Ex girlfriend is treating me harshly.

[CaringGuy]

To start, I'm not perfect. I had my own flaws, mostly I suffered from PTSD and major anxiety. I had anger issues but for the most part my partner kept me calm and happy. Here's the latest:

 

My ex girlfriend left me in June after a year together. We did so well together. Rarely did we argue. I need to admit my faults first. I mistreated our dog one night, I got upset and hit her(our dog) a few times and that really made my ex look at me differently. That was about February when that happened. [Note] I have been seeing a counselor on a weekly basis as well as a therapist. I recently adopted a dog of my own and it has done wonders for me. I've built my bond again with animals and my ex took notice of the improvements. I take medication for the anxiety and anger plus I meditate on a daily basis as well.

 

Back to the story:

I was Baker Acted in March due to depression. I said suicidal things, suffered a lot from my PTSD and just couldn't take the stress. I got upset with her for having me Baker Acted. I had some underlying anxiety which lead me to have anger outburst, but she stuck with me through it all. She always stood by my side and helped me, even when I lost my job, she still helped me. I wasn't the greatest man of all time, but I dedicated my very life to her. I always paid attention to her, supported her, told her how much I appreciated her and I was helped to contribute to things. She didn't have any problems. I got upset with her for taking edibles home(a previous ex had chosen drugs over our relationship) and I let my judgment get the best of me. Well her grandfather committed suicide in May and that's when she completely changed. She stopped being as attentive and lovable. She didn't like me touching her on some days. A few weeks after that(June 6th) she decided she wasn't happy anymore and that we needed a break. The more the time went on, the further she withdrew from me, stopped talking to me everyday and moved into her own place.

 

It's been over two months now and I'm still doing everything I can to get her back. She came to see me a couple of times and spent some time with me, but about two weeks ago I found out she went on a date. That really broke my heart. Tuesday she called me to say that her father has stage four lung cancer, she was having a difficult time with her grandfather's suicide still as she had a breakdown a few days ago. She said her AC broke and her fridge did, too. We talked and I did my best to cheer her up. She asked me to watch our dog when she goes out of town to visit her dad and I happily agreed. Throughout the week I text her to ask how she has been doing and I even messaged her today, but she still hasn't replied. I can't figure out why she ignores me. It hurts so much to be ignored by her.

 

Any advice? I can't figure out what to do or why she suddenly dropped me.

[SunnyWeather]

I'm so sorry for your situation. Your ex is going through quite a lot and it might be best to just give her some space and let her come to you when she's ready. Watching her dog while she's away is nice of you. Continue to be supportive and gain more stability in your own life.

 

You should probably also be mindful that doing these nice things for her doesn't equate her getting back in a relationship with you as before. Are you prepared for that?

 

I wish you well

[CaringGuy]

Sunny,

 

At this point, I'm willing to be just her friend for now. The most important thing to me right now is her happiness. I just want to know if she's okay. I haven't heard from her in a week and I'm majorly concerned. I not your average run of the mill guy. I truly do love this woman. I'd give anything in this world, even my own life for her happiness. I'm sad she has to deal with all of this. I just want to help her and I wish she knew that. My biggest fear is that she's already found someon else to fill my role. I'm sure it isn't very logical, given her current situations, but I do have those fears.

 

I hope she hasn't forgotten about me nor given up on me in her life.

[d0nnivain]

Whatever issues you had going on were so serious that she had to have you involuntarily committed. Shortly thereafter her grandfather committed suicide. His death hit her profoundly hard & she probably has no emotional reserves to give to a BF with anxiety, PTSD, depression & anger issues. She's doing the only thing she can to save herself -- walk away.

 

 

You can't fix this for her. She needs to make peace with her grandfather's death which will take a lot of time. She can't do it with you in the picture because she probably worries you will eventually succumb to your own demons. She can't have a front row seat for that.

 

 

Leave her be. Get yourself some therapy if you are not already in treatment. Get a new job if you haven't found one again. In essence, work on you.

 

 

She probably hasn't found anyone new. She needs to be alone to process. Do not smother her. If you truly care about her, back off.

[CaringGuy]

I have been in therapy as well as counseling since the Baker Act. I have made many profound changes in my life, all in which have been positive. I'll admit I've had a few hiccups here and there, but every time I do, I take a step back to re-evaluate what I did wrong.

