guy45 Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 So basically last night I had a date with a woman I really liked. We had a great time made lots of jokes and watched a movie. At the end of the night after we both got home through text she tells me we should just be friends. Can't help but feel painful about this since she was everything I've wanted. I feel like I'll never meet anyone as good that will like me. I really don't want to end up alone or with the wrong person but apparently by the looks of it that's where my life is headed. I'm really feeling hopeless after years and years of rejection. I can get a relationship, just not with who I want. Any advice? Thanks
preraph Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 Have any of these women told you why they're not interested? I wonder if you're not acting desperate and trying to move too fast as far as letting them know how desperately you want a girlfriend. I mean, surely you can tell at what point their mood changes and their attention shifts and the mood falls apart. So what were you doing right before that happens?
Author guy45 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 Have any of these women told you why they're not interested? I wonder if you're not acting desperate and trying to move too fast as far as letting them know how desperately you want a girlfriend. I mean, surely you can tell at what point their mood changes and their attention shifts and the mood falls apart. So what were you doing right before that happens? I don't mention anything about desperately wanting a girlfriend or anything like that. I just try to have a good time with them by making them laugh and asking about their interests/hobbies etc..
wtfmate Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 A lot of times it's not even about you, it's just that the other person doesn't feel the chemistry. It's not your fault, it's not her fault, the two of you aren't just compatible with each other. Don't overthink it. 8
Purrrfect Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 How do you meet this girl? Online or in person somewhere? Funny is good but not to the point where you are too nice or Corny Or just plain obnoxious. I like confident. Not cocky. A guy who laughs all the time can be a turn off. There could be several reasons she didn't feel any spark. 2
Author guy45 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 She's in my class. Heck she was the one who asked for my number. 1
Purrrfect Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 Ok well she went out with you to feel you out and determined for some reason she's not into you. How old are you ?
Author guy45 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 I'm 25 years old she's a few years younger than me
ShyLove Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 What was it about her that you liked so much? And do you possess those same qualities? I have had to tell "nice" guys that I was not interested lots of times and I will tell you some of those reasons so you can see if you see yourself doing some of these things I have lost interest from men bc they talked way too much without asking me any questions. I get that guys are trying to impress but trying TOO much is a turn off and a it leads me to believe that they have narcissistic tendencies. I had one guy talk for 17 minutes straight about something I had ZERO interest in. And I started counting the time AFTER he was talking for awhile lol Poor social behavior is another one. Checking your phone constantly, talking really loud in a nice, quiet restaurant, picking food out of your teeth/mouth, trying to touch or hold hands within 20 minutes of the first date, snapchatting or instagraming on a date, drooling over every girl that walks by Also, people who have no personality or are really serious and barely laugh at anything are no fun to be on dates with in my opinion. Neither are people who treat dates like interviews. Looks wise, I have lost interest from guys when they showed up not looking like their online photo. Showing up looking older or 3 inches shorter (one guy told me he was 5'11 but he was barely 5'8-I'm 5'9) Now, if he was up front about it I may have overlooked it if we vibed but the out right lie was a huge turn off. I'm sure he wouldn't have appreciated if I showed up 30lbs heavier. There is a segment on the radio called Second Date Update where they call people who went on dates and one person asks the other why they didn't want a second date with them. That segment opened my eyes about how clueless people really are about their behavior on dates lol you can listen to some on YouTube. Not saying that you have done any of these things but maybe this helped a little Good Luck to you. 1
Author guy45 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 What was it about her that you liked so much? And do you possess those same qualities? I have had to tell "nice" guys that I was not interested lots of times and I will tell you some of those reasons so you can see if you see yourself doing some of these things I have lost interest from men bc they talked way too much without asking me any questions. I get that guys are trying to impress but trying TOO much is a turn off and a it leads me to believe that they have narcissistic tendencies. I had one guy talk for 17 minutes straight about something I had ZERO interest in. And I started counting the time AFTER he was talking for awhile lol Poor social behavior is another one. Checking your phone constantly, talking really loud in a nice, quiet restaurant, picking food out of your teeth/mouth, trying to touch or hold hands within 20 minutes of the first date, snapchatting or instagraming on a date, drooling over every girl that walks by Also, people who have no personality or are really serious and barely laugh at anything are no fun to be on dates with in my opinion. Neither are people who treat dates like interviews. Looks