistic sociopath or something. It would be extremely cold of her to act this way & not be interested. If she was using me for an ego boost why would she even agree to the date?
HarmonyDriven Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 So to update we met up tonight for dinner & I felt it went well. She even sent a text first to me 15 minutes or so after the date to tell me thanks for dinner again & that she had a nice time. It seems she was enjoying herself since she was laughing a lot & noticed she was playing with her hair a bit. When I said we should do it again sometime soon she agreed. A man who is truly interested in a woman would have asked her out on a 2nd date BEFORE the first date ended. But, that was last night.... HAVE YOU ASKED HER OUT YET? If you haven't, I question whether YOU are really interested in her? And if you intend to ask her out, I would hope you do it by calling her and not just texting. She definitely could be interested in you (based on your description) but I wonder if YOU had a good time as I don't think I read that anywhere here?? (unless I missed it???) 1
Author NJ123 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 A man who is truly interested in a woman would have asked her out on a 2nd date BEFORE the first date ended. But, that was last night.... HAVE YOU ASKED HER OUT YET? If you haven't, I question whether YOU are really interested in her? And if you intend to ask her out, I would hope you do it by calling her and not just texting. She definitely could be interested in you (based on your description) but I wonder if YOU had a good time as I don't think I read that anywhere here?? (unless I missed it???) I did have a good time. I think the people in here might be right unfortunately. I asked her when she's free again & she never responded back to me. I think she ghosted on me which is pretty cruel. I just wish she could be honest & say let's be friends or something instead of leading me on thinking she had a good time & wants to see me again. I don't get why people ghost these days for though it's so cowardly.
HarmonyDriven Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 OP, She could have ghosted, but give her time to respond. Also, in the future, don't ask a woman when she is free, ask if she is available on a specific day/time and go from there. And, best not to text a lot for 3 weeks thinking you are getting to know someone, best to try and meet someone within first week or two if the person interests you. Remember - Nothing is real until you meet.... Good luck 1
Author NJ123 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Damn, you guys were right. She messaged me with the just wants to be friends garbage. She also claimed her phone died which was a huge lie. Pretty hurt right now but you guys definitely were right. I don't know how you called it though. What exactly was it where you knew for sure she didn't want to meet again or was just using me for ego?
Author NJ123 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 OP, She could have ghosted, but give her time to respond. Also, in the future, don't ask a woman when she is free, ask if she is available on a specific day/time and go from there. And, best not to text a lot for 3 weeks thinking you are getting to know someone, best to try and meet someone within first week or two if the person interests you. Remember - Nothing is real until you meet.... Good luck Yeah, I should have saw the red flags. It seems any day I mentioned she would always have an excuse. Just seemed like she never wanted to change plans or go out of her way to meet me. And adding a profile pic was definitely a red flag while a lot of people didn't think so. So many red flags yet I took the bait anyway like an idiot. I'm so disappointed in myself right now. It sucks not having much dating experience since I get suckered in more easily than others with a lot of experience.
Dis Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Damn, you guys were right. She messaged me with the just wants to be friends garbage. She also claimed her phone died which was a huge lie. Pretty hurt right now but you guys definitely were right. I don't know how you called it though. What exactly was it where you knew for sure she didn't want to meet again or was just using me for ego? I'm so sorry NJ The biggest sign to me was her coming up with excuses as to why she couldnt meet up for the 1st date... for 3 weeks! If someone wants to meet up, they'll do it quickly, no matter how busy they are. I know other posters have mentioned this but please do take this piece of advice... never put off a first meet and dont text too much before it happens. All of the excess communication between you two for such a long period of time made your mind create a fantasy, it made you invest in her... But the reality is, you didnt know her and most first dates dont go anywhere. If the girl doesnt want to meet within the first week (two at the most), move onto the next Again, I'm so sorry. I know OLD is so tough sometimes but if you take the advice above, dating will take less of a toll on you. I'm speaking from experience on that.. I used to do the same thing. Live and learn. Keep your chin up 4
