fmfan08 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 We've been officially together for about 6 weeks but been dating for three months. She starts her new teaching job tomorrow so I understand that she might have some work preparation to do tonight but she usually replies back and will stop if I end the conversation. Tonight she text me saying "Hey how's your day been? I've just come back from a 7 mile walk with my friend so I'm shattered!" I reply "Hey 7 miles! the lake right? My day went quick, got everything done. Thank you for the presents, I'll have to pick up the other one from you". (The present was chocolate, had to leave it at her house as we were going out to a club together the other night). She replied "Nope the lake is Tuesday night. Tonight was a huge walk around my town. Yeah you can get your other present another time, I promise I won't eat it!". I reply "Ah my memory is awful when I'm tired. Well after that walk, I'd treat you to a poured bath, throw in a few candles too (not actually throw them in, that wouldn't help). If you promised you won't eat the present, I'll promise to share it.. deal?" Our replies were 10-15 mins of each other, but I didn't get a response back tonight. I wouldn't usually fret over that as they're probably busy but she has been active on facebook and I saw she liked her cousins photo 20 minutes after I texted her?
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I think your text was fine. She's exhausted and she responded well to you with a couple of engaging texts...I'd relax about it and give her a little time to regroup not continuing the conversation in any way. Imo she figured the subject of the convo had played out...
kendahke Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 She may not have had the energy after having walked 7 miles today to do anything more than hit "like" on a picture on facebook as she lies in bed, fading into slumber; certainly not to get into a protracted conversation she didn't have the energy to sustain because you clock how much time she puts into communications with you. That can get tedious and things tedious are best avoided. 3
GemmaUK Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 She was shattered so likely didn't want to keep continuing a conversation that was coming along every 15 minutes. If she clicks 'like' she doesn't need to keep a conversation up and won't be thinking her phone is going to go off again and wake her up. 3
act00 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I'm going to agree, it could be that she was in bed perusing FB as she drifts off to sleep, maybe watching TV or reading...whatever she does, and as stated, clicking "like" is a lot different than having to maintain a conversation, though she could have responded she's off to bed and good night - a nice ending; however, she could have just nodded off. Also, with your offer to pour her a bath, her unresponsiveness could have been her reluctance to "hang out" at all, as she just wanted to get ready for her first day and go to bed, and she had difficulty with a way to tell you no-thanks. I don't think your text was too clingy or needy or bad. I think it sounds like you were trying to see her last night, and while she likes you, she wasn't up for it. Maybe you were implying Tuesday after her walk, but it sounds to me like you meant last night, and she just wanted to get some rest. 1
Author fmfan08 Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 Ah okay, I'll start seeing it as her way of testing me. I never double text so I'll always wait for a response first. She replied back this morning with "Now that would have been lovely! But yeah don't throw the candles in I don't think I would like that! Yeah you've got yourself a deal!". I didn't respond as I felt there was no point dragging out q conversation over text that didn't warrant a response, when we could be talking in person anyway, it gives more things to talk about that way. Last time we went out, I did tell her I'd be free next Friday or Saturday and she told me she might be busy on Friday so it could be Saturday instead and told me she'll let me know which day, so I've not brought up seeing her again as the ball is in her court. I know as we're together that she'll make an effort to make plans if she's still interested. I have already, but she said she'll get back to me about what happens.
Author fmfan08 Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 I'm going to agree, it could be that she was in bed perusing FB as she drifts off to sleep, maybe watching TV or reading...whatever she does, and as stated, clicking "like" is a lot different than having to maintain a conversation, though she could have responded she's off to bed and good night - a nice ending; however, she could have just nodded off. Also, with your offer to pour her a bath, her unresponsiveness could have been her reluctance to "hang out" at all, as she just wanted to get ready for her first day and go to bed, and she had difficulty with a way to tell you no-thanks. I don't think your text was too clingy or needy or bad. I think it sounds like you were trying to see her last night, and while she likes you, she wasn't up for it. Maybe you were implying Tuesday after her walk, but it sounds to me like you meant last night, and she just wanted to get some rest. I wasn't trying to make plans with her as it was late and was expecting her to go to sleep early. It was more a "what if I was there, then i'd pour you a bath, etc" but I tried to stylise it in a jokey way. Yeah I guess so, she knows I'm busy most of the week and I told her I finish early Thursday but I was busy after. She asked why and I said I was going to see a friend in town after work and have a drink. (This was said to her when we were out at the weekend). I haven't replied to her as it didn't warrant a response and I'd rather call her next time she texts. I'd like to feel like i'm giving her some space too without having text conversations everyday. She initiates 80-80% of the time.