wise, I have lost interest from guys when they showed up not looking like their online photo. Showing up looking older or 3 inches shorter (one guy told me he was 5'11 but he was barely 5'8-I'm 5'9) Now, if he was up front about it I may have overlooked it if we vibed but the out right lie was a huge turn off. I'm sure he wouldn't have appreciated if I showed up 30lbs heavier. There is a segment on the radio called Second Date Update where they call people who went on dates and one person asks the other why they didn't want a second date with them. That segment opened my eyes about how clueless people really are about their behavior on dates lol you can listen to some on YouTube. Not saying that you have done any of these things but maybe this helped a little Good Luck to you. Believe me when I'm on a date I'm on my best behavior, I wouldn't risk ruining it by texting on my phone or especially checking out other women. It's probably a physical attraction problem which is frustrating. All these women seem to love the idea of going out with me but it never goes past being friends. I know there's not much you guys can do to help me, but I guess I'm just hoping someone has a similar experience. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 Believe me when I'm on a date I'm on my best behavior, I wouldn't risk ruining it by texting on my phone or especially checking out other women. It's probably a physical attraction problem which is frustrating. All these women seem to love the idea of going out with me but it never goes past being friends. I know there's not much you guys can do to help me, but I guess I'm just hoping someone has a similar experience. You're right....it's hard to really give advice without seeing/knowing you. How's your hygiene? Teeth? Grooming? Clothing? Smell?
ShyLove Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 Believe me when I'm on a date I'm on my best behavior, I wouldn't risk ruining it by texting on my phone or especially checking out other women. It's probably a physical attraction problem which is frustrating. All these women seem to love the idea of going out with me but it never goes past being friends. I know there's not much you guys can do to help me, but I guess I'm just hoping someone has a similar experience. Hmmm well you are actually GETTING dates with these women so you can't be that bad!! haha 1
Author guy45 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 You're right....it's hard to really give advice without seeing/knowing you. How's your hygiene? Teeth? Grooming? Clothing? Smell? Well usually I make sure I don't smell before going on a date. My teeth are decent lol Perhaps my shoes were a little dirty. The annoying thing is that people have told me I look really young for my age which leads me to think women don't really consider me as being a true guy, rather more of a boy which is very annoying.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Hey, that's only one date! That's only one girl. I like to think of myself as very physically attractive and fun, but I've gotten told the same things before too. Happens to all of us. She didn't feel the chemistry, doesn't mean she didn't actually like you. Sometimes I really find the guy wonderful, but I don't feel that spark.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Well usually I make sure I don't smell before going on a date. My teeth are decent lol Perhaps my shoes were a little dirty. The annoying thing is that people have told me I look really young for my age which leads me to think women don't really consider me as being a true guy, rather more of a boy which is very annoying. Start growing your beard. Instant turn on. Most women I know that are my age (late 20es) find it irresistible. My BF shaved once and I told him let's not meet until it grows back. 1
Author guy45 Posted September 10, 2017 Author Posted September 10, 2017 Start growing your beard. Instant turn on. Most women I know that are my age (late 20es) find it irresistible. My BF shaved once and I told him let's not meet until it grows back. That just might be crazy enough to work. Thank you 2
Logo Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Forget about her and move on. Wanting to be friends is female hypocrisy for "I'm not into you". Maybe she was expecting you to f**** her long and hard. Who knows.
preraph Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Believe me when I'm on a date I'm on my best behavior, I wouldn't risk ruining it by texting on my phone or especially checking out other women. It's probably a physical attraction problem which is frustrating. All these women seem to love the idea of going out with me but it never goes past being friends. I know there's not much you guys can do to help me, but I guess I'm just hoping someone has a similar experience. No. If it was a physical attraction problem, she wouldn't have been the one to get your number. It's something you're saying or doing or some way you're acting. Do you have any friends who would be brutally honest with you about it if you asked? If it was just this one girl, it's not a pattern, but sounds like a pattern. Not all women like facial hair. Me and my friends all hated it. But we loved long hair on the head. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 It's what it is. The ones you want don't want you, or you don't want the ones who do want you. Old story, repeated how many times. Hurt? Of course you are. Are you the first? No, won't be the last either. Just another spoke in the wheel of karma. It'll be fine. Whatever will be will be. 2
mortensorchid Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 It's what it is. The ones you want don't want you, or you don't want the ones who do want you. Old story, repeated how many times. Hurt? Of course you are. Are you the first? No, won't be the last either. Just another spoke in the wheel of karma. It'll be fine. Whatever will be will be.
