Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 What she's doing is the completely normal and right thing to do for someone whose been chatting with you not even a month yet and haven't met. She's into you but keeping her options open. You're overreacting I think. 4
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Crikey man! You two haven't even met yet so you don't even know if you will be attracted to each other! OLD just doesn't work in the way you seem to be expecting. Just because you've been in contact it doesn't mean anything is a sure thing. I know, I just wasn't expecting her to be updating profile pictures though. So it shows me that I've been investing too much time talking with her through text before meeting. I'm pretty much just any guy to her at this point when for whatever reason I was thinking I was a bit more than that due to how much she's been talking to me. But people in here have been making fairly good points.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 I know, I just wasn't expecting her to be updating profile pictures though. So it shows me that I've been investing too much time talking with her through text before meeting. I'm pretty much just any guy to her at this point when for whatever reason I was thinking I was a bit more than that due to how much she's been talking to me. But people in here have been making fairly good points. Sorry you may not know this about women (how old are you?) but many of us, love the attention. We take many pictures, we post them on many platforms, we like getting compliments. Don't you have a sister or a female friend who loves taking selfies? Cause I swear I see it everywhere I go.
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 What she's doing is the completely normal and right thing to do for someone whose been chatting with you not even a month yet and haven't met. She's into you but keeping her options open. You're overreacting I think. Yeah I know since we haven't met yet she can do anything she wants. It's just still disappointing though to see she updates her profile at a time we've invested a lot of time talking. It makes me think that there's something about me that she maybe doesn't like that she hopes she can find with someone else or something. I tend to be an overthinker obviously so who knows.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Yeah I know since we haven't met yet she can do anything she wants. It's just still disappointing though to see she updates her profile at a time we've invested a lot of time talking. It makes me think that there's something about me that she maybe doesn't like that she hopes she can find with someone else or something. I tend to be an overthinker obviously so who knows. Then you should upload a new picture too! Level things out. When I first met my BF and before things got serious I still dated and I told him that, you know why? Cause it keeps you from getting too invested too fast. You don't want to obsess about her and she will SENSE it then and you end up doing more damage. If your connection is as strong as you think, it won't just go away cause she's talking to others.
Author NJ123 Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Then you should upload a new picture too! Level things out. When I first met my BF and before things got serious I still dated and I told him that, you know why? Cause it keeps you from getting too invested too fast. You don't want to obsess about her and she will SENSE it then and you end up doing more damage. If your connection is as strong as you think, it won't just go away cause she's talking to others. Lol no I wouldn't do that at a time I'm talking with someone a lot. It just sends the wrong message to me. I guess I just don't like the idea of having to compete with others for someone. It's either you like me or you don't not who do you like better. If I found out some woman I like was choosing between me & 2 or 3 different guys I would just move on. I'd just want someone to be entirely invested in me not just partially with a bunch of other men. I know in 2017 it's not like that a lot of the time anymore which is why it's so difficult for a lot of people to meet someone today. Women have too many options with online dating these days.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Lol no I wouldn't do that at a time I'm talking with someone a lot. It just sends the wrong message to me. I guess I just don't like the idea of having to compete with others for someone. It's either you like me or you don't not who do you like better. If I found out some woman I like was choosing between me & 2 or 3 different guys I would just move on. I'd just want someone to be entirely invested in me not just partially with a bunch of other men. I know in 2017 it's not like that a lot of the time anymore which is why it's so difficult for a lot of people to meet someone today. Women have too many options with online dating these days. Sweetie, meet in real life first then you can say these things. She can't be ENTIRELY invested in 3 weeks and zero dates. 5
act00 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 You haven't met in person yet, and you have no relationship. She is clearly keeping her options open. Your OLD is still active and open if you can see her profile. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you, through text, but your schedules have been busy enough you haven't been able to make the connection. Her schedule is busy, and she's going to have the time when someone is available, on her timeline. Don't put so much stock in someone you haven't even met yet. Don't put so much stock in someone who is largely unavailable and very busy. You are also very busy, it seems, so what is it that you're trying to do if you don't have the time to grow a relationship? Are you seeking casual companionship and sex when you have the time and someone is available? Do you want a woman waiting on you, when the wind blows in her direction, and you somehow find some time? If you're seeking long-term, you have to have the time to invest and be around and available. So does the woman you seek. 2
pumpkinpie1 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Lol no I wouldn't do that at a time I'm talking with someone a lot. It just sends the wrong message to me. I guess I just don't like the idea of having to compete with others for someone. It's either you like me or you don't not who do you like better. If I found out some woman I like was choosing between me & 2 or 3 different guys I would just move on. I'd just want someone to be entirely invested in me not just partially with a bunch of other men. I know in 2017 it's not like that a lot of the time anymore which is why it's so difficult for a lot of people to meet someone today. Women have too many options with online dating these days. But...that's exactly what dating is. It's testing the waters. You cannot expect her to be fully invested in a guy she's known for 3 weeks and hasn't even met yet..that is really unfair. Your expectations are unreasonable and they're going to make it really difficult for you to meet anyone. 5
