TOXIC: break-up with delusional ex-gf

[Been]

I think when you date someone long enough you know when they are telling you the truth or not. If their story keeps changing or expanding of means they are lying to cover something up.

The break up by e mail wasn't wrong. If someone acts devious and they are lying then they simply don't deserve to have a face to face break up.

I've seen too many break ups-myself included- end up overly dramatic where both sides ended up doing stupid things.

The reason why she acted cold to her is because you didn't play the game-asking her the whys or begging her to talk- you didn't engage her and it pissed her off.

The suit case thing was just her mad that she couldn't make you do anything and in her eyes you got the last blow in. Childish but a lot of people are so concerned about having the last word or action.

Her friends I would bet she put them up to it. Don't mistake her trying to get back with you- I think she's trying to set you up in some way where in her mind she gets the last word/action.

I think really you figured out she was lying so you took action instead of waiting and this suprised her.

[Marc878]

You're spending way to much time and energy on a lying cheater.

 

Why?

[TwinFlameGone]

Another text from ex-GF's best friend today. Didn't bother to read it. I'm exhausted.

 

NC isn't becoming easy. I find NC useful in not screwing things up and shielding emotion. It's perfect for projecting mystery and the unknown.

 

The reality of it is that I'm not going to ghost myself or never respond. I'm giving it a few more days while attending to some work and personal reading. Once I'm in a more relaxed state I'll respond to my ex-GF.

[TwinFlameGone]

Been good at NC for past week since ex-gf moved out. I received a phone call from one of her friends and a text from another. Both communications weren't related to my ex or anything. I find it odd that they're reaching out to me after all the drama.

 

My ex-GF texted me a few days ago. It was her saying hello and then hinting if I visited somewhere, which through social media I'm sure she found out that I was with an old female friend from several years ago (my old fiancee). It's a platonic relationship, but it was telling that she stalked her profile to find out we met up recently.

 

What do I do now? I didn't respond to my ex-GF's text message. I'm also ignoring her friends now.

[stillafool]

Block them all from contacting you. You are doing well.

[ExpatInItaly]

Based on your previous threads, you need to block these people.

[d0nnivain]

What you do now is continue to ignore all of them. NC is about your behavior -- not acknowledging them; It has nothing to do with how they act.

[CaliBabe]

BOSS MOVES! I love it. You are really establishing your power and sticking to NC. Very attractive how you are not being needy or falling for the bait. Good for you.

[TwinFlameGone]

BOSS MOVES! I love it. You are really establishing your power and sticking to NC. Very attractive how you are not being needy or falling for the bait. Good for you.

 

Slipped up today. Friend of ex-Gf cursed me out via text for not responding to a career-oriented question. I replied and made it short. Still NC with ex-GF.

[CaliBabe]

Slipped up today. Friend of ex-Gf cursed me out via text for not responding to a career-oriented question. I replied and made it short. Still NC with ex-GF.

 

 

Cursed you out? Like you owe her something? Ew. Keep NC with the ex. You're doing fantastic.

[ExpatInItaly]

Slipped up today. Friend of ex-Gf cursed me out via text for not responding to a career-oriented question. I replied and made it short. Still NC with ex-GF.

 

And did you block her?

 

This whole situation is very immature.

[TwinFlameGone]

Don't think I'll block them. I've been in worse breakups and I can heal over this one in a month or two.

 

Ex-GF text again today "How are you?" not sure if I should ignore her forever or respond... I do miss her. NC is harder than it looks.

[Jchav123]

Don't think I'll block them. I've been in worse breakups and I can heal over this one in a month or two.

 

Ex-GF text again today "How are you?" not sure if I should ignore her forever or respond... I do miss her. NC is harder than it looks.

 

I'm only a week in total NC and I dread that text coming through. Stay strong! You have this!

[Redhead14]

Ended a 3 year relationship with live-in GF. I'm not heartbroken and NC shouldn't be a problem here. My issue is in trying to understand what happened:

 

We had a great last few months together and were discussing marriage. She announces she's going on a trip to a resort area. I feel uneasy about how abrupt the news of this trip came. I'm suspicious of who she's with. I break-up with her via email and ask that if we were to continue we'd have to be transparent with each other.

