He saw my crazy.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I've been with my guy for 5 months. He's a wonderful man, he's reliable and stable while I on the other hand is a nervous ball of anxiety, I've history of abuse and I recently lost my dad to a traumatizing death. I'm getting better and I'm on antidepressants so that doom and gloom has improved for me,

 

But he's seen it all, is that too early? Why hasn't he dumped me yet? I feel embarrassed about it all cause it's something I've been hiding from people, that part of me that I'm ashamed of. He tells me about it too, like he has seen through me and I hated that feeling of being so naked, do you know what I mean?

 

Should I expect him to leave me after seeing this part of me?

[smackie9]

Keep your communication with him open and honest. If he was going to dump you he would have already. Learn to trust people, even when you are feeling vulnerable. Stop letting your anxiety do all the talking.

[act00]

It sounds to me like you have a good grasp of reality. You understand where you are unraveling and why, and you are actively working on your issues and actively working to fix the parts that are broken. We all break. We all break down. We all have our moments. It doesn't sound like you're lashing out at him, as if he is your punching bag and the reason for your ills, but if you do vent, fall apart, and lash out, he's an ear, and a safe person to unload...and you're not unloading and a disaster area all the time.

 

If you are falling apart and a disaster area all the time, count your blessings he's stuck around this long, and if you want to keep him, you'd better make some changes. When we care about people, we put up with a lot, but there's an end-point, and if that end-point is unattainable, people walk.

 

This guy is a positive in your world right now. Use him for positive. Use him as an ear to bend and a shoulder to cry on, but use him as your happiness and solid grounding and a break from the rest of your life and just enjoy him and you together without all that other stuff...it's a difficult mish-mash, but he's there for both...just make sure he's not your pounding bag and therapist all the time.

 

When I say use him, I don't mean like trash, use and toss. I mean use as an anchor. Our good relationships are our anchors, and we are theirs.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Really appreciate the feedback, makes me feel positive and hopeful about it all, I've never lashed out on him, but I've sort of disappeared a few times in the early stages mostly cause I thought he's better off with someone else who is more like him, who isn't broken. I still think he deserves better, but now I love him and I'm selfish about it, I want him for myself.

 

I just hope he doesn't suddenly realize he's made a mistake and end it.

[preraph]

Find out what's in his past that he is undauted by your craziness. Did he have alcoholic or addictive parents, for example. Ask him about himself. Don't just talk about your past but make a point of keeping it light a lot of the time. See how it goes.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Find out what's in his past that he is undauted by your craziness. Did he have alcoholic or addictive parents, for example. Ask him about himself. Don't just talk about your past but make a point of keeping it light a lot of the time. See how it goes.

 

Not at all, but he's been on his own since he was 16, but I know his parents were constantly fighting and his dad had an affair. His parents are back together now though.

 

He always tells me I understand when I talk about my fears. I've never done anything overly crazy though, hope I never do.

[Bastile]

We're all crazy, love.

 

Haven't met a "perfect person" yet. And if I did, I'd probably find them boring.

[Caramelpopcorn]

We're all crazy, love.

 

Haven't met a "perfect person" yet. And if I did, I'd probably find them boring.

 

Thank you <3 I like that! And I agree, it's the messy part of people that make us love them harder.

[Caramelpopcorn]

Quoted again for truth!

 

Aww thank you guys. I was worried about opening up about this on an online forum and scared about getting misunderstood or judged, but I really appreciate the sweet words and thoughts.

[SpecialJ]

Some people's crazy matches well.

 

Try asking him what he needs to feel safe, stable, secure. Then, as you're working on yourself, keep in mind to incorporate too. He knows who you are and is okay with it, so don't push his boundaries or look to give him other reasons to leave! Just do good for yourself and don't convince yourself that you and your love for him isn't enough.

 

Like I personally think I could deal with someone's anxiety IF it didn't cause them to push me away and break up all the time. If they need a few days space here and there to cope and don't always want to lean on me, that's okay, as long as I don't need to worry about them pushing my boundaries and not coming back. Everyone has their things they can handle and their limits.

Edited September 4, 2017 by SpecialJ

[Caramelpopcorn]

Some people's crazy matches well.

 

Try asking him what he needs to feel safe, stable, secure. Then, as you're working on yourself, keep in mind to incorporate too. He knows who you are and is okay with it, so don't push his boundaries or look to give him other reasons to leave! Just do good for yourself and don't convince yourself that you and your love for him isn't enough.

 

Like I personally think I could deal with someone's anxiety IF it didn't cause them to push me away and break up all the time. If they need a few days space here and there to cope and don't always want to lean on me, that's okay, as long as I don't need to worry about them pushing my boundaries and not coming back. Everyone has their things they can handle and their limits.

 

Thank you! And that's exactly what has been happening, I have asked him for a couple of days to think and he said it was fine but he just needed to hear that I would call when I'm ready. I've always told him that I wouldn't ever make him my lifeboat or my savior cause I couldn't put that on his shoulders, but he's always told me you'll have to dump things on me every now and then.

 

I met him when my father was in the hospital dying, it wasn't an easy time at all, I wish I met him when I was a happier person, but maybe he came into my life to help me through it.

