Online Dating is a Waste of Time!

[Logo]

I have been on an online dating website for a few months and my experience has been a disappointment.

 

Even the women who initiate contact first and show interest, either flake out or turn out to have strange, abnormal behavior like temper issues, narcissism, boredom, anti-social behaviors, etc.

 

Then there are those that I contact, but get no responses from. Out of 100 messages I send out, I might get 3 or 4 responses, and out of those, I get 0 dates.

 

I get the impression that women think they know what they are looking for, but in fact, they have no idea. And despite the fact that they present themselves as the best thing since sliced bread, they are boring and can't seem to carry a decent conversation.

[chphan]

You just come to realize this now? Online doesn't really work for guys who are average to above average. It only works for the small percentage of guys who are white, tall, and really good looking.

[NexttP]

From how you're describing your experience, I don't think your problem is limited to online dating.

 

Females are definitely interested in you, but you turn them down because they have "problems". Well, sorry they have problems Mr. Perfect.

[Gr8fuln2020]

You just come to realize this now? Online doesn't really work for guys who are average to above average. It only works for the small percentage of guys who are white, tall, and really good looking.

 

I'm none of the things you just mentioned and I have had 5 dates in a the last 2-months. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful woman now. It's much more than just looks, race, etc.

 

There are other intangibles and characteristics that many women look for and it may be that you simply don't stack up to the women YOU want, but enough for the women you DON'T want. It's a funny thing OLD....

[Mike B.]

I am over 6 feet tall, considered very good looking, do very well financially and very comfortable with dealing with women but it can be very tough for me as well with online dating. So let me assure you that the guys you think are cleaning up online are not cleaning up like you think.

 

Now, about 3-5 years ago, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Not anymore. It seems as if more options comes through apps, the more tough it gets. I think it is just the nature of the beast. You really have to play the numbers game.

 

I have been on eharmony for a month and a half after taking a break with it a while since my last 2 relationships came from that site. Now, only two women that I am dating have come from eHarmony despite all of the work I put into it. It is tough to even get folks to respond a lot of times.

 

Bumble has been more fruitful since I have/had 5 different dates this week from that app but I had to do a hell of a lot of swiping to the right just to come up with those five.

 

This way of dating is evolving super fast. Try multiple sites and apps and, again, you have to put in a lot of effort. Also, you absolutely have to keep an upbeat and positive attitude on these sites and apps. It is crucial.

[Logo]

I'm none of the things you just mentioned and I have had 5 dates in a the last 2-months. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful woman now. It's much more than just looks, race, etc.

 

There are other intangibles and characteristics that many women look for and it may be that you simply don't stack up to the women YOU want, but enough for the women you DON'T want. It's a funny thing OLD....

 

 

Not to brag or anything, but I am highly educated, very good looking -- many good looking women in real life have told me that -- highly knowledgeable and have a great sociable personality.

 

Most people I meet in person like me. I just don't meet that many in person given my age. I'm not in my early 20s, so clubs and bars are out of the question.

 

The problem I find with online dating is that most women are just too provincial and immature, or they feel that I'm too good to be true so they assume I'm a player.

 

Plus, I'm not a smooth talking, used-car-salesman-like. And that's what impresses women. They claim they want an intelligent serious man. But what they are truly after is muscle and airheads. I'm speaking about the majority. Of course there are exceptions.

 

In college, most average looking girls disliked me because I was getting all the attention from the great looking women.

 

Online women, don't seem to be serious nor open minded. They have an image in their head, a "type" and that's what they're looking for.

 

If you don't meet one of those criteria, they bail. Very shallow.

[Logo]

I am over 6 feet tall, considered very good looking, do very well financially and very comfortable with dealing with women but it can be very tough for me as well with online dating. So let me assure you that the guys you think are cleaning up online are not cleaning up like you think.

 

Now, about 3-5 years ago, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Not anymore. It seems as if more options comes through apps, the more tough it gets. I think it is just the nature of the beast. You really have to play the numbers game.

