Beautiful-Love Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 (edited) Hello LoveShack, This is my first post here. I am seeing this guy. We've been talking for a little while. The first time we hung out, I feel like I couldn't pry my eyes away from his and it seemed like it was the same for him to. To me, I felt like I was just drawn to him like a magnet. I never felt this way with anyone before. We hung out at the beach and had our first kiss. We've known each other for two years as good friends and in June this year he said he loved me after our first kiss. Again, we've known each other for a long while and talked about our feelings for each other beforehands so it wasn't like he's a stranger. We made out, held hands, hung out whenever we could. He lives 1:30 hours away and since we don't have our own place currently we've been hanging outside most of the time. So I feel like initially there was all this attraction and chemistry. Not saying there isn't right now. We had a little bit of a hiccup in between and we made up, but I feel like something is a little bit different after. He's occasionally not as affectionate...For example, we went to the beach to watch the solar eclipse together and the WHOLE TIME he didn't even touch me while we sat/laid there for at least a good 2-3 hours. I thought that was so weird when not even long before we were all over each other. One night he asked if I wanted to come over because his family was going to vegas for the Mayweather fight. There, we caught up on GoT and some movies. We came to sit next to me and we cuddled for a bit, a little kissing. After the movie we passed out. We haven't had sex or anything like that although he made a comment about going down on me once, and we've had moments where things could gone further but I wasn't ready for it. The most we've gone was 3rd base when I was super drunk one night I can't even remember what happened. The next day I was still at his place and he got this gaming tournament (it was Saturday), so I basically just watched a show by myself the whole day. He didn't really talk much, focusing on winning so I understood that. Afterwards, we took a nap. He went back to not cuddling, or kissing, no touching even though we were basically on the same bed. There's this hot and cold thing when it comes to kissing and hugging. Now I feel like I'm the one who mostly initiates. I'm a pretty affectionate person and I'm not sure if he's just not as affectionate when it comes to physical contact? Or maybe because we haven't gone all the way with intimacy that he's holding back--like with cuddling when we sleep? I don't mean to say that I want us to do that for the whole duration of sleep..but at least maybe if he were to just come in to hug me for a bit and give me a kiss. Trying to understand the situation. If this is typical of guys then it's probably nothing. Edited September 8, 2017 by Beautiful-Love
Miss Spider Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 Some people are just not as physically affectionate as others.
Author Beautiful-Love Posted September 8, 2017 Author Posted September 8, 2017 I feel a little bit insecure because these changes happened after we had the hiccup.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 What was that hiccup about? You know he sounds like a boring guy to me. Some people are just really boring in relationships. It also sounds like you don't have much in common so when you're not in bed you have nothing to say to each other. Young men his age don't make the difference between their heart and their D*ck. He may have thought he was in love but all this time it's all about you're turning him on and nothing else. I think you should drop him and find a cool guy that will make you laugh and give you a good time. 2
act00 Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 Affection is a really big deal to me and I would take big issue with the sudden drop all the way around...I would have issue if it didn't really exist in the first place, but the sudden change in behavior would definitely alarm me a great deal. I think Gaeta has a good point that as a man, he doesn't always differentiate between his heart and his d*ck, and there are sooo many times men only show affection when they're feeling horny. This is a long-time argument between men and women, husbands and wives...this is not new at all. They're just wired differently, and hopefully couples reach some middle ground and acceptance of each other's ways. Then there's the question of what this "hiccup" was. He has clearly withdrawn some of his affection. He may see this argument you had as a tsunami, not a minor blip or hiccup. He may be holding back until he gets himself back on solid footing in this relationship...he may be rethinking his involvement with you. We don't know. I don't think I would call him boring, but I do agree that you need to figure out what the issue is and consider the future. Personally, I don't know how well I would do with someone who is completely devoid of affection outside of making out and sex or wanting sex.
Els Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 May I ask how old both of you are? I don't think this behaviour is "typical of guys" - I've never experienced it with my SO, barring very obvious circumstances like if he was distraught due to failing an interview or something. I did have it happen with an ex, but in that case he really was an extremely physically unaffectionate person and it just got worse and worse until we broke up. That being said, I think you mentioned that you haven't really given him consent to proceed any further with you, not even for oral sex (except when you were "too drunk to remember" - which IMO sets a really bad precedent, but anyway). Without this consent, it's possible that he's holding back from the physical affection because he doesn't want to get himself all wound up with no outlet. Many men get very turned on when they're cuddling in bed with a woman and have their hands all over her, and if he knows he has to wait until he gets home to finish, it can get very uncomfortable for him. I'm not saying you need to have sex with him when you're not ready to (of course, you don't have to), but I'm saying that it could be understandable that someone would behave that way if he can't finish the erection with you.
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