First Heartache

[Nur]

It's been an amazing summer -- one of the best I can remember. A wonderful thing happened to me... about eight weeks ago one of my dearest friends, who I was always very fond of, confessed to me that he'd liked me since we met, three years ago, but he'd never known how to say so before then. I was surprised and pleased -- I had always thought him very cute, and a part of me returned the feelings, but I hadn't strongly suspected that he felt that way about me (I can be remarkably obtuse and oblivious -- apparently everyone else had known forever). I became his girlfriend, and he became my first boyfriend.

 

It was wonderful, those weeks with him. I saw him almost every day, and we went on walks by the lake, and went to eat ice cream, and watch movies, and my tentative crush bloomed into a deep attachment. I loved every moment with him, and his little jokes, and cuddling up to watch a movie downstairs... all of it was great. He gave me my first kiss -- and even said that now I am very good at kissing. There were no blemishes on that time -- we had no fights or anything even close.

 

But now it's over.

 

Summer's done. I'm going on to be a freshman in college, while he'll be a high-school senior. I'll be home some weekends, and we'll still see each other once in a while, but we both know that long distance relationships don't work, and that I will meet other guys and he'll see other girls. So we came to a mutual agreement that when he re-started high school we'd go back to being friends. He starts Monday, and last night was the last time we'll really see each other for quite a while (he said he'd wait a few weeks before calling, so that we can get used to being apart).

 

It was so great, our time... and I know he felt just as strongly for me as I did him, if not more so. The situation is strange and ironic... most couples break up because of drifting apart, or have a huge fight... we just ran out of time, but were as strong as ever.

 

We ended on a good note. Not too many tears, and I wrote him a heartfelt poem so that he'll always remember our time together, because I know I will. It's just that I've never had a relationship like that before, and its ending really hurts. I'm about to start a huge new point in my life with college and moving out, but I miss him already. We'll see each other again, and I hope that we'll still be great friends, but I know that we'll both be wishing to be giving each other great big hugs and kisses, and we'll be remembering all of the fun we've had, and I just hope that it doesn't ruin our friendship -- having all of those memories.

 

I'm glad to be going on to college, and am looking forward to all of the people I'll meet and all of the experiences I'll have, but I feel wistful as well. He was a truly great person, and a caring and gentle boyfriend, and I wish him well and hope that he makes some girl just as happy someday. He's given me confidence in myself (there must be something good about me, to make him so head-over-heels like that), and next time I meet a guy that I really like I won't be afraid or unsure about how to kiss him.

 

But it's painful that it's over, like a dream. It's hard to imagine that I'll find someone like him again. It was a beautiful time I had with him, and I have no regrets for going out with him, but I hate the heartache.

[whichwayisup]

Keep that positive atttitude. Keep intouch, be friends. There is no reason why you shouldn't be friends as there were no hard feelings when it ended!

 

Smile and remember with fond memories! Who knows what could happen in the future too...Never say never!