Bastile Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) Her reaching out was likely an attempt to keep you on the hook whilst she dithers. It's simple: if she doesn't want to see you, then she has no use. Your mistake is in trying to adapt yourself to her low-interest. Move on; next girl. Put this one on the backburner. Maybe you will get her out again, but she'll have to invest heavily for you to consider her a steady girl. Edit: you should also break the chain of heavily investing in one girl at a time. Enjoy women (plural) until one seriously convinces you into doing otherwise. Edited September 5, 2017 by Bastile
kendahke Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) So... I should timely respond to every message and give her the impression that she'll get my prompt attention whenever she wants it ? No, you need to break up with her because your attitude is poisonous and it has you considering her esteem like this. You've allowed your imagination and your perceived affront to it to conjure up a scenario that most likely isn't even going on. Edited September 5, 2017 by kendahke 1
Author brandon26003 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 Why is it that the women who have replied to my post think that I'm the world's biggest a-hole, but the men who have replied somewhat agree. I'm aware that her son comes before me. Everything was great for the first month. She'd say that she couldn't wait to see me again, and then all of a sudden, flakiness. She told me the day before she said she may not be available that she couldn't wait to see me. I offered her a solution by saying that we could do something child friendly, but she said she didn't feel comfortable yet. This should tell her that I'm interested in more than sex. But.... I'm the inconsiderate a-hole ? I think anyone would question someone doing the same thing to them. Whatever the reason it, it's sending mixed signals. I don't play games. If I'm interested, I tell them. If I'm not, I tell them. If I think it will only be FWB, I tell them. The problem is that most people approach dating as it is a game. That is why I'm not good at dating.
staggerlee71 Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 She is a single women with kids and a life. Her mixed signals are telling you that your not the priority....yet. either have patience and build or demand what you want and chase her off. I understand your desire to not be available but its overrated. If you play it straight, you will get where your going faster and cleaner. She will perceive you as a good catch with great communication skills and knows right where she stands, or she will flake and run. either way you will know. Many single moms behave like this if you ask me. They are trying to determine what is good for them and the kids so they get conflicted. Mixed signal. Strap up and show her your a strong guy and can manage this, at least for a little bit. Just don't over invest yet
rushed Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) Why is it that the women who have replied to my post think that I'm the world's biggest a-hole, but the men who have replied somewhat agree. Regardless of our opinions of you, the general consensus here from both males and females is that she's not the one for you. She's not meeting your needs, and her unavailability is causing you stress and anxiety. Of these, what do you have control over? Just your own actions. A relationship shouldn't cause this much stress early on. Move on to the next one. Edited September 5, 2017 by rushed spelling 1
SevenCity Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Why is it that the women who have replied to my post think that I'm the world's biggest a-hole, but the men who have replied somewhat agree. I'm aware that her son comes before me. Everything was great for the first month. She'd say that she couldn't wait to see me again, and then all of a sudden, flakiness. She told me the day before she said she may not be available that she couldn't wait to see me. I offered her a solution by saying that we could do something child friendly, but she said she didn't feel comfortable yet. This should tell her that I'm interested in more than sex. But.... I'm the inconsiderate a-hole ? I think anyone would question someone doing the same thing to them. Whatever the reason it, it's sending mixed signals. I don't play games. If I'm interested, I tell them. If I'm not, I tell them. If I think it will only be FWB, I tell them. The problem is that most people approach dating as it is a game. That is why I'm not good at dating. You'll find that a lot here. Many women say the men are misogynists yet they seem to cast us all as aholes. You'll see patterns from female posters who will berate you and make it all your fault. There are some who offer good insight, but many who just take the stance that as a man you are at fault. Now to your question. She said she wasnt available and you pushed for an alternative. If she isn't available then tell her to reach out when she is and go live your life as if you'll never see her again. A lot of women will test in this way to see what you are made of. "If I postpone seeing him will he freak out? If so, he could be controlling and I don't want that". It's unfortunate but dating has changed CONSIDERABLY since I last did it 17 years ago. Used to be you asked a girl out and if all went well she became your gf. Nowadays you can almost count on anyone using OLD to be multidating. She will test all the guys in her circle and keep the best option. It sucks, but it's the reality. All you can do is be the best option and keep your options open.
