Question for Guys

[LoverOfDance]

@salparadise

 

Thanks for the reply. However, I don't think you read my posts on the thread properly. Like I previously said, I do initiate messages and I schedule most of our meet ups. Also, as previously said, I have spoken to him about our communication issues. Twice actually. He adjusts for a week or two but then goes back to the ignoring.

 

No worries though. I'll try not to bother about it. Like I said, I won't be taking any action this time. Whatever happens, happens. I'll be fine no matter what.

[spiderowl]

I know this might seem like a small issue but I just feel like if someone likes you a lot, you shouldn't have to remind them to talk to you.

 

Not sure if I'm supposed to leave the relationship or stay. The thing is that it doesn't really seem like a good enough reason to break up with him. But it still bothers me nonetheless.

 

Seems like a good enough reason to break up to me, especially if you have to do most of the initiating. Sounds like he's just not as interested in you as you are in him.

 

Of course, he could just be taking you for granted, in which case you could switch this around by just changing what you are doing. Stop texting him and see what happens. If he likes you, he is going to notice the difference and come looking for you. You need to make him feel a little less unsure of you though so he puts in more effort.

[Versacehottie]

Or she could just say, "boyfriend, I would really appreciate hearing from you once a day, and the send button on my phone doesn't work so if you wouldn't mind shoot me a text each rotation, other wise I'll have to start playing power-head games a la Versacehottie.

 

He might also conclude that since you're not texting and not talking about it that a frequency of once or twice a week, or never, is just fine.

 

 

 

Are you seriously saying that messaging frequency is a major compatibility issue, and that him not being able to read her mind is a deal-breaker. That's what I thought.

 

 

 

No kidding OP. If you aren't receiving enough texts the obvious solution is to kick him to the curb. Sheesh!

 

ohhh Sal, just when I was about to like your post. There's no reason to get nasty if you don't agree with me. Just ignore my post. In my post's defense, I did say she can tell him once and disagree that it's a head game. Common knowledge in psychology: if you want him to do something, don't do it for him. (i.e. get in touch). It's fair as you say to put him on notice about that. If she is going to nag him it's not going to work IMO nor is it worth it, which we obviously agree upon. Ok, have a good night.

[LovelyRose]

@salparadise

 

Thanks for the reply. However, I don't think you read my posts on the thread properly. Like I previously said, I do initiate messages and I schedule most of our meet ups. Also, as previously said, I have spoken to him about our communication issues. Twice actually. He adjusts for a week or two but then goes back to the ignoring.

 

No worries though. I'll try not to bother about it. Like I said, I won't be taking any action this time. Whatever happens, happens. I'll be fine no matter what.

 

 

Hello Lover,

 

I'm sorry that your situation is still the same. My bf was like that in the beginning. He would disappear for a day or two with no hi or hello. So I just continued to talk to him about it. I also tried different ways to communicate with him because one way ain't doing the trick. Not just couple of times.

 

Like Versace said, if you do it like in a nagging way, you won't get good results. Not implying that's how you are approaching him.

 

Don't tell him what to do but express what you would appreciate. What does he tell you why he doesn't communicate for days? How well do you know your bf and his routine? Does he tell you everything like his entire schedule and routine? He's an athlete, so do you have any idea how rigorous his training is? Does he really need days to decompress alone?

 

My bf used to say that sometimes he just needs a day where he doesn't think about anything. So there are days where he doesn't look at his phone. I then responded that I fully respect his personal space but we are different. Although it wouldn't kill me if he disappears for days but I would really appreciate a simple good morning and good night text a day at least. Those two texts literally just take no more than 20 seconds but will bring me joy.

 

Ask him if he feels you are being unreasonable. If he says yes, then ask how is it unreasonable and what would be your compromise? Until your bf gets a full understanding of you, what you want as well as how your logic works, whatever you tell or ask him will just be forgotten again.

 

I am also the one doing most of the scheduling for our visits (we are LDR). He is really bad with arranging things and very forgetful. Don't focus too much on who's initiating the meet up. You are his gf. The real question is the quality of your time together. Does he still make you feel special when together, or even when talking or texting on the phone? Or do you feel like the spark is getting dull to none?

 

From MY experience alone, I have learned that guys need to be trained and pointed to the direction where we want them to be. It takes patience because the result doesn't come overnight. But this is only if the guy is dedicated to making you happy as well.

 

At the end of the day, your instincts will tell you if this is worth keeping or not. But if you have done everything and every method to make this work, you won't have any regrets if you decide to end it.

