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Can adult relationships be as pure as teen relationships?

wtfmate

By wtfmate
in General Relationship Discussion

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wtfmate Member

wtfmate

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In the sense that teen relationships tend to be between two people with no experience, no baggage, etc.

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Springsummer Established Member

Springsummer

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Welcome to OLd...ebay of relationship? a market place of bargaining and exchange goods?

CptInsano Established Member

CptInsano

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In the sense that teen relationships tend to be between two people with no experience, no baggage, etc.

 

That purity was also largely an illusion, because teens didn't know any better. But yes, there was less baggage, but also a lot of weird ideas what love should be like.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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In the sense that teen relationships tend to be between two people with no experience, no baggage, etc.

 

No!

 

Popsicle

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mossycup Established Member

mossycup

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I would say possibly, if for example the people never moved out from home, or had any relationships after the age of 20 ... but very likely there are other issues to contend with if that is the case, including being "stuck" as a teen, ie, unable to be in an adult relationship and all the things that go with that.

Bastile Established Member

Bastile

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I wouldn't want to go back to being 18, and I'm not sure why anyone would.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Teenagers have their own "baggage".

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somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

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Teenagers still can have plenty of baggage from their upbringing, and a boatload of confusions to bring in due to their lack of experience. It seems reassuring that both of you are learning together, but if neither of you know what you're doing the chances of things going unexpectedly wrong are a lot higher.

 

Teenagers don't really know what they want yet, they're easily pushed around by other people's desires. Their tastes and personality may suddenly do a complete 180 as they grow up and become exposed to more possibilities.

 

Dating an adult, it's much more obvious what you're getting into.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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There is nothing pure in teen relationships. Teens are possessive, jealous, manipulative. They tend to feel and act with no reservation instead of thinking before acting. They also view life in 1 dimension, themselves. They're brain isn't developped fully. It takes up to 25 years old for all path of our brain to be connected.

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dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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If I could go back in a time machine and slap my teenage self I would. I really made mistakes in my relationships then and....

 

What the....(sound of time machine)... its 70 year year old me !....(SLAP!)

 

Guess I am still F'ing up according to old me. He said something about bad choices not baggage. Cranky old man.

Edited by dichotomy
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GoodOnPaper Established Member

GoodOnPaper

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I vote no on the OP's question. Emotional intensity definitely wanes as you get older. I had a 2-year relationship in college when I was 19-21. She was the second girl I had ever dated. I have never felt the emotional intensity/investment, the comfort in my own skin, and the physical and emotional openness that I did then. I don't miss her specifically with the way she strung me along and dumped me at the end but the feelings I had in that relationship are a unicorn that I will never find again. I'm a believer that you should either marry your first or second relationship partner or else wait (a long time) until you have completely figured yourself out. Of course, that vast majority of us don't do either - maybe that's why there are so many people on LS!

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Thank God adult relationships are different than teenage relationships!

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I vote no on the OP's question. Emotional intensity definitely wanes as you get older. I had a 2-year relationship in college when I was 19-21. She was the second girl I had ever dated. I have never felt the emotional intensity/investment, the comfort in my own skin, and the physical and emotional openness that I did then. I don't miss her specifically with the way she strung me along and dumped me at the end but the feelings I had in that relationship are a unicorn that I will never find again. I'm a believer that you should either marry your first or second relationship partner or else wait (a long time) until you have completely figured yourself out. Of course, that vast majority of us don't do either - maybe that's why there are so many people on LS!

 

I agree.

 

Popsicle

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understand50 Established Member

understand50

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OK, as someone who married his 1st teenage lover, I would say that we had the same amounts and type of baggage that we have as a older couple. (been together 40 plus years). The advanage, was that we grew, learned, loved, and supported each other. I am not advocating everyone get married early, but it is not the worst thing to happen ether. I sometimes think we as a society, are all looking for the perfect marriage, relationship, family. There is no such thing. We all make what we do, and then try and make the best of things, as life, ourselves, and our mates throw things our way. How you overcome these things, makes for a long, loving marriage or not.

 

When we were young, we had more energy. Very glad I had my kids young as well. Now that I am older, I have less energy, but more wisdom. Folks who get married early and then break up, may do the same as older people. Some just are not relationship materiel. Some can marry real early and do just fine. You will never no unless you do. waiting as the clock winds down, just makes thing harder.

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No_Go Established Member

No_Go

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In the sense that teen relationships tend to be between two people with no experience, no baggage, etc.

 

Yep, they can. I realized this recently. If the relationship do not move to a physical level, and the adults have open mind, they can get the innocence and high hopes that a teenage relationship has.

 

If you asked me an year ago, my answer would have been different. Reason being: I was into 'goal-oriented' dating: I want to be with xxx by date xxx, engaged by xxx, married by xxx. Thinking back about that: I'm just laughing. Why did I want to live my life that way? But that's the common understanding how adult relationships are/should be...

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Why is it that I haven't heard this point made in any other sphere other than the dating sphere? I've never heard this broached on the topic of operating a vehicle, joining the armed forces, legally purchasing recreational drugs, etc etc.

 

On the topic of operating a vehicle, Australian car insurance costs for under 25's are horrific. It's exactly because under 25s are far more at risk due to poor decision making. One could argue that the costs reflect lack of experience, but inexperienced over 25s don't have to pay the age premiums.

 

Is that something you've never heard of?

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I have no idea where the idea of pure teenage relationships comes from. I was a horny teenager who was not prone to making wise decisions.

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