Lsengpheth Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 We have lived together for 3 years but the communication was not all that great and that was because I holding things back from her as I was embarrassed of the way I used to live and my past in general. Plus I am not a talkative person to begin with. Since we’ve been together she has been open and laid out all her cards to me but me on the other hand kind of keep certain things to myself because I was embarrassed of certain things and didn’t want to feel judge but I know I shouldn’t be like that since I should trust her enough not to judge. I never took her to my mom’s house where I used to live because of how poor and crappy the house is, so I chose not to ever bring her there. She would ask to go there plenty of times to the point where she doesn’t care to go there anymore. I feel bad that I never did. We never argued we got along fine, but since she is so busy with work and also in her last 2 classes for her MBA it’s putting more stress on her on our relationship. Now since the work load and school load is stressing her out and the lack our communication that we are trying to establish, she wants a break to figure things out. I honored the break to give her the space she needs but I am scared the time she wants might push us apart since we were already working on our communication and I this I feel will only hinder it. There is not a time frame of when she will be ready. It could be from after she is done with her MBA or it could be a little longer 4-6 months. We both care for each other with great affection. She states that I was the greatest person and boyfriend she has ever had. I treated her with the utmost respect. I told her that I loved her during the 1-2 year we were together and she told me to never say that and when she asked for the break in our 4th year together I told her I loved her and she got mad that I said it this late while we are going on our break. Our ground rules were no dating, limited contact where we only check up on each other once in a while to see how we are doing. No time frame on when we will get back together. She wants us to mainly focus on ourselves and how to fix our problems. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 You need to man up and stop hiding where you came from. No one is going to stay with someone who they know doesn't trust them enough to be honest with them. Most people are a bit embarrassed by their parents or how they grew up. Some people may judge, but a smart person will value you more because they see how you pulled yourself up and out of a bad situation, which is a strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lsengpheth Posted September 9, 2017 Author Share Posted September 9, 2017 You are right...but it got to the point where she doesn't care to go see where I used to live... There's no fixing that right now. I respect her space that she wants... But she still wants me to stay in contact with her... We agreed to the no dating rule...still communicate just to make sure we are okay. I know she is under a lot of pressure with school and work... So this space is needed for sure... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I don't believe in "breaks". You're still together in a exclusive relationship and work through things or you're not. If you really feel it's only a break to you, then you must have a time frame. You are playing by her rules right now. Put a short 1-2 weeks time frame on it or consider it a break up. Promises about not dating others are easily broken when you meet someone else and things just happen. This is not a good situation for you. You're in limbo and of course she would like you to stay in contact with her. If she's lost all romantic feelings for you then you are heading to the friend zone by staying in contact with no romance involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lsengpheth Posted September 9, 2017 Author Share Posted September 9, 2017 (edited) She told me when we departed that I didn't have to take all my things and that I can leave some of my belongings there...so I only took some of my clothes and other items..I know I'm playing by her rules right now...it's just all messy in my head... We took a whole week off of homework/schoolwork and just held each other, watch movies, and make out all week before we departed...I can only prepare for the worse ... It's either we come together with a stronger bond or its the end... She has been pretty straight forward with everything.. So who knows what happens... Edited September 9, 2017 by Lsengpheth Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 A break is what happens when someone doesn't have the courage to do an actual breakup. She's weaning herself off you slowly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 A separation is usually permanent. This isn't good. If I were you I'd assume it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
TwinFlameGone Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 breaks are never good. when you hear that word stand back. don't force anything... let that person come to you and focus on yourself. i'd go NC or only answer to important stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lsengpheth Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 So when she calls and text me I should ignore them? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Yes. Block her number if it's too hard for you to ignore. NC doesn't have to be forever but it will help you to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 So when she calls and text me I should ignore them? I think if you decide to turn the break into a breakup you should have that conversation before implementing nc. Make a clean break. I agree that asking for a break with no clearly defined end date is bull...not fair to you at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 A break is just a way to avoid telling you the truth. Count yourself lucky. My girlfriend, ex fiancé, of 5 years cheated on me when I was overseas in combat. Karma got her though. Drug addiction and mental illness. A failed marriage, 450 lbs. and growing plus she is now married to a woman. There is a joke that I like to tell. A man on vacation calls his brother who is watching his cat. As soon as he asks, his brother tells him that the cat is dead. The poor man needed a minute to recover from the bad news. He told his brother that he should have let him down easy. First call just say that the cat went on the fire escape and fell but was at the Vet's recovering. Second call tell me that the cat is not doing too well and then on the third call, tell me that the cat died peacefully in his sleep. The brother apologized and the man told him it was OK and then asked about their mother. Mom went on the roof.......... Funny thing about love. I thought that I loved my ex fiancé but then realized that I never consulted her about me joining the Army. Later one I saw my wife on a train and three weeks later we were engaged and married a few months after that. No, she was not pregnant. We will be celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary next month. I thought I knew what love was before but found out that it was just being with my girlfriend so long that I was accustomed to here and took that for love. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 In the four years the two of you were together she never said I love you? Told you to stop saying it. If she doesn't love you then why are you putting time and your own love into the relationship? I think you should call and let her know you need to pick the rest of your things up. If she asks why ask her if she love you. If she says no or refuses to answer then say that is why. You don't have to settle with someone that doesn't or can't love someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 No time frame on when we will get back together. She wants us to mainly focus on ourselves and how to fix our problems. He plan is flawed. You can only fix your problems together. Apart on this break will only teach her that she can survive without you. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 You take a break to calm down after a disagreement... You heal a relationship by talking with each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts