Dating A Model or ex-Model

[Thatoneguy55]

No, not a brag thread.

 

So I recently began dating a woman, and found out she has done some modeling. Based on her physical appearance, this is not a surprise, nor does it bother me.

 

The issue is that we have never discussed it. I get the feeling that she is afraid of me getting insecure or weird, or just wants to be treated like a normal person. One of the reasons I believe she started to take interest in me is because I mentioned several times that her intellect is what sealed the deal, not her looks.

 

I have no plans on bringing it up, she can when/if she is comfortable. It is just strange to have a part of her life, either present or previous, that we both ignore.

 

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation before.

[bummer]

I would bring it up casually just to make sure she wasn't a Gerber baby model or just a hand model double or something unusual like that. Also, good to check that she doesn't mean porn. Sometimes that profession is conflated with "modeling." Google search her name?

[Thatoneguy55]

I would bring it up casually just to make sure she wasn't a Gerber baby model or just a hand model double or something unusual like that. Also, good to check that she doesn't mean porn. Sometimes that profession is conflated with "modeling." Google search her name?

 

It isn't what kind of modeling or the fact that she is or was one, it is the fact that there is a part of her life we don't discuss, at the early stages of a relationship. I trust she will bring it up when she is ready, it is just strange to have such an elephant in the room.

 

And it was not porn, she is aesthetically above that industry.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have no idea why this would ever be any issue to anyone...As the previous poster stated, if its not porn, where her bare ass is plastered all over the net, I wouldn't consider it any different than any other job, nor does it require any "special" discussion or consideration..

 

TFY

[bummer]

Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. - Esther Perel

[mrs rubble]

How did you find out? She probably hasn't mentioned it in case you thought she was bragging!! I used to be a model too, I never mentioned it to anyone I dated, it didn't even occur to me to mention it.

[Thatoneguy55]

How did you find out? She probably hasn't mentioned it in case you thought she was bragging!! I used to be a model too, I never mentioned it to anyone I dated, it didn't even occur to me to mention it.

 

Added each other on Facebook, which revealed modeling albums.

 

I guess I will just try to stop over-thinking and let it go where it goes. Fortunately I have learned that lesson, though I had to learn it the hard way.

[basil67]

Ah Google. You take away all the mystery....

[mrs rubble]

Added each other on Facebook, which revealed modeling albums.

 

I guess I will just try to stop over-thinking and let it go where it goes. Fortunately I have learned that lesson, though I had to learn it the hard way.

If her albums are on Facebook, then she is assuming that you know already, no need to mention anything....if you want to talk about it, the subject isn't off limits.

[bluefeather]

I've dated models and they enjoyed talking about their work. Unless there was something traumatic that happened in her past, I can't see why she wouldn't want to share that with you.

 

The issue is that we have never discussed it. I get the feeling that she is afraid of me getting insecure or weird, or just wants to be treated like a normal person.

 

So why don't you discuss it like normal people? You're actually not treating her like a normal person by making these assumptions about her and avoiding it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If her albums are on Facebook, then she is assuming that you know already, no need to mention anything....if you want to talk about it, the subject isn't off limits.

 

Right. Just ask her about it if you're curious. If someone I had recently started dating added me on Facebook and noticed that, for instance, I have a twin, but I hadn't talked about it, it wouldn't be because the subject was off limits. I might be flattered that they took the time to get to know more about me by looking at my photos.

[Sunlight72]

Sheesh.

 

Of course I can't tell what is in her head, but it really sounds like it's a big deal to you, and not a big deal to her. Who knows?

 

Have you told her about your favorite pair of shoes in high school?

 

Maybe she really, really loves shoes, and you have been keeping this fabulously fascinating secret from her! Don't deny her the stories!

 

I don't think she is being devious in not blabbing about this to you.

 

If you're really interested, you could ask.

[CptInsano]

A lot of people have modeled at some part of their lives, as there is quite a demand for stock photography. (You can't show the same faces in your marketing material as your competitor.) I'm a guy, and I did a bit of that, too.

 

It really doesn't mean a whole lot, so why not have a simple conversation about it? Although, I'm not even sure why it would be a concern to begin with.

[Thatoneguy55]

Thanks all, I appreciate the replies. I guess the fact that we aren't talking about a department store catalog model, combined with the fact that she is intelligent and down to earth, causes brain-freeze. Thank you for thawing it out for me.

