Vinny56 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Hi guys, So I met this girl online and we've been talking for over a week and she totally fell for me and I became head over heels for her. We would continuously txt and send snapchats, loving messages like I want cuddles from you ect and we finally went on a date. It was absolutely amazing we both felt like we had been together for a while and it didn't feel like a first date at all. We laughed throughout dinner and cuddled and kissed through the whole movie and then sat in my car talking and cuddling while she ran her hands through my hair then fell asleep on my chest for a bit and we made out a bit more and it felt like love and I hadn't felt that in along time. The next day she messages me and I message back but her messages go from Instant replies to a few hours later and I can feel there's something wrong I ask if there's a chance for a second date she says yes but she wants to take things slowly because she doesn't want to depend on her happiness coming from me like it did with her ex and she wants to take things slow. But why suddenly that when we were continuously txting ? To replying to my messages 2-3 hours later Am I reading this wrong I don't understand what's happening? Thanks for the help in advance!
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 She wants to take it slow. There's not much to read into. You've only met a week ago but behaving like a couple and that could feel so weird if you haven't let things develop naturally over time. 2
Author Vinny56 Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 I understand that completely but what doesn't make sense to me Is how do you go from replying within seconds all week to not replying in over 9 hours?
Erik30 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 I think at some point, the constant texting became too much for her. Just give her some space, and back off a little bit. Her bringing up an ex doesn't sound too good though... Maybe she didn't feel the same way as you did about your first date, since she seems to have changed after you met. Try to set up the next date instead of texting all day about random things. If she's suddenly unavailable for some reason, she probably lost interest 1
basil67 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 I understand that completely but what doesn't make sense to me Is how do you go from replying within seconds all week to not replying in over 9 hours? I'm assuming she has a job or study to do during the day? Instant texting simply isn't sustainable for anyone who needs to work. 2
Popsicle Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 She could be saying something really reasonable and fair, like, she wants to learn how to balance her love life with her responsibilities. (something all adults who are naturally passionate need to learn). Or, she could be pointing to something that could be bad for you, like, she is jaded and you're going to suffer forever because of what her ex did to her. Only time will tell which one she is saying. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 She probably realizes that while the constant texting felt nice, you two barely know each other. She wants to set a more realistic, sustainable pace. Don't panic. See what happens over the next few weeks. You'll know soon enough if she was being honest and is indeed still interested, or if she's fading out. Don't make assumptions just yet. 6
Author Vinny56 Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 She probably realizes that while the constant texting felt nice, you two barely know each other. She wants to set a more realistic, sustainable pace. Don't panic. See what happens over the next few weeks. You'll know soon enough if she was being honest and is indeed still interested, or if she's fading out. Don't make assumptions just yet. I think you're right she got back to me finally when I asked why she was suddenly distant when we would txt for hours throughout the day and apparently she was becoming to distracted by me, we've set up another date next week so I'll see how this pans out! But also if something is good wouldn't you want more of it? Rather than push it away?
LovelyRose Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 I think you're right she got back to me finally when I asked why she was suddenly distant when we would txt for hours throughout the day and apparently she was becoming to distracted by me, we've set up another date next week so I'll see how this pans out! But also if something is good wouldn't you want more of it? Rather than push it away? But she DIDN'T push you away. She had expressed herself very well to you but you choose to not see it. She did say she wants to take things slow as she doesn't want to repeat the same mistake she did with her ex. Of having him the center of her happiness. Then again, she told you that you are DISTRACTING her. Most likely with the excessive texting. How old are you, her? I'm sure she (also you) has other goals and priorities right? Give her some space and pay attention to what she's telling you. Minimize the texting and maybe do a regular phone call each day or whenever it both suits you. Believe me, if you move too fast you could crash and burn like me. 1
