Guys, would you?

[Caramelpopcorn]

Men,

Would you help your GF out financially if you've been together a while and committed and she needed the help? Assuming you make way more.

 

I'm asking if you would naturally offer, not her asking you for help. I got into a heated discussion with one of my close girlfriends about it. I feel like if my BF needed it and I could, I would offer to help him, she disagrees.

 

Women,

Would you even let him?

[guy45]

I would definetly help if the person has proven to me that they are trustworthy without anything mysterious about them. It's not about time, it's about trust.

[pumpkinpie1]

Can I ask why you are only posing this question to men?

[Caramelpopcorn]

Can I ask why you are only posing this question to men?

 

Cause I mentioned what I as a woman would do.

[pumpkinpie1]

Cause I mentioned what I as a woman would do.

 

So because that's what YOU as a woman would do..is that what you believe ALL women should do? I'm not trying to be contrary, I'm just curious because it seems very odd to me that you wouldn't just pose this as a general question to anyone in a relationship.

[Caramelpopcorn]

So because that's what YOU as a woman would do..is that what you believe ALL women should do? I'm not trying to be contrary, I'm just curious because it seems very odd to me that you wouldn't just pose this as a general question to anyone in a relationship.

 

No not at all, I just said my girlfriend disagrees. I really don't care what other women would say so I didn't bother asking? Don't try reading too much into it. This isn't a survey.

 

Do you want to answer? Feel free.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I would definetly help if the person has proven to me that they are trustworthy without anything mysterious about them. It's not about time, it's about trust.

 

By time do you mean how long you've been together? Like you would even in the beginning as long as they seem trustworthy? That really speaks more of you though, like a good heart.

[Caramelpopcorn]

It depends on the circumstances. I have helped some ladies and not helped others. I also have limits on the amount of help I am willing to give.

 

I don't know why I find all ways to support our loved ones totally okay except when it involves money? It's always so sensitive.

 

Did they ask you to help, or did you offer?

[basil67]

The rule of thumb is to never lend anyone money which you can't afford to lose. This includes boyfriends and girlfriends. Or even husbands and wives if they have chosen to not co-mingle the bank accounts.

 

Have you never watched the likes of Judge Judy?

[jay1983]

If they're sincere then yeah sure. But I have to say that must people I've come across who do this, are repeat offenders. Always having a note from the leasing office on their door because they didn't pay their rent on time.

[Caramelpopcorn]

The rule of thumb is to never lend anyone money which you can't afford to lose. This includes boyfriends and girlfriends. Or even husbands and wives if they have chosen to not co-mingle the bank accounts.

 

Have you never watched the likes of Judge Judy?

 

You mean only lend what is in your means?

 

HAHA, no! These shows give me brain annuerism. I do enjoy her gifs.

[Ami1uwant]

It depends on how much and what for and how serious the relationship was.

 

When I was in a LTR I helped her out a couple of times. These were things around her high school child that I was willing to do.

 

One expense was for a school trip of around $400 and the other was for a trip to see colleges.

[Caramelpopcorn]

If they're sincere then yeah sure. But I have to say that must people I've come across who do this, are repeat offenders. Always having a note from the leasing office on their door because they didn't pay their rent on time.

 

Like a freeloader? What if it was a legit emergency though? Something that can't be helped, like job loss? Of course if it's something that's CONSTANTLY happening that's a red flag.

[Caramelpopcorn]

It depends on how much and what for and how serious the relationship was.

 

When I was in a LTR I helped her out a couple of times. These were things around her high school child that I was willing to do.

 

One expense was for a school trip of around $400 and the other was for a trip to see colleges.

 

Did you lend it or just give it without expecting it back? That's pretty nice of you to help out with her child.

[jay1983]

Like a freeloader? What if it was a legit emergency though? Something that can't be helped, like job loss? Of course if it's something that's CONSTANTLY happening that's a red flag.

 

Well play it like his. If we've been seeing one another for a year without any problems, I'll accept whatever the excuse. If it's anytime before that, and I'm being conservative because it's usually as soon as we get comfortable. No.

[thefooloftheyear]

There is an old high school buddy of mine,,,I don't really have much to do with him anymore as he never grew up and only reaches out to me when he's broke and needs money...I lend it to him, hoping he doesn't pay me back, so I don't have to bother with him anymore...

 

Well....last time was the charm....a measly 300 bucks and I have a guilt free way of telling him to eff off and leave me alone...

 

As for a SO...it would depend....Don't come to me looking for money when I see you on FB taking vacations and partying...If your kids are hungry and the gas is gonna get shut off. ill be there for you and don't really care if you pay me back, but see above story as far as that goes...

 

I've done well for myself financially and don't mind being generous...but don't make an idiot out of me, or you will be sorry...

 

TFY

[pumpkinpie1]

You mean only lend what is in your means?

 

HAHA, no! These shows give me brain annuerism. I do enjoy her gifs.

