josephineF Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 This may be a strange thread but I am not sure how to proceed. After so many bad dates at OLD, I met this guy who I am seeing for the last two months. He is good looking, has a decent job, and I would say intelligent. Most importantly he treats me well and is not playing games. But there is something that puts me off. He would do some weird things sometimes. For example, he had a job interview one Saturday. Around 7pm, I asked him if he would like to hang out. We agreed to go for a quick drink at the bar close to my house. It is a typical Irish bar, totally casual and we had been there many times before. He picks me up around 9pm. I am wearing jeans, tank top and flat sandals. He shows up in long sleeved shirt (it is 80 degrees at least at night) and tie, dress pants and some ugly shoes. These shoes are actually boots that he (I assume) has to wear at the plant where he works as an engineer. Like safety shoes (similar to Timberland). This is the outfit he had that day for the interview. I am shocked and I say"Oh, looked at you all dressed up." He replies " It just felt nice today to be dressed up." At the bar, half of the people are tattooed bikers and the other half are most casually dressed. This was only one time situation. Other times we went out he was dressed properly minus the ugly boots that he wears occasionally or long sleeved casual shirts, and it is summer. While I get look past this one time, I am scared to bring him around my friends. I might be overreacting but I have no idea what to expect. What if they ask us to go hiking and shows up in a suit (ok, he probably won't). Would you be put off by this?
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Would you be put off by this? No. Some men don't know how to dress, girlfriend, but they are still GOOD men. They just don't care about that stuff so much. You can help him to dress better, but if he's one of those types that think anything a woman tells him is "controlling" then you're going to be out of luck. You're going to have to compromise and let him dress however when it's not important (i.e. the long sleeves in the summer). And he's going to have to compromise on the dressing at times when it matters (i.e. meeting your family) or there will be tension. 4
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Oh and btw, most guys like this KNOW that they don't know how to dress well, so they are usually open to your help, especially if you are kind about it. Do not criticize him or put him down, just guide him positively. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Would you be put off by this? Ask yourself if this is something that is going to matter in five years (him showing up to a biker bar in a shirt and tie). Odd are high that the answer is no. To me he sounds like a guy who doesn't dress up often, felt confident and good about himself that day, and wanted to keep it going. Maybe he even though he'd get a compliment from his girlfriend and she'd be proud to be with such a dapper fella! 2
smackie9 Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 I remember the days when I asked my husband "You are going out in that??" lol. His friends used to call him laundry hamper because his shirts were all wrinkly like he just pulled the out of the hamper. Say something to him yes....like "We are going for a hike today, so make it cargo shorts and a t-shirt so you will be comfortable...it's a long hike. You have hikers? You are going to need them and bring a hoody it might get cooler out later." Or say it like you are reminding him.."It's very casual so jeans and tshirt....wear that one I bought you." As women we always want to know what we should wear if we are going somewhere we haven't been or meeting up with people for the evening. IMO this is no different. 4
Miss Spider Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 (edited) Hahahah this is really funny to me. Call me shallow, but I think dress says a lot about a person, so I think it is fertile grounds for consideration when dating. Some people are just clueless about this stuff though and that's ok. If this guy is like really perfect in every other way, maybe since you've been dating for a couple months you could bring it up to him? I don't know if there's a un offensive to make the suggestion, it probably will be a bit cringe, but you could be helping him out. Especially if it's the only thing stopping you from really liking him Edited September 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Author josephineF Posted September 3, 2017 Author Posted September 3, 2017 When we went to see a movie he wore shorts and a tshirt. The problem was that shorts were too... short. Almost looked like boxers... even the pattern was similar :laugh:. Then we went to a bar, he had jeans and a t shirt, classic addidas shoes and a matching watch (that was a nice one actually). Next one, he has a long sleeved casual shirt and ugly boots:confused::confused:. And so on... And he doesn't wear underwear. I forgot that one :bunny: But yeah, he is nice in every other way... aaaand willing to put up with my crazy schedule. 1
smackie9 Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 And he doesn't wear underwear. I forgot that one :bunny: That is what I would call a DEALBREAKER...for sure. I find that gross. Who wants to see a third eye peeking through the leg of those short shorts ew! 1
