Bastile Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Listen mate, your ethics are over here <---- , and the way people are is more over in this direction ----> Be prepared to rage quit a lot of relationships. I've been there. But you haven't even dumped her either. So you have these weird morals that nobody really abides by, and then you don't even abide by them either. Makes zero sense on any sort of level. Have a proper think about what it is you are playing at. Do some self-reflection.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 How I see it is that both of you did shady things, now it's come to the surface, you saw her lies, now she needs to see your control and snooping. Only fair right? Tell her the truth, come clean, give her a chance to come clean too, have a discussion about it. She lied but she also wasn't committed to you either, and you don't own her. The problem here is the lying, not the sleeping around. After you both come clean, understand one another and take time to reflect you may decide to keep going, or end it. You said you're falling for her, are you in love with her or not?
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 All I have to say is you better be 100% certain she was banging this other guy whilst with you because if you confront her about this and you're wrong there will be no repairing this one. But I get it. I'm not one to sleep with multiple people at the same time, dating yes, but sleeping no. IF this is true and she slept with this other at the same time, she bold faced lied to you. I suppose that kind of sets the tone for your relationship moving forward, doesn't it? If this was my situation, I'd also have a hard time feeling like I somehow got second prize. I mean, you asked her to be exclusive but she declined because of this other guy. It was like she needed to see where that relationship went before she could commit to you. And when it didn't pan out she came back to you and asked you to be exclusive. Ahhh...thanks but no thanks. 1
Mike B. Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Ok everyone I'm not insecure in the first place. The big problem for me is when we had that phone call that night and she told me she didn't want to be exclusive, I repeatedly asked her out of respect for me if they were hooking up. I told her that night on the phone that I have certain morals and out of respect for me as a person who has morals about fooling with 2 guys at once and didnt want to feel like I was in competition with another guy that we stop seeing each other You may have certain morals but if you confront her, it will be like the thief calling out the strong arm robber. You snooped. When you snoop, the information you obtained won't hold up in the moral court of dating. You are thinking that you have the upper hand here but I promise you that she is going to use your own moral momentum against you like a judo move. You will be thrown onto the mat and you will lose. You put yourself in a position which the evidence you risked to obtain cannot be used in your defense now. My advice is to shake it off. You will have to do it either way. 2
knabe Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 All I have to say is you better be 100% certain she was banging this other guy whilst with you because if you confront her about this and you're wrong there will be no repairing this one. But I get it. I'm not one to sleep with multiple people at the same time, dating yes, but sleeping no. IF this is true and she slept with this other at the same time, she bold faced lied to you. I suppose that kind of sets the tone for your relationship moving forward, doesn't it? If this was my situation, I'd also have a hard time feeling like I somehow got second prize. I mean, you asked her to be exclusive but she declined because of this other guy. It was like she needed to see where that relationship went before she could commit to you. And when it didn't pan out she came back to you and asked you to be exclusive. Ahhh...thanks but no thanks. This very balanced post makes perfect sense.
Bastile Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 All I have to say is you better be 100% certain she was banging this other guy whilst with you because if you confront her about this and you're wrong there will be no repairing this one. But I get it. I'm not one to sleep with multiple people at the same time, dating yes, but sleeping no. IF this is true and she slept with this other at the same time, she bold faced lied to you. I suppose that kind of sets the tone for your relationship moving forward, doesn't it? If this was my situation, I'd also have a hard time feeling like I somehow got second prize. I mean, you asked her to be exclusive but she declined because of this other guy. It was like she needed to see where that relationship went before she could commit to you. And when it didn't pan out she came back to you and asked you to be exclusive. Ahhh...thanks but no thanks. You relate to him. That's the problem. You are a woman. He is a man. He isn't dating or thinking like a man. There's the rub. Naturally, most woman cannot sleep around in the same way that a man can. Multi-dating comes easier to men in that sense. That was even documented on the forum recently when women tried to multi-date and found in a strain, whilst a man tried it and got told off for having too much fun. The average woman is looking to disqualify men from intimacy. The average man is looking to qualify for it. It's apples and oranges. This is normal and natural. In the same way that when I've denied girls exclusivity, and we've both quite openly saw others on the side, it worked out better for me. It's only really worked out badly for me when I've hamstrung myself in the same way that the OP is currently doing. Therefore, the question remains: what made you want to be exclusive with her, to the extent of trying to convince her of it (especially regarding her behaviours)?...
lurker74 Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 I get why you (the OP) is upset that she lied about sleeping with the guy if she specifically told you she was not. But here's the thing I don't get - with guys or ladies. If you don't trust him/her enough not to snoop through their things, you don't trust them enough to be with them. I might be slightly different when you're married and have kids and unwinding things is a big big deal. It makes no sense to me when you're dating someone with whom you've only recently become exclusive. The moment I had an urge to search someone's phone is the moment I have the talk. It doesn't actually matter that much if she cheated...it matters that I feel like I can't trust her for some reason and I've learned to trust my instincts (the hard way). So, OP, you don't trust her. Break up with her. No reason is necessary so don't try to confront her about it since you have no (or little) moral authority. Just admit that you can't trust her and move on. Ironically, that might cause her to want to be with you more. Who cares? I guarantee you there is someone as good or better than her out there. 1
SammySammy Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Ok I don't care how many guys a girl sleeps with before me. It's the fact she was sleeping with him while taking me seriously. And then lying to me face about it. I don't care if she slept with 20 guys before me. I have morals and don't believe in screwing to people at once. To me morally that feels very wrong.Would any of you want to be with some that you knew was having sex with some other person while supposedly taking you seriously dating??? I've done that. More than once. The difference is the women decided to let the other guys go and chose me. I stayed loose and carefree. Unbothered. They decided on their own to choose me. I didn't ask. I didn't try to force it. Honestly, I didn't really care. Both were faithful, dedicated, and committed to the very end. You asked her for exclusivity. She didn't wanted to give it to you. That should have been your clue. You continued while knowing things weren't right between the two of you. Someone said it's futile to ask a woman about her past. It's also futile to ask a woman to be exclusive. Then assume you are simply because you asked and she went along with it. Unless she makes a decision that you're the man she wants and will be faithful to, asking her ... anything ... is a waste of time. Means nothing. You played yourself. Dust yourself off and move on. Just remember ... a woman has to choose. All of that other hoping and wishing is meaningless. 1
joseb Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Surely if someone says they don't want to be exclusive, you assume that means they are with others the same way they are with you...including having sex.. I don't like liers, but it's hardly surprising she didn't openly admit to the fact she would continue to sleep with other guys. And I'll never get this asking for number of sexual partners. When she said she didn't want to be exclusive, that was your clue to leave. You knew deep down what it meant. And if it's not something you are happy with, you shouldn't do it. 1
Recommended Posts