Jane1981 Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Hi everyone I ve been dating a dad of 2 beautiful children ,for last 6 months he is a really amazing guy , but i am really strulgling with the fact he does have 2 kids and a ex of course!!! And we are struggling to take things to the next level. I dont know what to do!! I dont have children so dont think i can understand fully what it means. We had a cross roads argument , about his kids not seeing him . Like i said he is amazing but the kids and ex still seem to run his life , just need sime advice from anyone thats been here before. Thank you!!!!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Hi everyone I ve been dating a dad of 2 beautiful children ,for last 6 months he is a really amazing guy , but i am really strulgling with the fact he does have 2 kids and a ex of course!!! And we are struggling to take things to the next level. I dont know what to do!! I dont have children so dont think i can understand fully what it means. We had a cross roads argument , about his kids not seeing him . Like i said he is amazing but the kids and ex still seem to run his life , just need sime advice from anyone thats been here before. Thank you!!!! 100% true. Glad you at least realize this, because a lot of childless people who date single parents do not! My best advice to you would be two things: 1. Recognize you DO NOT AT ALL get it, and that's not an insult. I don't get how to sail a boat because I've never done it, but it doesn't make me inferior to a sailor. 2. Accept you will ALWAYS be second fiddle to his children. And that's the way it should be. If you can't accept that for whatever reason (again, not an insult), this is not the relationship for you. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 100% true. Glad you at least realize this, because a lot of childless people who date single parents do not! My best advice to you would be two things: 1. Recognize you DO NOT AT ALL get it, and that's not an insult. I don't get how to sail a boat because I've never done it, but it doesn't make me inferior to a sailor. 2. Accept you will ALWAYS be second fiddle to his children. And that's the way it should be. If you can't accept that for whatever reason (again, not an insult), this is not the relationship for you. Dead on, kid... I dunno...I honestly think its better for people that have had kids to pair up with like folks...It becomes more easy to get through those times, because you walked the walk...so to speak,, One of my recently divorced friends, who has no kids, is currently with a woman who does...It was OK for the first 6 months or so, but now they are having problems...I don't see it lasting too much longer, primarily because he "doesn't get it:"... OP, Listen to the advice from Cautious...Its 100%....Not saying it can't work, but you will need to accept your role, even if it means you are on the outside looking in at times.. Good luck TFY 1
Author Jane1981 Posted September 4, 2017 Author Posted September 4, 2017 Its so hard!!!! My best friend and Sister think hes great , both are already married and have one child , i feel so selfish saying i broke it off with him because he has 2 kids sounds like i am a horriable person as he has done everything right and is the best boyfriend ive had in years!!! Thanks for the advice
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 I dunno...I honestly think its better for people that have had kids to pair up with like folks...It becomes more easy to get through those times, because you walked the walk...so to speak,, Absolutely. I'm not dying to be a step-mom, but I will only date men who are fathers because it's just something we must have in common. I would never fault someone for "not getting it" (unless they insist they do, but actions do not follow), but men who actually are fathers are much more likely to "get it" so they are the only ones I would be compatible with. Even if their kids are grown and out of the house. They've at least "been there." 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Its so hard!!!! My best friend and Sister think hes great , both are already married and have one child , i feel so selfish saying i broke it off with him because he has 2 kids sounds like i am a horriable person as he has done everything right and is the best boyfriend ive had in years!!! Thanks for the advice I'm sure he IS great! But. You are absolutely NOT a horrible person, Jane. What would be horrible is staying in the relationship and making him choose between his children and you because your (valid) needs are not being met. You have every right to only want to date a childless man so you can be his priority. Nobody is wrong here.
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