Online Dating is a Waste of Time!

[alphamale]

OLD is just another way to separate people from their money

[TheBathWater]

Yeah. That's probably the best way.

 

I try to do that in my day to day life, sometimes though I come across someone I really want to approach, but she seems like she's in a great hurry, or when I actually do, I get, "I have a boyfriend", or "Thanks, but I'm actually seeing someone", or "Oh thanks. But, I really have to go".

 

One time I got, "Oh, that's so sweet of you, but you will find someone. Don't worry."

 

I walked away muttering "WTF was that?" under my breath.

 

And I wasn't doing anything like being flirtatious or "hitting" on them. I was just trying to start a casual conversation about something as random as picking the right vegetables for a new recipe I got.

 

Yeah, it can be discouraging to encounter this stuff. At least you recognize it's more about them than you though. Some guys let this stuff destroy their confidence and make it about themselves.

 

Culturally speaking, I sometimes wonder if we'll get to a point where more people make an effort to be social with each other, be more friendly, ya know...talk to each other more. There's a lot of rumbling about this stuff in online forums and on blogs, but not a lot of people practicing it in real life. I hope things change one day. People are losing the knowledge and skills about how to be social, let alone have relationships.

 

Here's a relevant and funny story for you...

 

There was a woman I got to know over a couple of weeks through a social dancing organization. We would dance salsa and bachata a lot together and seemed to have good rapport off the dance floor. One night recently, I suggested we meet up outside the club and learn more about each other. She seemed enthusiastic about it, told me only after 8pm would work for her, put her number in my phone and called herself so she'd have my number... all good signs, right? Well, when I texted her to see if she could get together, she simply responded with "I already have plans." and never came back to the social dance club. Incredible, no?

[Redhead14]

I have been on an online dating website for a few months and my experience has been a disappointment.

 

Even the women who initiate contact first and show interest, either flake out or turn out to have strange, abnormal behavior like temper issues, narcissism, boredom, anti-social behaviors, etc.

 

Then there are those that I contact, but get no responses from. Out of 100 messages I send out, I might get 3 or 4 responses, and out of those, I get 0 dates.

 

I get the impression that women think they know what they are looking for, but in fact, they have no idea. And despite the fact that they present themselves as the best thing since sliced bread, they are boring and can't seem to carry a decent conversation.

 

Online doesn't give access to a "better pool" of dating candidates. It just brings you more possible candidates all at once, let's say. You would face the same kinds of women/scenarios if you, say, found a way to meet a 100 women in person at a time. It's the same if you meet them in person while out and about, etc.

 

I do think there is the "cyrano" factor going on behind those keyboards sometimes. Lots of people are better at writing things out than they can verbally express. I often thought after I met a few guys from OLD that someone was coaching them on what to write when communicating via chat or email, etc. because they were dumber than a box of rocks in person.

[jay1983]

It's not worth it. You'll spend a lot of time going back and forth trying to exchange numbers, then set up a meet, only to have them stop responding, flake out just before meeting time, or never agree to meet, but continue wanting to text.

 

The big difference between the two genders is that men use it to actually meet in person and women just chat and play around while reaping validation.

Edited September 8, 2017 by jay1983

[The Urbanyst]

OLD is just another way to separate people from their money

 

Not just OLD, but all dating lol.

[Mike B.]

I think it is always about adapting to the new environment and not letting it frustrate you. These dynamics won't change because we would like them to do so. We wil see the dynamics of dating dramatically change in our lifetime again. It is usually attached to new technology that changes things just like I am sure the telephone did many years ago.

 

If you don't learn how to navigate the chattiness and the friendzone construction sites, you will hardly learn how to navigate the really intimate relationships. Use both to your advantage.

[Logo]

Here's a relevant and funny story for you...

