kendahke Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Can I ask what is everyone's stance on selfies? It's a strange one as my ex did loads BEFORE we got together and from the day we where official in 2 years she never posted another selfie, pouting or posing they where all either her and mates family or me. Plus in a Morning shed send ME a Snapchat and that would be it. I'd say she looks beautiful and that was enough. Current gf takes Snapchats that I don't even want to save because they are sent to me but then also her story and screenshot to put onto insta and facebook. Doesn't feel private, to me it feels like she's woken up, sends me a nice picture but feels the need to validate it from everyone else too. I'll litterally send her selfie Snapchats and that's it. I dont know if I'm completley wrong or not as I've never had a relationship with a woman who's uploading selfies to a point where guys are commenting on them I post selfies only on my FB page, and that's usually about something I'm doing. When I was in England and France last year, I posted a ton of selfies from where I was--mainly as an update to keep my family from worrying about me traveling alone. I don't pose and pout (how juvenile!). My male friends will comment, as do my female friends--no biggie. No one is making an a$$ of themselves. 2
knabe Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Except for the inherent narcissistic nature of taking constant pictures of oneself, I don't think selfies should constitute some sort of "cheating" or something. I like selfies all the time - of females and males when the picture is cool. Thinking it's some sort of threat to a relationship is immature. But your girlfriend acts like she's about 13. She's manipulative and selfish. I'd lose the girlfriend and not worry about selfies. 2
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted September 7, 2017 Author Posted September 7, 2017 I'd like to know too. I figured they were for insecure people. I can't fathom taking a picture of myself and then deliberately shoving it down the throat of every person I know. Hence my advice above. If she needs to do that for some reason, she's probably got bigger problems. I'd dump her, but that's just me. To me if i get a nice photo ill think of sending it her... done!! I dont understand a thought process of 'hey thats a good pictire of me I'll post it all over and see what everyone says' the fact she also then sends it me is kind of a kick in the teeth that it's gone to me and all others. It also annoys ne that it's 1 day after I had to reassure her about 1 like I got yet she has nearly 50 of hers.
kendahke Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 It also annoys ne that it's 1 day after I had to reassure her about 1 like I got yet she has nearly 50 of hers. It should annoy you more than she knew exactly what she was doing when she did it and the kind of response it was going to elicit from guys--when pictures like that should be reserved only for your eyes. Someone, somewhere, told her it was sexy of her when she does that, so that's why she did it--to seek validation from men other than you. Sit with that for a while and think on it. 3
stillafool Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Frankly OP, I just would not show up tonight and let her get the message. 1
Robratory Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Can I ask what is everyone's stance on selfies? They're stupid, along with Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. Those things are relationship poison. When, where, or how, in real life, would we (male of female) have hundreds of friends and people "liking" us and even saying suggestive things. Never. Yet it's only real life that matters. What does it matter if some girl who's my "friend" only because she's the sister of a girl who dated my cousin, and we somehow all wound up friending each other even though I live in California and the girl lives in South Dakota, likes my picture or leaves a suggestive message? It doesn't matter! She lives across the country! The whole thing is just... stupid. 2
basil67 Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 I'm seeing this differently to everyone else. It's making me wonder if I'm missing something. You've got a selfie up which women have liked. She's got a selfie up which men have liked. You might have told her that she's your best girl, but you didn't take the selfie down. So why should she not do selfies too? 1
elaine567 Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Current gf takes Snapchats that I don't even want to save because they are sent to me but then also her story and screenshot to put onto insta and facebook. Doesn't feel private, to me it feels like she's woken up, sends me a nice picture but feels the need to validate it from everyone else too. I'll litterally send her selfie Snapchats and that's it. I dont know if I'm completley wrong or not as I've never had a relationship with a woman who's uploading selfies to a point where guys are commenting on them The crux of the matter. He posts a selfie and some girl likes it, the gf gets a little jealous and mentions it. The identity of the girl may or may not be significant here.. She then posts what sounds like her usual "daily" posing selfie and the OP uses HER annoyance over HIS selfie the day before, against her. She doesn't appreciate the criticism and has taken offence. NO doubt she gets a lot of joy and pleasure from the "adulation" she is getting from her "fanbase", so does not like being "told off", no matter how nicely done, by her "controlling" bf. The OP is no doubt miffed by this behaviour of hers and obviously took the opportunity to turn the tables on her, to apparently spectacular effect. I think the meeting could go either way, she has mulled it over, she is sorry and says she now understands and will limit her postings, OR she is not sorry, she is who she is, she is not cheating just posting a few selfies like everyone else does and it is not her fault if 50 guys like what they see, and the OP can like it or lump it... The update will be interesting. 1
rushed Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 Who is the girl who liked your selfie? Is it an ex or a girl you used to like/go out with? Is your gf insta-famous? Does she have a large following of fans in general? I could understand her point of view if both of the above are the case.