TheFinalWord Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 This upsets me because when I start dating someone new, this normally happens after a month. All of a sudden there are various reasons why they are unavailable. Are you finding this pattern with all women you are dating, or just the single moms you are dating?
Author brandon26003 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 Are you finding this pattern with all women you are dating, or just the single moms you are dating? Almost all women that I've dated. It's not just women with kids.
some_username1 Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Why is it that the women who have replied to my post think that I'm the world's biggest a-hole, but the men who have replied somewhat agree. That is actually quite an easy question to answer. As the old saying goes: if you want to know how to catch fish who do you ask for advice? The fish? Or the fisherman?
SevenCity Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 That is actually quite an easy question to answer. As the old saying goes: if you want to know how to catch fish who do you ask for advice? The fish? Or the fisherman? Good one! Never heard that before!
Bastile Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 You'll find that a lot here. Many women say the men are misogynists yet they seem to cast us all as aholes. You'll see patterns from female posters who will berate you and make it all your fault. There are some who offer good insight, but many who just take the stance that as a man you are at fault. Now to your question. She said she wasnt available and you pushed for an alternative. If she isn't available then tell her to reach out when she is and go live your life as if you'll never see her again. A lot of women will test in this way to see what you are made of. "If I postpone seeing him will he freak out? If so, he could be controlling and I don't want that". It's unfortunate but dating has changed CONSIDERABLY since I last did it 17 years ago. Used to be you asked a girl out and if all went well she became your gf. Nowadays you can almost count on anyone using OLD to be multidating. She will test all the guys in her circle and keep the best option. It sucks, but it's the reality. All you can do is be the best option and keep your options open. The game never ends, though one can but try.
Miss Spider Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 (edited) I have discovered that being busy means they are not into you. Or to be more specific, how into you they are is directly inversely correlated with how busy they are. So if she's busy a whole lot with no signs of not being busy in sight... Sorry man Edited September 6, 2017 by Cookiesandough
SevenCity Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 The game never ends, though one can but try. That was the hardest realization I had to make when I got back in. I've made some mistakes and learned a lot. Seems I know exactly what to do and say to keep them happy as a cat licking milk from a saucer. The problem is I run out of patience and can't be bothered and move onto the next. Maybe that will change if I find one I like long term? Time will tell....
Author brandon26003 Posted September 7, 2017 Author Posted September 7, 2017 It's definitely a shame that dating seems to be a game. I ended up messaging her 3 nights ago, reiterated that it sucks that we wouldn't see one another for a few more weeks, and told her to get in contact with me when and if she wanted to hang out again, and closed with "have a great week.". She messaged me last night asking how I was doing. I replied and told her to have a good night and that I'd message her tomorrow as I was in bed.
ChatroomHero Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 It's definitely a shame that dating seems to be a game. I ended up messaging her 3 nights ago, reiterated that it sucks that we wouldn't see one another for a few more weeks, and told her to get in contact with me when and if she wanted to hang out again, and closed with "have a great week.". She messaged me last night asking how I was doing. I replied and told her to have a good night and that I'd message her tomorrow as I was in bed. It's not that much of a game if you think rationally. You told her to message you and get in contact when she wanted to hang out...3 nights later... She apparently responded with small talk and specifically NOT setting a time to see. She asked how you were doing, not if you wanted to get together on xxx day. That is a clear statement itself that is very easy for you to read. People aren't going to say, "Hey, you are ok looking and kind of bore me, but you are very nice and a good person and I do feel bad rejecting you. I am going to be nice to you, but I think I can do better so don't expect me to do anything more than be a pen pal". In this case does she really need to say those words before you believe it? She has done about everything but say it. It isn't exactly a game, it's more of you not detecting clear low to no interest from her. If a woman says she would like to go out with me and I ask her 2 times and she declines, I don't think "She said she wanted to go to dinner, wth?", and then analyze the hell out of her saying yes for the next two months. I think, "What she said doesn't matter. What she did is all that matters". Boom, all mystery gone. 'Listen' to what they do and not what they say when you are basically strangers getting to know each other in a newer relationship. If you 'listen' to their actions and not their words, you will find you move on a lot faster and a lot easier than otherwise...the best part is if you misread their actions but they really are interested, they will still seek you out.