 

There was a woman I got to know over a couple of weeks through a social dancing organization. We would dance salsa and bachata a lot together and seemed to have good rapport off the dance floor. One night recently, I suggested we meet up outside the club and learn more about each other. She seemed enthusiastic about it, told me only after 8pm would work for her, put her number in my phone and called herself so she'd have my number... all good signs, right? Well, when I texted her to see if she could get together, she simply responded with "I already have plans." and never came back to the social dance club. Incredible, no?

 

It doesn't surprise me. Bizarre comes close to describing it. The lengths to which most women go to play games these days and the effort they put into it all is quite astounding.

 

Do you know if she was married or had kids? Perhaps something didn't work out with the babysitter or the husband, or work. Why ONLY after 8? Did the husband work the night shift? lol

[pest947]

This sadly seems to be absolutely true. I'm not one to play games but there are a few times I took longer to respond than normal due to work, talking with someone from an earlier attempt or just being busy that I had genuine interest in. When this has occurred and I "come back" they are very attentive and seem to be way more into me then before. I wish that were not the case but there is truth to that.

[Logo]

This sadly seems to be absolutely true. I'm not one to play games but there are a few times I took longer to respond than normal due to work, talking with someone from an earlier attempt or just being busy that I had genuine interest in. When this has occurred and I "come back" they are very attentive and seem to be way more into me then before. I wish that were not the case but there is truth to that.

 

 

Funny,

 

I've had the opposite experience.

 

It's as though they got offended thinking I lost interest in them.

[CryForNoOne]

Funny,

 

I've had the opposite experience.

 

It's as though they got offended thinking I lost interest in them.

 

No. They really liked you but when you slow faded then reappeared, they went on this forum called LS and got advice that they should blow you off rather than settle for being someone's second choice...

[hercules22]

yep big waste of time better off finding someone in person . most females dont even bother checking there messages you got better chances striking a convo with them in person lol

[Miss Spider]

This sadly seems to be absolutely true. I'm not one to play games but there are a few times I took longer to respond than normal due to work, talking with someone from an earlier attempt or just being busy that I had genuine interest in. When this has occurred and I "come back" they are very attentive and seem to be way more into me then before. I wish that were not the case but there is truth to that.

 

I think theres some law...the less you care if someone is interested in you the more interested they are. It's sad

[Logo]

No. They really liked you but when you slow faded then reappeared

 

That's an assumption on your part. I didn't "fade" or do anything of the like.

 

I was simply busy and didn't have a chance to respond.

 

But I guess I was expected to respond immediately. Being someone's "second option" didn't even factor into this.

 

That's the whole point of my initial post. Did you read it? Do you really think I was flooded with options that I was picking and choosing.

 

Read my post before you start an attack.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Here's the tip, you need to stand out. Yeah you're good looking successful blah blah blah, BORING. Doesn't matter, there's millions just like you out there. What makes YOU special? Play on your skills, if you have quirks. Show them, they're cute. Have a style when you write messages that makes the girl WANT to read.

 

Also, don't write 10 lines to someone, that's excessive. Yes don't write 2 lines, but how about just 4-5? You don't want her to actually forget what you're saying cause she's losing attention. Keep and hold that interest.

 

Have cute opening lines, when I used online dating (Tinder) I would always say something that makes the guy want to know more. Don't be anyone else other than you, even if you're weird AF. Some girls dig it.

 

Don't compliment looks, compliment personalities, uniqueness, connections, I couldn't help but feel this CALMNESS vibe that my BF gave to me that I couldn't stop telling him about it, and he loved it, he still does, he likes feeling that he's stable and trust worthy.

 

Also, don't DONT ask for numbers or meeting that fast, she'll unmatch you, I wouldn't even try to bother explaining to a guy when I don't want to meet you for drinks 20 minutes into the chat. It's easier for them to unmatch you than to verbally reject you. You won't get a second chance.

 

Lastly, and maybe this is just me (sorry, I was born with fire in my mouth) but suggest a FUN date. I don't want to go out for coffee... or beer. Suggest an activity. Like putt putt golf? That's fun. And you'll see her holding balls. You're welcome.

