Miguel Guerreiro Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Hello all, This is my fist post in this forum and I'm in a very depressiv state of mind. My wife of 14 years+almost 4 of dating, sais to me she doesn't love any more. When i ask why she replied that it wasn't just one thing, but a lot of diferents things she's being accumulation over ther years: My poor chosse of an investenment project about 8 years ago, my sometimes explosive behaviour (I make a fuss of litle things but i said, i explode and it's all over), that she belives we will allways have finacial problemes.... The thing is, from the moment she gave the news (last 2017-08-31) to this day 2017-09-05 she has allready taken us to the lawyer, told her parents, told my sister, told her bestes frineds ans I?m very confused. I'm not confused wiyh her wanting a divorce, at least not all that must, I'm confused with why all this rush. So I went and talk to a friend of mine who is a psycologit an to my surprise he said to me that she's displayng all the signes of a woman who is investing in another relation allready. I forget to say that i asked her eyes in eyes if there was another person and she said very viemently that not (almost has she was hangry with the questio). Whato should i do, please help me. I'm feeling so very confused and the worst of it all we have to children in commom: a boy of 13, and a gilr of 9. Thank you all
Cersei Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 So sorry to hear you have to go through this. I am sure it is a real shock. Whether she is seeing someone else or not is irrelevant right now really. Try to keep cool for now and take some time to process your thoughts. Don't do anything rash.
Myasylum Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 I hate to say this, but if you read through these forums, you'll notice... they're all cheating. My wife included after 18 years. They'll suddenly change into what seems to be a different person, blame you for their misery to cover up thier guilt and gone. 5
reboot Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Not that it matters at this point, but yeah, there's almost for sure someone else. 4
BaileyB Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Indeed, it is the only reason why she would want to rush the divorce... there must be someone else. I'm very sorry. If your wife won't go to counselling or consider working to heal the problems in your marriage, then your focus at this point should be on doing your best for your children. Take care. 1
Raena Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Seems like she checked out of your marriage long before she decided to get divorced. To you it's very recent and a huge surprise, for her it's probably been brewing for a long time. Whether she's cheating or not is irrelevant at this point, she's decided to be done. I'm sorry, I know how much it hurts to get blindsided like this. 5
NexttP Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Unfortunately you're just security until she found someone to leave for. To them, it's impractical to leave a long term relationship when it's not toxic just to be single for who knows how long. If anything I get the feeling that she's the toxic one more often than not. Sorry, I know it hurts. I've been through the same thing. She didn't say anything about leaving or show signs of unhappiness until the right man came along.
basil67 Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 I'm sorry you're in this situation. However, as she's already made up her mind, her timeline seems pretty normal to me. Anyone who asks advice about divorce on these boards is advised to see a lawyer immediately. And telling friends and family once her mind is made up is normal. Was she the kind of woman who always acted quickly when her mind was made up about things? If so, this would be normal for her. The only situation where she would take longer to organise it is if she was unsure and wanted a separation first. 1
standtall Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Wow...if you have minor kids, it is 99% certain she has someone lined up..if you don't, it's 95%certain she has someone lined up. 1
Chilli Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 (edited) l'm very sorry but yeah l def' agree with the others, however l don't think it's irrelevant at all that she's probably met someone else. l'm sorry to put it like this but if she is throwing her family away for somebody else then l would show her the door woudn;t be interested in saving or working on the marriage anyway. Where as , if she hasn't been seeing somebody else , then some might want to try. And l'm so sorry for the kids , l've been there but l think it best left to others to offer some help on that . All the best. Edited September 7, 2017 by Chilli
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 It's not rushing, she's probably have thought and thought and planned this for months.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 She's done and likely seeing someone else. Take custody of the kids and be sure you care for them. She's lying to you - you'll discover why soon enough. In the meantime - protect yourself. Move money into your name only. Close her credit cards and separate everything or she will take it all. Hurry! Why should he take custody of the kids and not share it!? He said nothing about her being a bad mother or abusive or careless with money, in fact he's the one who is having those issues. Stop saying horrible things like that.
Buckeye2 Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 (edited) When i ask why she replied that it wasn't just one thing, but a lot of diferents things she's being accumulation over ther years. Then why the sudden rush? Because there is someone else. She wants to divorce with you being the bad guy. Then she can meet a great great guy (that she already has lined up) and "start" dating him. Then she can introduce this great guy that she met after the divorce to the family and ultimately get married. Very clean. OM would never date a married woman. This is especially important for her if you have kids. It's difficult to have a new life with the other man (OM) when he's the guy that broke up the family. Even if the marriage has been bad for years everyone will blame the OM since he was the catalyst. You should get a divorce. The only reason to delay is to reveal the real reason that it's happening now. That way she will be more of a bad guy than you. Put a voice activated recorder (VAR) under her car seat. Edited September 8, 2017 by Buckeye2 1
Chilli Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 Then why the sudden rush? Because there is someone else. She wants to divorce with you being the bad guy. Then she can meet a great great guy (that she already has lined up) and "start" dating him. Then she can introduce this great guy that she met after the divorce to the family and ultimately get married. Very clean. OM would never date a married woman. This is especially important for her if you have kids. It's difficult to have a new life with the other man (OM) when he's the guy that broke up the family. Even if the marriage has been bad for years everyone will blame the OM since he was the catalyst. You should get a divorce. The only reason to delay is to reveal the real reason that it's happening now. That way she will be more of a bad guy than you. Put a voice activated recorder (VAR) under her car seat. So sad but so true.
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