Rosie3636 Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 I have been dating a guy for a little over a year. When we started dating I knew he had a long term girlfriend who he planned on marrying but they broke off their engagement (they were together 8 years). We both agree that we are the happiest we have ever been with each other, we are each others best friend, we talk all day long and it's the best sex of our lives. But twice now he's pulled a "I'm not over my ex and I need to take a step back" move. Each time I've gone no contact and we don't talk for a few weeks and then pick right back up where we left off. He pulled it again for the third time...and he seems to only do this when we have a disagreement (or I am upset about something he did) and uses it as a defense to pull away. He agreed to go see a therapist for his intimacy issues. Is there anything I can do? He begs me to keep talking to him but I tell him going no contact is the only way. I know most people would say just walk away...he is damaged goods but that is so much easier said then done. I feel so different about him then anyone I've met before and I truly mean it when I say he is my best friend. Any advice on dating a guy who is emotionally traumatized?
bummer Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Do you two talk about what he thinks about or does when you go NC? I think if you can handle it, explain that the next time he uses that excuse it's 2 months minimum NC. If he can't sort his sh by then and talk about it when you reconnect, he's just stringing you along while he floats in his own limbo. Is he in contact with his ex? 1
guest569 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 What sort of things do you disagree about? What does he do that upsets you? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 You need to start truly believing that he's still into his ex. I don't think it's an intimacy issue. He is just not ready for a real relationship with you because he's still mentally in the old one. This is the third time he's told you. You need to let this guy go, because his heart is not totally with you. Stay at your own risk, knowing he's got a big soft spot for her and will likely continue pulling the rug out from under you. I would be very clear that you will no longer act an emotional Band-Aid to a guy who's still grieving his previous girlfriend. 2
basil67 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Advice for dating a person who is emotionally traumatised? Don't do it unless you're OK with lots of drama and instability. Seriously, how many times are you going to let him do this to you?
Erik30 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 Most people wouldn't put up with that. What do you think is going to happen if one day his ex decides she wants him back? Sorry, but it seems like you're his rebound/backup. You deserve better
elaine567 Posted September 10, 2017 Posted September 10, 2017 NEVER get involved with anyone who is still emotionally involved with their ex. He has just slotted you into her place and to you that feels wonderful, you feel very loved and close, BUT it is NOT you he wants, it is her and so every now and again he takes the step back as he realises you are not her and never will be. He is your dream man, but you are not his dream girl. You are the rebound, the fill in gf until he figures out a way to get his ex back or he finds someone else. He does not need a therapist to deal with his intimacy issues he just needs to get over the loss of his ex. I would not be surprised if those "step backs" coincided with some interest shown on her part or a renewed campaign on his part to get her back. He probably manufactures arguments in order to step away for a while. Once he does get over her, I almost guarantee, you will not see him for dust. The new gf or bf who walks a grieving person through their grief is usually surplus to requirements once the grieving person is healed. They are then fit again to take on the world, and they then want to fully explore what it has to offer.
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