 

I have been on eharmony for a month and a half after taking a break with it a while since my last 2 relationships came from that site. Now, only two women that I am dating have come from eHarmony despite all of the work I put into it. It is tough to even get folks to respond a lot of times.

 

Bumble has been more fruitful since I have/had 5 different dates this week from that app but I had to do a hell of a lot of swiping to the right just to come up with those five.

 

This way of dating is evolving super fast. Try multiple sites and apps and, again, you have to put in a lot of effort. Also, you absolutely have to keep an upbeat and positive attitude on these sites and apps. It is crucial.

 

 

There. Someone finally confirms and echoes my exact feelings. It is a numbers game and you have to go through a lot of hay in the stack before you find that one needle.

[mortensorchid]

You are just now coming to this conclusion? You must have just started. Ha ha ha ...

 

I recently posted I wonder what our lives would be like if OLD never happened. It's hard to imagine a world in which there is no internet or we aren't in a digital connection to one another for either business or personal. And ... I have no idea what it would be like.

 

Think of it this way : There is a Mr./Miss Right out there and Not. So, so, SO many Nots. OLD allows us to have more volume of connection to people, but it's all about learning. Unfortunately we're learning things that we wouldn't have otherwise. Are we happier? I don't think. But it's what it is.

[TheBathWater]

I am over 6 feet tall, considered very good looking, do very well financially and very comfortable with dealing with women but it can be very tough for me as well with online dating. So let me assure you that the guys you think are cleaning up online are not cleaning up like you think.

 

Now, about 3-5 years ago, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Not anymore. It seems as if more options comes through apps, the more tough it gets. I think it is just the nature of the beast. You really have to play the numbers game.

 

I have been on eharmony for a month and a half after taking a break with it a while since my last 2 relationships came from that site. Now, only two women that I am dating have come from eHarmony despite all of the work I put into it. It is tough to even get folks to respond a lot of times.

 

Bumble has been more fruitful since I have/had 5 different dates this week from that app but I had to do a hell of a lot of swiping to the right just to come up with those five.

 

This way of dating is evolving super fast. Try multiple sites and apps and, again, you have to put in a lot of effort. Also, you absolutely have to keep an upbeat and positive attitude on these sites and apps. It is crucial.

 

I back up all of this 100%. The dynamics of OLD has changed tremendously!

 

One theory I've developed is that when OLD was still somewhat taboo, the women that tended to be there were signing online as a sort of last ditch effort. They really wanted a relationship but were disappointed with their luck so far. In other words, they were serious about finding somebody.

 

Now, since online dating is the norm, you don't just get people who are serious about relationships and dating. You get people who use it as a crossbreed between traditional OLD and social media (i.e. entertainment purposes). Messages used to be more thoughtful and elaborate. Now, a sentence or two is fine. I recently wrote a woman 10 or so sentences and she replied thanking me for "the long message."

 

Women are bombarded with messages. They have so many options today in ways that were not fathomable to the mind even just a handful of years ago. And many options make choosing more difficult. And when people do choose, they have so many options that they wonder if there is something even better waiting around the corner, with just one more swipe.

 

It's easy for men to get discouraged. Trust me, I know. But the above poster is right... you have to maintain a positive attitude and convey that, and hope for the best.

 

I personally believe that approaching women is more effective than online dating. One, because it's rarer and instantly makes you stand apart from the rest. And two, because you get a direct opportunity to create attraction with a woman who is already in front of you, instead of trying to market and sell yourself first and then get her in front of you to do the work you would have had to do anyway had you just approached her. A lot of guys make the mistake of believing that just because a woman agrees to go on a date from OLD that she's already interested, but that's just not true. Women go on dates to see IF they're interested, whereas guys are usually already into her.

 

Anyway, I'm going on a bit of a rant, but the point is to address your inquiry as to whether or not OLD is a waste of time. Using what I've stated above, yes, economically speaking, it is a waste of time...at least for men. I do believe today's OLD situation puts women in an unusual situation because of the overwhelming amount of attention they receive. It is my experience that approaching women guarantees their attention when you're in front of them, and bypasses the whole B.S. messaging stuff.

