MJOH Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Hi all, My girlfriend just broke up with me after 4.5 years. We have been seeing each other since I was 20 and she was 18. I was always telling her it couldn't work because I'm Jewish and she's Catholic, but she was the one who kept coming back and fighting for me. During this span, I was always the one to end things, and it probably happened 4-5 times. She started our relationship by saying she would convert, then it was just raising her kids Jewish, then it was a compromise to raise them both, and then it was nothing. She always fought so hard for me. I'll try to keep this short as the amount that has transpired over the last 4.5 years is crazy. 3 months ago today, she broke up with me because I wasn't giving her what she needed out of a relationship, and because she started to realize she couldn't raise her kids Jewish. I fought harder than I ever have to give myself another chance to work out the things she said I wasn't giving her, and then after we sorted that out we would figure out religion. She agreed. We went to counseling and had productive conversations for a few weeks. For the past 2 months, our relationship has never been better. We really reached our pinnacle. The morning we went to counseling 6 days ago, she texted me saying how happy she was with everything. We were both on the same page, which was amazing given that we have been madly in love with each other for years. It took us a while to work out our differences, but we were finally there. That night in counseling, the topic of religion came up, and she broke up with me right afterwards at my apartment. I was completely blindsided and words can't describe how much pain I felt. She said that she couldn't raise her kids Jewish because she has turned to her religion a lot in the past year when she has struggled, and wants her kids to be able to do the same. She couldn't agree on our children having a confirmation and Bar Mitzvah, and she said she could no longer even celebrate Jewish Holidays. What made this even more painful was her transition throughout the relationship from willing to convert all the way to not being able to come to any sort of compromise. We talked on the phone that night for closure, texted again the next day, and the day after I wrote a 2 page letter trying to win her back. That night, we talked on the phone for 2 hours and had an amazing reflection on our relationship and how much we've grown, but also acknowledged that it couldn't work. I apologized for making her feel guilty about changing her mind, since I know she couldn't help it and could hear in her voice how sincere she was and how much she wanted to make it work. This girl is the nicest, sweetest person with the biggest heart - all of my friends and family think so too, and I didn't want her to have this guilt hanging over her so I told her I understood. I can't help but feel completely empty inside right now. It would take days to explain how hard we fought for each other over the past 4.5 years, and for her to say she has never felt better about us and then end things that night was the most heart-wrenching moment of my life. I've gone through ups and downs the past 6 days we've been broken up. The ups are when I keep busy and am with friends (I have an incredible group of friends who have been extremely supportive) but the downs are really down. I sit in my bed crying for hours and don't know what to do. I'm a rationale person. I know I should be keeping busy, focusing on myself, etc. but breakups like this make you think irrationally. She is my best friend. When we talked the other day, she said she was having nightmares, could barely sleep, and was crying during the day at work. Part of me wants to text her again now saying it can work if we raise our children both religions and let them choose, but the other part of me knows it's best that we're broken up for the long run. Does anyone have any advice as to things I should be doing to get over her and to ease the pain? I feel like losing my best friend involves losing a part of who I am, and I'm finding it very hard to function. I'm also happy to answer anyone elses questions about their break ups and ways to cope and get through it. Thank you
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Break ups suck but you knew religion was going to play a role in this from the beginning. At 18 nobody cares about religion & kids. At 22 when marriage & kids are no longer things that adults do but become more real, the issue comes into focus. Do what you have to do heal but don't try to get her back.
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