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 She's making sense....why should she invest in someone she hasn't met irl. Texting or talking on the phone cannot be counted as dating. At this time you are just chat friends, with a possibility of dating, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't keep her options open. My recommendation is to never chat with someone for weeks. You set up a date, if you both can't meet due to scheduling, then you set them aside and look for other prospects. IMO if you have this much trouble meeting someone for a first date, then dating is just going to be as hard.... it's not realistic. I think she is coming to terms with this and is looking for someone else that would be more available. 2
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 If you like her as much as you're saying then make it happen, find even 30 minutes where both of you can go for coffee real quick, you can't say you're THAT invested but still do zero action about it. Actions speak louder than words, man. 1
HarmonyDriven Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 So I've been chatting with this girl for the past almost 3 weeks now through text. The only thing is after going on the dating site after days, today I noticed she added a profile picture. I know since we haven't been on a date yet that she can do what she wants... I also noticed she didn't message me last night at all which is a first. But than I messaged her before & she responded. Not sure if I'm looking into these things too much or if there's something to it that she lost interest a bit or something within the past day or two. With online dating, social media, etc....NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET. She added a profile photo, so what.....look at it like this - you got to see more of her. Why don't you add another profile photo.... She can do what she wants..... BINGO......remember - so can YOU! IMO, You are reading way too much into things, which is why you should always remember - NOTHING IS REAL UNTIL YOU MEET......(in person) and even when you do meet, still might not be real....but at least it's tangible. 6
basil67 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 (edited) NJ, I'm concerned about your continual use of the word 'invested'. As in, hoping for some type of return. Just as (I hope) you would never invest money in a person you'd never met and hope for a return, you shouldn't expect a return on your time either. Edited September 10, 2017 by basil67 5
MidwestUSA Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Lol no I wouldn't do that at a time I'm talking with someone a lot. It just sends the wrong message to me. I guess I just don't like the idea of having to compete with others for someone. It's either you like me or you don't not who do you like better. If I found out some woman I like was choosing between me & 2 or 3 different guys I would just move on. I'd just want someone to be entirely invested in me not just partially with a bunch of other men. I know in 2017 it's not like that a lot of the time anymore which is why it's so difficult for a lot of people to meet someone today. Women have too many options with online dating these days. Right now, she's choosing between you every other man on the face of the planet. There's no such thing as too many options, that's ridiculous. You HAVEN'T MET HER! As someone else said, OLD is NOT what you think it is, and you're using it wrong. On another note, are you going to step out of your comfort zone to meet her? Have you made progress on driving further than five minutes from your house? If you make her bear the brunt of traveling, all this 'investment' talk is for nothing. 2
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 So to update we met up tonight for dinner & I felt it went well. She even sent a text first to me 15 minutes or so after the date to tell me thanks for dinner again & that she had a nice time. It seems she was enjoying herself since she was laughing a lot & noticed she was playing with her hair a bit. When I said we should do it again sometime soon she agreed.
lolablue17 Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) So to update we met up tonight for dinner & I felt it went well. She even sent a text first to me 15 minutes or so after the date to tell me thanks for dinner again & that she had a nice time. It seems she was enjoying herself since she was laughing a lot & noticed she was playing with her hair a bit. When I said we should do it again sometime soon she agreed. I admit my ignorency. Why can't people be honest and straight forward with each other. Her text + your reply are in the gray zone. Her text "thanks for dinner again & I had a nice time" could mean she likes you very much and wants to see you asap, or could mean the opposite as only a polite statement. Your reply is the same. If you have said just "I want to see you again" it could mean something. But you insured youself with "sometime" and "soon". You were very careful not to commit to any attitude. People say "We should do it again sometime soon" even when they don't want to ever meet again. So it's like a covert competition between the both of you "who will show the best meaningless statemanet". In my eyes you both miss the whole point. The point is to feel enthusiasm, to show it, and to feel that the other side really wants you. This kind of competition could spark real love. But when the two of you behave like experienced polititions, you get a long process of misery and frustration. Why going that path? BTW - in yesterday's match - you won! Your reply was more meaningless that hers. Edited September 13, 2017 by lolablue17 3
GemmaUK Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 I'm confused. You're all full on and she shouldn't be changing her profile pics and should only be talking to you before you meet. Then you meet and you're less than half hearted with the 'sometime soon' comment. I take it you're not interested? Why not just tell her and save the ambiguity? 3
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 I'm definitely a fan of passion and will gravitate towards it but I guess I am the only one who thought the responses were fine? I figured they both said something positive and that he will ask her out again, probably this weekend.
kendahke Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 True. I guess I feel I thought I was more of a priority to her than I really am. So it's disappointing to know I'm probably just another guy to her. A priority? To someone who has never laid eyes on you? Do future employers make you a priority when they contact you for a first interview?
kendahke Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 So to update we met up tonight for dinner & I felt it went well. She even sent a text first to me 15 minutes or so after the date to tell me thanks for dinner again & that she had a nice time. It seems she was enjoying herself since she was laughing a lot & noticed she was playing with her hair a bit. When I said we should do it again sometime soon she agreed. But you didn't say "I had a great time. I know of a really nice place I'd like to take you on Saturday, say 8pm." That would have unmistakably conveyed that you had interest. This sounded milquetoast and nebulous, sort of like the "I'll call you" line. Are you punishing her because she changed her profile picture? 3
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 So to update we met up tonight for dinner & I felt it went well. She even sent a text first to me 15 minutes or so after the date to tell me thanks for dinner again & that she had a nice time. It seems she was enjoying herself since she was laughing a lot & noticed she was playing with her hair a bit. When I said we should do it again sometime soon she agreed. That's weak. You've been pining over her for 3 weeks and all you can come up with is 'sometime soon' ? You need to book a date with her now for this coming weekend. If she is not available because she has a gazillion friends then drop and move on. This girl is not really interested in you, she enjoys the attention and the free meal. I don't know anyone who would delay meeting a man for 1 month!! because they have a busy social life! She's on a dating site to meet men or not! 2
kendahke Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 Women have too many options with online dating these days. ??????? If that's so, then men have too many options, too. Everyone doesn't get a trophy for trying. You get a trophy for outdoing the others. A bad, entitled attitude will do more to sink your boat than anything else. 1
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 I admit my ignorency. Why can't people be honest and straight forward with each other. Her text + your reply are in the gray zone. Her text "thanks for dinner again & I had a nice time" could mean she likes you very much and wants to see you asap, or could mean the opposite as only a polite statement. Your reply is the same. If you have said just "I want to see you again" it could mean something. But you insured youself with "sometime" and "soon". You were very careful not to commit to any attitude. People say "We should do it again sometime soon" even when they don't want to ever meet again. So it's like a covert competition between the both of you "who will show the best meaningless statemanet". In my eyes you both miss the whole point. The point is to feel enthusiasm, to show it, and to feel that the other side really wants you. This kind of competition could spark real love. But when the two of you behave like experienced polititions, you get a long process of misery and frustration. Why going that path? BTW - in yesterday's match - you won! Your reply was more meaningless that hers. After that she said Yes I agree! to plans to meet again. All the signs were there of her liking me. Playing with her hair, laughing constantly throughout the date even at stupid things I said. She was literally laughing at one point for like 2 minutes straight at one point. I just don't buy she's using me for a meal & for attention like a few have stated. She also showed up before our scheduled time. Even before me by a minute or two. 1
Dis Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 After that she said Yes I agree! to plans to meet again. All the signs were there of her liking me. Playing with her hair, laughing constantly throughout the date even at stupid things I said. She was literally laughing at one point for like 2 minutes straight at one point. I just don't buy she's using me for a meal & for attention like a few have stated. She also showed up before our scheduled time. Even before me by a minute or two. Ohhhh man OP, this girl isnt into you and I highly doubt she ever was. She likes attention and thats why she went out with you. You probably compliment her non-stop despite the fact that you dont know her and hadnt met her before this date. I'm just going to be honest, you are 5 star stage 5 clinger and women can spot one from a mile away. And guess what??? Its a huge turn off. Dont get me wrong, disinterest is a huge turn off too but considering you were getting upset over her adding a profile pic when you hadnt even met her yet... your insecurities and lack of confidence were most likely glaring during the date Unless you buck up and ask her out on another date (date, time, place) and she agrees (and shows up)....she's even not remotely into you
Author NJ123 Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 Ohhhh man OP, this girl isnt into you and I highly doubt she ever was. She likes attention and thats why she went out with you. You probably compliment her non-stop despite the fact that you dont know her and hadnt met her before this date. I'm just going to be honest, you are 5 star stage 5 clinger and women can spot one from a mile away. And guess what??? Its a huge turn off. Dont get me wrong, disinterest is a huge turn off too but considering you were getting upset over her adding a profile pic when you hadnt even met her yet... your insecurities and lack of confidence were most likely glaring during the date Unless you buck up and ask her out on another date (date, time, place) and she agrees (and shows up)....she's even not remotely into you Huh? Where do you get that idea from what I said?
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