[Dis]

Here's the tip, you need to stand out. Yeah you're good looking successful blah blah blah, BORING. Doesn't matter, there's millions just like you out there. What makes YOU special? Play on your skills, if you have quirks. Show them, they're cute. Have a style when you write messages that makes the girl WANT to read.

 

Also, don't write 10 lines to someone, that's excessive. Yes don't write 2 lines, but how about just 4-5? You don't want her to actually forget what you're saying cause she's losing attention. Keep and hold that interest.

 

Have cute opening lines, when I used online dating (Tinder) I would always say something that makes the guy want to know more. Don't be anyone else other than you, even if you're weird AF. Some girls dig it.

 

Don't compliment looks, compliment personalities, uniqueness, connections, I couldn't help but feel this CALMNESS vibe that my BF gave to me that I couldn't stop telling him about it, and he loved it, he still does, he likes feeling that he's stable and trust worthy.

 

Also, don't DONT ask for numbers or meeting that fast, she'll unmatch you, I wouldn't even try to bother explaining to a guy when I don't want to meet you for drinks 20 minutes into the chat. It's easier for them to unmatch you than to verbally reject you. You won't get a second chance.

 

Lastly, and maybe this is just me (sorry, I was born with fire in my mouth) but suggest a FUN date. I don't want to go out for coffee... or beer. Suggest an activity. Like putt putt golf? That's fun. And you'll see her holding balls. You're welcome.

 

This is awesome advice!

 

Couldnt agree more. Although, I like to meet up asap because some of the guys I've met on OLD were very different in person (not in a good way) so I dont see a point in excess communication if theres no vibe in person

 

I think I'm unique in that sense though. I've heard most women like to chat for awhile

 

OP, play off your strengths as caramel suggested and one thing I'll add... you need to get that chip off your shoulder before you're going to have any luck. I guarantee you your negative attitude is coming across in one way or another to some of these women

 

OLD is hard enough as it is, dont make it harder on yourself by being pessimistic. I've been on OLD on and off for two years so I totally get how frustrating and awful it can be... but you need to have hope and faith that it will happen or... it wont

Edited September 9, 2017 by Disillusionment373

[SevenCity]

Here's the tip, you need to stand out. Yeah you're good looking successful blah blah blah, BORING. Doesn't matter, there's millions just like you out there. What makes YOU special? Play on your skills, if you have quirks. Show them, they're cute. Have a style when you write messages that makes the girl WANT to read.

 

Also, don't write 10 lines to someone, that's excessive. Yes don't write 2 lines, but how about just 4-5? You don't want her to actually forget what you're saying cause she's losing attention. Keep and hold that interest.

 

Have cute opening lines, when I used online dating (Tinder) I would always say something that makes the guy want to know more. Don't be anyone else other than you, even if you're weird AF. Some girls dig it.

 

Don't compliment looks, compliment personalities, uniqueness, connections, I couldn't help but feel this CALMNESS vibe that my BF gave to me that I couldn't stop telling him about it, and he loved it, he still does, he likes feeling that he's stable and trust worthy.

 

Also, don't DONT ask for numbers or meeting that fast, she'll unmatch you, I wouldn't even try to bother explaining to a guy when I don't want to meet you for drinks 20 minutes into the chat. It's easier for them to unmatch you than to verbally reject you. You won't get a second chance.

 

Lastly, and maybe this is just me (sorry, I was born with fire in my mouth) but suggest a FUN date. I don't want to go out for coffee... or beer. Suggest an activity. Like putt putt golf? That's fun. And you'll see her holding balls. You're welcome.

 

Funny, I've had much more success asking her out right away like 4-5 messages. I used to try and build a rapport but that gets old quickly.

 

Taking the advice for a male poster here, I scored many more dates with the "You sound cool. Let's meet up for a drink" and getting their number.

