shahjskalio Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 So I met a guy on tinder We've been on 4 dates and have been talking for weeks before we met. He got out of an 8 year relationship 3 years ago. When we first met he would call me everyday and even called me baby and took me out on dates and paid and even wanted me to sleep over his house and didn't want me to leave but I always left. I made th mistake of having sex with him on the second date but he didn't even want me to leave and I felt like this person actually liked me but then the weekends came and he wouldn't contact much and would go out with friends and wouldn't invite me. That really upset me :/ and is get distant and then he'd ask what's wrong and are you mad etc. He also came on so strong. On our 3rd date he said we should go to an island togehtor and was even looking for tickets. He also has lots of female friends but he doesnt sleep with them. I know he's a good guy at heart. He works with kids and is very spritiaul. But I'm thinking that he is having issues with getting too serious because he did also say let's take it slow. And he also talked about his ex and how he's not used to being single because he was in an 8 year relationship and it felt like they were married. I was wondering if he still isn't ready for something serious..... 8 years is a long time. What do you guys think? Should I just move on and not waste my time?
bummer Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Yes. But if the sex and free dinner is worth it, no. 1
Zahara Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 (edited) A few years ago, I dated a man for a few months who was a yoga teacher, volunteered at a children's home and was very much into spirituality. One day I received a few texts from him complimenting me about my blonde hair and blue eyes. I have black hair and brown eyes. Come to find out he was dating/sleeping with two other women. While a guy may look good on paper in some aspects of his life, it may not always translate that way when it comes to how they manage and treat their relationships. You've known him for 4 dates and phone calls. You don't know him well enough to state with certainty what he is and is not doing. People can present themselves to be anything they want to in order to get what they want. And usually on their best behavior, showing lots of interest in the beginning. You can still see this guy but date others. Don't place all your eggs in this basket. Try to create healthy boundaries to protect yourself. Watch for red flags, and when you see them, get out. I find that those who keep talking about an ex and find themselves struggling to be vulnerable usually end up hurting you. Edited September 6, 2017 by Zahara 2
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 All the talking you did before meeting, doesn't count. You have been on 4 dates. Just how serious do you expect him to be with somebody he barely knows. You slept with him on date 2 & now think that sex equals commitment. If commitment is what you are after you need to have discussions about exclusivity before you hit the sheets. You also need to learn that when a guy says "lets take things slow" it means he's generally not interested in exclusivity or commitment. Sometimes you can change his mind if you enforce a slow pace that doesn't include sex. 2
smackie9 Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 I wouldn't waste anymore time wondering or analyzing this because you don't need to. Whether he is a good guy or not, if you feel you are not being treated the way you want to be treated, you simply dump him...that's it. No frittering around hoping there is an answer to his behavior. The most important thing is you, and your expectations. He isn't fulfilling those so it's a BuBB-Bye! 2
Redhead14 Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 If you are being intimate with a man and questioning things, you are well with in your rights and responsibility to yourself have a casual, open conversation about what you are each looking for out of your dating journeys. You make a statement: "You know, Xname, I'm hoping to have a long-term relationship for myself with someone". And then let him talk. You aren't talking about having that with each other at this point, you just want to make sure he's looking for the same thing you are. If he says he's only dating casually, then you move on. If he says he's looking for a relationship, you sit back and observe whether he dates you that way -- as in not taking you to bed every time you're together, arranging real dates, asking you questions, being consistent with communicating and doing things that let you get to know one another on various levels. he did also say let's take it slow -- When they say this very early in a dating scenario, it means either he senses the woman is really investing herself too quickly or he wants to string you along. For now, find out what he says he's looking for and observe. 2
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