[kazen]

For some odd reason, I thought you said "Dating a Model X". Someone wants to date a Tesla car?

[O'Malley]

I'm assuming that she has "aged out" (not being critical here, but there generally is a shelf life in that profession) of that career and she doesn't want it to define her or her relationships. Being a bit curious about it is fine, but don't be the guy who brags to all his friends or gets jealous about the attention that she gets. If she's shrewd and savvy in her current life, that's what matters.

[NuevoYorko]

I would bring it up casually just to make sure she wasn't a Gerber baby model or just a hand model double or something unusual like that.

 

She hasn't brought up her past modeling to him, why should he have to "make sure" that they type of modeling she's done is not something "unusual?"

 

Modeling is a job, not everybody discusses their past work history with people they are starting to date.

 

Also OP I am not suggesting it was porn but FYI nobody is "aesthetically above" porn, gorgeous women who could easily have been regular models can be seen in porn any time.

[Thatoneguy55]

She hasn't brought up her past modeling to him, why should he have to "make sure" that they type of modeling she's done is not something "unusual?"

 

Modeling is a job, not everybody discusses their past work history with people they are starting to date.

 

Also OP I am not suggesting it was porn but FYI nobody is "aesthetically above" porn, gorgeous women who could easily have been regular models can be seen in porn any time.

 

She is in her early 20s so hasn't aged out that is for sure. As far as your 2nd comment, it is definitely inaccurate. Not that anything other than show-and-tell or explaining where she worked will convince you, so we can just agree to disagree.

[Versacehottie]

Just treat her normal as i'm hoping you have been. And don't presume too much. Sounds like you are filling in the blanks about why she has a few moments that are withdrawn maybe surrounding the subject. She will bring it up if that is indeed what is bothering her or will bring up whatever else it could be. I'm sure she doesn't want to be defined by what she has done for work or her occupation or for her looks vs the rest of her. My advice would be to praise and compliment the person not the occupation (when you learn of it): i.e. compliment her intelligence or whatever else you like about her personality AND her looks and relate them to things that are more about you or you two (like if her eyes or smile are attractive make it about the way she smiles at you at a particular time). Then you become the guy who 'gets' her rather than objectifies her or just wants to brag. When she brings up modeling in the past, I would talk about the adventure of it, traveling or ask her what she liked best about it and expand on that rather than be in awe of the most superficial stuff like everyone else is. See? totally workable. Good luck

[Thatoneguy55]

Just treat her normal as i'm hoping you have been. And don't presume too much. Sounds like you are filling in the blanks about why she has a few moments that are withdrawn maybe surrounding the subject. She will bring it up if that is indeed what is bothering her or will bring up whatever else it could be. I'm sure she doesn't want to be defined by what she has done for work or her occupation or for her looks vs the rest of her. My advice would be to praise and compliment the person not the occupation (when you learn of it): i.e. compliment her intelligence or whatever else you like about her personality AND her looks and relate them to things that are more about you or you two (like if her eyes or smile are attractive make it about the way she smiles at you at a particular time). Then you become the guy who 'gets' her rather than objectifies her or just wants to brag. When she brings up modeling in the past, I would talk about the adventure of it, traveling or ask her what she liked best about it and expand on that rather than be in awe of the most superficial stuff like everyone else is. See? totally workable. Good luck

 

Solid, thank you. That is what I have been doing so far to get here, no reason to start dropping the ball at this point.

 

[jkeefer928]

As someone who's been modeling since I was 12, I have lots of experience with this. First, there is a lot of negative connotations associated with "modeling". It makes people think porn, or just that you're someone who can't get a real job. It would be similar to telling them you used to be a cheerleader. It just makes you look like a bimbo.

 

Another problem with telling your dates you're a model is that they typically will want to see some of your work, but, depending on what kind of modeling you've done, you may feel uncomfortable with that. For example, I've done a lot of swimwear and lingerie shoots, and I'd feel a bit uncomfortable with some guy I'm just getting to know seeing me in skimpy see-through panties and thong bikinis. Some other models may have done nudes, and I can only imagine how uncomfortable that would be. I mean, we all know what guys do with pictures like that, don't we? Do you know what kind of modeling she's done?

