fieldoflavender Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I have a weird situation - I mean, normally I don't mind making the first move as long as I don't always do it, but this is a bit awkward and we work in the same place. So about 2 years ago, I had been talking to this guy when I was living in a different city but about to move to his city in 6 months. We would write long messages for like a month but he wouldn't bring up meeting up. Finally I got frustrated and asked and then he was wishy washy. We had each other on Facebook and eventually I figured out he was multi-dating, which I suppose is okay on its own but then I felt he was keeping as the back-burner girl. That annoyed me immensely so I deleted him and then I think he started a relationship with the other girl. Later he broke up with her. I dated someone else too, etc. We have seen each other in glances at the place we work (well I"ve seen him but I don't know if he recognizes me) but we have not formally been introduced. And I don't work there on a a regular basis. Anyways I'm 3 months post break up and ready to look for someone new. And he's online again. I mean if i didn't have to like see him again at work, I would just message and say - hi, I think we talked before, blah blah and test it out. But given we could run into each other at work, I don't want things to get awkward. And it's not like I can pretend we never knew each other and say "Oh hey, nice to meet you." Sure it was 2 years ago, but we did talk for 1 month every day online. As for how I feel about how he handled it 2 years ago, I mean I was mad at the time, but I guess I am not against giving it another try. I mean people date here and there - and now we're both single? Is there a good way to approach this without making everyone awkward? Oh the other thing, I went on a few dates with someone else he works with a year ago - it didn't pan out. I guess that just adds to the complexity of all this. All this complexity is making me feel like forget it - but I mean otherwise he's a good catch.
elaine567 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 ...and now we're both single? Do you actually know that for certain?
Author fieldoflavender Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 Well he's actively on a dating website. So I would assume so? 1
act00 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 He's a coworker...drop and let it go. You recognize him at work. You have no idea if he recognizes you...I suspect he does...you suspect he recognizes you too. The situation has created a significant level of distress in your head. Why make it worse by advancing on him or even acknowledging he hit your "match list" on the dating site? Why even make your past communication a "thing?" You never dated. You were long-distance in some internet forum. It was in no way, shape, or form anything tangible. You were some distant person who wasn't going to ever be reality, like a fantasy, and then when you move to the area...well crap, now what? Dating coworkers is a slippery slope, and whatever happened two years ago is the past...TWO YEARS ago...give up the ghost, sweetie, it wasn't real to start with, and two years have happened. You really have no direct communication with him, and I would say leave sleeping dogs lie...leave it in the past. If and when the opportunity presents itself that you have to work together or speak to each other, keep it professional. He's just someone from the past. We all have "someones" from the past. Don't try to confront him and create closure for yourself and your wounded psyche. You made a mistake. He's a dick. We all get that. Don't let this **** infect your professional career. The best revenge is living a happy and fulfilling life. Get on with that. 1
elaine567 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 YOU met on FB and he dodged meeting you and dated some other girl. YOU now work together, so if he thought "Wow that was that amazing girl I met years ago", he will make a bee line for you. If that is not his thinking, he will basically ignore you and that seems to be his strategy atm, so best let sleeping dogs lie. It was an awkward "break up", so not many I guess will want to go there again, and what do you do if you do make a play for him, and he doesn't actually remember you or rejects you again, and THEN you have to work together...
Author fieldoflavender Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 Lol I don't really have a wounded psyche or anything, I've dated tons of people since then that and been in a long term relationship. Sure the first month after I was annoyed, but then I forgot about it. I guess it's more like we never truly got a real chance to meet in real life, try it out, and see. It was kind of a missed connection. And years ago, I would say - oh no way, but I guess now after maturing, sometimes life happens? I've made choices on people I shouldn't have picked and missed opportunities. And maybe he's thinking the same - that he doesn't want to make work uncomfortable? We don't work directly together, we work in the same large entity - and there are rare chances we may interact, but it hasn't come across yet. So it's not like we can easily approach each other or something. He's indirectly sent some work my way, and I did keep it professional. Meh I guess I can see if I end up running into him naturally through work and gage how that interaction goes.
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