Less contact?

[Caramelpopcorn]

Hello again!

 

So I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now, the relationship is good, I feel like he's dependable and stable and I can rely on him. I never have any reason to doubt him really.

 

Here's the thing, we don't talk as much as we did in the start, like he'd text me paragraphs all day every day, call me for hours even when he did regular chores he'd take me with him on the phone, we met often and everything was great.

 

He recently started a new job. When we met he had quit his old one cause he was so unhappy in it, anyway so our contact/meeting has been less and I'm hoping it's just normal after dating for a while and him starting a new job? I asked him about it, if he's busy or just losing interest and not missing me as much?

 

He said he's been pressed for time between work, gym, whatever going on and he doesn't want to text me when he's bed and just fall asleep mid conversation cause he's done it a lot before and feels bad. He also said he's just more comfortable and feels closer to me.

 

Should I believe him? How do I know if I'm just acting crazy and overreacting, or it's just a gut feeling that he's pulling away? Also, should I ask him about it again, or that would make me look naggy and clingy?

 

Help me!

[d0nnivain]

Yes you should believe him. He has a new job. He has to pay attention to it & doesn't have time to text you paragraphs. Texting is poor substitute for spending time together anyway. Put the phone down & just enjoy the time you have together.

[Gaeta]

No one can keep up texting and calling the way we did at first. At some point we have to keep on living, working, running errands and laundry.

 

As months go by you are suppose to text less but see each other more, how often do you see each other?

[Caramelpopcorn]

Yes you should believe him. He has a new job. He has to pay attention to it & doesn't have time to text you paragraphs. Texting is poor substitute for spending time together anyway. Put the phone down & just enjoy the time you have together.

 

Is it normal if a couple of days go by without any contact? I'm kind of new to the dating game after leaving a long term relationship.

[Caramelpopcorn]

No one can keep up texting and calling the way we did at first. At some point we have to keep on living, working, running errands and laundry.

 

As months go by you are suppose to text less but see each other more, how often do you see each other?

 

I definitely understand that it can't be sustained, but what if I don't hear from him at all for 1-2 days? I guess I just want to know what's the normal and what isn't the normal.

 

We meet every other weekend, we live a couple of hours away.

[d0nnivain]

Is it normal if a couple of days go by without any contact? I'm kind of new to the dating game after leaving a long term relationship.

 

 

Well it was normal for me. I apparently prefer less contact than many. In this new texting era there are people who want daily contact. If you do, tell your BF but be satisfied with a short text not paragraphs. If it takes a paragraph just call.

[Gaeta]

Is it normal if a couple of days go by without any contact? I'm kind of new to the dating game after leaving a long term relationship.

 

It depends where your relationship is at. Do you just have dates or you do you spend your weekendd together? Have you met family? have you gone on a get-away weekend?

[Gaeta]

 

We meet every other weekend, we live a couple of hours away.

 

Why do you see each other so little after 5 months?

[Caramelpopcorn]

Well it was normal for me. I apparently prefer less contact than many. In this new texting era there are people who want daily contact. If you do, tell your BF but be satisfied with a short text not paragraphs. If it takes a paragraph just call.

 

Thank you, that makes sense. Also I should call him more other than just waiting on him to call, but I'm constantly thinking well what if he's busy and I'm bothering him?

[Gaeta]

Thank you, that makes sense. Also I should call him more other than just waiting on him to call, but I'm constantly thinking well what if he's busy and I'm bothering him?

 

After 5 months you should not worry about 'what if he's busy'. If he is busy he will simply tell you he's busy and he'll call you back right? After 5 months you don't keep track of who calls who first, you feel like hearing his voice you call him.

[d0nnivain]

I'm constantly thinking well what if he's busy and I'm bothering him?

 

That's what voice mail is for.

[Caramelpopcorn]

It depends where your relationship is at. Do you just have dates or you do you spend your weekendd together? Have you met family? have you gone on a get-away weekend?