 

Of course, if it doesn't work out you'll probably find that she won't mind talking about it. It won't matter anymore. I know that after I quit dating a guy I never had a problem with it then, they were just another fish in the sea at that point. In fact, tbh I used to like showing them my work afterwards, just so they could see what could have been!

[Versacehottie]

Solid, thank you. That is what I have been doing so far to get here, no reason to start dropping the ball at this point.

 

 

Yeah, some of my friends have been models. What I would say is that compliments, "you have the most beautiful eyes", "you are so beautiful" are a dime a dozen and they get those all the time. You have to make it more personal and specific if that makes sense--and give them a little sh*t if they can take it. That's advanced stuff and not sure I can explain it right so a little dangerous to do and it may not be your personality to tease or be sarcastic. But basically so many people have them on a pedestal, if you do too, you're out. If you are on same level and act like it, you've got a chance.

 

Also a big caution for you is how you found out about the modeling past. If you are not on social media together, then obviously it required some snooping on social media or google. IMO, under no circumstances let it be known then that you know!!! Let her tell you. I know more than 50% of people do googling and social media stalking but I wouldn't cop to it, especially as a guy, it just makes you look lame (and again overly into her & in awe now based on occupation and public info rather than the person herself). You already know the person herself so always build upon that as if the other stuff doesn't really matter. Better for your connection with each other & just showing you have the right intentions. When someone likes you for something other than "you" such as your occupation or connections or popularity, and you are used to it, you usually have a great b.s. detector (and are often overly sensitive the other direction worried people would use you in some way to catch some of that shine).

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Sheesh.

 

Of course I can't tell what is in her head, but it really sounds like it's a big deal to you, and not a big deal to her. Who knows?

 

Have you told her about your favorite pair of shoes in high school?

 

Maybe she really, really loves shoes, and you have been keeping this fabulously fascinating secret from her! Don't deny her the stories!

I don't think she is being devious in not blabbing about this to you.

 

If you're really interested, you could ask.

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[Miss Spider]

Depends on the type of modeling. Glamour/commercial modeling really never has an age out. There's a need for people of all ages. If she's in her early 20s she's already aged out of editorial/runway modeling. xD Plus she's got to be near 6ft

Edited September 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Steve51]

I was a consultant to many companies in the fashion industry. Victoria's Secret just to name one that is readily known. There are models and then there are models. I never dated one but had sex with a few. The top tier models travel too much to have a relationship until they get so famous that they do not have to travel and work so much. The models I spent a night or two with were just looking for some fun clubbing and wild sex at night. Then we had sex in the morning and afterwards I drove them to the airport. The best sex I ever had was with one model but some of the others thought that all they needed to bring to the bedroom was their looks and made me do all the work.

 

My first model was a girl I dated in college. She was big and appeared on the cover of 17 Magazine a few times. I do not know if they even sell that anymore. Surprisingly it was easy to pick her up and date her. She said that a lot of guys were afraid to approach her out of fear of rejection or not being good looking enough. Sometimes models want to be the only good looking one in the couple. However, I was good looking and in a school for gifted students. I was more into sports than academics so never was a geek. We dated a few times but she felt entitled to things.

 

The second one I took to a local movie and she had me buy candy to bring home for her sister and was kind of bossy so I never dated her again. She was talking about how she could afford a house and fancy car, etc..

 

The best was a model who picked me up on a plane heading for Houston. Asked me for a ride to her hotel and then invited me to stay. Great night and morning of sex but she said the same as I heard from others. She is never in one place long enough to have a relationships and if she tried she would cheat due to her lifestyle, parties and good looking men hitting on her.

 

There are all types of models and a secret for many men. a lot of them are not so hot looking without the makeup and fancy clothes. They are just good blank canvases to work on. Of course, the supermodels are good looking regardless and why they are super. I will never forget the first time I walked into a room filled with models sleeping on the floor prior to makeup and wearing sweats waiting to be called for makeup.

 

The really hot models are the ones that travel a lot due to high demand. There are plenty of models who do print like in catalogs and TV. They do stay in one place but not the fashion models which were the ones I met. It is a great ego boost for me and my wife is kind of happy about being married to a guy who dated models to the point that she used me as bait to get other girls to join us in bed when she was discovering her bisexuality. A few models I had sex with are bi. Why not, they are with other beautiful women all the time and do get horny and do not want to risk pregnancy or STDs.