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 I'm seeing this differently to everyone else. It's making me wonder if I'm missing something. You've got a selfie up which women have liked. She's got a selfie up which men have liked. You might have told her that she's your best girl, but you didn't take the selfie down. So why should she not do selfies too? No he got ONE like, that's it, and I'm sure he wasn't expecting it and prob never got one since. She intentionally posted some selfiessssssss, out of retaliation.
Miss Spider Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 Regardless of what you did, she is being incredibly childish. Passive aggressive moves are really the funniest thing to me. I used to love when my ex did the silent treatment because I got some time off from him. It was a bad relationship. I would not put up with it now.
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 I have been seeing someone for months now and almost every weekend she's busy. It's great when we are together but for some reason I always get half answers. This weekend for example I asked if she would like to see me. She didn't reply excited and just put 'I might be busy Sunday' so I said that's fine... She then said 'I'm free at the moment' Am I right to be bothered by this kind of 'if another offer comes up though I'll cancel you' kind of reply to potentially seeing me.
PegNosePete Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Yes, I would say it's very likely her quiver has many arrows, and you're not even close to being the highest priority one.
cope ascetic Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 I consider her type of behavior rude and selfish, not a good sign for things to come if you were to get into a relationship. 1
fred123 Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 Need more details. Are u exclusive? Intimate? How often u see her etc
Author Notsurewhat83 Posted October 3, 2017 Author Posted October 3, 2017 I love my girlfriend to pieces and know she does me. When we are together it's incredible and we have just returned from an amazing holiday (3 day break) away where I knew she needed it to relax. The trouble is I'm being extremely needy and know I'm doing it. We used to spend maybe 5 days a week together and whenever we was apart we'd talk about missing each other, etc. but over the last few months she got a promotion at work and shes always busy. I dont just means slightly busy I mean busy to a point where we now don't talk during the day at all & at night she will prefer to be alone to relax after a hard day. I feel bad that shes trying to balance everytjing and I'm not being supportive but I also feel... neglected i guess. I feel like im basically waiting to be told when I can next see her and it feels like I'm getting crumbs of a relationship that was once amazing. For example an average week is now, we don't talk during the day which is fine and I get why as I want her to succeed, then at night we may send a few texts back and forth then it's an early night as she's tired from work. We can do this for an entire week then at the weekend she will want to see her friends who she hasn't seen all week so then 1 week turns into 2. My worry is I just feel so distant from her. We where incredibly close and now we talk that little I don't even know from day to day how she's doing. She's also got loads of days where she'll have to stay away in hotels for work etc so again I don't see her. I have tried to talk to her about how I feel and asked what I can do to support her or maybe I can help with work, so we are together at night but she never initiates meeting. She keeps saying she loves Me and she's just busy but it's gone on that long now I keep feeling like nobody is that busy we can't meet. my job is somedays 16 hours long my first thought when I finish is to meet her. Hers are 8 hours long but then she's too tired to meet. She is the type to keep everyone happy so she's running around at work, then meeting mates and family to keep them happy then me. Shes even said somedays she needs to switch off from everyone. It wasn't a huge problem until our recent holiday but that reminded me of the closeness we had and how incredible it was... We returned home Saturday morning and I've not seen or heard much from her since as we are back to being too busy.
