confusedgirlfriend11 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Hi all, I started talking to a guy on POF a few weeks ago. We quickly switched to what's app and then we've been speaking on the phone every day for hours at a time. When we facetime I realised he looked a little different from his pictures, I put it down to grainy picture on the phone. Everything was going well. He was extremely complimentary, attentive and reassuring. He said he was a Barrister and I was intrigued so I was asking questions about his qualifications and being called to the Bar etc. Yesterday after me asking questions, he got extremely defensive and even put the phone down. He text saying he didn't like my motive for questioning him. I thought we smoothed things over and he was pleasant again. Things just didn't sit right so I did some digging and his name is not on the Barristers register. I then decided to google his phone number and literally 20-30 comments regarding this name have come up. All bad! Saying he is a liar, isn't a Lawyer, stalks women, one even worried he is a rapist! They even give information of the Iranian celebrity which photos he's using - all of which he has also sent to me that I can view from the google search. I am furious that I've given this man so much of my time. We haven't actually met, we were due to meet tomorrow but because I'm ill he suggested we meet at the weekend instead. Part of me thinks to just block him and chalk it up to bad experience, and another part of me want to play him at his own game. I know I could be playing with fire but I feel so mad that he's lied so much. He doesn't really know any personal details about me other than my phone number (which I can change if I have to). What are peoples thoughts please?
mikeylo Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 He knows he is a liar , so you telling him won't make any difference to him. Block and walk. 6
act00 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 He's a fraud and calling him out isn't going to change a thing. It just teaches him (them) to be more careful. You can play with him if you want, but the more contact and communication with him you have, the more information you are going inadvertently give him. It's terribly difficult to maintain a lie long-term, which is how you picked up on him not being real in the first place, and you just don't know if you're going to inadvertently spill personal information that they can use against you. Don't go there. Block and walk. 2
Methodical Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I then decided to google his phone number and literally 20-30 comments regarding this name have come up. All bad! Saying he is a liar, isn't a Lawyer, stalks women, one even worried he is a rapist! They even give information of the Iranian celebrity which photos he's using - all of which he has also sent to me that I can view from the google search. I am furious that I've given this man so much of my time. We haven't actually met, we were due to meet tomorrow but because I'm ill he suggested we meet at the weekend instead. I highly doubt this is a case of mistaken identity since the comments reference him NOT being an attorney. Too coincidental! Plus, you've researched the photos he is "using". Confront him if you want, but it's a waste of time. I doubt it'll have any effect on him. This isn't his first rodeo on being called out, so he'll have a "ready on tap" excuse...one that may even sound superficially convincing, which will have you second-guessing yourself. Best thing you can do is block, delete, cut all contact immediately. 2
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 You should report him to the police and report it to the bar association that this guy is being an imposter. If you have already discovered other women have posted about this guy, then it would be worth your while to report him. If you don't want to go that route, at least report him to POF and get him kicked off. Don't forget to post about this guy on that website. When and if you do decide to confront him, make sure you tell him that you will be reporting him. Then block/delete. Just me but I would set up a meeting, and get his license plate # so the police have something to go on and then flake on him (block/delete). It's quite possible this guy already has a criminal record, and they would most definitely be interested in his activities, especially if he was out on parole.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 No need to confront. It may only place you in harms way to do so in person. 3
Author confusedgirlfriend11 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 Thanks for the replies. So I decided to play along a little. We messaged in the afternoon and I said we'd talk in the evening as usual. He text me a few times and I just said I have someone coming over for a bit and I'll call him later. I did have someone over (good old FWB) so I turned my phone off. When I turned my phone back on, I had about 15 messages from him getting very annoyed with me. That clearly shows how crazy he was! In one of the messages he said how he thinks we should talk anymore, I said I agree but before we stopped talking maybe he wanted to read my latest blog post. The Simple Life Blog : Buyer Beware - Any single girl or guy must read! After he quickly read it he came back with a load of abuse saying how pathetic I am and how stupid my investigation was. I politely sent one more message "I strongly suggest you seek professional help as you clearly are a psychopath. And the reason I didn't call you tonight is because I was f*cking a guy. Have a nice guy". Ok so I know I'm completely childish telling him I'd slept with someone else but he always seemed highly sexual so I figured that would possibly annoy him. I've deleted and blocked him so fingers crossed I'll hear nothing more. Annoyingly I deleted my POF account so I don't know what his username was so I can't really report it. I will do an online police report but again doubt anything will come of it.