HarmonyDriven Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 I'm 25 years old OP, I know you have probably heard this before, YOU are young! Give it time, enjoy going on dates no matter how they turn out. Just like another poster noted - at least you are getting dates. Some guys don't get dates....at all. Facial hair....yes! yes! 5 O'clock shadows.....yummmm. This might sound silly, but I am extremely attracted to a great smelling guy, whether it's his cologne, body wash, after shave, whatever. If a man smells great to me, it has enhanced his overall attractive value. Good luck and try not to stress out so much, you will find the one. And thanks ShyLove, I will have to check out the SecondDateUpdate on Youtube....sounds interesting if not hysterical! 1
SevenCity Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 No. If it was a physical attraction problem, she wouldn't have been the one to get your number. It's something you're saying or doing or some way you're acting. Do you have any friends who would be brutally honest with you about it if you asked? If it was just this one girl, it's not a pattern, but sounds like a pattern. Not all women like facial hair. Me and my friends all hated it. But we loved long hair on the head. This. The fact you said "She's everything I wanted" screams you were trying too hard. As cool as you think you are if you feel that the one you finally waited for is in front of you, you are giving off signs that will push her away. You don't know if a girl is everything you want after a date. At best you should be attracted to her and want to see her again. Try to be more objective on dates and keep your emotions out of it. I've dated so much this past year I actually rate things as they are happening with a dispassionate view. It's funny to see how women fumble when they are interested and I'm completely cool about it. If you are getting dates then you've won 90% of the battle. Look at how you are acting which is taking these women right out of liking you. Don't be on your best behavior, behave like yourself. 3
Author guy45 Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 Yeah you guys are right, I really need to stop trying so hard. I need to boost my self esteem too because OLD has pretty much ruined it, then I will at least be more hopeful. 3
TheBathWater Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 Believe me when I'm on a date I'm on my best behavior, I wouldn't risk ruining it by texting on my phone or especially checking out other women. It's probably a physical attraction problem which is frustrating. All these women seem to love the idea of going out with me but it never goes past being friends. I know there's not much you guys can do to help me, but I guess I'm just hoping someone has a similar experience. There's good news here, actually. "These women seem to love the idea of going out" with you. Wonderful! That means you have some kind of appeal, even if only initially. I bet it is frustrating for you to be getting your hopes up though and then being let down each time a woman gives you the "let's be friends" speech. But hey, this means that if you can work on your skillset for building attraction, creating chemistry, and facilitating sexual intimacy, you will be able to keep these women around. Have you thought about buying a book about attracting women? I highly recommend 'Models' by Mark Manson, or watching some of Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube (he has a book too that is FREE on Amazon Kindle). There's not really much to lose here. You might even consider hiring a reputable dating coach if it's that much of an issue for you. Finally, as others have already said, this woman isn't worth your mental energy. I know none of us saying that can help take away your hurt right now. I can think of PLENTY of women who didn't want a second date with me, and I thought, "That was the best one I'd met in a long time, etc..." and I honestly can't remember most of their names or faces anymore today. My advice to you is to dig deeper into whatever your issue is. Buy some books about attraction and chemistry. Keep going out with as many women as you can handle so you can get more experience. Journal afterward about what went well, what could have been better, etc... and repeat. Learn from your mistakes and read up some more, then continue going out to brush up on your growing edges. Journal some more, etc... and again, repeat. If you do this seriously, if you commit to understanding this part of your life on a daily basis for the next year, I will guarantee you that your posts on this forum will go from "Date ruined my confidence" to "Help! Which one do I choose?" Hang in there, buddy. 1
Imported Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 I just try to have a good time with them by making them laugh and asking about their interests/hobbies etc.. Look, she liked you enough to get your number and go on a date with you. More than likely, you bored her. Was your conversation with her mostly you asking questions and making jokes? Did your questions ever lead to both of you sharing beliefs, opinions and views?
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