Slowlydrifting Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 This may be a strange thread but I am not sure how to proceed. After so many bad dates at OLD, I met this guy who I am seeing for the last two months. He is good looking, has a decent job, and I would say intelligent. Most importantly he treats me well and is not playing games. But there is something that puts me off. He would do some weird things sometimes. For example, he had a job interview one Saturday. Around 7pm, I asked him if he would like to hang out. We agreed to go for a quick drink at the bar close to my house. It is a typical Irish bar, totally casual and we had been there many times before. He picks me up around 9pm. I am wearing jeans, tank top and flat sandals. He shows up in long sleeved shirt (it is 80 degrees at least at night) and tie, dress pants and some ugly shoes. These shoes are actually boots that he (I assume) has to wear at the plant where he works as an engineer. Like safety shoes (similar to Timberland). This is the outfit he had that day for the interview. I am shocked and I say"Oh, looked at you all dressed up." He replies " It just felt nice today to be dressed up." At the bar, half of the people are tattooed bikers and the other half are most casually dressed. This was only one time situation. Other times we went out he was dressed properly minus the ugly boots that he wears occasionally or long sleeved casual shirts, and it is summer. While I get look past this one time, I am scared to bring him around my friends. I might be overreacting but I have no idea what to expect. What if they ask us to go hiking and shows up in a suit (ok, he probably won't). Would you be put off by this? He is also going to hold on to your reaction of "oh, look at you all dressed up!" Because you acknowledged it in a seemingly positive manner. He might do it all the time now lol 1
umirano Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 When we went to see a movie he wore shorts and a tshirt. The problem was that shorts were too... short. Almost looked like boxers... even the pattern was similar :laugh:. Then we went to a bar, he had jeans and a t shirt, classic addidas shoes and a matching watch (that was a nice one actually). Next one, he has a long sleeved casual shirt and ugly boots:confused::confused:. And so on... And he doesn't wear underwear. I forgot that one :bunny: It's a bit hit and miss with him, eh? I'd vote for the positive guidance/reinforcement strategy too. Compliment him when you like something, and don't if you don't. He will soon respond. If we like a girl we'll be very sensitive to such signals. Last line: weird, but I've heard of people of both genders doing that... 1
Author josephineF Posted September 3, 2017 Author Posted September 3, 2017 He is also going to hold on to your reaction of "oh, look at you all dressed up!" Because you acknowledged it in a seemingly positive manner. He might do it all the time now lol :confused: god, hope not. It was a hesitant "Ooooh look at you" with a half-cringe 1
Author josephineF Posted September 3, 2017 Author Posted September 3, 2017 It's a bit hit and miss with him, eh? I'd vote for the positive guidance/reinforcement strategy too. Compliment him when you like something, and don't if you don't. He will soon respond. If we like a girl we'll be very sensitive to such signals. Last line: weird, but I've heard of people of both genders doing that... Yup, last line is off putting as well... But at the same time, he is a rare "normal" guy.
salparadise Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Yup, last line is off putting as well... But at the same time, he is a rare "normal" guy. I'm sure there's someone out there who matches your specifications precisely and has no shortcomings whatsoever... and as a genetic optimizer, you're pretty much obliged to hold out until hell freezes over. This guy's genes should not proliferate and weaken the pool. You know what you gotta do.
Author josephineF Posted September 3, 2017 Author Posted September 3, 2017 I'm sure there's someone out there who matches your specifications precisely and has no shortcomings whatsoever... and as a genetic optimizer, you're pretty much obliged to hold out until hell freezes over. This guy's genes should not proliferate and weaken the pool. You know what you gotta do. Sorry if my tread was somehow offensive to you but I think that common sense is important in a partner. It is not about his clothes or style... more about the common sense.
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Everyone has their own style and what they're comfortable wearing though, or maybe he doesn't really care cause he's confident in himself? Keep in mind that he could have also thought the same thing about what you were wearing? If he's a good man, responsible and treats you right, it shouldn't matter, style will change over time, and if you dislike it it's something you could help him with. My current BF dresses in only designer brands, shoes, watches, drives a BMW, but I've seen his pictures from 5-6 years ago. Long hair, gotae and sweatshirts... I still would have dated him though, cause he's a great guy, that's all that matters now. 1
Caramelpopcorn Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 On a side note, buy him some boxer briefs for Christmas, he may get the gist. The thought of his balls sitting in those pants all day long sweating... ugh.