act00 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 OP, you seem to be playing games, and I don't know if she's playing games, but you are definitely projecting onto her your set of rules. This woman seems genuinely interested in you, and yes, it did seem you were fishing for an invitation, and if I were her, I would have been in one of two mindsets: 1) I like him but I just can't do it tonight. 2) I very badly want him to come over, but it's important for me to be rested, so I'm going to have to be responsible, especially with a new job, first day back, wrangling students...and how old are these students? Granted, she may have taken the context of your comment much differently, as you two spend time together, and I'm working on what is stated on an internet forum from a stranger, but that's what I read into that text. Why are you determining that she's testing you?? Why does this have to be a test? You clock her response time and frequency. You monitor her internet usage on social media. You "never double text." You allow her to initiate contact 80% of the time. You are completely unavailable a majority of the time due to your busy schedule, and even Friday and Saturday are sketchy and you're leaving it up to her to contact you regarding her weekend instead of doing what any reasonable person would do and touch base about the weekend and let her know you're looking forward to seeing her. It's not a desperate act to reach out at some point and ask if she was able to solidify her plans. Obviously you're going to give her a day or two. You can certainly contact her in the middle just to inquire about her day or something and not bring it up immediately or repeatedly, but it's okay to solidify plans. Try not to stress so much. If it helps you to create timing and boundaries on yourself so you don't come off as overbearing, that's fine, but don't project she's following the same rules. She might have her own set of rules, as she doesn't want to come across as too clingy either. Just BE! From what you shared, you two are really hitting it off. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 (edited) Ah okay, I'll start seeing it as her way of testing me. I never double text so I'll always wait for a response first. She replied back this morning with "Now that would have been lovely! But yeah don't throw the candles in I don't think I would like that! Yeah you've got yourself a deal!". I didn't respond as I felt there was no point dragging out q conversation over text that didn't warrant a response, when we could be talking in person anyway, it gives more things to talk about that way. Last time we went out, I did tell her I'd be free next Friday or Saturday and she told me she might be busy on Friday so it could be Saturday instead and told me she'll let me know which day, so I've not brought up seeing her again as the ball is in her court. I know as we're together that she'll make an effort to make plans if she's still interested. I have already, but she said she'll get back to me about what happens. Imo, you sound a bit gamey and insecure meaning you're worried you're not going to "do it right", no offense, most of us have areas of insecurity. Just be yourself. At some point she's going to have to like the real you if your R continues so why not now? I would have responded to anyone who wrote this with a smiley face, a thumbs up or both! Nice ending to wind a conversation down. That would have been nice, imo. Relax in this relationship and enjoy! You guys like each other. Be authentic without measuring your contacts with her. Edited September 4, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease 2
knabe Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 She wasn't testing you. Where do you even get thatt??? And your counting minutes and tracking FB likes? You need to dial it back, because whether or not you sound clingy, you ARE clingy. Stop trying to read her mind and assume the worst. 5
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 People have lives, and not all people walk around with their phone in their hand. Relax and go watch sports or something. We get so many threads like this....I can see it if you don't hear from them for a week, that would be cause for worry for sure but a few hours??? 2
Author fmfan08 Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 She wasn't testing you. Where do you even get thatt??? And your counting minutes and tracking FB likes? You need to dial it back, because whether or not you sound clingy, you ARE clingy. Stop trying to read her mind and assume the worst. Girls always test, whether they say they do or don't, it's a natural thing that happens to determine if their partner will go psycho on them and act confident/not weak. That's just how it is. This is why I vent on forums like this instead of sending messages asking my girlfriend whats up, is anything wrong, which is a bad thing to do. I'm not tracking FB likes, I saw it appear on the ticker. If I hadn't I'd have assumed she fell asleep.
