Bad/Toxic dates....cold shoulder.

[WinterGreen]

I'm a hetero male. Hoping to get hear personal experiences here. It's something everyone (or almost everyone) has experienced at least once - bad/toxic dates.

 

I'm not referring to situations where the other person is stupid, has not clue, turns up drunk, can't stop staring at your chest (assuming he's male), things along those lines - just plain clumsiness and stupidity. Well understood, but not what I'm referring to here. I'm talking about the sort of situation where you both meet, you've not done or said anything untoward whatsoever (as far as you can tell)....but you're just not "their type", they don't find you attractive, or whatever words you care to use. And then their behaviour....real spite -

 

Almost zero eye contact - that's the main one.

Will barely engage in simple conversation....completely evasive.

When they do look at you, they glare at your like they want to throw a brick at you (yep, can be that bad).

Really unpleasant toxic body language, but stopping just short of outright abuse.

 

The Cold Shoulder on steroids, I guess you could say. This is not something I've had to deal with time and again, but when it has happened? More than unpleasant.

 

You've not done or said anything wrong (at least as far as you can tell), but they are being as unpleasant as possible without spelling it out. Now by all means share what you've seen or experienced (if you care to), but by main query isn't so much their conduct....but how you've responded and dealt with this scenario, while you're in the thick of it? Not what you do afterwards, no. But what you do at the time.

 

Now, I've been on the other side of this equation where many dates I've been on - they're a million miles from "my type". And sure, there isn't going to be a second date, but I always show some sincere respect and decency when I'm sitting across from someone.

 

So when considering all this, any thoughts or experiences? Much appreciated.

 

As a side note - I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone, but from what I've seen/heard, this sort of trait (seems?) much more prevalent amongst women, more so than men. Exclusively? No. But more common? Definitely. We mere, mortal males? Our "strong suit" in lousy behaviour is more clumsiness and stupidity, more so than true spite.

[bummer]

Never been on a date where this has happened. Your tagline seems to hint at something about yourself which may be a clue. Not sure, but spite on a first date seems... rough. I would counter your final assertion that anyone male or female who is turned off by someone else can act passive aggressively, especially if they feel obligated to remain one-on-one.

 

To the point, either feint and misdirect with humor to open it up or pay your tab and say "Nice to meet you. Have a lovely evening." Then leave?

[TheBathWater]

I'm a hetero male. Hoping to get hear personal experiences here. It's something everyone (or almost everyone) has experienced at least once - bad/toxic dates.

 

I'm not referring to situations where the other person is stupid, has not clue, turns up drunk, can't stop staring at your chest (assuming he's male), things along those lines - just plain clumsiness and stupidity. Well understood, but not what I'm referring to here. I'm talking about the sort of situation where you both meet, you've not done or said anything untoward whatsoever (as far as you can tell)....but you're just not "their type", they don't find you attractive, or whatever words you care to use. And then their behaviour....real spite -

 

Almost zero eye contact - that's the main one.

Will barely engage in simple conversation....completely evasive.

When they do look at you, they glare at your like they want to throw a brick at you (yep, can be that bad).

Really unpleasant toxic body language, but stopping just short of outright abuse.

 

The Cold Shoulder on steroids, I guess you could say. This is not something I've had to deal with time and again, but when it has happened? More than unpleasant.

 

You've not done or said anything wrong (at least as far as you can tell), but they are being as unpleasant as possible without spelling it out. Now by all means share what you've seen or experienced (if you care to), but by main query isn't so much their conduct....but how you've responded and dealt with this scenario, while you're in the thick of it? Not what you do afterwards, no. But what you do at the time.

 

Now, I've been on the other side of this equation where many dates I've been on - they're a million miles from "my type". And sure, there isn't going to be a second date, but I always show some sincere respect and decency when I'm sitting across from someone.

 

So when considering all this, any thoughts or experiences? Much appreciated.

 

As a side note - I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone, but from what I've seen/heard, this sort of trait (seems?) much more prevalent amongst women, more so than men. Exclusively? No. But more common? Definitely. We mere, mortal males? Our "strong suit" in lousy behaviour is more clumsiness and stupidity, more so than true spite.

 

I'm a hetero male, and very experienced in these scenarios, so I feel I can speak to this.