 

She makes no attempts to explain anything. In fact, when confronting her about it things escalate immediately to the discussing of her moving out. While she's away our text messages are heated and she ask that I stop texting and calling her for no reason.

 

Finally, she returns back to our place. It's complete silence. It's almost as if she's turned the whole thing around and she's breaking up with me. As she's packing her things I do everything in my power to let her be. After she finishes packing she lives to stay at a girlfriends place with the promise she'll be back to pick her things up.

 

During the time that I'm waiting for her to pick up her belongings we rift a bit. She ask that I load her stuff up and bring them to her. I explain to her that none of this is my fault - if you want your things come and get them and I give a deadline.

 

TRY'S MAKE ME JEALOUS HERE:

She cancels a few times to pick her things up. In one case she went as far as telling me she couldn't make it because she has a date. She goes on to tell me about this trip weekend get-a-way she's taking. I stick to focusing on the move-out. Finally she shows up to move her things. I was a gentleman and even helped her pack. While moving things she started to get bossy with me and sort of demeaning in the placement of boxes and loading her stuff up. I'M DOING HER THE FAVOR (shocked and disrespected by her).

 

PLEASE help me understand how she cold act so coldly. After confronting her on email. Her only retort was how I was so "insecure" and unable to act my age. She argued that after I broke up with her she has nothing to explain. When were finally face-to-face she acted as if we didn't live together for 3 years and were "in love" with future plans. Her attitude was so cold, and distant. I can't wrap my head around it. HELP!!!

 

Anger and coldness is often a default coping mechanism for either a dumper or a dumpee. It kinda solidifies it all for them and gives them a sense of resolve even if they may still love the person.

[elaine567]

PLEASE help me understand how she cold act so coldly. After confronting her on email. Her only retort was how I was so "insecure" and unable to act my age. She argued that after I broke up with her she has nothing to explain. When were finally face-to-face she acted as if we didn't live together for 3 years and were "in love" with future plans. Her attitude was so cold, and distant. I can't wrap my head around it. HELP!!!

 

A clue perhaps...

 

I recall one instance when my ex-GF (the one I'm posting about. lol) broke into my phone. She found text to other girls, found pictures, etc. The truth of the matter was that I honestly never cheated so everything she found didn't bother me. She questioned about text convos and even attempts to meet up - never anything that mentioned dating or intimacy...

of course, she had a problem with the number of girls texting me. I told her that we're both very good-looking so people are going to always flirt with us. I explained that I was committed to her only.

[TwinFlameGone]

I'm only a week in total NC and I dread that text coming through. Stay strong! You have this!

 

 

I'm grateful in some ways in the text she's sent during NC. It shows some sense of "caring". I'm not taking it to mean she wants to get back together. It let's me know I was right in my harsh actions in moving towards ending things. She reached out because she knows she was wrong and I sense some regret.

 

I BROKE NC (day 7) to respond to her texts - I don't feel guilt or a setback. It was kind to acknowledge the messages she sent. My response was brief to the point and close-ended - "I'm well. Thanks! Take Care". She responded back quickly and with a smiley emoji. lol.

 

The truth of the matter and my emotions aside is that something had to END. It was the only way she'd either come back to me and really give her all into our relationship. Alternatively, if she doesn't come back I know what behavior to not accept for an LTR. The struggle will be finding someone 10 x's better than my ex-GF. I've done it before. I'm up for the challenge.

[Jchav123]

The struggle will be finding someone 10 x's better than my ex-GF. I've done it before. I'm up for the challenge.

 

That's the challenge I am focusing on right now too. Because our relationship was a BPD situation, the high highs of all the memories we made are going to be hard to top. I know someone out there can match them, but nothing will be as sweet at the first time.

 

Though focusing on what could be different and great vs something that is just as good and the same is a good strategy for people in our situation!

[TwinFlameGone]

That's the challenge I am focusing on right now too. Because our relationship was a BPD situation, the high highs of all the memories we made are going to be hard to top. I know someone out there can match them, but nothing will be as sweet at the first time.

 

Though focusing on what could be different and great vs something that is just as good and the same is a good strategy for people in our situation!

