ariadne.daniels Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 So I met this guy online about a month ago. Our initial conversation went great, and from that point we would communicate everyday. We finally had our first date 2 weeks ago, and everything went great; we spent the day together, and he invited me to spend the night at his place; against my better judgement I agreed because I had been drinking, and didn't feel like driving back to my place. That night at his place was very refreshing; he didn't try to have sex with me, nor did he try to kiss me, he even offered me the bed, while he slept on the couch. After our first date, we continued to communicate, and he was very eager on having me meet his close friends. I know that he is looking for something serious, and wants to find the right one. I met his friends at a get together, and I can say that it was one of the best times I've had in a long time. I was taken aback at how quickly he wanted me to be apart of his life, and also because he didn't try anything sexual with me. After our third date, I asked him why he hadn't tried to kiss me, and he said kissing is very personal to him, and will lead to sex, and he didn't want to have engage in that until we are at the stage of commitment. I respected that, but it only heightened my desire to want to kiss me...which I did...and it led to sex. The next morning, he apologized, and told me that we shouldn't kiss again because he wants to be able to decide whether he liked me for me, and not because of sex. I really respected that, especially since guys like him don't come around too often. However, I am not blinded by sex as he is, I am able to discern lust from genuine emotions. Fast forward to two days ago, I noticed that he started to get kind of jealous on how talkative I was with his roommate, and he got really angry at the fact that I spent more time playing video games with his roommate, than actually spending quality time with him. I understood his point, but I didn't think it was something for him to get so angry about. We made up yesterday, and everything was going as amazing as it was, until my guy friend called me, and confessed his love for him. I told him this, and he got very angry, and completely shut down. He even said, every since we had sex he felt like things has been going wrong between us (I don't feel that way, and I think he's looking at things too deeply). This morning, he confessed to me that he really liked me, and ever since we had sex, he found himself getting more emotional than he should at this stage in the dating process; which was the reason why he didn't want to us to kiss in the first place, he also told me he hadn't been sexual with anyone in 4 years because he just want's to find the one, and be sure that it's love and not lust. He is a very great guy, we have a great time together, he has life together as far as a career goes, and he is not the type I'd have to worry about in terms of cheating. Anyways, he told me today that things are going too fast for him, and he can't control his feelings for me, and that we can't kiss anymore, and we should only see each other on the weekends, and not get close too quickly. The thing is, I fully understand his point, and I should have respected his wishes of not wanting to be kissed in the first place. However, I feel like he is putting too much emphasis on closeness, instead of just letting everything fall into place as they have been...I know that he has anxiety, and might be scared that I could hurt him. Nevertheless, I respected his wishes, and I am just going to make it a point to limit our text conversations. But I'm secretly mad at him for having me meet his closest friends, only to pull back. My question is, should I believe that he genuinely wants to get to know me? or is he just unstable (he can't control his emotions after sex), or should I just cut things off completely, and entertain other people who are interested in me? Thanks, and I apologize for the long read.
bummer Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Yes, he genuinely wants to get to know you. Yes, he likely will continue to exhibit irrational anxiety-driven jealous fits. Yes, he will be attentive. Oh so attentive, because, you are the one. Think about it, after a couple weeks you are already a bit mad he acted out when you played games with his friends. I think the honeymoon phase should last a bit longer before you get a little mad.
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