 

We spend weekends together, his parents and friends know about me, and so do mine, we haven't met though cause his parents are in another state. I've two kids so we are taking things slower than "normal".

 

We plan on going on a week long vacation to Nashville in the fall, but we haven't really set a real date.

 

Also, he hasn't said he loves me yet? He'll talk about marriage and kids with me, but hasn't said those words. Maybe it's just me worrying about small things that are avalanching the worry.

Edited September 5, 2017 by Caramelpopcorn

[Caramelpopcorn]

That's what voice mail is for.

 

You're right, and he has said that before that if he's busy he'd just tell me, I'm always just worrying about smothering a man.

[Gaeta]

We spend weekends together, his parents and friends know about me, and so do mine, we haven't met though cause his parents are in another state. I've two kids so we are taking things slower than "normal".

 

We plan on going to a week long vacation to Nashville in the fall, but we haven't really set a real date.

 

Also, he hasn't said he loves me yet? He'll talk about marriage and kids with me, but hasn't said those words. Maybe it's just me worrying about small things that are avalanching the worry.

 

If you are both willing to take things slower than normal than the ILY will come slower than normal.

 

By only seeing each other every second weekend you don't spend enough time together to call it love yet.

 

How old are your children?

[Caramelpopcorn]

If you are both willing to take things slower than normal than the ILY will come slower than normal.

 

By only seeing each other every second weekend you don't spend enough time together to call it love yet.

 

How old are your children?

 

We were meeting more than that in the start cause he wasn't working and so he'd even call me for 6 hours intervals sometimes, which is crazy.

 

5 and 2. He has none though.

[Gaeta]

5 and 2. He has none though.

 

Ok, I understand the need to take things slow. How long have you split from your children's father?

 

I think you should take it one day at a time. With 2 babies you are not in a position to invest serious time in a new man. Enjoy the relatoinship for what it is, if it works then good, if it doesn't it's because something better is waiting for you.

 

I don't want to rain on your parade but amoung all men you could date picking one that is 2 hours awy, and picking one that has no children, is not playing in your favor.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Ok, I understand the need to take things slow. How long have you split from your children's father?

 

I think you should take it one day at a time. With 2 babies you are not in a position to invest serious time in a new man. Enjoy the relatoinship for what it is, if it works then good, if it doesn't it's because something better is waiting for you.

 

I don't want to rain on your parade but amoung all men you could date picking one that is 2 hours awy, and picking one that has no children, is not playing in your favor.

 

Ok... thanks? Unnecessarily mean comment that has nothing to do with my original question. These are my choices, you don't get to choose for me.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Caramelpopcorn

[fred123]

Why dont u see each other every weekend? Makes no sense u hardly see each other. Thats not a realtionship lol. I see my gardener more than that

[Sara1989]

Why dont u see each other every weekend? Makes no sense u hardly see each other. Thats not a realtionship lol. I see my gardener more than that

 

I find that strange, surely at 5 months he should be coming down one evening a week when the kids are in bed to see you?

 

I read your other threads and I wonder if he has a sweet arrangement set up with you, he has a part time girlfriend who he sees every other weekend and he gets sex, company etc without any need for real commitment....like he has not introduced you to family/friends, has not said ILY, does not have see you often and is even slacking on contacting you.

 

You have a bad gut feeling for a reason, deep down you are not happy with how things are developing with him.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, if I recall, you posted a thread very recently that you showed your boyfriend your "crazy."

 

Is it possible that this slowing of contact and low frequency of meet-ups is related? What exactly has he seen?

[LovelyRose]

Hello again!

 

So I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now, the relationship is good, I feel like he's dependable and stable and I can rely on him. I never have any reason to doubt him really.

 

Here's the thing, we don't talk as much as we did in the start, like he'd text me paragraphs all day every day, call me for hours even when he did regular chores he'd take me with him on the phone, we met often and everything was great.

