Almond_Joy Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Hi everyone, If you check out threads started by me, I've been here a while, posted about various issues for years. Despite majority opinions of posters here, I've been choosing over and over again to stay despite everything, telling myself I need to keep trying to fix things. Last night the sadness and frustration over the distance was too much, and I went to bed crying again. I've had episodes like this before, and cried myself to sleep and just kind of rode it out. But I couldn't stomach it last night, not again. Something snapped. I left and spent the night somewhere else. Now I'm back, bf's at work, and I can't think of all the reasons I've been telling myself over the years to stay. I mean I remember all the good things and what I wanted, but it seems so silly and pointless to keep hoping for those things now. I don't have it in me to hope for change anymore. And that hurts more than anything, realizing I have no hope of faith left to put into this. So I'm here, just trying to unload some of that grief before bf gets home. Because I don't want to talk and I don't want to fight. I just want to end it and make plans for me to move out. And I don't want to get overly emotional and get pulled into a conversation about anything other than me leaving. This is the first relationship where I've met the family and there was talk of marriage, where we had a network of mutual friends. All that has to come undone. Our lives have to become untangled. We built a life and now have to break it apart, you know? And I hate thinking about that too.
lolablue17 Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Sound like you're afraid to regret, that's why you want to talk only about your leaving. If that's the case, than you cna leave a note, saying "I'm leaving" and to promise to talk to him in a few days when your calmed down. It's of course not the most polite thing to do, but consider it as the surviving mode that you're at now. 1
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