Am I a good friend/ relative for not offering my home?

[Butterflying]

I'm an unmarried woman who lives alone in a two bedroom condo with just over 900 square feet of space. The second bedroom is my office. I have a full sized inflatable bed that can be arranged in the living room in case I have an overnight guest. It's not ideal for long-term. My living room furniture is not comfortable enough for anyone to sleep on the couch. I bought it for style, not comfort. It's practical.

 

Recently I denied room & board to one of my best friends because she was accompanied by a new boyfriend (whom I had never met) and her two year old son. They were in town for the weekend. I had them over for dinner one evening & took them out for food & fun the next evening. But they stayed in a hotel after I refused their request to stay with me. They were willing to sleep on the floor or anywhere.

 

Now my cousin wants to stay with me to escape Hurricane Irma. She lives nearby except they live in a house. My condo is a high rise. I'm on one of the upper levels. Flooding is the main issue in our area. She thinks we'll be safer on the upper level. She has a boyfriend (a man I've never met) and two young children. She wants to bring them all with her.

 

Again I denied this request because I don't have enough space. But given the emergency, if it came down to it, I don't want my cousin to be harmed. The biggest issue I have is her boyfriend. And I realize it was the same issue with my friend. I don't want these strange men in my home overnight.

 

Maybe it would be different if my boyfriend lived with me, or if I were married. Maybe if I had a bigger house where I could give them & myself complete privacy. I don't know. Am I mean for not allowing these people to stay with me? Am I a bad person?

[basil67]

I can understand having holidays makers stay elsewhere, but I don't think the Irma thing reflects well on you. Disasters are times when good people pull together.

 

Why are you concerned about the male partners? Do either of the women have a track record of making bad choices with men?

[Butterflying]

I can understand having holidays makers stay elsewhere, but I don't think the Irma thing reflects well on you. Disasters are times when good people pull together.

 

Why are you concerned about the male partners? Do either of the women have a track record of making bad choices with men?

 

Yes. Both women make bad choices with men. Their boyfriends are usually criminals. I told the if it was just them & their children I would agree. But I feel uncomfortable having another man staying in my house when my own boyfriend doesn't live with me. Their boyfriends are the type of men who don't have jobs. They live & depend on their girlfriends. I don't judge them. But I would never choose that type of guy for myself. Having them stay at my house means now I'm supporting them & their boyfriends. I also feel put out of my own home because men can be intimidating. They could all take over, since I'm alone. It would be like me living with THEM! Who knows how long this Irma thing will last. It could be months.

[nospam99]

Yes. Both women make bad choices with men. Their boyfriends are usually criminals.

 

Given the circumstances I don't think you are a bad person. Human scum is human scum and I know it when I see it. FWIW you'd be in a stronger position if you had previously discussed your concerns about their man-selections with your friend and cousin. But that is generally unlikely because people tend not to interfere with other people's lives. I suggest you check with your local police to be sure you can call them and get the boyfriends thrown a) the heck out of your home and b) into the slammer if there is ANY trouble. Also be sure that you are not worried about theft or property damage from the actions of your friend/cousin or the children in question. Then and only then you may at your discretion offer a place to sleep to your friend or cousin and the children.

[amaysngrace]

I'd probably extend the invitation to her and her kids but tell her the BF needs to go stay and be with his own family.

[d0nnivain]

If you are in an evacuation zone the hi-rise won't protect you. You need to be evacuating too. In a high rise the winds are stronger on the higher floors; something may come flying through your windows. Once the flooding starts you will be trapped on a high floor with no electricity, no way out & no way for rescue personnel to get to you. Please be safe.

 

As for who you let into your house, that is on you. If you have reservations about the guy, in the face of this unprecedented storm, it would seem more charitable to allow in family especially children who need shelter. If you can't abide the unknown guy, you are the master of your own domain & get to set the rules about who comes over.

 

But think about this -- if you turn your family down & something happens to them in the storm, are you going to be able to live with yourself?

[amaysngrace]

That's s very good point about being trapped in a high rise. If you're told to evacuate I would definitely do that.

 

Close up your shutters and go.

[preraph]

You all need to evacuate. You may lose power and supplies will be days getting there even if your area doesn't get it too bad. These winds are worse than Harvey and Harvey destroyed the coast and much of Houston. 70 people and counting are dead.

 

I don't blame you for not wanting anyone except the friend herself and maybe her kid to stay with you, since the man should have some family somewhere of his own. Plus I wouldn't let a criminal in the house. He might go around and loot your neighbors or something. So if you let anyone stay, invite only the ones you know and trust and tell them that and let them make up their own minds.

[alphamale]

Am I mean for not allowing these people to stay with me? Am I a bad person?

no you are not mean or a bad person. I would never let someone I've never met stay at my crib.

[Springsummer]

Yes. Both women make bad choices with men. Their boyfriends are usually criminals. .

 

Seriously? of course you need to protect yourself.