 

Any man who is frustrated with OLD should seriously consider approaching women more frequently and use OLD only as an adjunct device. I recommend writing posting an outstanding profile/pics and don't write to anyone. Just respond to the women who write to you, and this will be more efficient in terms of getting dates and progressing things further. Otherwise, keep things to real life.

[Mkn1010]

I think a lot has to with where you live too! I'm an Aussie female (aged 30) and I would only ever recommend Bumble in terms of quality matches and 'normal' people, although I'm not OLD-ing myself anymore Plus women have to send the first message, which could benefit you with the issue you're experiencing of low response rate!

[Gaeta]

I met my bf online, I have siblings that have met their wive online, I have friends and colleagues that have met their SO online. Up to 25% of couples out there have met online.

 

It works but it takes patience. It took me 3,5 years online and over 200 coffee-dates, lots of 2-3 dates that went nowhere, plenty of micro-relationship that lasted 1-2 months and only 1 lasting relationship.

 

It's like playing roulette russe, it can take you 3,5 years to find her or it can take you 1 month. My bf is my 200th man met online, I am his first and only woman he met online. To me it was long and consuming, to him it was quick and easy.

 

Today, I am so happy and fullfilled in this relationship that those 3,5 years and 199 other men were worth it to meet him.

 

Honestly, if I had not invested so much in online dating, if I had not met so many frogs, I don't think I would appreciate my bf as much as I do.

 

I don't view it as time lost. I view it as an experience. I have learn a great deal about myself through it all. I would not change it.

[SevenCity]

I am over 6 feet tall, considered very good looking, do very well financially and very comfortable with dealing with women but it can be very tough for me as well with online dating. So let me assure you that the guys you think are cleaning up online are not cleaning up like you think.

 

Now, about 3-5 years ago, it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Not anymore. It seems as if more options comes through apps, the more tough it gets. I think it is just the nature of the beast. You really have to play the numbers game.

 

I have been on eharmony for a month and a half after taking a break with it a while since my last 2 relationships came from that site. Now, only two women that I am dating have come from eHarmony despite all of the work I put into it. It is tough to even get folks to respond a lot of times.

 

Bumble has been more fruitful since I have/had 5 different dates this week from that app but I had to do a hell of a lot of swiping to the right just to come up with those five.

 

This way of dating is evolving super fast. Try multiple sites and apps and, again, you have to put in a lot of effort. Also, you absolutely have to keep an upbeat and positive attitude on these sites and apps. It is crucial.

 

I too have had much more success on Bumble than eHarmony. But that was success in meeting women / having sex. I have yet to find one I want to keep long term.

 

Eh has been a total waste but every time I am about to give up I get a good match. Last one we texted for two weeks and she vanished (I had asked her out already but she wanted to get to know me. Spoiler alert - run when they say that).

 

Last good match I'm supposed to see this weekend. If it pans out I might consider renewing but I doubt I will.

 

Paid sites keep inactive profiles of women who can't even respond. At least the free sites like bumble tend to have a lot more active members - or quality ones anyway.

[limichelle]

I met my boyfriend online. I remember prior sitting online for hours and days or going on dates from guys on there and feeling frustrated. Just when I was about to throw in the towel, I caught this guys profile and sent him a wink. I seriously thought nothing would come out of it. He replied back instantly. We met up on my 35th birthday funny enough. We decided that we only wanted to date each other that day.

 

Two months in and I'm very happy to have him. It's still early on but so far it's been wonderful!!

 

It's a numbers game that is for sure!!

 

I also notice you get lucky right when you don't take it as serious.

 

Don't give up!

[The Urbanyst]

Online dating is great if you know what you're doing.

 

Just don't expect the majority of women to be interested in you. After all, you're not interested in the majority of women either.. unless you're desperate. So it goes both ways.

 

Design your profile around the type of woman you want. Don't try to appeal to everyone. If you're not offending someone, you're not doing it right

 

You will offend some, but the ones you attract will be REALLY into you. That's how its done. Most guys play it safe with BORING profiles that say nothing about who they are. Then they wonder why women are not interested lol.