Author fmfan08 Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 People have lives, and not all people walk around with their phone in their hand. Relax and go watch sports or something. We get so many threads like this....I can see it if you don't hear from them for a week, that would be cause for worry for sure but a few hours??? Yeah good point, if it was a week I should be asking this, not after a few hours. I guess I'm starting to fall for her and panicking a bit. I have picked up on some odd behaviour prior to this which had made me doubt though.
kendahke Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Ah okay, I'll start seeing it as her way of testing me. Fastest route to relationship failure: playing games where none are needed. 3
kendahke Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Girls always test, Insecure men always see everything as a test. No, women don't like insecure men and they don't feed that beast. 6
Marc878 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Quit over analyzing. Be natural and don't smother.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Girls always test, whether they say they do or don't, it's a natural thing that happens to determine if their partner will go psycho on them and act confident/not weak. That's just how it is. This is why I vent on forums like this instead of sending messages asking my girlfriend whats up, is anything wrong, which is a bad thing to do. I'm not tracking FB likes, I saw it appear on the ticker. If I hadn't I'd have assumed she fell asleep. No, it is not just how it is. This mindset is going to come back and bite you. Stop assuming you know what she's thinking or what her motives are - you don't. 1
elaine567 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 She just started her new job, if you ignore her for days after and wait for her to make a move, you will score negative Brownie points. YOU are supposed to be her caring bf not some insecure game player 4
act00 Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 She just started her new job, if you ignore her for days after and wait for her to make a move, you will score negative Brownie points. YOU are supposed to be her caring bf not some insecure game player Yes! What a great opener and ice breaker and excuse to call or text! As if an excuse is even needed, but after her first day on the new job with her new students, a call or text just to ask how it went should be the first thing on your mind, not whether or not you "never double text" and "the ball is in her court." You may not be "official" boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but if that's what you want, you had better start acting like it...she wants to tell you about her day and her new challenges. She wants you to be her friend and lover. If you need an excuse to contact her outside of your "rules of conduct," and "never double text," this is the best one! Genuinely care about her and her life. 3
knabe Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Girls always test, whether they say they do or don't, it's a natural thing that happens to determine if their partner will go psycho on them and act confident/not weak. That's just how it is. This is why I vent on forums like this instead of sending messages asking my girlfriend whats up, is anything wrong, which is a bad thing to do. I'm not tracking FB likes, I saw it appear on the ticker. If I hadn't I'd have assumed she fell asleep. Sorry, as a woman myself I'll trust MY understanding of women more than the PUA and RedPill sound bytes you memorized. I maintain she was tired, not testing. 1
Bastile Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Facebook is trash. It's stuff you do when you are in a can't be arsed mood, and just want to switch off. That's how I would read it. Cut her some slack. The "rule" of "never double text" is simply training wheels meant for a guy to not put his foot in it - triggering a woman's neurotic devaluation process. A man with abundance really doesn't give much of a crap. He sends another message a different time, then makes other arrangements if she doesn't do what he wants. He reads the situation appropriately. If you aren't sure on the situation, then do nothing (accidental alpha). Blatant move is to message her again regarding how her new job went, and stacking it to conforming your weekend date.
preraph Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Settle down. Texting is not something most people like to drag out forever. There has to be a "last text" sometime because people are busy and have other things to do. Relax. She likes you. Don't push it with her. Your text was fine, but don't just keep doing it to see if she'll return one.
CoolJoe Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 OP, 1. You're over analyzing. Over analyzing almost never ends well in the world of dating and relationship. 2. You stated you're boyfriend girlfriend for six weeks now? Drop the supposed "rules" then. She wants to be cared for, not treated like a PuA book. No double texting? That's a stupid rule sorry to say. Sometimes I'll double text my GF and nothing's wrong with that. For example, I would respond to her question but feel that's the end of that topic and then immediately follow up my response with another text that switches topics or leads into a similar topic. At some point, you gotta be you and throw the rule book out the window. If you don't, don't be surprised if these self-imposed rules end up biting you in the end. Maybe early on in the dating stages, OK. But once you're BF GF? Gotta quit the games and just go with the flow. 4
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