Ninelle Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Long read, sorry:o I am 30, he is 28, love each other, live together, but I am about to break up. My reasons are that I want family and children, he wants too and with me, but when – he can’t say ( I spoke with him). He says he is unstable, has no money now and blah blah blah… And I am not sure that I see him as a father soon. I don’t mean now, but I want to start planning it, use our finances rationally, start saving even, take more care of health, visit doctors etc. He’s got a business - a bar where he works, bar means drinking with customers on a regular basis and being home late, I am not mentioning that he smokes (weed occasionally). He doesn’t cheat on me, I am 100% sure because he loves me so much and knows that I wouldn’t tolerate any humiliation like that. He said he is tired of bar and that he would sell his shares soon (in 6 months) to live more healthy life. Actually he is into 1 more project now (restaurant), so I believe he will go out of bar life. However, I can’t imagine having children with a person who’s got such a life style. He is party oriented, going out to clubs, losing money in casinos (sometimes, not often goes there, but he really likes gambling), he is very generous; when he’s got money he can invite 20 ppl he doesn’t know for drinks, and we hadn’t take holydays together for years (no money, babe). I am a home girl, more like hiking, sport, yoga stuff, I used to party a lot before, but now I am done, I feel so old with him sometimes, though we just have a 2 years difference. He has always been like that, I have turned 30 and realized that I want a quiet family life, and my boyfriend is a way too far from it and it’s more likely that he will never change. I love him, but maybe it’s better to break up and find somebody who would share my values and have more or less same life style as me…What’s your opinion? Do people change? Thanks for reading.
Popsicle Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Of course you should break up. You're not getting any younger. It'll take you at least a few years to date and get to know someone new, before getting married and having kids with them, so don't waste more time waiting around for this guy. Too many women do that. 1
Author Ninelle Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 Of course you should break up. You're not getting any younger. It'll take you at least a few years to date and get to know someone new, before getting married and having kids with them, so don't waste more time waiting around for this guy. Too many women do that. Thank you for your opinion!
soyou Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 He can and will change but at his own pace. It may take 6 months or it can take a few years. There is not much you can do to pressure or speed it up. When a man is not ready, he's not ready. If you keep pushing him, he will turn bitter and resentful toward you. You've been a lot of flaws in him so I suggest you to break up and move on. Find somebody who is at the same pace and stage in life like you. 1
BaileyB Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I'm sorry, but I don't see him as a father anytime soon... Certainly not while he's drinking, staying out partying, doing weed, and spending his money on drugs and alcohol. Don't waste too much time waiting and hoping that he will change. I would break up and find someone with whom you are more compatable and have the same life goals... Good luck. 2
stillafool Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 (edited) 28 is very young for a man and you are correct that he is not ready for marriage. He may not be ready for another 10 years. If you want children you have to break up with him and find a man of like mind. Don't try to force your guy into an engagement or it will be the biggest mistake of your life. Edited September 4, 2017 by stillafool 1
Els Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 You should leave. I mean, even if he changes his mind and says he wants to marry tomorrow and start trying to conceive the day after... what sort of father would he be? He'd gamble away the money for diapers and baby food before the baby is even born... 1
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