 

I do care about her, more than words can say and I'm sure she still loves me. I will not push her nor will I bother her. I just want her to know that I'm here for her, that I still want to be in her life in any way possible and that I love her with all my heart. I definitely appreciate your insight and advice. I understand that I'm not a perfect man, I'm quite flawed, but I have a good heart and one that is dedicated to her.

[d0nnivain]

Try sending her a snail mail greeting card . . . I'm thinking something deep from like the Blue Mountain collection. Let the professional writers wax poetic where you can't. See if she responds to that but if she doesn't, you have to respect her desire for this to be over.

 

 

Good for you for working on yourself. It's a process. Hang in there.

[CaringGuy]

I'm fully aware of my mistakes and the things I need to change. I've got myself squared away. I've got a good job, I'm attending college again and I'm seeking the appropriate measures to fully better my overall self. I don't need convictions for my past, I just need advice on how to better improve my connection with her. She saw my desire for improvements before she left.

[CaringGuy]

Donnivain,

 

I will do just that. I admit, I'm no poet, but your advice is solid and I will adhere to it. Blue Mountain you say? I created her a small gift box before in the past with little inspirational quotes and meaningful gifts such as lucky coins, a tiny Buddha, and some of her favorite stones. I'm doing my best to let her know that I'm here for her. It was only until recently that she dropped communication.

[SunnyWeather]

Sunny,

 

At this point, I'm willing to be just her friend for now. The most important thing to me right now is her happiness. I just want to know if she's okay. I haven't heard from her in a week and I'm majorly concerned. I not your average run of the mill guy. I truly do love this woman. I'd give anything in this world, even my own life for her happiness. I'm sad she has to deal with all of this. I just want to help her and I wish she knew that. My biggest fear is that she's already found someon else to fill my role. I'm sure it isn't very logical, given her current situations, but I do have those fears.

 

I hope she hasn't forgotten about me nor given up on me in her life.

 

Please notice the bolded and how they are in conflict.

 

IMO, you really are not able to be her friend yet, and you need time to heal, as does she. Like what donivain wrote, she doesn't have it in her to deal with more than her personal situation and cannot take on more. If you truly have her best interests in mind you will respect her need for privacy and focus on yourself. She already knows you care about her and her well being.

 

I know that's not what you want to hear but if your biggest fear is that 'she's already found someone else' than you are not ready to be 'just' a friend.

 

Please find support as you navigate this challenging time.

[d0nnivain]

You really need to understand that this is about her grandfather, not you. I shut down for 4 years after my parents died & had been a mess for about a year a few years earlier when a friend took his own life.

 

 

You might not be able to help.

[CaringGuy]

Sunny and Donnivain,

 

You are both very correct. I'm being selfish and that's not very admirable of me. I do want to be in her life, I admit I desire to be her love interest again, but I need to understand that she's going through a lot especially with her father now having lung cancer. I guess what I really want right now, is just to be a part of her life still. I'll take a step back and allow her to heal.

[CaringGuy]

I would like to ask one specific question, should I try reaching out to her again sometime? If so, when? I know you both said to give her space, I don't want her to think that I stopped caring about her and her family.

[d0nnivain]

I told you how to reach out one last time: a snail mail card. Do not call, text or e-mail.

[CaringGuy]

I find myself missing her a lot more than usual tonight.

[CaringGuy]

I heard from her today, only because I saw her out and about. I was doing deliveries and she accused me of stalking her. She got my card and never thanked me for it. She's been really mean and hostile towards. She's ignored most of my messages today. How would I know where she was to stalk her? That doesn't make sense.

[CaringGuy]

Let me start by saying, I was not perfect in our relationship, but I always worked to improve whatever I did wrong. I never cheated on her nor hurt her. I've never even yelled at her nor called her names. I gave her my full heart and affection. We were together for a year and broke up almost three months ago. She would always tell me that I was the best partner she had ever had and that I was perfect for her. Again, I had some issues, but I brought them to her attention well before the relationship began. I was always honest and upfront with her.