 

I've gotten a lot of dates with attractive women using Tinder and Bumble.

[Sara1989]

It is hard for women as well, I been on there 2 years on-off and had many first dates and about 5 short term relationships.

 

As a woman, its easy to get a date but the standards of men choose from seem be low. I went out with a guy for 5 weeks recently, he wanted an relationship with me but he turned out be a bit game player and have warning signs of an temper. Dumped.

 

Went on 3rd date with a new man last night, we click and get on really well BUUT he still OD and he was on pof before and AFTER our 3rd date! we got a 4th date set up but he still looking for something better.

 

Hard for us women too op.

[The Urbanyst]

Went on 3rd date with a new man last night, we click and get on really well BUUT he still OD and he was on pof before and AFTER our 3rd date! we got a 4th date set up but he still looking for something better.

 

Hard for us women too op.

 

Until you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend he is free to date others. Women are flaky as heck and I'm not about to drop all my other options after a few dates lol.

 

The funniest thing about dating to me is how a lot of women just "expect" you to develop feelings for them when they have done NOTHING to make that happen lol.

[Steve51]

My two friends who did online dating said that they got a lot of dates, sometimes two in a day for lunch and dinner. They also said that the women they met wanted sex. One told my friend that she wanted sex in the middle of a Broadway play. They went to his place and had fun all night.

 

My other friend said he was tired of changing his sheets due to different girls. I guess it depends on the guy. BTW, both married a woman they met through the online dating service.

 

I think what matters the most are what the guy has to offer. Since the women can have the pick of the litter, they are going to go for guys who have all the qualities they want in a man and who shares their interests. You have to stand out of the crowd.

 

There is a saying that those who speak ill of a $200,000 Ferrari, never drove a $200,000 Ferrari. We tend to place the blame on someone or something else to make ourselves feel better. I do it and everyone does it.

 

I am really surprised to hear of your experience since guys usually say it is a meat market for horny divorced women. I do not know your age so that may be a factor. Middle aged guys seem to do well with divorced women with children. The women are horny because guys do not usually want to date a woman with kids and baggage. If you are young and single, they will wonder why.

 

Also take a look at your profile. You have to wow them with what you write since that is what they will know you by. Sell yourself in a way that makes them want to try you out. Good luck.

[TheBathWater]

The funniest thing about dating to me is how a lot of women just "expect" you to develop feelings for them when they have done NOTHING to make that happen lol.

 

Because they don't have to do anything. Women are socialized to expect that men will give them everything for nothing. The guys who are successful at attracting women often flip the scrip, intentionally or not, so that the woman wants to work for his attention.

[Logo]

So the bottom line is: "Just keep clicking".

 

That mouse is going to get a workout. I might as well swipe on my phone. It's a lot easier.

 

So this is what we have become as a society? What a sad state of affairs.

 

Wow

 

I guess I'll try bumble.

[Mkn1010]

My two friends who did online dating said that they got a lot of dates, sometimes two in a day for lunch and dinner. They also said that the women they met wanted sex. One told my friend that she wanted sex in the middle of a Broadway play. They went to his place and had fun all night.

 

My other friend said he was tired of changing his sheets due to different girls. I guess it depends on the guy. BTW, both married a woman they met through the online dating service.

 

I think what matters the most are what the guy has to offer. Since the women can have the pick of the litter, they are going to go for guys who have all the qualities they want in a man and who shares their interests. You have to stand out of the crowd.

 

There is a saying that those who speak ill of a $200,000 Ferrari, never drove a $200,000 Ferrari. We tend to place the blame on someone or something else to make ourselves feel better. I do it and everyone does it.

 

I am really surprised to hear of your experience since guys usually say it is a meat market for horny divorced women. I do not know your age so that may be a factor. Middle aged guys seem to do well with divorced women with children. The women are horny because guys do not usually want to date a woman with kids and baggage. If you are young and single, they will wonder why.

 

Also take a look at your profile. You have to wow them with what you write since that is what they will know you by. Sell yourself in a way that makes them want to try you out. Good luck.