 

Conversely, the ones who wanted to get to know me better dragged on text convos for weeks and then finally stopped responding.

 

The point of OLD is to meet in person. I can tell in 3 seconds if I like the girl - I have no idea over text / messaging as it's easy to hide behind a persona.

 

My advice for men is to establish some quick humor and get them out. While you are trying to win them over though messaging other guys are taking them on dates.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Funny, I've had much more success asking her out right away like 4-5 messages. I used to try and build a rapport but that gets old quickly.

 

Taking the advice for a male poster here, I scored many more dates with the "You sound cool. Let's meet up for a drink" and getting their number.

 

Conversely, the ones who wanted to get to know me better dragged on text convos for weeks and then finally stopped responding.

 

The point of OLD is to meet in person. I can tell in 3 seconds if I like the girl - I have no idea over text / messaging as it's easy to hide behind a persona.

 

My advice for men is to establish some quick humor and get them out. While you are trying to win them over though messaging other guys are taking them on dates.

 

Looks like serial of dates without success so far, means you're still not doing it right. Anyone can get a first date. Try too hard to win them over and they'll sense your insecurity and drop you. Dont try too hard.

[planb1973]

OP, If you have just been doing it for a few months don't give up. I have noticed and hear this from women I date as well that it comes in waves. It gets demoralizing when you aren't getting any dates but keep at it, keep your chin up, positive attitude, and get a thick skin, the wave will turn. Last year when I had signed back up to OLD I could not get so much as a response for almost 3 months, then just as I was about to give up the tide changed and I found myself quite popular out of nowhere. I literally could not keep up with all the new dates. Keep your chin up and realize that women are having the same hard time as you, even the good looking ones.

[SevenCity]

Looks like serial of dates without success so far, means you're still not doing it right. Anyone can get a first date. Try too hard to win them over and they'll sense your insecurity and drop you. Dont try too hard.

 

What gave you the impression I was trying too hard?

 

The lack of making any a LTR was my choice.

[OatsAndHall]

Folks need a thick skin if they're going to use OLD. I've had success with OLD; quite a few dates and one long term relationship. But, it took perseverance and a short memory in order to get to that point. I just said to myself "it's their loss" every time I saw a 'read-deleted'.

 

And, there's a learning curve as well. I needed to do my best to stand-out from the crowd with respect to the messages that I sent and my profile bio.

 

I strayed away from OLD simply because I wasn't getting the return for the energy put into it. I'm not frustrated or angry about it; just weary of the process. And, I started to become obsessive about it; checking the apps every day, sending out messages continually, seeing who looked at my profile or read my messages, etc..etc..

 

I may go back to OLD in the future but it'll just be a back up for meeting women in RL.

[Logo]

I'm done with this bs called online dating or dating at all.

 

People today are conditioned to only meet through acquaintances or in certain venues geared toward dating. If you try to get to know someone outside of those circles, god forbid, it might wreak havoc on the time space continuum.

 

And online dating is like a sh** show.

 

Women act like self-absorbed [people] without whom we cannot survive.

 

Well, screw that.

 

It should be the other way around.

 

There's always a sperm bank if a woman wants to have kids. Or she can get some guy drunk and take him home. Better yet, there's a slew of toys women can use. So, have fun with that!

 

I might not want kids, and I'm not going to put up with any more horse manure from today's flaky, manipulative, lying, stuck up, controlling, scheming women.

 

I have yet to meet ONE decent woman in my age bracket who was decent, either in real life or online. Not one.

 

So f*** it. I'm going to enjoy my life with my friends and focus on me.

Edited September 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[carhill]

OLD is just another way to separate people from their money

 

I guess the reality that I did most of my OLD stuff back when it was free, including meeting my wife at the time, underscores how much it's changed. My memories of OLD are nearly entirely positive, even if the dating experiences didn't always work out. It was a great way to meet single women. I guess all that has changed. If so, that's too bad. What will the next horizon of dating bring?