[hercules22]

probably 2 days max

[LoverOfDance]

So it's day three of silence, lol. I'm grateful for this site because it allows me to put my feelings down into words. It really helps to write things down.

 

I am considering ending things. Not because I'm mad at him but because I don't like the way I feel right now. My body is filled with worry to be honest. Not sadness, just worry. I am a very calm person and don't like anything that makes me feel hasty or anxious. That is exactly how I am feeling right now because of him. Not fun at all.

 

I honestly just want my peace of mind back. Even though I feel a little harsh doing this, if I don't hear from him today, I will have to take back my peace of mind and end things. It sucks but I'm not sure I can take one more day of the way I'm feeling to be honest.

[fred123]

So it's day three of silence, lol. I'm grateful for this site because it allows me to put my feelings down into words. It really helps to write things down.

 

I am considering ending things. Not because I'm mad at him but because I don't like the way I feel right now. My body is filled with worry to be honest. Not sadness, just worry. I am a very calm person and don't like anything that makes me feel hasty or anxious. That is exactly how I am feeling right now because of him. Not fun at all.

 

I honestly just want my peace of mind back. Even though I feel a little harsh doing this, if I don't hear from him today, I will have to take back my peace of mind and end things. It sucks but I'm not sure I can take one more day of the way I'm feeling to be honest.

 

U have to end it. He aint into you. He probably was differenr with his exes who he was into. Anyways ur not happy so dump him. Find someone who wont make u feel this way. Ps i text the girl i date evevry day esp when she is my girlfriend. His behaviour shows ur casual at best

[LoverOfDance]

So he messaged me. I was going to wait until tomorrow to conclude on my decision. I didn't really expect him to message me today. Now I'm not really sure what to do.

[Pumpkin008]

What did his latest message say? Was it about making plans or just a general "what's up?"

[LovelyRose]

So he messaged me. I was going to wait until tomorrow to conclude on my decision. I didn't really expect him to message me today. Now I'm not really sure what to do.

 

 

I asked you a bunch of questions and you haven't responded. You talked to him only twice and want to give up already? Sounded like you have given up but one unexpected text from him got you all confused again. Do you honestly feel you have done everything and asked all the questions in your head to him?

 

I see majority of people here are too quick to suggest to just end it. Because that is the quickest way and easiest to advice. But the truth is, we have no clue what's the real deal with your bf. Yes he sounds like a bad bf to you but the information is very limited.

[LoverOfDance]

Hi LovelyRose,

 

Thanks so much for your response. It was very helpful.

 

Aside from the bad communication when we are not together, he treats me really well and is really sweet when we are together.

 

He told me today that he doesn't like our means of communication. We will be changing the app we usually use and trying another one.

 

Hopefully we can find a way to remedy the situation and improve our communication.

[LovelyRose]

Hi LovelyRose,

 

Thanks so much for your response. It was very helpful.

 

Aside from the bad communication when we are not together, he treats me really well and is really sweet when we are together.

 

He told me today that he doesn't like our means of communication. We will be changing the app we usually use and trying another one.

 

Hopefully we can find a way to remedy the situation and improve our communication.

 

 

See what I mean? I would be honest, how come he didn't just say he doesn't like the app you guys are using? So both of you needs to work on your communication.

 

Do you ever call each other?

 

If only there are any athletes reading your thread maybe they can give you more input as well on his bad communication habit. But again, if your bf really wants to make you happy, he will eventually get to the point where both of you are satisfied. But don't expect it to happen overnight and with very little talk. Good luck!

[fred123]

See what I mean? I would be honest, how come he didn't just say he doesn't like the app you guys are using? So both of you needs to work on your communication.

 

Do you ever call each other?

 

If only there are any athletes reading your thread maybe they can give you more input as well on his bad communication habit. But again, if your bf really wants to make you happy, he will eventually get to the point where both of you are satisfied. But don't expect it to happen overnight and with very little talk. Good luck!

 

Im an athlete and its bullcrap. He aint into you enough

[spiderowl]

He doesn't have to like the means of communication, he just has to communicate regularly enough for you to feel he cares. I would make a plan to do something two days after he texts you. Plan it with a friend. Then when he texts you to ask you to hang out, you can say "Sorry, I've made plans with my best friend for tomorrow night." When he realises you will not fit him in unless he keeps in touch regularly and makes plans with you, he will rethink his pattern of communication.