Author brandon26003 Posted September 8, 2017 Author Posted September 8, 2017 The past few nights she and I had very brief texting conversations. Every night I told her that I'd contact her the next day. Both days she found a reason to text me before I had a chance to text her.
alphamale Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 Should I go full no contact and write her off ? dude, if a chick genuinely wants to be with you she'll make the time and procure a baby sitter 1
Miss Spider Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 The past few nights she and I had very brief texting conversations. Every night I told her that I'd contact her the next day. Both days she found a reason to text me before I had a chance to text her. Texting means nothing. It's basically use in between days to keep someone on the hook. So don't put too much stock in that. Some people just love to send stuff about their day to multiple people when they are bored. It takes a second to text and no thoughts whatsoever. Unless she is repulsed by you or she finds too many other people to chitchat with she will probably not stop doing that. Itakes a lot more desire to make an effort to see someone. Which is very possible as she was doing it before. Unless you want a texting buddy or you multidate, let her go 1
Author brandon26003 Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 Why would a woman unfriend a guy from Snapchat, but not Facebook ? Long story short...We met online a few months back. We had our first date a month after. We went on 3-4 dates and were friends on Facebook and Snapchat. She started to go cold after our last date. She would flake when I'd ask her out again. I heard the busy excuse and other excuses. Naturally, I stopped messaging her. After a few days, she messaged back. If I didn't message her for a few hours, she'd message me. She'd also make dust contact a lot. During this time when I'd Snapchat, she'd be one of the first person's to view my story... Almost like she was waiting for me to Snap. I told myself I'd ask her out one more time and I did. She ghosted me, unfriended me from Snapchat, and I haven't heard from her in 3 days. Why would she unfriend me from Snapchat, but not Facebook or Instagram ?
coolheadal Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Why would a woman unfriend a guy from Snapchat, but not Facebook ? Long story short...We met online a few months back. We had our first date a month after. We went on 3-4 dates and were friends on Facebook and Snapchat. She started to go cold after our last date. She would flake when I'd ask her out again. I heard the busy excuse and other excuses. Naturally, I stopped messaging her. After a few days, she messaged back. If I didn't message her for a few hours, she'd message me. She'd also make dust contact a lot. During this time when I'd Snapchat, she'd be one of the first person's to view my story... Almost like she was waiting for me to Snap. I told myself I'd ask her out one more time and I did. She ghosted me, unfriended me from Snapchat, and I haven't heard from her in 3 days. Why would she unfriend me from Snapchat, but not Facebook or Instagram ? What I don't get is why do you really care if she does or doesn't. Ghost, so what Ghost her back and block her yourself. She's not interested in you anymore so move on. Waste so much time over this and look at the outcome ! Snapchat she blocked you so what if she hasn't hit the other two I am sure that can change as well very soon. Why not beat her to the punch line and block her instead. Na, na, na da! 1
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 Maybe her BF deleted you while he was going through her phone. And it really wasn't a date....possible friend zoning.
Author brandon26003 Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 I ended up messaging her back. We texted back and forth. It wasn't always me making first contact. Some days I'd wake up to messages from her, and other days, I made first contact. She would call me "boo" and seemed generally interested again. We are friends on almost every social media site. Every time I would post a Snap to my story, she would be the first to watch it. I almost got the impression that she was stalking me on Snapchat as a way to see what I was doing. I told myself that I was going to ask her one more time to go out. 3 days ago I told her that I missed her and would like to see her this weekend and then crickets. She never replied to that and I haven't heard from her since. She straight ghosted me. I also noticed that she unfriended me from Snapchat, but hasn't unfriended me from any other social media sites. Why would she only unfriend me from one site and not the others? This is frustrating. Had she just said something to me it wouldn't have been as bad, but ghosting me and not responding is the most disrespectful thing anyone can do in dating.
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