Author Vinny56 Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 She probably realizes that while the constant texting felt nice, you two barely know each other. She wants to set a more realistic, sustainable pace. Don't panic. See what happens over the next few weeks. You'll know soon enough if she was being honest and is indeed still interested, or if she's fading out. Don't make assumptions just yet. But she DIDN'T push you away. She had expressed herself very well to you but you choose to not see it. She did say she wants to take things slow as she doesn't want to repeat the same mistake she did with her ex. Of having him the center of her happiness. Then again, she told you that you are DISTRACTING her. Most likely with the excessive texting. How old are you, her? I'm sure she (also you) has other goals and priorities right? Give her some space and pay attention to what she's telling you. Minimize the texting and maybe do a regular phone call each day or whenever it both suits you. Believe me, if you move too fast you could crash and burn like me. This definitely put some sense into me! I think she's just realised it's too much for her too quickly and she feels the need to slow it down. I'll give her space and see where it leads to hopefully our next date that's set up isn't a pity date as she has also changed her profile picture on tinder which means she's still very active on there. We're both 21 and I study and work and she also just studies, university 2-3 times a week. How did you crash and burn? I'd like to hear your story too
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 When I read your post about how it felt like love after some messages over the course of a week & 1 date, honestly I wondered if you were delusional. The messages were inappropriate. I want cuddles. What? Falling asleep on you in the car? Totally over the top & fake. OMG. Yes, I understand that people have sex on a first date but that is lust not love. At best you two have an infatuation. That can be an awesome basis to begin a relationship but for heaven's sake stop acting like this woman, who is in essence a stranger, has the type of bond one would expect if she was your wife of 5+ years. The level of intimacy you mistakenly think you have with this woman takes YEARS to develop not a week of electronic communication & 1 date. Slow down! Stop being so invested & therefore so needy & pushy. You are overthinking this & you will ruin it by pushing too fast. She's backing off because you are too intense. Dial it back. Go at a slow, more leisurely pace. The express lanes cause you to crash & burn. It does not get you the loving, committed, reliable, long term, relationship you want. If you calm down & only judge the quality of your interaction by the time to you spend together in person you are far more likely to achieve something sustainable. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 How is she pushing you away? She was clear and logical about why the contact is slowing down. Unless you have some real reason to suspect she is just losing interest then again I say, don't panic. And no, even if you really like someone, it doesn't mean continuous texting isn't distracting and taking you away from other things that need attending to.
LovelyRose Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 This definitely put some sense into me! I think she's just realised it's too much for her too quickly and she feels the need to slow it down. I'll give her space and see where it leads to hopefully our next date that's set up isn't a pity date as she has also changed her profile picture on tinder which means she's still very active on there. We're both 21 and I study and work and she also just studies, university 2-3 times a week. How did you crash and burn? I'd like to hear your story too Oh I have plenty of stories not just one. Let's just focus on you. I don't really do OLD so I don't know what it means if someone changes their profile even after having pleasant dates with someone. All you can do now is take it one date at a time. You have already addressed your question about sudden drop in texting. Leave it be now and just stay positive. Look forward on your third date. Good luck! 1
Author Vinny56 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 When I read your post about how it felt like love after some messages over the course of a week & 1 date, honestly I wondered if you were delusional. The messages were inappropriate. I want cuddles. What? Falling asleep on you in the car? Totally over the top & fake. OMG. Yes, I understand that people have sex on a first date but that is lust not love. At best you two have an infatuation. That can be an awesome basis to begin a relationship but for heaven's sake stop acting like this woman, who is in essence a stranger, has the type of bond one would expect if she was your wife of 5+ years. The level of intimacy you mistakenly think you have with this woman takes YEARS to develop not a week of electronic communication & 1 date. Slow down! Stop being so invested & therefore so needy & pushy. You are overthinking this & you will ruin it by pushing too fast. She's backing off because you are too intense. Dial it back. Go at a slow, more leisurely pace. The express lanes cause you to crash & burn. It does not get you the loving, committed, reliable, long term, relationship you want. If you calm down & only judge the quality of your interaction by the time to you spend together in person you are far more likely to achieve something sustainable. The harsh truth! I'm definitely too invested and I've taken it pretty well today. she hasn't replied to my txt I sent yesterday morning but she's been active on social media and I haven't sent a follow up or anything so giving her space. I'm interested to see where this all goes.
Author Vinny56 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 How is she pushing you away? She was clear and logical about why the contact is slowing down. Unless you have some real reason to suspect she is just losing interest then again I say, don't panic. And no, even if you really like someone, it doesn't mean continuous texting isn't distracting and taking you away from other things that need attending to. I don't have a real reason to suspect she's losing interest but I feel like a dog she won't reply for a few days but then she'll hit me up and I'll go chasing that bone. It's quite frustrating!
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