 

Basil is correct. Unless you have someone sign a contract, or you are legally bound to them in another way (i.e. marriage), there's no guarantee they'll pay you back.

 

I have indeed lent money to ex boyfriends before, and I've had exes lend money to me when I was in dire straights. I did pay back the ex boyfriends. Those that I lent money to have yet to pay me back.

 

So I'd say yes, as Basil said, if I can afford to really lose that money, I will lend it. Or, of course, if it was life or death.

[basil67]

You mean only lend what is in your means?

 

HAHA, no! These shows give me brain annuerism. I do enjoy her gifs.

 

The shows might do your head in, but two episodes will show you what can happen when you lend money.

[Caramelpopcorn]

The shows might do your head in, but two episodes will show you what can happen when you lend money.

 

I guess if I can actually afford what that person needs or a part of it, I would just not count on getting it back. It all depends really, does he give other things to me that he can "afford"? Respect, love, understanding, acts of service, etc...

[Caramelpopcorn]

Basil is correct. Unless you have someone sign a contract, or you are legally bound to them in another way (i.e. marriage), there's no guarantee they'll pay you back.

 

I have indeed lent money to ex boyfriends before, and I've had exes lend money to me when I was in dire straights. I did pay back the ex boyfriends. Those that I lent money to have yet to pay me back.

 

So I'd say yes, as Basil said, if I can afford to really lose that money, I will lend it. Or, of course, if it was life or death.

 

If I really needed money and my BF offers me money and asks me to sign I would feel so weird, I would just refuse to take it all together. Feels so weird for him to act like a bank.

[Caramelpopcorn]

There is an old high school buddy of mine,,,I don't really have much to do with him anymore as he never grew up and only reaches out to me when he's broke and needs money...I lend it to him, hoping he doesn't pay me back, so I don't have to bother with him anymore...

 

Well....last time was the charm....a measly 300 bucks and I have a guilt free way of telling him to eff off and leave me alone...

 

As for a SO...it would depend....Don't come to me looking for money when I see you on FB taking vacations and partying...If your kids are hungry and the gas is gonna get shut off. ill be there for you and don't really care if you pay me back, but see above story as far as that goes...

 

I've done well for myself financially and don't mind being generous...but don't make an idiot out of me, or you will be sorry...

 

TFY

 

Of course! You wouldn't want to be a sugar daddy PERIOD! I completely see that and agree. Sounds like you're more than willing to help in a true emergency, which is what really matters and what she would probably appreciate more anyway.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I work a lot for my money. I have noticed that the people who need money are generally not so willing to do what I do in order to get it.

 

The last girl I dated needed financial help due to a bunch of poor decisions she made. I don't loan money, and I didn't want to just give her handouts, so I asked her to do some things for me and I overpaid her for the work. She cleaned my house a couple times, fed my dogs, that sort of thing. I like doing things that way. Not long after, she asked me to loan her $1000 to pay her rent. I declined. She's been broke as long as I have known her, and I know she can't afford to pay me back.

 

I've to disagree with the first part of your post, sometimes life just goes bat**** on you, and really I don't see why you both have to be wiling to get your money the same way? Money isn't a priority for everyone, I think it depends on what they value other than career success. Do you know what I mean? We are all willing to do more for certain things in life.

 

I agree with having them do chores for you, and honestly I think that's very fair, that they're still contributing somewhere and feeling needed and important.

[pumpkinpie1]

If I really needed money and my BF offers me money and asks me to sign I would feel so weird, I would just refuse to take it all together. Feels so weird for him to act like a bank.

 

Oh I totally agree with that. But that's why you need to be prepared to permanently lose any money you lend. Like I said..I have been on both sides of this. I paid my ex back. But I have 2 exes who owe me a combined $2000..and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Oh I totally agree with that. But that's why you need to be prepared to permanently lose any money you lend. Like I said..I have been on both sides of this. I paid my ex back. But I have 2 exes who owe me a combined $2000..and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

 

Can I ask you what was the emergency for you to borrow and lend?

[pumpkinpie1]

Can I ask you what was the emergency for you to borrow and lend?

 

The lending:

 

The second time was for a plane ticket for an ex to see his mother when she had emergency surgery to remove a cancerous lump from her liver. So definitely an emergency. Technically I could ask his mother as she still talks to me but..honestly..what kind of a person brings something like that up to a sick woman? It was a last minute purchase and I did it because he was in a panic and wasn't thinking about buying his own ticket. I don't regret it at all, even though things did not end well with him and he broke the hell out of my heart.

 

The first instance was when I was young and stupid. Different ex. I helped him with some bills and groceries and I fully expected him to pay me back when he started a new job, but he dumped me instead. I tried for about a year after we broke up but he kept coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't and finally I just gave up because I didn't want to deal with contacting him anymore.

 

The borrowing:

 

He helped me with some bills when I was out of work, and with a plane ticket to see my dying grandfather for the last time. I have paid him back in full.