 

I believe my ex-GF has BDP also. She's got all the traits, and even admitted she may have it after doing her own research. She has abandonment issues and maybe I do too - which is why I stayed so long. I stayed in spite of her being irrational, breaking my personal belongings... We'd split up before and we went through her crying, breaking stuff and always coming back. When we split this time and there was no violent outburst, no explaining her behavior... I knew she was done this time.

 

I went on a date last night. She was a nice girl, not in the league of my ex-GF but it was helpful seeing someone throw themselves at me. I made no advances with her, but it was good for my ego.

 

I've been working on improving my self-image to get over this. I'm a good catch. It's just a matter of finding something or someone to replace the loss now.

[Jchav123]

When we split this time and there was no violent outburst, no explaining her behavior... I knew she was done this time.

 

That's what happened to me. She found someone "most perfect guy ever" within a week of not talking to me. That was about 2 months ago now. Since then we have hung out and she even slept with me but its been 2 weeks solid NC so I feel like we're done at this point. No drama just kinda fizzled out.

 

I went on a date last night. She was a nice girl, not in the league of my ex-GF but it was helpful seeing someone throw themselves at me. I made no advances with her, but it was good for my ego.

 

Actually so did I believe it or not, well this last Friday. Random person I met on a dating site. She's an amazing catch and a super classy, super successful lady but I feel like she couldn't fulfill the "best friend" role I am also looking for in an SO. But it made me feel good that she did have a great time with me and I realized I am good enough to handle such a high standard of a lady.

 

I've been working on improving my self-image to get over this. I'm a good catch. It's just a matter of finding something or someone to replace the loss now.

 

I've been telling myself the same thing for a month now. It isn't getting any easier. Moving forward no matter what is the key for us right now.

[TwinFlameGone]

Today's been tougher than normal. I've tried to bury myself in work to keep my mind off things. I hit a stressful period today when replaying instances in my mind. I was back-tracking on previous conversations and trying to find clues in my ex-GF's behavior to indicate how things turned up. It's mental torture...

 

Thankfully, I haven't given in and started checking her social media. That would be the absolute worse and I'm sure it would cause me to contact her. The more I think about it - that would probably be her intent for me to see something, get angry and then reach out.

 

I'm still in NC - not HARDCORE. I didn't block her and her friends. She text me recently because of a natural disaster that happened in L.A. It was a link to an article on the earthquake and her asking if I'm okay. I responded "Everything's good on my end. Thank you". She responded with a smiley emoji and that was it.... I was doing all this thinking about what it meant. IT MEANT NOTHING. It's caring, but nothing that I'd build hope up on.

 

One surprising benefit I'm seeing to be single now is I have more disposable income. I'm working on building my savings up and investing more. I'm trying my best to turn lemons into lemonade. I'm getting my confidence back and I think over time she'll see the mistake she made and try to right things... until then, I'm living my life and not feeling the need to try to reach out to anyone or try to update my social media to show I'm moving on. I've been alone a lot, sleeping late and other things that aren't productive...

 

At this point, my battle is aginst TIME and trying to not pick up any vices to numb the pain from the loss. STAY STRONG GUYS. We all can get through this.

[Jchav123]

Today's been tougher than normal. I've tried to bury myself in work to keep my mind off things. I hit a stressful period today when replaying instances in my mind. I was back-tracking on previous conversations and trying to find clues in my ex-GF's behavior to indicate how things turned up. It's mental torture...

 

Thankfully, I haven't given in and started checking her social media. That would be the absolute worse and I'm sure it would cause me to contact her. The more I think about it - that would probably be her intent for me to see something, get angry and then reach out.

 

I'm still in NC - not HARDCORE. I didn't block her and her friends. She text me recently because of a natural disaster that happened in L.A. It was a link to an article on the earthquake and her asking if I'm okay. I responded "Everything's good on my end. Thank you". She responded with a smiley emoji and that was it.... I was doing all this thinking about what it meant. IT MEANT NOTHING. It's caring, but nothing that I'd build hope up on.

