My girlfriend said something slightly "out of the normal" for herself

[amazonrambo]

Well, out of character, really..

 

Been seeing each other for three months now but approaching 6 weeks being in a relationship.

 

She shows high interest in me still and we click on so many levels, it's nice to find someone who likes me for me, my interests and just seems genuine. I do think she's slightly broken by her ex of 6 years, I notice that sometimes but most of the time she genuinely seems happy around me.. I see it in her smile and laughter.

 

Tonight we texted a little and she ended the coversation saying "Right I'm off to bed it's been a bit of a strange night so I think I need some sleep, nighty night xx".

 

I replied "Strange night, anything happen? And okay, have a good nights sleep beautiful. Good luck tomorrow xx". (Good luck with her new job).

 

She then replied "I just find it difficult sometimes being with my friends who have houses and children. It just upsets me sometimes that I'm not at that life stage and I can't join in their conversations. Thank you I will let you know how it goes xx".

 

I thought that was out of the blue. What does she mean by this saying it to me?

 

When we went out together (last Saturday) with her cousin and her cousin's boyfriend, I noticed as they were fooling around with each other playfully, she just sat and stared at them. It kind of felt like she was sad about something. I know her cousin and her partner have a nice small apartment that we visited before going out and her sister has JUST left the family house to move into an apartment with a friend that we also visited that night too, so I'm wondering if she's wanting to find a place because everyone she knows has, which I would be fine with, but I would want her to do that because of our relationship and not to "keep up with everyone else".

[Gaeta]

She means: I just find it difficult sometimes being with my friends who have houses and children. It just upsets me sometimes that I'm not at that life stage and I can't join in their conversations.

 

She had a down moment and shared it with you, her bf, the one person that's suppose to support her in her good and not so good moments. She told you because she trusts you with her feelings.

[Cersei]

She could have been testing the waters to see how serious you felt in this relationship

without coming right out and asking.

 

This is a very new relationship. Have fun. No need to get super serious yet.

[d0nnivain]

You asked her a Q. She gave you an honest answer. She was not telling you that she wanted to settle down or have your kids. She was not thinking about "keeping up with the Jones". She probably had recently spent time with friends who had houses & children so it was on her mind at the moment you asked. So she answered.

 

 

Be happy she was open enough to answer you. Most people would have given you are more vague response.

[amazonrambo]

Yeah, she seemed to be having a down moment as on Facebook she posted https://i.gyazo.com/651ee84733eaa363eec75fbf83def71b.png

 

I didn't reply to her response because I had already said goodnight and it was late anyway, I didn't want to keep a conversation running when it's her first day with her class of children tomorrow. Was this the correct option? We had both already said goodnight.

 

I do feel like it's something I should talk to her about when I see her on Friday though.

[Gaeta]

Yeah, she seemed to be having a down moment as on Facebook she posted https://i.gyazo.com/651ee84733eaa363eec75fbf83def71b.png

 

I didn't reply to her response because I had already said goodnight and it was late anyway, I didn't want to keep a conversation running when it's her first day with her class of children tomorrow. Was this the correct option? We had both already said goodnight.

 

I do feel like it's something I should talk to her about when I see her on Friday though.

 

I don't think she wanted to talk about it over text, she had put a good night at the end of her statement.

 

Just give her encouragement like you'd give encouragement to any other goal she would have. Tell her everything will accomplish itself when it's meant and to keep heading forward.

[amazonrambo]

I don't think she wanted to talk about it over text, she had put a good night at the end of her statement.

 

Just give her encouragement like you'd give encouragement to any other goal she would have. Tell her everything will accomplish itself when it's meant and to keep heading forward.

 

Yeah I'll speak to her about it in person. I've never felt so much for a girl than I have right now and I want to have a family and our own place, but it would pressure the relationship so early on if that's what she is hinting. I want her to know that it will happen but I'd like it to develop naturally.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Everyone wonders about their life choices from time to time, whether it's a a new location, a new job, college, relationships, friendships, how do we know we made the right ones? She's probably thinking maybe if I did this and that, I could have that. Her friends that are married with kids could be looking at her wishing they were single and free too.

