Very confused about flirt

[Ellarius]

Hi guys

 

I am being a bit confused with a girl at the moment. She is on exchange in the States for half a year and I really like her personality and appearance. It is very unique, which is the thing attracting me.

 

So here are some facts

1. I am in my twenties, she is about 5 years older than me (which seem to bother her a little bit, yet not too much when I really asked her about it)

2. She is pretty mature, knowing exactly what she wants and what she doesn't, just from the start actually.

3. I have never dated someone being that older than me (although I think it is a minor thing, even a plus I would say)

4. I am not specifically looking for a relationship, but also not closing the possibility either. I made this clear for her, so she could choose either, if there was an option she was more comfortable with.

5. She told me once, when I was joking about us being a relationship, that I didn't even invite her to a proper date yet. A comment very out of place, which is one of things confusing me (in her tone, she was not joking by the way, she was serious). Is the fact that I am being a bit unconventional with our meetings (going out drinking or having something to eat at home with everyone else), the reason why she is unsure/not ready?

6. Been knowing her for a little less than a month now.

 

I myself am pretty open with my feelings, she knows how I feel. When we go out, it always ends up with dirty dancing and whatever, it gets pretty intimate. I have done a few sleepovers already, spooning and laying on top etc.. Yet she doesn't want to kiss (which I respect). At first, I thought it was because we were maybe going too fast, so I told her, that it wouldn't mean anything to me (as for commitment or likewise, could just be a friend thing if she prefers). Asking her if it is the case, she only replies with it being too complicated (never actually ruling out the possibility of it just going a bit too fast). As stubborn as I am, I keep asking her about it, but she doesn't want to talk about why it is complicated (she lets me ask questions though).

 

It seems very much like, she just doesn't want to date anyone on her exchange (which might be the sole reason to begin with, could be something she planned from the start, and could pretty much conclude this thread), but she does seem to care if I talk about other girls (could be because we have been somewhat intimate, and it just being a natural thing, and not really meaning more than that). She is not interested in any others (without me ever asking, she just hints it, as if she wants me to know). She claims it really has nothing to do with me, but it is her current personal state. When I asked whether it would help if we waited for a bit, she replied with maybe. Yet, she says like "oh, I really just wanna be friends, couldn't we just be that?", whenever I go in for a kiss (where I of course just stop).

 

So guys, from the information I just brought up, what are you concluding? I guess my real question is, should I move on, and really just remain friends or should I be more patient and see where it goes? I wish she would tell me what's complicated, so I could understand her situation better, but maybe you guys can? I already put up 10 scenarios, to which she replied no, that is not the case. So I at least got a few things ruled out.

 

If she really likes me, and I am just taking on this case wrong or being too pushy, I don't want to hurt her feelings, by moving on (she would find out pretty quickly, due to our friend circle). Yet, I don't want to bother her, if she doesn't want to be more intimate. It's her body, her decision after all! Don't want to push her into something uncomfortable.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Ellarius

[Cersei]

It sounds like she is not interested. Sorry, but you tried to kiss her and she wanted no part in that. If I was into a guy, hell yeah I am going to kiss him back!

 

Is it possible she has a man back at home you don't know about and she does not want to cheat and that is her "complication"?

 

I would move on as far as anything more than a friend with her.

[Ellarius]

It sounds like she is not interested. Sorry, but you tried to kiss her and she wanted no part in that. If I was into a guy, hell yeah I am going to kiss him back!

 

Is it possible she has a man back at home you don't know about and she does not want to cheat and that is her "complication"?

 

I would move on as far as anything more than a friend with her.

 

Yeah, I thought the very same about the kissing. It is a huge problem if she has someone at home, although she doesn't seem like the type of person who would hide something like that, I did actually have that thought previously going through my head. Although my suspicion was not great enough for me to actually actually ask her. The thing that supports this hypothesis, is that she very clearly marks a line between spooning/dancing (wild) and kissing. But that could also be due to other reasons.

 

I did not understand your last line, could you please rephrase? Did you mean that I should not go further than being just friends :-)?

[Cersei]

I meant that unless you are ok with only being her friend and nothing more, I would suggest you move on. Sorry dude!

 

Also, as far as the dirty dancing and spooning some people just like attention and coziness. But it certainly can be seen as very flirtateous and misleading.

Edited September 10, 2017 by Cersei

[jkeefer928]

As a girl, I agree with Cersei. She is flirting for attention, not to actually make something happen. Twerking and spooning don't really mean anything, it's just how some of us like to flirt. And like Cersei said, you know she doesn't want you because she won't kiss you. As a girl, I know this is typically the line you don't cross if you're not really interested. I also like flirting and I often twerk and get cuddly with one of my guy friends, but if he ever tried to kiss me that would be a BIG BIG no-no (I have a serious bf). By rejecting your kiss she is letting you know that she wants to keep it strictly platonic. She is only continuing the dirty dancing and the cuddling because she likes to flirt.

[Ellarius]

I meant that unless you are ok with only being her friend and nothing more, I would suggest you move on. Sorry dude!

 

Also, as far as the dirty dancing and spooning some people just like attention and coziness. But it certainly can be seen as very flirtateous and misleading.

 

Well, that could indeed be the reason. I guess I will distance myself a bit for now, and watch how it goes :-) Thank you Cersei.

[Ellarius]

As a girl, I agree with Cersei. She is flirting for attention, not to actually make something happen. Twerking and spooning don't really mean anything, it's just how some of us like to flirt. And like Cersei said, you know she doesn't want you because she won't kiss you. As a girl, I know this is typically the line you don't cross if you're not really interested. I also like flirting and I often twerk and get cuddly with one of my guy friends, but if he ever tried to kiss me that would be a BIG BIG no-no (I have a serious bf). By rejecting your kiss she is letting you know that she wants to keep it strictly platonic. She is only continuing the dirty dancing and the cuddling because she likes to flirt.

 

Oh! I overlooked your comment, sorry about that!

 

The coziness and attention does make sense, but she was like, you're the first one to ever get in my bed like this and I would never do such a thing with someone who's not a boyfriend of mine, made me feel like I already crossed a line of hers (although she was the one telling me to join her).

 

I just don't know at this point. Been trying to not think about it too much; but I feel still somewhat split. What way would be cool to actually approach this? Like in a mature manner? I think asking bluntly would mean instant turn off, but I wanna know where I got her, just to not cross any of her lines.

 

An option would be to take her on an actual date (which she seems to want to anyways, as we have been talking about it for quite some time now), but if she is not interested in the way I am, I prefer a less romantic scenery, so both of us can be comfortable as friends :-)

 

Oh my, my mind is confused. Thanks for all the replies till now guys.

 

PS: It was grinding up against each other, not twerking, although prolly doesn't make a huge difference..

[smackie9]

First lesson....never ever sleep in any one's bed unless sex is on the table. Sleep overs, without sex is for kids. You are her cuddle &*^%$. And that is the worst place to be. The Ladder Theory - Ladder Manifestations