Thatoneguy55 Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Sorry to hear this! You aren't being "needy" here. You are being slowly put on the back-burner by a once reciprocated love interest. Read more threads in this forum, and you will see that she either lost interest, found another interest (physically or emotionally), or just wasn't that into you to begin with. I've never hear of a "promotion" that still entails an 8 hour workday keeping people apart/distant for weeks at a time, unless it is long distance. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Not talking during the work day is fine but if you need to talk, ask her to call you during her lunch break. Everybody has 5 minutes. You are allowed to have needs in a relationship. That is not the same thing as being needy or clingy. Can you meet her near work or near her house for a quick weeknight dinner / date? It doesn't have to be fancy. It could even be pizza or fast food -- just nutrition together or even a quick drink so you have a bit of time together. Many times it's easier & you still have energy to go right from work to the date. When you go home & sit down you don't want to go back out again. If you want to see her Saturday let her have Friday with the friends & vice versa. Make a group event some weekends so she can see them & you together.
stillafool Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I would think after hardly seeing you and talking to you during the week that she would want to spend her weekends with you instead of friends and family. You should not be the one she puts on the back burner.
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 (edited) I read your other threads and I think it's time for you to move on from this juvenile-woman you are dating. You are 29 years old and sounds like you would like some serious dating, you're not gonna find it with her. Being busy is a cheap excuse and it's not like she is working 2 jobs, wait! my bf does work 2 jobs a day and he still calls me morning, noon and night. I guess where there's a will there's a way. Your girlfriend is 27 years old, there is no such a thing being too tired after work at 27 even with a promotion. That's for old people like me and even at 50 I still find the energy to run around on week nights. It's good to have friends but at a certain age you've got to get your priority straight which means your boyfriend is priority 1, and your friends come second. When time is too tight you just bring everyone together at the same time! Why not all go out together, you and her + her friends, play pool or something? If you don't want to go out because you're tired why not sleep at each other's place? You get to relax together, go to bed early so you get your rest but at least you had some quality time together. Edited October 3, 2017 by Gaeta 1
SevenCity Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 It sounds like you're gonna get dumped. Women often become "so busy" when they are making the final determination to break up with you. Right thing to do is dump her first. Not that you will and no one can blame you for that. But at least start seeing what other options you have as you'll need them before too long. 2
Zahara Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Busy is an excuse -- an avoidance tactic. There is no such thing as "busy". When someone is important to you, you will make and find the time to prioritize them. When someone can't find it in them to make a 5 minute call to you, then it's very apparent that you aren't important to them nor do they care about your needs/wants. You're walking on eggshells and becoming overly accommodating with her behavior because you are afraid to lose her. Blinding yourself won't save you from the truth and chances are you already know what's going on. She's just not that into you and has put you on the backburner. Only a matter of time when she starts to tire of you and wants to move on. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 Busy is an excuse -- an avoidance tactic. There is no such thing as "busy". I respectfully disagree. There really is such a thing as being busy. Even being too busy to be able to put the required/fair time into a relationship. Only this woman knows how much energy she has, how much alone time/down time she needs, etc. That's no excuse to continue to be a in a relationship where the other person's needs are not being met, as is the case here, but it doesn't mean that being busy is not a thing, or that she's avoiding. To me, it just sounds like two people who have different needs, and one (her) can't meet the other person's (his) justifiable needs. They are not working.
Zahara Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I respectfully disagree. There really is such a thing as being busy. Even being too busy to be able to put the required/fair time into a relationship. Only this woman knows how much energy she has, how much alone time/down time she needs, etc. That's no excuse to continue to be a in a relationship where the other person's needs are not being met, as is the case here, but it doesn't mean that being busy is not a thing, or that she's avoiding. To me, it just sounds like two people who have different needs, and one (her) can't meet the other person's (his) justifiable needs. They are not working. And we can agree to disagree.
olivetree Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 (edited) Agree with the posters who say she is preparing for a breakup. This is not the behaviour of someone who is in love and committed. She wants out but she is afraid to be completely alone and/or hurt you. She needs to do it slowly to ease into life without you or make sure that another guy she is spending time with is a sure thing. Are you sure it's amazing when you're together? I can't help but suspect she is distant then as well. You should end the relationship, because right now, you're right, you're settling for crumbs. Edited October 3, 2017 by olivetree
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