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 For your own safety, block him. Too late. You just had to antagonize him. Very mature. 3
Zahara Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 All bad! Saying he is a liar, isn't a Lawyer, stalks women, one even worried he is a rapist! The last thing I would have done was antagonize someone that others have claimed to be a stalker and possible rapist. I'm not sure why someone you've known for a few weeks evoked such an immature and emotional response from you. If anything, you should have just counted it as a blessing, thanked your lucky stars and moved on. 2
Author confusedgirlfriend11 Posted September 5, 2017 Author Posted September 5, 2017 I don't see standing up for yourself and calling someone out as a liar as immature. I've blocked him and he has no way of contacting me. He knows nothing about me that could allow him to find me or contact me again. I don't see why psychopaths like this should get away with just being blocked? He deserved to be called out on his lies. I had been speaking to him for hours each day so yes I was annoyed to find out he lied.
Zahara Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 (edited) I don't see standing up for yourself and calling someone out as a liar as immature. I've blocked him and he has no way of contacting me. He knows nothing about me that could allow him to find me or contact me again. I don't see why psychopaths like this should get away with just being blocked? He deserved to be called out on his lies. I had been speaking to him for hours each day so yes I was annoyed to find out he lied. Standing up for yourself is far different from the extent you went through to call him out. You even tried to make him jealous by flaunting you had sex with another man. That's just immature and you admit that yourself. There were other ways to address his lies. When you're dealing with a "psychopath" as you claim him to be, the last thing you do is antagonize these types, especially when other women have indicated that he's been a stalker and a possible rapist. The smart thing to do would have been to walk away. The next time you see red flags, just cut it off and move on. Trying to make a statement with "psychopaths" or men that are highly dysfunctional is futile and may sometimes be dangerous. They never and cannot see the error in their ways but only the flaws and faults in others. Edited September 5, 2017 by Zahara 2
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 I don't see standing up for yourself and calling someone out as a liar as immature. I've blocked him and he has no way of contacting me. He knows nothing about me that could allow him to find me or contact me again. I don't see why psychopaths like this should get away with just being blocked? He deserved to be called out on his lies. I had been speaking to him for hours each day so yes I was annoyed to find out he lied. And just how exactly did you stand up for yourself? What did you actually accomplish by calling him out - except to put yourself at risk. Do you actually think he will change his behavior because a random girl he has had a few conversation with has "called him out?" With maturity, you realize when it's appropriate to stand up for yourself and when it's not in your best interest/even when it's unsafe. What you did was unwise and unsafe. It accomplished nothing that could not have been accomplished by blocking him and alerting the dating site or proper authorities. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Glad you booted him out of your life. For your safety, I hope he stays there.
kendahke Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Don't confront him. Just block him and quit dealing with him. He's only going to lie some more.
kendahke Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 I don't see standing up for yourself and calling someone out as a liar as immature. I've blocked him and he has no way of contacting me. He knows nothing about me that could allow him to find me or contact me again. Calling out someone as a liar isn't the problem: calling out someone as a liar who you don't know from Adam is the problem. Just as easily as you looked up his phone number, he can look up your phone number, too. Crazy people are clever people and you don't know if he's got a way of finding out where you live--he knows what city it is because the dating profile asked for that in order to set up the account. From there, all it takes is dedication and time to find you. He can do image searches on your pictures to find out if they're being used elsewhere, for example: LinkedIn. That is why we all said leave him be. You don't know what he is capable of. I don't see why psychopaths like this should get away with just being blocked? He deserved to be called out on his lies. Because you don't have the tools to be able to fend off someone hell bent on hurting you because you decided to trigger them. What he deserves isn't up to you--that's up to his Karma and Karma works both ways and in all directions. I had been speaking to him for hours each day so yes I was annoyed to find out he lied. So? You get over that and stop dealing with him. You don't take a 2x4 to a hornet's nest then want to complain when you get stung. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 It was very unwise of you to poke the angry bear, OP. You have no idea who you're dealing with. You also have no idea how much information he would have already been able to gather about you. If you're online and use social media of any kind, you're not as anonymous as you think. Angering him and deliberately taunting him was foolish, regardless of whether or not he deserves it. Do not do that again. 3
fred123 Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 Thanks for the replies. And the reason I didn't call you tonight is because I was f*cking a guy. Have a nice guy". . So mature. Thats a bitchy thing to do and say. U must be 14? 1
knabe Posted September 5, 2017 Posted September 5, 2017 It was very unwise of you to poke the angry bear, OP. You have no idea who you're dealing with. You also have no idea how much information he would have already been able to gather about you. If you're online and use social media of any kind, you're not as anonymous as you think. Angering him and deliberately taunting him was foolish, regardless of whether or not he deserves it. Do not do that again. This. I've had experience with crazy people who need to be right and have small appendages....that claim to be qualified lawyers. You never know what they'll do. I would document and save all messages though. And all your research.
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