 

One surprising benefit I'm seeing to be single now is I have more disposable income. I'm working on building my savings up and investing more. I'm trying my best to turn lemons into lemonade. I'm getting my confidence back and I think over time she'll see the mistake she made and try to right things... until then, I'm living my life and not feeling the need to try to reach out to anyone or try to update my social media to show I'm moving on. I've been alone a lot, sleeping late and other things that aren't productive...

 

At this point, my battle is aginst TIME and trying to not pick up any vices to numb the pain from the loss. STAY STRONG GUYS. We all can get through this.

 

You're in the right mindset posting your progress. The last few days for me have been tough and nothing new has happened. Still in NC but I keep seeing remnants of her all over, even in my browser. Hard to escape at this point but I soldier on. We're in this together!

[TwinFlameGone]

You're in the right mindset posting your progress. The last few days for me have been tough and nothing new has happened. Still in NC but I keep seeing remnants of her all over, even in my browser. Hard to escape at this point but I soldier on. We're in this together!

 

What made me feel terrible was questioning exactly when this relationship was over. At the beginning of the year she expressed she wanted to move in with one of her close GF's. I said go ahead... and we quickly started back dating and her come over most of the week and weekends. We basically started back living together...

 

everything was going well until we were apart for a few weeks due to my work travel and her taking a vacation. I questioned her about a few things and I felt she was being vague. I ended things and her response was insulting me about how "insecure" I was. We spiraled out of control towards ending things after that. No answers from her or anything!!!! It was odd, but I went through with breaking up with a straight face (though deep down it was tearing me apart).

 

I focused on being mature as possible and even wrote a letter saying that the distance and her first inclination to move out was her instinct and that I support her decision in her indirect actions in closing things out. It went unacknowledged because we were fighting over text being mean-spirited. I collected myself face-to-face and things ended as smooth as they could. I assume so because she texted me a few breadcrumbs after her moving out.

 

We haven't spoken since then and I'm starting to see that our interaction was the formidable "closure". Looking back, I don't think we'll communicate anymore; if it all it would be minimal. It appears that she's moved on in retrospect of all the things that happened. All the things that I had a suspicion about but had no real proof of anything. I sort of got my fillers on all the unanswered questions. I'd like to lean to her being faithful, but who REALLY knows?

 

I've faced the fact that it's over. NC at this point is only because there really isn't anything else to say. Texting to say hello or get back into specifics of the breakup would be pretty childish. The best thing I can do is remove myself for her to really see the benefits I brought to the relationship removed from her totally.. I miss her, but I'm seeing the benefit of the separation - mentally I'm no longer in limbo about the reason for lapses in communication or questioning "where are we".

[Jchav123]

I've faced the fact that it's over. NC at this point is only because there really isn't anything else to say. Texting to say hello or get back into specifics of the breakup would be pretty childish. The best thing I can do is remove myself for her to really see the benefits I brought to the relationship removed from her totally.. I miss her, but I'm seeing the benefit of the separation - mentally I'm no longer in limbo about the reason for lapses in communication or questioning "where are we".

 

This pretty much sums up where I am with my ex as well. I put the ball in her court to reach out if she wanted to talk 2 weeks ago and have heard nothing since. I don't expect to and I expect it to be hard to move on for a while. It's especially hard today because 2 years ago today was our "first time". I remember many things in our relationship very acutely and she really didn't. That for me will make it even harder.

 

But you are right about limbo. The light is at the end of the tunnel just have to keep moving toward it.

[TwinFlameGone]

been holding up well and even started entertaining a few girls at my apartment. haven't felt comfortable enough to be physical with someone new yet. i taking things slow.

 

as I'm starting to move on I get a text from the ex-GF that's NOT about the final stuff we need to exchange. its more along the lines of a late night text asking what I'm doing ??? not sure what's going on here, but I ignored it. we settled on a future date to exchange our last couple of items since the breakup.

 

its been over 3 weeks since we last saw each other.. her last text brought me back to being hopeful or wondering what she was thinking. i'm definitely not going to bring up any past issues.. i'll keep it cordial how I have been.

[primer]

I did not read through all of the posts.

 

 

In answer to the OP:

 

 

She is acting coldly towards you because you broke up with her. It must be easy for you to do that. Who is cold?