 

 

I tried online dating on/off for around a year and the guy I liked THE BEST out of the maybe 30 guys I met was recently unemployed, had what he described as a 'dad bod', wore dorky glasses and had a lisp But that's just me!! (PS I'm a lawyer and have no trouble getting dates and often get accused of being a bot because of my looks).

[Mkn1010]

So the bottom line is: "Just keep clicking".

 

That mouse is going to get a workout. I might as well swipe on my phone. It's a lot easier.

 

So this is what we have become as a society? What a sad state of affairs.

 

Wow

 

I guess I'll try bumble.

 

 

 

 

It only takes one diamond in the rough! But yes, it'll take a lot of disappointments to find her!

[CryForNoOne]

OLD worked great for me. I spent hour after hour swiping and sent messages to nearly 200 women just to get a handful of dates. All of those women turned out to be less attractive IRL, uninteresting, or worst of all - flakes who wasted my time. It became such a horrible chore that my dread of it finally enabled me to overcame my aversion to cold approaching women in public places. 3 weeks ago I picked up a girl in the produce section at Trader Joe's and we've now had 5 dates and counting ...

[Logo]

OLD worked great for me. I spent hour after hour swiping and sent messages to nearly 200 women just to get a handful of dates. All of those women turned out to be less attractive IRL, uninteresting, or worst of all - flakes who wasted my time. It became such a horrible chore that my dread of it finally enabled me to overcame my aversion to cold approaching women in public places. 3 weeks ago I picked up a girl in the produce section at Trader Joe's and we've now had 5 dates and counting ...

 

Yeah. That's probably the best way.

 

I try to do that in my day to day life, sometimes though I come across someone I really want to approach, but she seems like she's in a great hurry, or when I actually do, I get, "I have a boyfriend", or "Thanks, but I'm actually seeing someone", or "Oh thanks. But, I really have to go".

 

One time I got, "Oh, that's so sweet of you, but you will find someone. Don't worry."

 

I walked away muttering "WTF was that?" under my breath.

 

And I wasn't doing anything like being flirtatious or "hitting" on them. I was just trying to start a casual conversation about something as random as picking the right vegetables for a new recipe I got.

Edited September 8, 2017 by Logo

[BryanSmiley]

Yeah. That's probably the best way.

 

I try to do that in my day to day life, sometimes though I come across someone I really want to approach, but she seems like she's in a great hurry, or when I actually do, I get, "I have a boyfriend", or "Thanks, but I'm actually seeing someone", or "Oh thanks. But, I really have to go".

 

One time I got, "Oh, that's so sweet of you, but you will find someone. Don't worry."

 

I walked away muttering "WTF was that?" under my breath.

 

And I wasn't doing anything like being flirtatious or "hitting" on them. I was just trying to start a casual conversation about something as random as picking the right vegetables for a new recipe I got.

 

That's what I hate about culture in most area's in and around London. The stereotype strangers don't interact much is largely true in a lot of settings.

 

I like many will tend to not bother having casual convo with people day to day, because it's not casual if most others don't see it as 'normal'. It's a vicious cycle.

 

Many jump to assuming you are weird or trying to chat them up, even if you're not. The irony is, that kind've reaction is a serious turn off anyway, and you leave feeling un-necessarily embarrassed as technically they reacted defensively for an ego boost. Even though you're left genuinely convinced they aren't an friendly open person and they might behind the 'barriers' have been interested in you.

[TheBathWater]

So the bottom line is: "Just keep clicking".

 

That mouse is going to get a workout. I might as well swipe on my phone. It's a lot easier.

 

So this is what we have become as a society? What a sad state of affairs.

 

Wow

 

I guess I'll try bumble.

 

Logo, have you ever thought about outsourcing your online dating activity? I have a female friend I used to date who is actually going to take over my online profiles for me. Some friends do this for each other because it allows for more objectivity. Not to mention, you have more free time to approach women. It's efficient all around if you think about it, and it's fun for the friend. The people they set you up with will often get a kick out of it too if you're up front about it.