I think my ex wants me to pursue her, but she has a new boyfriend

[ConfusedWC]

I am so sorry this is so long, trying to just include the necessary info. I‘ve cut out a lot, and it’s still long, so I’m only including the most necessary parts because I feel like the background info is important in telling why things went wrong the first time. And I've bolded the very most important parts.

 

I first met my ex on Twitter eight years ago. However, we probably followed each other for two years before I ever realized I might be interested in her romantically. We would occasionally private message each other for a couple hours, and a couple of our followers I knew in real life had mentioned to me offline we both seemed like we had crushes on each other. Only problem, she lived 12 hours away in another city and had a boyfriend.

 

Eventually they broke up and she moved to my same city, but I moved away a month later for a couple years half way across the country. During that couple years, I had several major injuries from hiking accidents, car accidents, etc., and I accumulated A LOT of debt..

 

I eventually got a new job and moved back home, and I moved in with my parents to help pay some debt off. I was over my head in medical debt and student loans.

 

A couple months later, she found out I had moved back, and kept suggesting we meet up. It took a few months, because I didn't want to get into a relationship while I was living at home, but I eventually met up with her and was instantly smitten. She was more beautiful than I was expecting from her pics I saw over the years on social media.

 

We dated for three months last spring/summer. During that three months, I knew I was competing with another guy she had had an off/on long distance relationship with for years.

 

Eventually she blocked him on social media and her and I were in a committed relationship. The first five months were really great, but I eventually became overwhelmed. We had a lot in common, made each other laugh, had great sexual chemistry, similar wants as far as marriage and kids, and even had started to talk about having a future together. It moved kinda fast once we were committed, but I think part of that was we had a long friendship online for almost seven years before. She always told me I treated her better than anyone ever had, and she had never felt the way she feels about me about anyone.

 

However, I became overwhelmed with work. I got a new job, and exiting the one before I was treated with resentment in my final weeks and overworked. During that same time, I had an issue with my testicles where my epididmytis was inflamed due to a football injury in high school where I had to have surgery there and the doctor told me I may not be able to have children. I needed to be tested, and when I told her she told me she would be devastated if I couldn't have children. Two days before my test, she tweeted out of the blue she "lowkey can't wait to be pregnant." and I FREAKED out. I got too scared to take the test and rescheduled, because I was so worried what the result might be and it might make me lose her. Between that, work, and just kinda feeling like living with my parents was hindering our relationship as well, I kinda became distant. I had never felt so down in my life. The pain I was feeling made me certain I would never be able to have a family, and it hurt because I had FINALLY found someone who I thought I could spend my life with. And this was only half what I was dealing with at the time.

 

Suddenly, one night, I noticed the other guy I was competing with who she had blocked had started tweeting at her again. They weren't following each other, but he had to be unblocked for that to happen. My mind immediately went to "she opened contact with him again because she's afraid I might not be able to have kids."

I let it eat at me for a week and I eventually became more agitated. I finally asked her if we were good and told her I knew she unblocked the guy. She told me she didn't know why she did and showed me a text of her telling him to leave her alone and that she needed to reblock him. For some reason I still didn't trust it, and later that week she suddenly started being short and unresponsive in text and not answering the phone when I called. She told me she didn't know why she was being like that and she was just having emotions. She was leaving town with her family for a week, and I wanted to see her before she left and talk some more, but she couldn't accommodate. I was in my second week of training for a new job, and I wasn't gonna be able to deal with the drama of worrying about her all week, so I texted her I wanted to breakup and only told her it was because the situation with the other guy had created a trust issue with me.

 

She didn’t try to text me back or call me. The next day she posted like five selfies on Instagram and then went ghost on all social media for days. When she finally returned her first tweet was something saying the last few days made her realize how unhappy she had been the last six months. I felt bad there was a chance that might be true, but I figured she was just saying that to hurt me back. I texted her when she returned and told her I’d like to see her and didn’t want to end things the way I did and just wanted to talk some more. I realized I’d made an irrational decision and wanted to tell her everything that was going on with me. She text me back and told me we eventually could, but she didn’t like the way I spoke about her “friend” and it quickly turned into another argument. We both dropped it. The next day she posted a pic on Instagram saying she missed me, but I didn’t respond to it. I eventually realized she blocked me on Facebook for some reason, so I unfollowed her on every social network I was following her on, and the next day she did the same.