 

Also coming from a long relationship, it's hard, you think well did I just waste all those years for nothing? She's just having an identity crisis now. With this day and age of social media, everyone does! I don't think she meant anything or was testing the waters with you, it really has nothing to do with YOU.

 

People mostly think about themselves, their pasts and presents, their future. Tell her you understand what she means, but that she is where she is in life in this phase for a reason and a purpose. Encourage her about tomorrow, let her invision it and let her see that she will have whatever she wants in time.

[Caramelpopcorn]

You asked her a Q. She gave you an honest answer. She was not telling you that she wanted to settle down or have your kids. She was not thinking about "keeping up with the Jones". She probably had recently spent time with friends who had houses & children so it was on her mind at the moment you asked. So she answered.

 

 

Be happy she was open enough to answer you. Most people would have given you are more vague response.

 

Yep, you said it exactly! This!!!

 

+1.

[Steve51]

This is the same behavior exhibited when all of their friends are pregnant. She wants what her friends want because once married, you have little in common with your single friends. Your focus is on your marriage, home, husband and children. I am 66 and have seen group behavior like this. First one gets engaged and then another. Soon the engaged and single girls split into two groups but even in the new group of singles, some will get pregnant and/or have kids.

 

When I was in high school, I had a steady girlfriend as did EVERY friend we had. When they started to have intercourse, so did we. When they got engaged, so did we. We all want the things that our friends want or we would not be their friends.

 

We never had kids and had to bite our tongues as our friends talked about their babies and how every child is a genius and so cute. Then later on they bragged about their kid's achievements, passed pictures around, shared tips on marriage, etc.. Sometimes when we were feeling frisky we would pass along pictures of our dogs and talk about them in human terms until they got the hint.

 

In the end we ended up with friends who had no kids just like us. We had a lot in common and no one was talking about something that the others did not have. It is perfectly natural to want what you want at your stage in life. We all want to fit in with our friends and the lifestyle mosts others our age have.

 

So your girlfriend is longing to get married, settle down and have kids. It happens all the time. If you are not for this, break it off now because more than one woman has "accidently" got pregnant. Some go so far as to get pregnant by another guy and pass it off as the boyfriends. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her to be honest. If you do not want what she wants, she may run across a guy who wants the same things she does.

[mortensorchid]

She's saying she is thinking about the future and settling down and whatnot. And she's fishing for an answer out of you if you feel or have felt the same way at some point.

[GemmaUK]

I don't think she is hinting at moving in with you at all - it's way too early to be thinking about that.

 

She is just seeing her friends at a different life stage and she could have been at that life stage too with her ex by now. Instead she is back at square one and dating.

 

I wouldn't bring it up with her if I were you OP.

[act00]

I'm going to agree not to read to much into it. Everyone evaluates their life from time to time, and it's perfectly normal when all your friends have found "Mr. Right" and start having families, and that you want that too...when will it happen? She's also losing that social circle as they lose their common interests. There is some loss. Friendships will maintain, but her group she would normally "hang" with now have other responsibilities and other interests she does not have. There's a shift.

 

She's not criticizing you or pushing you into something too soon, but she is seeing people move into a piece of life she ultimately strives for...why she dates. Let her be. She may not want to talk extensively with it with you because she doesn't want to make you feel like she's putting pressure on you. Men will run if they think the woman is trying to get that wedding ring too soon, so she's being mindful of that. She opened up to you. That's a good thing.

[kendahke]

I think the timing of your relationship has nothing to do with this.

 

She was probably speaking in general and not as a mean of getting you to offer cohabitation with her, so don't take it that way.