Author NJ123 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) I'm so sorry NJ The biggest sign to me was her coming up with excuses as to why she couldnt meet up for the 1st date... for 3 weeks! If someone wants to meet up, they'll do it quickly, no matter how busy they are. I know other posters have mentioned this but please do take this piece of advice... never put off a first meet and dont text too much before it happens. All of the excess communication between you two for such a long period of time made your mind create a fantasy, it made you invest in her... But the reality is, you didnt know her and most first dates dont go anywhere. If the girl doesnt want to meet within the first week (two at the most), move onto the next Again, I'm so sorry. I know OLD is so tough sometimes but if you take the advice above, dating will take less of a toll on you. I'm speaking from experience on that.. I used to do the same thing. Live and learn. Keep your chin up Sorry for thinking you were wrong. It just sucks since I thought she was someone different. I should have saw the red flags a mile away. But I have vastly almost no experience with dating so I guess I got taken advantage of. Maybe that wasn't her intent but I should have not ignored the red flags. I'm just annoyed with some of her lies though. She said her phone died earlier than literally a minute later she sends me a long text saying let's just be friends. I know her phone didn't really die she just was just ignoring me earlier until now to come up with a message. I just don't know how she can be so cruel to use me for an ego boost for so long though. That's just so messed up. As of now I've been in no contact since she sent that message but I don't know if I should respond at all to her or just move on completely? What's the correct thing to do? She also claims she would like to make plans with me again and get to know me more as a friend. Edited September 14, 2017 by NJ123
guest569 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 A man who is truly interested in a woman would have asked her out on a 2nd date BEFORE the first date ended. But, that was last night.... HAVE YOU ASKED HER OUT YET? If you haven't, I question whether YOU are really interested in her? And if you intend to ask her out, I would hope you do it by calling her and not just texting. She definitely could be interested in you (based on your description) but I wonder if YOU had a good time as I don't think I read that anywhere here?? (unless I missed it???) Ahh this is bollocks. I've had several relationships and none of them set a 2nd date during the 1st one. OP did fine. 1
Dis Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Sorry for thinking you were wrong. It just sucks since I thought she was someone different. I should have saw the red flags a mile away. But I have vastly almost no experience with dating so I guess I got taken advantage of. Maybe that wasn't her intent but I should have not ignored the red flags. I'm just annoyed with some of her lies though. She said her phone died earlier than literally a minute later she sends me a long text saying let's just be friends. I know her phone didn't really die she just was just ignoring me earlier until now to come up with a message. I just don't know how she can be so cruel to use me for an ego boost for so long though. That's just so messed up. As of now I've been in no contact since she sent that message but I don't know if I should respond at all to her or just move on completely? What's the correct thing to do? She also claims she would like to make plans with me again and get to know me more as a friend. Never apologize for being hopeful and for not knowing better. When I first starting dating I was incredibly naive and... stupid! But after I got some experience under my belt, I stopped repeating the same mistakes. If you dont know something, how can you figure it out? ... Trial and error..and LS will do the trick I dont know that most people really have bad intentions when it comes to dating... but their actions can really hurt none the less. I think she realized her made up idea of who you were pre-first date didnt live up to expectations (which is why you never put off the first date). So maybe she was hopeful too but after the date, she realized she wasnt into you. At least she told you though and didnt leave you on read. What you should do now... handle yourself with confidence and dignity. Say, "I appreciate the honesty, it was nice to meet you. Best of luck with everything." And for the love of all that is holy do NOT take her up on her offer to be friends. It wouldnt be fair to you to hang out as friends seeing as you want more with her. When I let a guy know I'm not into him (nicely) I neverrrrr suggest the friends offer. Its just bull**** and its not fair to him if he was into me. Just send that one text and delete her number
Author NJ123 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Never apologize for being hopeful and for not knowing better. When I first starting dating I was incredibly naive and... stupid! But after I got some experience under my belt, I stopped repeating the same mistakes. If you dont know something, how can you figure it out? ... Trial and error..and LS will do the trick I dont know that most people really have bad intentions when it comes to dating... but their actions can really hurt none the less. I think she realized her made up idea of who you were pre-first date didnt live up to expectations (which is why you never put off the first date). So maybe she was hopeful too but after the date, she realized she wasnt into you. At least she told you though and didnt leave you on read. What you should do now... handle yourself with confidence and dignity. Say, "I appreciate the honesty, it was nice to meet you. Best of luck with everything." And for the love of all that is holy do NOT take her up on her offer to be friends. It wouldnt be fair to you to hang out as friends seeing as you want more with her. When I let a guy know I'm not into him (nicely) I neverrrrr suggest the friends offer. Its just bull**** and its not fair to him if he was into me. Just send that one text and delete her number Yeah, I'll just say that than delete her off snapchat. I already deleted her number but still have the chat log up so I can still send her the message. I almost kind of want to go no contact after the phone lie. That just upsets me a bit since it's such a huge flat out lie.