 

Personally, if I'm not feeling it, I am never rude. No way. That is the last thing I would do. Why would I possibly act defensive and give someone the cold shoulder, knowing that this experience is somehow going to carry with them into their next meeting with another man? Why would I want to create ugliness in this world? There's enough of that already. Instead, I simply sip my drink, engage in conversation the same way I would with a good friend, and I STILL look for ways to appreciate this fellow human being in front of me and learn from them. If they don't know by the end of the date that we're not a match, I tell them explicitly: "Sweetie, you are so kind, but we are not meant for each other, and I am hoping we both find what we are looking for." Leave them better than you find them, as some would say.

 

Now, how to deal with this on the receiving end? I guess I find it very hard to not be authentic with whoever I'm speaking to, and this includes women for sure. So, if I sense she's not interested, I speak directly to it. How depends on the context, but I won't settle for playing some unspoken game of cold shoulders and defensiveness. I'm never disrespectful, but I'm always direct and curious about whatever is happening. I want to know what she is feeling and why. I never try to persuade her to feel differently. I'm just curious about her feelings.

 

I get that the vast majority of people these days can't tolerate honesty. They fear being transparent, and they especially fear feeling guilty for why they are or are not attracted to someone and saying it. I don't believe it's such a bad thing, and that you can still have a special interaction with someone when it's not meant to be. Why relegate someone to a lower rank in humanity just because you don't feel the biological urge to bump uglies with them after the cocktail ends? Never made sense to me.

 

I say, model for the people you date the same behavior you wish to see from them. Be the change you want to see in the world, and all that good stuff, right? It will never hurt. The only thing it requires is your courage.

[Sara1989]

Why do you care what someone thinks about you after one date? you should just class her as rude and that be that. If you have such thin skin for rejection then OD not for you...that goes for males AND females.

 

You can always get up and leave at any time. I had rude dates but i always found them amusing stories to tell my friends afterwards.

[WinterGreen]

Appreciate the replies. Should've explained a couple more things to begin with.

 

In regards to online dating - I mentioned it in another thread, but not this one. I've been involved with online dating for a number of years previously. Some good first dates, some terrible, but also quite a few fantastic relationships. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum, in regards to online dating. But from a range of experiences (good and bad, dates and relationships) and a range of things learned....not considering online dating from here on. Not at all saying it's "bad" or would necessarily tell anyone to avoid it, but simply that it's not for me.

 

Not referring to any one "type" of dating - online, work colleagues, at the bar, through mutual friends, sports club, or whatever the case may be. And not asking whether anyone should or shouldn't be worried what a first date thinks of them....just trying to get an idea of how people would respond to the sort of thing I've mentioned to begin with.

 

Not whether the other person likes you/thinks you're attractive, as that's obvious in the sort of situations I've described. But different responses...what people have done as a result. That's what I'm asking about.

[WinterGreen]

I'm a hetero male, and very experienced in these scenarios, so I feel I can speak to this.

 

Personally, if I'm not feeling it, I am never rude. No way. That is the last thing I would do. Why would I possibly act defensive and give someone the cold shoulder, knowing that this experience is somehow going to carry with them into their next meeting with another man? Why would I want to create ugliness in this world? There's enough of that already. Instead, I simply sip my drink, engage in conversation the same way I would with a good friend, and I STILL look for ways to appreciate this fellow human being in front of me and learn from them. If they don't know by the end of the date that we're not a match, I tell them explicitly: "Sweetie, you are so kind, but we are not meant for each other, and I am hoping we both find what we are looking for." Leave them better than you find them, as some would say.

 

Now, how to deal with this on the receiving end? I guess I find it very hard to not be authentic with whoever I'm speaking to, and this includes women for sure. So, if I sense she's not interested, I speak directly to it. How depends on the context, but I won't settle for playing some unspoken game of cold shoulders and defensiveness. I'm never disrespectful, but I'm always direct and curious about whatever is happening. I want to know what she is feeling and why. I never try to persuade her to feel differently. I'm just curious about her feelings.

 

I get that the vast majority of people these days can't tolerate honesty. They fear being transparent, and they especially fear feeling guilty for why they are or are not attracted to someone and saying it. I don't believe it's such a bad thing, and that you can still have a special interaction with someone when it's not meant to be. Why relegate someone to a lower rank in humanity just because you don't feel the biological urge to bump uglies with them after the cocktail ends? Never made sense to me.

 

I say, model for the people you date the same behavior you wish to see from them. Be the change you want to see in the world, and all that good stuff, right? It will never hurt. The only thing it requires is your courage.

