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I can't tell what's happening...

Confusion2

By Confusion2
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Cool down should last as long at takes for you to work on your manners/insecurity. Your comments to her are so unattractive and out of line.

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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You don't know when to stop, do you? That text was childish and did more to strengthen her resolve to leave you alone.

 

Ever heard of the saying " the straw that broke the camel's back"?

 

Everyone has their saturation point and it looks like she's reached hers with you and your unchecked anger problem. You might want to go get that handled. No one with a healthy sense of themselves is going to tolerate that.

 

That was the txt that started the argument. Not a new one. :)

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

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Wow , just wow ! How old are you btw?

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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That was the txt that started the argument. Not a new one. :)

 

My statement still stands.

 

You said this wasn't the first time one of your paroxysms erupted and did damage..

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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Wow , just wow ! How old are you btw?

 

23. I haven't heard from her yet. :/

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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23. I haven't heard from her yet. :/

 

You're not going to.

 

That's a bell that can't be unrung.

 

You killed this.

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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Well, that's pretty unfortunate. I would forgive something like that. I think it's quite minor honestly.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Well, that's pretty unfortunate. I would forgive something like that. I think it's quite minor honestly.

 

And yet another reason why she will not return. That does more to illustrate your character than anything else.

 

What you think is immaterial because you weren't on the receiving end of that vitriol.

 

You and she aren't the same person and she is fully entitled to have her own set of life experiences and feelings which determine how she proceeds in life. Her experiences say that what you did, while may be forgiveable, is not forgettable and she is choosing not to put herself in the path of someone who has no self control and on top of that, dismisses the pain his words caused her.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Well, that's pretty unfortunate. I would forgive something like that. I think it's quite minor honestly.

 

It's not what was said so much as how indicative it is of the deep-seated insecurity issues and lack of internal filter you have. I would take some time to work on these things before you date again. I can't see a quality woman putting up with it

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Well, that's pretty unfortunate. I would forgive something like that. I think it's quite minor honestly. -- Based on recent results and input here, you might want to reconsider what you think is "minor". Strong, mature, secure women who know how to enforce boundaries will not tolerate impulse control problems from a man. Tolerating this kind of behavior sets the stage for more abusive behavior and sometimes signals that the man/person has the potential for escalating abusive behavior. Especially people who have anger issues you admitted to.

 

You might be able to have a relationship with someone who tolerates it, but she will have issues of her own that allow her to ignore/tolerate it. In other words, she will be "damaged" in some way herself.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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the cool down period in my mind should be before you say something hutful ou walk away or you bite your tongue......but anyway you cant do that...the cool down time is now in her court.......i feel you should apologise in person...up front and real and only if you really mean it..be understanding and patient after and accepting if she needs more time..and then see how the cookie crumbles...i wish you well...deb

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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Deb, I want to apologize in person but she isn't speaking to me at the moment. I could make it right if given the chance.

Robratory Established Member

Robratory

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This is so strange. Never thought something like that was such a big deal to say. I guess I'm just one who doesn't get affected by words. I just noticed she had followed some new guy on Instagram who was rich & single so I concluded she must want to be with him.

 

Well, gold digging is basically a step away from prostitution.

 

What if right after sex, she said, "Damn, you're worse than the gay guy I screwed once on a dare?" I bet you'd be affected.

 

Instead, you should have discussed each other's internet habits. Why would she follow any guy on Instagram? What is she doing it for?

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Deb, I want to apologize in person but she isn't speaking to me at the moment. I could make it right if given the chance.

 

Could you guarantee her that it wouldn't happen again? An apologizy without an acknowledgement of understanding of why what you did was hurtful is an empty apology. Given what you said earlier -- that you thought what you did was "minor" -- I don't think you can give a proper/sincere apology.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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It would totally happen again. You can't even acknowledge your problem, which everyone here can clearly see, let alone go through the process to change it. You just want her back so you'll say anything. You said you were sorry in OP, but you couldn't help yourself but blow up again. With all due respect, you gots issues.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Deb, I want to apologize in person but she isn't speaking to me at the moment. I could make it right if given the chance.

 

 

i would give ti a couple of days and go see her do it in person so she can see sincerity in you.......if you really mean it she should feel that sincerity and forgive you......i would forgive if it were me even though what you said is highly insulting to a woman.....makes her out to be a cold calculating b.............ch without a heart..its commonly what rich guys think about women who dont have the money they have though...why i prefer to personally date more blue collar guys who know why i am with them and it aint money....i hope she forgives you..deb

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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i would give ti a couple of days and go see her do it in person so she can see sincerity in you.......if you really mean it she should feel that sincerity and forgive you......i would forgive if it were me even though what you said is highly insulting to a woman.....makes her out to be a cold calculating b.............ch without a heart..its commonly what rich guys think about women who dont have the money they have though...why i prefer to personally date more blue collar guys who know why i am with them and it aint money....i hope she forgives you..deb

 

 

 

Thanks. She won't answer me so I don't see how I can apologize in person. I'm not just going to be a stalker and show up on her doorstep. I haven't written to her in six days, since my initial apology text. It's sad to say but I think I've lost her. Loved this girl ☹️

act00 Established Member

act00

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One thing I've learned is there is always truth to those hurtful words you say. It may not be "real" truth or actual reality, but only your own insecurities, jealousy, resentment, but it's your truth, and you said hurtful and spiteful things because you projected your insecurities on her. You wanted to hurt her in the heat of the moment, and it worked, you hurt her, and irreparable at this point. This is not the first time you've tossed out zingers at her, and in the past she's forgiven, and now she's done. It sounds like you finally crossed that line.