 

I decided I was going to be single until all my debt was paid off, which I paid off $34,000 in debt between November and April. I also got tested and found out I could have children. I moved out of my parents’ house and started dating again. I rarely thought about my ex the three months before I moved, and whenever I checked her Twitter it seemed like there was some new tweet I’d find that was a mean but humorous subliminal dig at me. I took it as she hated me, but everyone I’ve talked to thinks she more likely still had feelings for me and was saying things like that to make herself feel better and get a reaction from me.

 

After about 2.5 months of dating again, I found I kept comparing every girl I was meeting to her. Every single one was missing a thing or two she had that they didn’t. Sometime in June, I went on her Twitter and she appeared to be single other than a tweet in mid-May that she was going to see the other guy I had been competing with and he was flying her out. I went to his Twitter and was able to piece together she actually stood him up.

 

A couple days later, she (possibly unknowingly) responded to a tweet one of our followers in common tweeted about me, so I liked the tweet to see if she would block me. She didn’t, so I started devising my plan to get back with her. A couple days later I went to follow her and she posted a collage of pics of her with this new guy wishing him happy birthday on Instagram. It was really strange, because all the years I had followed her you could tell when she was talking to someone seriously or in a relationship. That week she posted pics up with him three times and then never again.

 

I went to his profile, and they had been Facebook official since late-May, which I found strange since she had just agreed to have that other guy fly her out in mid-May. And that for two months there had been zero signs of her being in a relationship. The guy also was for the most part not her usual type. She usually only dates guys a few years older than her; he’s younger than her. He’s still in college, and lives six hours away during most the year. And even when he isn’t away at college, he lives three hours away. She is also apparently his first girlfriend, even though he’s about 24. And at least from what I could gather from his tweets and Facebook posts, his personality seems a bit dull.

 

She went on a trip with her friends in early-August and posted lots of pics from it on Instagram with captions that made me think she was seeking other male attention. My couple friends who knew about what was going on agreed they seemed disrespectful if she’s in a relationship. Her Twitter also basically had no mentions of him, and for some reason he does not follow her there, and I’m pretty sure she keeps her account secret from him, so I decided to follow her.

 

When I woke up the next morning, she had followed me back. I sent her a DM saying “Hi *****a. Been a long time. How are you?” She responded “Hey you! I have been great! How’re things with you?” We chatted a little more, but kept it light. The energy was good.

 

Later that night, she tweeted something about her new route to work that suggested she lived near me. I tweeted to her and told her mine was similar and she asked me where I lived, but didn’t respond when I asked her back.

 

My friend text me when he saw the tweets after and told me he sees on her IG story that it looks like she moved into these apartments last month three blocks from me in front of where I catch the train when I’m going downtown.

 

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been liking certain tweets that would hopefully remind her why I first fell for her. She doesn’t engage with people at nearly the volume I do, but has struck up small talk with me twice and liked a couple of my tweets as well. Twice may not seem like much, but over the last month, she’s only initiated conversation with four people, and I’m tied for the most times.

 

However, she has also upped how much she talks about him relatively A LOT in the last two and a half weeks since I started following her. But these tweets give off the impression they’re meant to make me jealous more than anything. Friday night she referred to him as the “love of her life” and I don’t know if she’d go that far or anyone would to make someone jealous, but I’ve never felt the desire to pursue an ex before or been in a relationship where I needed to rely so heavily on social media snooping, since neither of us really became close with the others’ friends. However, when we were dating she would tweet things to test me as well. Two days after our second date she tweeted something that made me feel like I had zero chance at all.

 

I don’t really know where to go from here. Part of me feels like I should let their relationship run its course and just use Twitter to show off I would be better for her than him and the changes I’m making. Another part of me feels like I should see if she wants to meet up and “catch up” since we live so close to one another, and I don’t believe for a second she didn’t move close to me without possibly running into me being part of the reason.

 

Time apart, and dating/being with other people, has made me realize I love her even more than I did before.