 

Truly appreciate the reply.

 

This bit here....

 

I won't settle for playing some unspoken game of cold shoulders and defensiveness.

....nowadays, I definitely agree. Before? When I was much younger, I was more likely to sit through it. But now, less inclined to do so. But what you said here.....

 

I'm never disrespectful, but I'm always direct and curious about whatever is happening. I want to know what she is feeling and why.

....so if you boil it down to bare bones, you'll opt to leave in some form or another, but not without some words from you, and/or some attempt to get an explanation from her? Not suggesting for a moment you'd intend to be rude or confrontational in any way, but you want "something said", in some form or another? Or you're willing to just walk out without an explanation, if you thought their conduct was bad enough?

[WinterGreen]

Why do you care what someone thinks about you after one date? you should just class her as rude and that be that. If you have such thin skin for rejection then OD not for you...that goes for males AND females.

 

You can always get up and leave at any time. I had rude dates but i always found them amusing stories to tell my friends afterwards.

 

 

Appreciate the reply, thankyou.

 

What you mentioned here....

 

Why do you care what someone thinks about you after one date?

Valid comment, but not at all saying anyone should or shouldn't care about what a first date thinks of them. What I was trying to get a gauge on was how different people would respond. Not how you should/shouldn't feel, but how you would (have?) respond. e.g. What you said here....

 

You can always get up and leave at any time. I had rude dates

....you ever just got up and walked out without an explanation? Or would always say something before leaving?

[angel.eyes]

As a side note - I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone, but from what I've seen/heard, this sort of trait (seems?) much more prevalent amongst women, more so than men. Exclusively? No. But more common? Definitely. We mere, mortal males? Our "strong suit" in lousy behaviour is more clumsiness and stupidity, more so than true spite.

 

Interesting. How many men have you dated to arrive at this conclusion?

[WinterGreen]

Interesting. How many men have you dated to arrive at this conclusion?

 

Only going by what I've seen and experienced.

[1fish2fish]

I don't know if this is exactly what you're talking about, however, this is a story one of my older, single, hetero male friends told me.

 

He's been doing OLD off and on for years and met up with a woman at a restaurant. She walked into the restaurant and took one look at my friend and burst into tears.

 

Tom, being a caring guy and a good sport, was obviously shocked and concerned, so he pried it out of her what the matter was.

 

Turns out she was recently and bitterly divorced and was determined to "one up" her ex husband by finding someone better before he did.

 

Tom was polite and wished her the best of luck in her search and left $20 on the table before getting up to leave.

 

Is that sort of what you're referring to?

 

I can't help but wonder if some of the toxic first dates you've encountered are because you don't meet whatever pre-conceived expectations your date has manufactured in her fantasies, and that's where some of the anger and rudeness is coming from. Very sad and pathetic.

[WinterGreen]

I don't know if this is exactly what you're talking about, however, this is a story one of my older, single, hetero male friends told me.

 

He's been doing OLD off and on for years and met up with a woman at a restaurant. She walked into the restaurant and took one look at my friend and burst into tears.

 

Tom, being a caring guy and a good sport, was obviously shocked and concerned, so he pried it out of her what the matter was.

 

Turns out she was recently and bitterly divorced and was determined to "one up" her ex husband by finding someone better before he did.

 

Tom was polite and wished her the best of luck in her search and left $20 on the table before getting up to leave.

 

Is that sort of what you're referring to?

 

I can't help but wonder if some of the toxic first dates you've encountered are because you don't meet whatever pre-conceived expectations your date has manufactured in her fantasies, and that's where some of the anger and rudeness is coming from. Very sad and pathetic.

 

 

Appreciate the reply, but no, this is not the sort of scenario I'm referring to. I'm talking more about a situation where you're out on a date with someone, and from the moment you first meet their body language makes it loud and clear that you're just "not the one". But they take it to the extreme, as per my first post in this thread.

[GemmaUK]

Sometimes people are just a bit off in their behaviour and that could be down to all kinds of reasons.

I wouldn't make the assumption it's about me nor take it personally.

I'd probably ask if they are OK, it could just be down to having a bad day and other things on their mind or even just nervousness.

[WinterGreen]

I can't help but wonder if some of the toxic first dates you've encountered are because you don't meet whatever pre-conceived expectations your date has manufactured in her fantasies, and that's where some of the anger and rudeness is coming from.

