Rudytwo Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 I've been dating my colleague for two months. She only left a long term relationship in April, so we both said that we would take things slowly and not rush into anything serious. It was mostly a physical relationship at first but it's become more than that and we both like each other a lot. In her words she likes me a lot more than she expected to and she 'can't find anything wrong with me'. We've spent a lot of time together lately and even though it's early I was feeling very positive about the potential of this relationship. However, over the last week her behavior has changed somewhat and for the past few days she's been more distant with me. Recently she suggested the idea of going on a short vacation somewhere together, but last week she changed her mind suddenly and now isn't sure about it. She's not messaging me as much as she was and her messages seem shorter and more blunt. We usually meet twice a week but this week she doesnt have time to see me. She does want to see me at the weekend though. She's been very busy with her job this week which I understand and appreciate but I can't help but feel she's now feeling unsure of where this relationship is heading.* We work in the creative sector and her job ends early next year. She mentioned she would be looking for jobs soon and would apply to jobs anywhere, not just in our area. She also mentioned she's still having some issues from her ex. A couple of weeks ago she told me she was 'crazy about me' then stopped herself from saying more in case 'it freaked me out'. I'm wondering if she's taken a step back and realised this is too much for her right now and maybe she's freaking out over having feelings for me. She has said before that she likes me 'too much' and that scared her. but I don't know if I should be prepared for that or if i'm reading into things too much. I left a long term relationship a year ago which was very painful and I don't know if that experience is altering the way I'm seeing things in this current relationship. I feel that maybe I'm expecting things to go badly because my last relationship ended in such an awful painful way.* Any advice on how to deal with this would be very much appreciated
Zahara Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 She also mentioned she's still having some issues from her ex. What does that mean? Maybe he's back in the picture and she's distracted.
trustyourself Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Hmmm. I dated a girl that works in the same company once. Very similar story, but she had been broken up with her Ex longer then that. We started out as friends, and we always had chemistry, but she was really hung up on her toxic ex. She told me she was over it, and wanted to be with me, as I was everything she wanted in a man. 2 months in, her ex re-appears saying he wants some trivial stuff back from her place. I told her to mail it, but she said she had already arranged to drop the stuff off after one of our dates. Guess where this story is going? We fizzled out, and two and half years later, we are still casual friends, and she still is not over her ex. Still talks to him, still gets pulled back in. We actually laugh about it because I got in to a toxic relationship after her, and we deal with similar problems on letting go. Anyway... Be careful. It might be that her and her ex are still doing the push pull thing, so dont get too attached. Continue seeing her and see if it fizzles or progresses. You will get the message by her actions. Good luck!
Author Rudytwo Posted September 6, 2017 Author Posted September 6, 2017 What does that mean? Maybe he's back in the picture and she's distracted.[/quote He won't accept that she''s not going back to him and contacts her a lot.
Saracena Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 I A couple of weeks ago she told me she was 'crazy about me' then stopped herself from saying more in case 'it freaked me out'. I'm wondering if she's taken a step back and realised this is too much for her right now and maybe she's freaking out over having feelings for me. She has said before that she likes me 'too much' and that scared her. but I don't know if I should be prepared for that or if i'm reading into things too much.d How did you respond when she told you these things? As someone who's been in this position, I think the above is what's happening. She's effectively pulling back to gain some equilibrium etc. as she felt overwhelmed by how she was feeling, and scared as well she'll be hurt in the process, if, for instance, the feelings are not reciprocated. 1
Author Rudytwo Posted September 6, 2017 Author Posted September 6, 2017 How did you respond when she told you these things? As someone who's been in this position, I think the above is what's happening. She's effectively pulling back to gain some equilibrium etc. as she felt overwhelmed by how she was feeling, and scared as well she'll be hurt in the process, if, for instance, the feelings are not reciprocated. I told her that I really like her too and really enjoy spending time with her.
kendahke Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 I've been dating my colleague for two months. She only left a long term relationship in AprilStrike 1: pooping where you eat Strike 2: You're at the point where weak foundational relationships fail because the representatives who are on their best behavior are dismissed and the real you's come to the fore. The real her isn't ready to engage her heart because... Strike 3: She's not over her ex--you are the rebound So yeah, it's no wonder that she's applying brakes. It was fine when it was just bumping uglies, but once you stopped taking it slow by inserting feelings into the mix, she found out that she's not done, emotionally, with her ex, not to mention he's back on her radar.
Author Rudytwo Posted September 7, 2017 Author Posted September 7, 2017 Strike 3: She's not over her ex--you are the rebound Yeah. I knew going into this it was a rebound, but as it seemed to move on to something more fairly quickly maybe naively I took things she said seriously and thought she was genuinely falling for me. I was away for a week and over that time she messaged me every day telling me how much she missed me and couldn't wait to see me. She'd say things to me like she 'can't find anything wrong with me'.
fred123 Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Yeah. I knew going into this it was a rebound, but as it seemed to move on to something more fairly quickly maybe naively I took things she said seriously and thought she was genuinely falling for me. I was away for a week and over that time she messaged me every day telling me how much she missed me and couldn't wait to see me. She'd say things to me like she 'can't find anything wrong with me'. Women say a lot of ****. They are selfish to get what they want..always have other women on the go 1
Zahara Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 What does that mean? Maybe he's back in the picture and she's distracted.[/quote He won't accept that she''s not going back to him and contacts her a lot. BS. She's not over him. The fact that she's accepting his contact is indicative of her unresolved emotional ties with him and likely wants to have a door open to him. I have a feeling he is back in the picture. 2
kendahke Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Yeah. I knew going into this it was a rebound, but as it seemed to move on to something more fairly quickly . That's a clear sign that it's just a rebound. She was running a fever for someone new and once that fever broke, she realized that her feelings are still with her ex and not you. maybe naively I took things she said seriously and thought she was genuinely falling for me. I was away for a week and over that time she messaged me every day telling me how much she missed me and couldn't wait to see me. She'd say things to me like she 'can't find anything wrong with me' Everything except the fact that you aren't her ex, who she is still emotionally attached to and is not finished with.
kendahke Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Women say a lot of ****. They are selfish to get what they want..always have other women on the go Boys do this, too and are like this, too. The girls you go after do this to you, so if you're having the same experience over and over again with different girls, what is the common denominator?
fred123 Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Boys do this, too and are like this, too. The girls you go after do this to you, so if you're having the same experience over and over again with different girls, what is the common denominator? Me obviously. But i have no idea what to change . Back to the OP we have all been there. She led u on saying stuff. Women do that. I havnt
kendahke Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Me obviously. But i have no idea what to change . Back to the OP we have all been there. She led u on saying stuff. Women do that. I havnt SOME girls do that. SOME boys to that, too. Grown men and women don't do that. They aren't afraid to be alone and without sex for an undetermined length of time until the right adult comes into their lives. 1
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