HarmonyDriven Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 .. And adding a profile pic was definitely a red flag while a lot of people didn't think so. So many red flags yet I took the bait anyway like an idiot. I'm so disappointed in myself right now. It sucks not having much dating experience since I get suckered in more easily than others with a lot of experience. Adding a profile photo to OLD profile is not a red flag. You two had not yet met. You read way too much into.....nothing. The only way to gain dating experience is to.......wait for it......wait for it.... DATE No need to be disappointed in yourself....live and learn. We (the dating community) have been there. Give yourself a clean slate for each date....you never know who you might meet. 1
kendahke Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 I did have a good time. I think the people in here might be right unfortunately. I asked her when she's free again & she never responded back to me. Asking when she's free again is an open ended, non-committal question and more akin to thinking out loud and being hesitant. Telling her when/where and what you'd like to do on a second date is decisive and confident and puts the ball squarely in her court. If she hems and haws, then she doesn't have the requisite interest to go further and no more time should be wasted on her. I think she ghosted on me which is pretty cruel. I just wish she could be honest & say let's be friends or something instead of leading me on thinking she had a good time & wants to see me again. I don't get why people ghost these days for though it's so cowardly. Or it's self preservation. Yeah, in a perfect world, this would happen, but the fact of the matter is: these days, women get faces full of acid when they reject the wrong guy---and because she doesn't know you from a can of paint, she probably would rather not risk putting herself in jeopardy by saying to your face that she'd rather stay your friend, so she goes incommunicado. Some women are honest and will say let's be friends and have been attacked for it, so you really can't blame the others who have seen this or read about this and deciding that vanishing is the best policy.
uncorked Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) Sorry you got ghosted. I think you got way too invested way too quickly. Next time take it slower. These things happen when you date -- we've all been ghosted. Maybe she just didn't feel chemistry or whatever. Don't let it get you down, on to the next! Edited September 14, 2017 by uncorked
Author NJ123 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) [] I messaged her what Disillusionment373 told me to say about how "I appreciate your honesty, it was nice meeting you. Good luck with everything." I never got a response back from that. I was definitely way more into her than she was me is what I realize now. She must have just enjoyed the attention I gave her but she never was that interested is the vibe I get now after everything that happened. I was just too naive to see it. It's just so cold to do that to someone though. It's like if you're only somewhat interested or little interested why invest so much time on that person. She would literally talk to me throughout the day some days so how could I not think she wasn't really interested. She never went out of her way to try to meet me though which I should have saw as a sign. She never cancelled any of her plans at all to try to meet me sooner. I just put her on a pedestal & thought she was someone different in my mind but I guess I have to learn from this. I just can't invest so much time in someone I never met again. It just leads to a complete crash down when it doesn't work out. Edited September 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted quote of banned member ~6 1
Dis Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 [] I messaged her what Disillusionment373 told me to say about how "I appreciate your honesty, it was nice meeting you. Good luck with everything." I never got a response back from that. I was definitely way more into her than she was me is what I realize now. She must have just enjoyed the attention I gave her but she never was that interested is the vibe I get now after everything that happened. I was just too naive to see it. It's just so cold to do that to someone though. It's like if you're only somewhat interested or little interested why invest so much time on that person. She would literally talk to me throughout the day some days so how could I not think she wasn't really interested. She never went out of her way to try to meet me though which I should have saw as a sign. She never cancelled any of her plans at all to try to meet me sooner. I just put her on a pedestal & thought she was someone different in my mind but I guess I have to learn from this. I just can't invest so much time in someone I never met again. It just leads to a complete crash down when it doesn't work out. I think you're doing a great job already. Realizing where you went wrong. Tbh, considering you're an inexperienced dater... you really shouldnt beat yourself up over this I'm not surprised you didnt hear back from her Please do delete her off snaphat. Delete her everywhere. The reasoning for that is because you're feeling like you want to keep talking to her. That wouldnt be a good idea I'm glad you're learning from this and thats great. We've all been inexperienced daters at one point. You have to start somewhere 2
Author NJ123 Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 I think you're doing a great job already. Realizing where you went wrong. Tbh, considering you're an inexperienced dater... you really shouldnt beat yourself up over this I'm not surprised you didnt hear back from her Please do delete her off snaphat. Delete her everywhere. The reasoning for that is because you're feeling like you want to keep talking to her. That wouldnt be a good idea I'm glad you're learning from this and thats great. We've all been inexperienced daters at one point. You have to start somewhere Thanks. I was feeling really bad throughout today still. But I think I'll be over it completely soon. It's just sad that it turned out the way it did. We just always had nice conversations & she was legitimately laughing throughout the date we had. Even to the point of crying from laughter 2 different times. It's just so bizarre but I have to try not to overthink about what went wrong. I just think that since she's a really extroverted woman & was always out doing things she likely was able to get over not talking to me again fairly quick. But for me since I'm introverted as well as inexperienced it's a lot harder for me to just not let it bother me.
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