 

While I can only speculate, what you've mentioned above is one of the conclusions I've drawn.

[Chilli]

Yeah sounds like they had some idea about you but when you met they were disappointed sorry.

Maybe your pics were too good or something .

but when they saw on sight your just not for them, even if your fabio haha.

But yeah , they've been rude as hell by the sounds of it, l'd have left em right there.

 

l was only on OD once for a short stint but use to call it the oh no feeling.

l only met a few girls the rest would've been a waste of time to even bother but the few l did it meet it was the oh no every time.

 

As soon as l saw them l knew they weren't for me.

But yeah , they've been rude as hell to you l never did anything like that even though l knew on sight.

One l even stayed over her place a few days, it was a 3hour drive, on the couch that was and only as a friend. Lovely girl just not romantically for me was all.

Another one l still spent the day with her and we walked all over town talking as she showed me around , she was a 3hour drive to and again lovely girl but romantically is all , just not for me.

We got along well though and had a nice day.

Edited September 9, 2017 by Chilli

[act00]

I have never been on a date that presents that high level of hostility.

 

Never.

 

I am a hetero female...I've met men who are highly judgmental and critical, but they manage politeness and decency on a date...bolt fast, maybe, but not hostility.

 

I have had a few dates where it is clear it's not a match, and everyone is polite, engages in conversation, and puts in the time it takes to make a situation as pleasant as possible until it's reasonable to exit...you put in some time to talk and know this person...your first impression might not be the best, but the whole point is meeting and talking and getting to know this person, and it might turn out that they are great, despite that first impression, or they're really not that great...and you make nice, and exit as quickly as possible.

 

I am gobsmacked that you're meeting with a date and they are evasive, silent, won't make eye contact, and glare at you when they do, as if they're forced into this situation...spiteful hatred...are these arranged marriage-dates or something? I'm really wondering about the toxic body language that "borders abuse." With that high level of anger and hostility, I wouldn't even bother with being polite at this point. Clear the check and go. No need to try to create pleasantries for the duration it takes to swallow that drink you decided to meet over...good thing you didn't plan dinner.

 

I'm so very lost on this behavior you describe. How do you handle it in the moment? My biggest concern would be paying the restaurant, even if it means paying for the bitter and resentful black cloud that donned my presence tonight. Put a stop to the evening. She wants an app or another drink or thinks she'll have a dinner plate? "No thank you, we're done. Please bring the check." What is she going to do at this point? Glare at you more?? Just end it. Seriously, if she's not talking to you and glaring and you, and you think she might scratch your eyeballs out at any given moment, just end it. I think being nice and polite ended with her behavior a long time ago...why prolong it? End it. Hand your server enough to cover your half as you run towards the door.

[WinterGreen]

I have never been on a date that presents that high level of hostility.

 

Never.

 

I am a hetero female...I've met men who are highly judgmental and critical, but they manage politeness and decency on a date...bolt fast, maybe, but not hostility.

 

I have had a few dates where it is clear it's not a match, and everyone is polite, engages in conversation, and puts in the time it takes to make a situation as pleasant as possible until it's reasonable to exit...you put in some time to talk and know this person...your first impression might not be the best, but the whole point is meeting and talking and getting to know this person, and it might turn out that they are great, despite that first impression, or they're really not that great...and you make nice, and exit as quickly as possible.

 

I am gobsmacked that you're meeting with a date and they are evasive, silent, won't make eye contact, and glare at you when they do, as if they're forced into this situation...spiteful hatred...are these arranged marriage-dates or something? I'm really wondering about the toxic body language that "borders abuse." With that high level of anger and hostility, I wouldn't even bother with being polite at this point. Clear the check and go. No need to try to create pleasantries for the duration it takes to swallow that drink you decided to meet over...good thing you didn't plan dinner.

 

I'm so very lost on this behavior you describe. How do you handle it in the moment? My biggest concern would be paying the restaurant, even if it means paying for the bitter and resentful black cloud that donned my presence tonight. Put a stop to the evening. She wants an app or another drink or thinks she'll have a dinner plate? "No thank you, we're done. Please bring the check." What is she going to do at this point? Glare at you more?? Just end it. Seriously, if she's not talking to you and glaring and you, and you think she might scratch your eyeballs out at any given moment, just end it. I think being nice and polite ended with her behavior a long time ago...why prolong it? End it. Hand your server enough to cover your half as you run towards the door.