 

Women (and men) can be stupid. We hang on too long, as we cling to the person we met and first knew, and a lot of this is the boiling frog parable, where the abuse is so insidious and gradual, we don't see it or notice it, but eventually, hopefully, it becomes recognized, and it's time to cut and run, and she's done.

 

You need to work on yourself. You are clearly not equipped to have a relationship, and while you aren't punching and hitting, you are beating her with your words, cutting her down, derailing her, hurting her. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me -- the biggest lie. The words are harder to recover from. You feel deep down everything you spewed at her, and it's not even reality...she's done.

 

You have insecurities about your finances, don't you? Projection.

 

If you want to fix this, not only do you have to apologize fast, but you need to change your behavior, and if that means taking a class or seeking counselling to work on your anger issues, so be it. You need to work it, and actively change...long-term...permanently...this is all on you.

 

What a nightmare to be with someone who takes your every move as some personality flaw and accuses you; things that he creates in his head, and not just jealous accusations, but hurtful words and jabs. It's tough to live your life walking on eggshells. BTDT, got the t-shirt. I'm on her side...run!

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mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

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Well, that's pretty unfortunate. I would forgive something like that. I think it's quite minor honestly.

 

You can't say that till you've heard something that will hurt you to the core.You clearly have issues and with this reaction, I'm sure that your ex gf doesn't need any more proof of what is come through from you. You have precisely shown your own character.

 

If she has a good head on her shoulders, she would'nt take you back.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Thanks. She won't answer me so I don't see how I can apologize in person. I'm not just going to be a stalker and show up on her doorstep. I haven't written to her in six days, since my initial apology text. It's sad to say but I think I've lost her. Loved this girl ☹️

 

i dont see face to face apologies as stalkerish...never had anybody accuse me of stalking for saying sorry bar one guy..and that ws over text message.so my track record......is pretty shiny in regards to me saying sorry and being respected for that.face to face si a favorite of mine......And i am always quick with apologies once i know i hav edoe wrong..time is too short..........so in my opinion apologies if done respectfully and her wishes should she say them adhered too..are not stalkerish....

 

 

either she will forgive or ask you to leave her alone forever...apoligising isnt really about getting her back ....its about doing the right thing.....she may forgive you and still not want you back is also very possible..but at least...you did good by knowign an apology was warranted and that you were way off the mark by saying what you said........by apologising you make it right by admission of your wrong........and then that closure is there....deb

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Thanks. She won't answer me so I don't see how I can apologize in person. I'm not just going to be a stalker and show up on her doorstep. I haven't written to her in six days, since my initial apology text. It's sad to say but I think I've lost her. Loved this girl ☹️

 

i dont see face to face apologies as stalkerish...never had any body accuse me of stalking for saying sorry bar one guy..and that was over text message.so my track record......is pretty shiny in regards to me saying sorry and being respected for that.........so in my opinion apologies if done respectfully and her wishes should she say them adhered too..are not stalkerish....

 

 

either she will forgive or ask you to leave her alone forever...apoligising isnt really about getting her back ....its about doing the right thing.....she may forgive you and still not want you back is also very possible..but at least...you did good by knowign an apology was warranted and that you were way off the mark by saying what you said........by apologising you make it right by admission of your wrong........and then that closure is there....deb

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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i dont see face to face apologies as stalkerish...never had anybody accuse me of stalking for saying sorry bar one guy..and that ws over text message.so my track record......is pretty shiny in regards to me saying sorry and being respected for that.face to face si a favorite of mine......And i am always quick with apologies once i know i hav edoe wrong..time is too short..........so in my opinion apologies if done respectfully and her wishes should she say them adhered too..are not stalkerish....

 

 

either she will forgive or ask you to leave her alone forever...apoligising isnt really about getting her back ....its about doing the right thing.....she may forgive you and still not want you back is also very possible..but at least...you did good by knowign an apology was warranted and that you were way off the mark by saying what you said........by apologising you make it right by admission of your wrong........and then that closure is there....deb

 

 

Well I sent her a text today, it was a special day for her so I just sent her a nice little greeting and she sent me back thank you so much with three smilies and a heart. So maybe I'm not as ****ed as I thought. Idk.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Well I sent her a text today, it was a special day for her so I just sent her a nice little greeting and she sent me back thank you so much with three smilies and a heart. So maybe I'm not as ****ed as I thought. Idk.

 

she didn't say "I miss you" or "let's meet up", either, did she?

 

No. She was being polite. You're still ****ed.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Well I sent her a text today, it was a special day for her so I just sent her a nice little greeting and she sent me back thank you so much with three smilies and a heart. So maybe I'm not as ****ed as I thought. Idk.

 

 

you still need to apologise ...even more so with the grace she has shown you...by replying and thanking you.

 

so organise a time you can meet ...bite the proverbial bullet....and go to her and say you are sorry...i truly wish you well...it sounds like it may go that way for you....deb

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Confusion2 Member

Confusion2

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she didn't say "I miss you" or "let's meet up", either, did she?

 

No. She was being polite. You're still ****ed.

 

I didn't try. I take things slow. I wouldn't have answered if I didn't want to. I'd have just blocked them immediately.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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