 

So last week, my ex calls me to tell me her father is sick with lung cancer. Before that, her grandfather committed suicide. This was about three months ago, we broke up shortly after the death. We were on good speaking terms and were very kind and helpful to one another, that was, up until after that conversation last week. Most of that week she ignored my text of concern for her and her family. I sent her a really nice card in the mail that told her I was thinking about her and praying for her families health. I'm a full time college student, so I do deliveries for UberEATS. Yesterday I went out for some deliveries. On my route, I went through a neighborhood not on my typical journey. As I drove through, I noticed her Jeep sitting outside of an apartment that wasn't her's. Her Jeep is easy to recognize with the stickers in the back window. As I drive through and turned around, she was leaving. We ended up behind one another at the stop sign. She went left, I went right. About 10 minutes later I receive a text from her. This is how our conversation went:

 

So I saw you.

 

Me:I saw you, too. I was making deliveries for UberEATS

 

Did my card ever make it to you?

 

Her:Really it didn't seem like you dropped anything off

 

And you should know I got it you had it certified to see when I did get it

 

Me:And you should know I got it you had it certified to see when I did get it

 

Have I done something wrong to you, Rebecca?

 

I want you to understand that's there's two sides to every story. Sure, you saw me and I saw you. I had a few deliveries, but what am I supposed to do, not go to that side of town? How would I know that you were there?

 

Her:You didn't deliver anything I saw you leave in a minute time span

 

Me:In that neighborhood, yes you are correct. I didn't deliver anything in that particular neighborhood. I got turned around, but I truthfully was out on delivery. I have no reason to lie to you. Again, it was a coincidence. I had no idea you you were there. How could I!?

 

Regardless of what happened, I hope everything is well with you and your family. I worry about your father's health. I think about all of you, all the time.

 

I still look forward to watching Akira when you go to visit your family.

 

No reply since then.

 

I'm not sure why she got so angry with me. I had no earthly idea where she was at any given moment. Her attitude yesterday was completely outside of her normal character. She was so cold towards me. I've been nothing but kind and supportive of her, during AND after our relationship. I know she's been out on a few dates since the breakup, but I have not tried to hinder her. I would assume that she isn't emotionally available to start a relationship with anyone since she's going through deep family issues and our own recent breakup.

 

Can anyone help me? I'm trying to understand what I did wrong to her to create this type of reaction out of her. I still want to be a part of her life.

[springy]

The card plus the accidental run-in has her thinking you are watching her. At this point I would say it is time to leave her be, as it appears she does not want to be bothered. Sending her a card was a nice thing to do but given the lack of response and subsequent texts after the run-in I would say contact is not welcomed. :/

[CaringGuy]

Yeah, I figured that much. Do you think in time she'll open up to me again?

[springy]

No way to know, but any initiated contact by you at this point would probably lessen that likelihood. I would not wait around for her :/

[CaringGuy]

I wish it was that easy. People think that loving someone comes with a switch that you can just magically turn off on a whim. I'll work on me. I have no interest in investing my love into anyone else. I made a promise to her, to always be here and to never give up on her. People might see that as stupid or foolish, but to me, when I make a promise, I live by it. The world is filled with empty promises and at some point, when all the empty promises go unfulfilled, then the world is only left with lies and a faith with no hope.

 

I will back away and will not initiate, but I will not give up on her. I've done my very best to show her that I care about her and love her unconditionally. I have always been there for her, I always will.

[springy]

I don't think I said anything about magically flipping a switch, but whatever you choose to do is up to you. I just gave my $0.02.

[CaringGuy]

I didn't want you to take offense to my response. I definitely appreciate your insight. I thank you sincerely.

[SammySammy]

I wish it was that easy. People think that loving someone comes with a switch that you can just magically turn off on a whim. I'll work on me. I have no interest in investing my love into anyone else. I made a promise to her, to always be here and to never give up on her. People might see that as stupid or foolish, but to me, when I make a promise, I live by it. The world is filled with empty promises and at some point, when all the empty promises go unfulfilled, then the world is only left with lies and a faith with no hope.

 

I will back away and will not initiate, but I will not give up on her. I've done my very best to show her that I care about her and love her unconditionally. I have always been there for her, I always will.

 

 

She's most likely seeing another guy while you're trying to play white knight. Probably why she's pissed at you for seeming to follow her.

 

Get on with your life, man. There is nothing honorable about what you're doing.

Edited September 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude~T

[Marc878]

She dumped you now block everything and let it go.

 

You are acting like her doormat.

 

You should have more respect for yourself.

[Marc878]

You are projecting your feelings of love, etc onto her. She doesn't feel that way but you at this time don't want to see it.

 

You chase they always move farther away