 

He recently started a new job. When we met he had quit his old one cause he was so unhappy in it, anyway so our contact/meeting has been less and I'm hoping it's just normal after dating for a while and him starting a new job? I asked him about it, if he's busy or just losing interest and not missing me as much?

 

He said he's been pressed for time between work, gym, whatever going on and he doesn't want to text me when he's bed and just fall asleep mid conversation cause he's done it a lot before and feels bad. He also said he's just more comfortable and feels closer to me.

 

Should I believe him? How do I know if I'm just acting crazy and overreacting, or it's just a gut feeling that he's pulling away? Also, should I ask him about it again, or that would make me look naggy and clingy?

 

Help me!

 

 

Hello OP... I want to say basing on all three of your threads that it may be you over thinking it. If he is dependable and reliable like you said he is and things are good, then believe him. You already asked him questions and he gave you the answers so believe him. It's your anxiety making you think of negative things.

 

My bf did the exact thing with me. We started our communication at a very high frequency and then all of a sudden it went down like 80% after a month. Of course I went crazy, lol. He would disappear for an entire day sometimes couple of days, I hated it so I had talked to him about it,

 

He told me similar things like he doesn't like calling at a certain time because I may be busy. We don't need constant texting because we know each other well enough now etc.

 

I was like you too. Always waiting for him to initiate the contact. I've had several discussion with him about our communication. Thankfully we have overcome this issue. He doesn't disappear anymore. But I've also learned not to just sit there and wait for him all day. He had told me just call him whenever I want and if he doesn't pick up, don't take it personally. It just means he's busy.

 

The texting is really not that much anymore and even our calls are not daily. But I would say that we have progressed a lot and we are very happy. We understand each other a lot more now.

 

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. Been together for about 6 months, We are also long distance and see each otther every three weeks. He has no kids and I have two. I'm totally in love with him and ready to say it but I know he is not ready, So I'm hanging in there.

 

We did say the same thing, take things slow. He also told me he process slow. He is amazing overall and I am positive that when the time is right, the L word will come out hahaha. Maybe it's for the best we take our time. We started long distance so yeah, he may need more time considering we only see each other every three weeks.

 

Hang in there girl. Always be honest and find ways to communicate. Hope things get better for you and I must say, very brave of you to say it first.

[Gaeta]

Ok... thanks? Unnecessarily mean comment that has nothing to do with my original question. These are my choices, you don't get to choose for me.

 

I am not being mean. We are having a discussion about your situation. You are on here for opinion from people neutral to your situation. I am giving you my opinion in a very respectful way. I am someone much older than you and have lots of experience, may be a good thing for you to not dismiss my opinion so quickly.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Why dont u see each other every weekend? Makes no sense u hardly see each other. Thats not a realtionship lol. I see my gardener more than that

 

Because I spend every other weekend with my kids and my sisters and my mom. My father just died after a few months of being in the hospital so we've been trying to not leave each other alone. They live an hour and half from where I am too.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I find that strange, surely at 5 months he should be coming down one evening a week when the kids are in bed to see you?

 

I read your other threads and I wonder if he has a sweet arrangement set up with you, he has a part time girlfriend who he sees every other weekend and he gets sex, company etc without any need for real commitment....like he has not introduced you to family/friends, has not said ILY, does not have see you often and is even slacking on contacting you.

 

You have a bad gut feeling for a reason, deep down you are not happy with how things are developing with him.

 

If you've actually read carefully his friends and family know me, they even know my kids. He doesn't have a side gf, I always know where he is because he usually shares that with me. Plus, if there's another girl, I would feel that, women always know at least with this part.

[Caramelpopcorn]

OP, if I recall, you posted a thread very recently that you showed your boyfriend your "crazy."

 

Is it possible that this slowing of contact and low frequency of meet-ups is related? What exactly has he seen?

 

Well, my crazy has dramatically improved though, he was contacting me way more during my crazy phase, and by crazy I mean dealing with my dad's death and very turbulent feelings about it and trying to break up with him a few times.