sadpanda3 Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 So I've had this issue with my boyfriend where I'm not too sure what to think about it. I was quite hurt about it but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. He doesn't have a good relationship with his family. They don't talk/see each other a lot. We haven't been going out for long, so I only met his family recently. It was his idea to introduce me. I never ever mentioned meeting his parents. The part I'm feeling conflicted about is he didn't tell his family he was taking me along. I don't think he even told them who I was. So the whole thing was quite a bit embarassing and confusing for all parties involved. They weren't rude, but they obviously felt just as flabbergasted as I did. Now I'm not too sure if I should chalk this up to the fact he has a crappy relationship with his family....or really I don't know what to think about it. That's just really weird behavior.
kendahke Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Perhaps he's got them on a need to know basis and they didn't need to know who you were until he brought you around? He does know them better than you do and this could be his way of managing them and how they are. I'm trying to understand why you're feeling hurt. I could understand it if you were dating him for some time and he never brought you around to introduce you to them.
CptInsano Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Yes, having a crappy relationship with his parents may explain some of that. Also, there might be cultural differences, meaning that meeting the parents does not always carry the same weight depending on your personal background. But meeting the parents but not telling them who you were is a little odd. You are positive that he considers you his girlfriend, right?
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Is this his first relationship? Maybe he doesn't understand just how important it is to "meet the family?" I also think because he has a poor relationship with his family, it may not have been as important to him. It could also just be very poor communication skills... I don't know that any harm was intended. Just watch and see how things go... If it's a one-off, no big deal. If he does other things that show you are not a priority to him, then you worry...
Author sadpanda3 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 But meeting the parents but not telling them who you were is a little odd. You are positive that he considers you his girlfriend, right? He did tell them who I was once we got there.
CptInsano Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 He did tell them who I was once we got there. Okay, so He just sprung the situation onto his family. My gut feeling is that is has more to do with your boyfriend's relationship with his family, and not nearly as much with your relationship with him. What did he have to say about it? 2
Author sadpanda3 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 Is this his first relationship? Maybe he doesn't understand just how important it is to "meet the family?" I also think because he has a poor relationship with his family, it may not have been as important to him. It could also just be very poor communication skills... I don't know that any harm was intended. Just watch and see how things go... If it's a one-off, no big deal. If he does other things that show you are not a priority to him, then you worry... Not the first one, he's never taken anyone home though. It's embarassing because I don't like showing up uninvited to someones house. Also... I don't have the same ethnic background (you don't notice because I don't look like it) and they made some really embarassing jokes in that direction.
Author sadpanda3 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 Okay, so He just sprung the situation onto his family. My gut feeling is that is has more to do with your boyfriend's relationship with his family, and not nearly as much with your relationship with him. What did he have to say about it? He said that was the easiest way to deal with it lol He wasn't comfortable either. At all.
kendahke Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 and they made some really embarassing jokes in that direction. Probably part of the reason why he didn't want to announce you before hand--because you wouldn't have seen for yourself how they are and would have been giving them the benefit of the doubt without knowing who you were talking about.
CptInsano Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 He said that was the easiest way to deal with it lol He wasn't comfortable either. At all. Yeah, he might have been embarrassed about his parents. I tried to hide gfs from my mom as long as possible, because I knew she would say something grossly inappropriate. Maybe your bf tried to downplay the whole affair, but it didn't really work? 1
Gaeta Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Not the first one, he's never taken anyone home though. It's embarassing because I don't like showing up uninvited to someones house. Also... I don't have the same ethnic background (you don't notice because I don't look like it) and they made some really embarassing jokes in that direction. The jokes about your ethnic background is a concern. Was it malicious? Did your boyfriend defend you?
Author sadpanda3 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 The jokes about your ethnic background is a concern. Was it malicious? Did your boyfriend defend you? It wasn't malicious : like I said I don't look like it so they didn't know...until they asked me where I'm from. After that it was quite awkward.
Gaeta Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 It wasn't malicious : like I said I don't look like it so they didn't know...until they asked me where I'm from. After that it was quite awkward. It was awkward because they realized they made a faux-pas? The embarrassment is on them. I don't mind the fact he didn't tell his family about you ahead of time but he should have warned you what he was getting you into.
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Not everybody has a close relationship with their family. This guy liked you enough to bring you along & introduce you to them. The fact that he didn't tell them about you before you met them was their family dynamic. It had nothing to do with you. Stop making it about you. Focus solely on how he treats you, which you admit is just fine
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