 

 

Appreciate the reply.

 

To be clear, what I've tried to discuss has been overt hostility, but extremely cold and evasive body language. Occasionally some really toxic stares, yes, but rare. Mostly evasiveness, and not just in avoiding eye contact, and often to the point it gets uncomfortable. What I've mentioned is typically not the norm, but it happens. I've both experienced it and witnessed it. A few other replies in this thread discuss it to some extent, but this one probably best of all:

 

someone else can act passive aggressively, especially if they feel obligated to remain one-on-one.

 

One of the things I can say is that some of what I've experienced, I've not really been about to pick up on at the time. But in hindsight? Whole different matter.

Edited September 9, 2017 by WinterGreen

[coolheadal]

I'm a hetero male. Hoping to get hear personal experiences here. It's something everyone (or almost everyone) has experienced at least once - bad/toxic dates.

 

I'm not referring to situations where the other person is stupid, has not clue, turns up drunk, can't stop staring at your chest (assuming he's male), things along those lines - just plain clumsiness and stupidity. Well understood, but not what I'm referring to here. I'm talking about the sort of situation where you both meet, you've not done or said anything untoward whatsoever (as far as you can tell)....but you're just not "their type", they don't find you attractive, or whatever words you care to use. And then their behaviour....real spite -

 

Almost zero eye contact - that's the main one.

Will barely engage in simple conversation....completely evasive.

When they do look at you, they glare at your like they want to throw a brick at you (yep, can be that bad).

Really unpleasant toxic body language, but stopping just short of outright abuse.

 

The Cold Shoulder on steroids, I guess you could say. This is not something I've had to deal with time and again, but when it has happened? More than unpleasant.

 

You've not done or said anything wrong (at least as far as you can tell), but they are being as unpleasant as possible without spelling it out. Now by all means share what you've seen or experienced (if you care to), but by main query isn't so much their conduct....but how you've responded and dealt with this scenario, while you're in the thick of it? Not what you do afterwards, no. But what you do at the time.

 

Now, I've been on the other side of this equation where many dates I've been on - they're a million miles from "my type". And sure, there isn't going to be a second date, but I always show some sincere respect and decency when I'm sitting across from someone.

 

So when considering all this, any thoughts or experiences? Much appreciated.

 

As a side note - I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone, but from what I've seen/heard, this sort of trait (seems?) much more prevalent amongst women, more so than men. Exclusively? No. But more common? Definitely. We mere, mortal males? Our "strong suit" in lousy behaviour is more clumsiness and stupidity, more so than true spite.

 

That's why I prevent such a date from happening in the first place. Who in the world wants to deal with such a person. How could you even stand it is what gets me. Get up and excuse yourself and leave! Best bet for both party's.. Never go through this as you will never get what you really are seeking. Just a waste of time and space!

[WinterGreen]

That's why I prevent such a date from happening in the first place. Who in the world wants to deal with such a person. How could you even stand it is what gets me. Get up and excuse yourself and leave! Best bet for both party's.. Never go through this as you will never get what you really are seeking. Just a waste of time and space!

 

I totally understand what you're trying to say, but if you've never met the person before, you don't know how things are going to turn out. One thing I will say is that I don't use online dating anymore. Haven't for years. And not at all just because of this sorta thing, but a whole range of reasons.

[act00]

Appreciate the reply.

 

To be clear, what I've tried to discuss has been overt hostility, but extremely cold and evasive body language. Occasionally some really toxic stares, yes, but rare. Mostly evasiveness, and not just in avoiding eye contact, and often to the point it gets uncomfortable. What I've mentioned is typically not the norm, but it happens. I've both experienced it and witnessed it. A few other replies in this thread discuss it to some extent, but this one probably best of all:

 

 

 

One of the things I can say is that some of what I've experienced, I've not really been about to pick up on at the time. But in hindsight? Whole different matter.

 

I don't know what you're trying to discuss then. You describe overt hostility. You are now stating "hindsight." Has this behavior become magnified in your mind, or is this a common encounter eveyr time you go on a date? Here's what you said:

 

Almost zero eye contact - that's the main one.

Will barely engage in simple conversation....completely evasive.

When they do look at you, they glare at your like they want to throw a brick at you (yep, can be that bad).

Really unpleasant toxic body language, but stopping just short of outright abuse.