 

Just ask her about her feelings about not having accomplished what she feels she should have by her age and what things does she think she needs to do in order to meet that goal--without interjecting yourself into it or making it seem like you're there to rescue her.

[knabe]

She meant what she said. Stop overthinking. How old are you?

[Ruby Slippers]

She wants marriage, children, and a house and is wondering if that's going to happen with you or not.

[d0nnivain]

Yeah I'll speak to her about it in person. I've never felt so much for a girl than I have right now and I want to have a family and our own place, but it would pressure the relationship so early on if that's what she is hinting. I want her to know that it will happen but I'd like it to develop naturally.

 

 

Do not have this conversation! She gave you a transient answer. She was not opening a discussion about the future.

 

 

You came here because you were a bit unnerved about the early timing of her comments because you mistakenly thought she was saying she wanted those things now. Hers was a throw away remark -- a response to the Q you asked. If you start this discussion, it will be A THING. It's so premature, she will freak out.

 

 

Just hush & let your relationship progress. When it's time to have the future, marriage, family & kids conversations a year plus from now, do it then but for heavens sake hold your tongue now.

[knabe]

Do not have this conversation! She gave you a transient answer. She was not opening a discussion about the future.

 

 

You came here because you were a bit unnerved about the early timing of her comments because you mistakenly thought she was saying she wanted those things now. Hers was a throw away remark -- a response to the Q you asked. If you start this discussion, it will be A THING. It's so premature, she will freak out.

 

 

Just hush & let your relationship progress. When it's time to have the future, marriage, family & kids conversations a year plus from now, do it then but for heavens sake hold your tongue now.

 

This

 

I find I do much better in life if I assume that what people meant was the words they said instead of looking for some hidden meaning or secret riddle.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Do not have this conversation! She gave you a transient answer. She was not opening a discussion about the future.

 

 

You came here because you were a bit unnerved about the early timing of her comments because you mistakenly thought she was saying she wanted those things now. Hers was a throw away remark -- a response to the Q you asked. If you start this discussion, it will be A THING. It's so premature, she will freak out.

 

 

Just hush & let your relationship progress. When it's time to have the future, marriage, family & kids conversations a year plus from now, do it then but for heavens sake hold your tongue now.

 

Honestly, is this what men think whenever we say anything!? You just assume we want to bag you and put our hooks in you!? I mean you must be a wonderful person, but come on, chill

 

Talking about the OP, just to clarify!

[amazonrambo]

Yesterday morning I said "G'morning! Hey, I understand. It's a stage of life I'd like to be at too. There'll come a time where it'll be reached, just have to take life one step at a time! Wanted to make sure you're all set for your first day with your new class.. Put on your best smile and enjoy it You didn't get your job on a freebie.. You worked hard for it! I'll be thinking of you.. Good luck"

 

She replied apologising for the deep message and said she was not ready for that life stage and is happy at the moment but on the drive back from the lake all her friends talked about were partners, babies and houses and they didn't once speak to her on the way home. She told me she wanted to cry and really wanted to come home and give me a hug.

 

I replied "It's okay, happy to listen. I can see why you'd feel upset. But we have a holiday and time together to look forward to, you'll have that smile back on your face before you know it! Maybe you can have that hug on Friday.. ;)"

 

She told me she gets worked up sometimes and she didn't want to put me off with her messages.

 

Did I make it look like I wanted children from my message? She told me she wasn't ready for that life stage and is happy, just worried I might have looked like I wanted that when really I think it's too premature in the relationship.

[d0nnivain]

I think you are both fine, both recognizing that it's too soon for you to be talking concretely about these subjects in your early stage of dating.

 

You said your piece. You both cleared the air. Now stop talking about it.

[amazonrambo]

I think you are both fine, both recognizing that it's too soon for you to be talking concretely about these subjects in your early stage of dating.

 

You said your piece. You both cleared the air. Now stop talking about it.

 

Yeah I did I moved the conversation on straight after.