[bluefeather]

"He saw my crazy."

 

Define your crazy.

 

Strange that so many people have responded to your post with such light-heartedness when you have not given any details about the situation. Crazy could mean that you had a panic attack, or it could mean that you tore apart the kitchen. Both of these types of "crazy" are discussed on this forum, along with others. So what do you mean?

[Caramelpopcorn]

"He saw my crazy."

 

Define your crazy.

 

Strange that so many people have responded to your post with such light-heartedness when you have not given any details about the situation. Crazy could mean that you had a panic attack, or it could mean that you tore apart the kitchen. Both of these types of "crazy" are discussed on this forum, along with others. So what do you mean?

 

I have panicked as in going and deleting him off my Facebook once, another time I got a bad vibe (it was just something he did that triggered bad feelings from the past) and I told him and I overreacted, I told him I feel like I can't trust him and I feel distance between us after feeling so close to him.

 

Also that one time I told him to give me the weekend to think things over, after a particularly great night together, and it shocked him. I took it back the next day and apologized, but yea, I'm a bit ashamed of myself.

 

No breaking things, no yelling or hitting or name calling or any of that, just a lot of insecurity from me. I've never been mean to him on purpose.

[bluefeather]

I have panicked as in going and deleting him off my Facebook once, another time I got a bad vibe (it was just something he did that triggered bad feelings from the past) and I told him and I overreacted, I told him I feel like I can't trust him and I feel distance between us after feeling so close to him.

 

Also that one time I told him to give me the weekend to think things over, after a particularly great night together, and it shocked him. I took it back the next day and apologized, but yea, I'm a bit ashamed of myself.

 

No breaking things, no yelling or hitting or name calling or any of that, just a lot of insecurity from me. I've never been mean to him on purpose.

 

That doesn't sound like crazy, but it does sound like emotional instability. And from the way you have described things, I would say that you are hurting him, even if not on purpose. As to your question of if he will leave you or not, I don't think anyone could tell you for sure one way or another. But if he is with you right now, (and you also did not define what "with him" means - are you just dating, or are you in a relationship?), and if he is with you, that means he wants to try. So the question goes back to you - what are you going to do to keep him? Are you going to stay or run away?

[Caramelpopcorn]

That doesn't sound like crazy, but it does sound like emotional instability. And from the way you have described things, I would say that you are hurting him, even if not on purpose. As to your question of if he will leave you or not, I don't think anyone could tell you for sure one way or another. But if he is with you right now, (and you also did not define what "with him" means - are you just dating, or are you in a relationship?), and if he is with you, that means he wants to try. So the question goes back to you - what are you going to do to keep him? Are you going to stay or run away?

 

Honestly that breaks my heart a little, cause hurting him would be the last thing I want to do, I wouldn't forgive myself, even if I don't do it on purpose. Really my emotional instability is due to that exact same reason, I wanted to let him go so he could find someone better, I didn't want him to go down with me. I've tried to push him away but he wouldn't let me. Just thinking about this makes me cry, I wanted to just leave him alone cause I feel like a burden to even myself.

 

I want to stay and do what I can, even if it means battling my inner demons.

[bluefeather]

Honestly that breaks my heart a little, cause hurting him would be the last thing I want to do, I wouldn't forgive myself, even if I don't do it on purpose. Really my emotional instability is due to that exact same reason, I wanted to let him go so he could find someone better, I didn't want him to go down with me. I've tried to push him away but he wouldn't let me. Just thinking about this makes me cry, I wanted to just leave him alone cause I feel like a burden to even myself.

 

I want to stay and do what I can, even if it means battling my inner demons.

 

I'm sorry if my words made you feel bad. It isn't my intention to hurt your feelings, it's to speak the truth from my perspective. I'm not really looking at your situation and seeing good or bad, so I hope that you don't think that I am judging you harshly. This is my observation from having been in relationships with women who have said similar things to what you have said about yourself here. If you have some issues, it doesn't mean that you are broken. Everyone has issues of some kind. But I think actually taking responsibility for them, as you began to do here, says something positive about you. I don't have much else to say as there is not much more information to go on, but I wish both of you well on your journey together.

[Caramelpopcorn]

I'm sorry if my words made you feel bad. It isn't my intention to hurt your feelings, it's to speak the truth from my perspective. I'm not really looking at your situation and seeing good or bad, so I hope that you don't think that I am judging you harshly. This is my observation from having been in relationships with women who have said similar things to what you have said about yourself here. If you have some issues, it doesn't mean that you are broken. Everyone has issues of some kind. But I think actually taking responsibility for them, as you began to do here, says something positive about you. I don't have much else to say as there is not much more information to go on, but I wish both of you well on your journey together.

 

Oh it's not at all about what you said, if anything you're spot on, and it just makes me notice where those pitfalls are and how to avoid them cause ultimately I do not want to hurt him, I want him to be happy, and I don't want to think about my fears, I want to think about my happiness and his, and not just MY needs, but his too.

 

I don't want to be that woman who is constantly obsessing about what she is getting out of the relationship at all times, or how I could be happier, I want him to be happy too! He deserves it, so thank you, you are right. I don't want to hurt him, I sure hope I didn't completely mess it up yet.