 

You now state this is "hindsight."

 

I honestly can't figure out what "toxic body language" is that is "just short of abuse." What is that? Did your date lunge at you as if about to punch you in the face and then pulled back? Then that question of thought makes me wonder what in the hell you're doing or saying to provoke such behavior? Are you that much of an unpleasant person that upon first meeting, it provokes someone to almost lash out?

 

Dates are usually voluntary. There may be religious or cultural rules where a person feels they have no choice, the date is arranged, and their behavior will reflect that, but for a normal situation where the entire evening is voluntary, if the women you date behave so badly, simply don't continue the date...and if this is a repeated issue, you should be questioning what you're doing to cause this bad behavior and/or attract these types of unpleasant women.

[OatsAndHall]

I've never had a woman be hostile during a date but there have been a few who have been confrontational and abrasive during what should have been light-hearted conversation. I'm a teacher and went out with a women who is also in education and we went from laughing about various parent/student situations to her bluntly stating "you're one of those teachers who doesn't think art or music has any benefit in school aren't you?" I have NO idea where that came from; we were having a good time one moment and then I was backpedaling the next.

 

I don't know if it was their personality or if they were nervous and that manifested itself in an odd way but I cut the dates short quickly. First dates are almost always coffee so that I can bail if I need to. There's nothing worse than being out on a bad dinner date...

[TheBathWater]

Truly appreciate the reply.

....so if you boil it down to bare bones, you'll opt to leave in some form or another, but not without some words from you, and/or some attempt to get an explanation from her? Not suggesting for a moment you'd intend to be rude or confrontational in any way, but you want "something said", in some form or another? Or you're willing to just walk out without an explanation, if you thought their conduct was bad enough?

 

This is a good question.

 

I'll usually only leave early as a last resort, like if she's being really immature and rude. Fortunately, I've only had to do this twice in my near 20 years of dating experience.

 

But if she's giving me the cold shoulder, and it's not because I'm being a total jerk who deserves it, I'll still attempt a real conversation with her, because why not?

 

"Hmm, maybe it's just me, but it seems like you're not really feeling this. How are you doing over there?" or something along those lines.

 

I'll listen to what she says and just be very relaxed about the whole thing, as if a buddy of mine is telling me about his favorite mayonnaise to put on a salami sandwich.

 

If she is mature, and she usually is, then I'm willing to finish my drink and have a good conversation with her. I might use it as an opportunity to learn what her online dating experience has been like, what kind of messages she gets from guys she actually goes out with, etc... basically I survey the land, so to speak.

 

Surprisingly, there have been a few times where I've turned things around with a woman who was initially "not interested" by naming to her what I sensed was in the air between us. In these rare cases, she might have been getting over a bad breakup, or she misunderstood something about me, etc... but once we started talking honestly and openly, she felt connected to me and admired my ability to be a leader in talking about what was happening between us. When it has turned things around, it was powerful, I think because of the surprise she felt by her shift in emotions. My longest girlfriend of 5 years and I started out like this.

 

It's really just a matter of practicing intimate communication, which you would aspire to do anyway if things were going well and you were both into each other. I believe it's still possible to be warm with people when there is not a mutual interest. There's no need to be defensive with each other and act all put-off. But if she truly is being rude and cold, and I'm assuming you didn't do anything to deserve it, then simply bow out gracefully. "It was lovely meeting you, but I'm going to clear up the tab now and call it a night."

[TheBathWater]

I've never had a woman be hostile during a date but there have been a few who have been confrontational and abrasive during what should have been light-hearted conversation. I'm a teacher and went out with a women who is also in education and we went from laughing about various parent/student situations to her bluntly stating "you're one of those teachers who doesn't think art or music has any benefit in school aren't you?" I have NO idea where that came from; we were having a good time one moment and then I was backpedaling the next.

 

I don't know if it was their personality or if they were nervous and that manifested itself in an odd way but I cut the dates short quickly. First dates are almost always coffee so that I can bail if I need to. There's nothing worse than being out on a bad dinner date...

 

I think in these circumstances they must either already not be interested and are subconsciously looking for a way to sabotage the date so they don't have to reject the guy, or they are being triggered by something/someone in their past you know nothing about and are reacting to that.

[Chilli]

Yeah exactly , her baggage and bs personality bullship.

Can't stand women that act like that.

Hope ya sent her packing HnO