rushed Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 I am shallow to a degree, but one area that has never bothered me is how a guy dresses. As long as the clothes are clean and don't smell I'm a happy camper. My last boyfriend wore some of the strangest clothes - think hippie and festival wear. And socks with sandals. On one of our first dates my current boyfriend showed up in a too small shirt that showed a bit of his tummy. I didn't care. Later on he mentioned that it was his favorite shirt and he was bummed about retiring it since it was too small now. The thing is that I believe clothes are reflective of a person to an extent. I find a person's different way of dressing as endearing. I like these quirks about people. Unless specifically asked for advice, I never suggest what a person should wear just as I wouldn't want anyone telling me what I should wear. However, we all have different deal-breakers. The way a guy dresses isn't one for me. If it bothers you that much and you're ashamed to bring him around your friends just as he is perhaps you need to rethink dating him.
salparadise Posted September 4, 2017 Posted September 4, 2017 Sorry if my tread was somehow offensive to you but I think that common sense is important in a partner. It is not about his clothes or style... more about the common sense. I guess if a guy has no common sense and screws up everything he touches that would be a legitimate concern, but it sounds like you're considering kicking him to the curb because you didn't like the way he dressed on this one occasion. With all of the legitimately important aspects to consider about a relationship, I find it incomprehensible that you're seriously judging his overall suitability based on this instance. And it was a biker bar for heaven's sake... it's not like he showed up at your sister's wedding wearing tattered jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt. At first I thought you were being facetious, but no, you're dead serious. It seems to me that there must be some other underlying dissatisfaction that you can't name, that you're looking for an excuse, because I just don't see how any reasonable person could place this much importance on him showing up to a dive bar overdressed. What's the deal? Micro-penis? 1
Author josephineF Posted September 8, 2017 Author Posted September 8, 2017 I guess if a guy has no common sense and screws up everything he touches that would be a legitimate concern, but it sounds like you're considering kicking him to the curb because you didn't like the way he dressed on this one occasion. With all of the legitimately important aspects to consider about a relationship, I find it incomprehensible that you're seriously judging his overall suitability based on this instance. And it was a biker bar for heaven's sake... it's not like he showed up at your sister's wedding wearing tattered jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt. At first I thought you were being facetious, but no, you're dead serious. It seems to me that there must be some other underlying dissatisfaction that you can't name, that you're looking for an excuse, because I just don't see how any reasonable person could place this much importance on him showing up to a dive bar overdressed. What's the deal? Micro-penis? :laugh: not at all, that department is more than good :bunny::bunny: You are right, he is just.... different. Cant even describe it. I can't take him seriously, he acts all the time as if he was nervous, or lost in time and space... also just saying things because he thinks I will like it. Also, last night I went over to his house at 8.30pm and he was showing me his new pool table. he lives with his brother. So, as we are about to leave the basement, his brother shows up with 3 beers and asks us to play pool. I told him, I don't really know how to play it but they can go ahead and play. So, they did exactly that... they played pool for the next 2 hours while I was just standing there watching. Not to mention that I was super tired and also had to wake up early. Around 11pm, i was seriously ready to just leave, but before I said anything, my bf said he was done and we should go upstairs and watch TV. :mad::mad:
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 I have never met an engineer that knows how to dress :-) A little bit of awkwardness can be cute but for the big stuff he needs directions. You can start with little comments like : meet you at 9pm and why don't you wear that pink shirt I find you so sexy in it. As for the rest you have to be confident in who you are and don't need him to make you look good. Example I live in Canada, my bf is from the Caribbean and living here. In June it's warm enough to be wearing shorts and summer dresses, but to him it's still cold because he's used to extreme heat so while I dress in a summer dress and open shoes he dresses with his scarff, coat and hat! I just let him be! We look awkward, I think it's funny and my family thinks he's cute in his own weird ways. Let people talk.
Gaeta Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 they played pool for the next 2 hours while I was just standing there watching. Not to mention that I was super tired and also had to wake up early. Around 11pm, i was seriously ready to just leave, but before I said anything, my bf said he was done and we should go upstairs and watch TV. :mad::mad: He could have taught you the game. The rules are like stupid easy. Hit your color in any pocket-holes. If he can't think because he's a bit of a nerd just lead the way. You could have asked him to teach you the game.
healing light Posted September 8, 2017 Posted September 8, 2017 Alright, hate to say it, but the pool table thing is also on you. You could have verbalized much earlier that you're tired and wanted to leave. He's obviously not a mind reader and as long as you sat back and watched them, he probably assumed you happily did so. Non-verbal cues are probably lost on this guy. Next time pipe up or join in--pool can be a lot of fun, even when you're bad at it.
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