Nfamous Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 I have been with my girlfriend for about a year we live together and she doesn't work, she hated her job so I suggested she quit and find a new one because I make plenty of money. She hasn't been looking and I am supporting her 100%. I caught her lying to me about an ex coworker who sent her a message when she was showing me something on her phone, she said it was her girlfriends husband which struck me as odd because the message was flirtatious in nature. After arguing about this for an hour or more, I find out he's not a friend's husband he's an ex Co worker. I asked why he felt comfortable sending flirtatious texts she said she never flirted with him. I then found flirtatious texts from when we started dating in her phone between them. She still denied flirting and said even though the text may seem flirtatious it's not which I called bull**** and she finally admitted to flirting with him and lying to me about everything. I broke up with her but she has no income and she's sleeping in the same bed as me so we eventually had sex and tried to work things out, I have ended up extremely uncomfortable in our relationship, I'm snooping, doubting, finding myself feeling betrayed in the strangest of times even when things are good. This eventually culminated in my attitude and I ended up kind of being cold and distant. She then got a text from "her adopted brother who was never adopted" with some stupid chain letter but there was a message from 2016 saying "hey sexy" which doesn't sound brotherly at all to me. In my anger I told her I don't want to be together any more. But she's here and currently sleeping in the bed next to me, she also seems mad at me for breaking up with her but I have thoroughly explained how I doubt her so much, and that I'm sure there see people out there who can overcome being lied to and mover on. I do not feel I can do that or that would even be a wise decision because I think she's constantly lying. Am I wrong for breaking up with her? Also what do I do about the fact that she's living with me and has no income? If she stays I'm going to end up giving in and we're just going to end up back here, but she has no where to go. There are other dynamics but this is the primary issue I'm having right now Thanks for any advice or opinions.
Reddice Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 As long as she's still living in your house and you're paying all the bills, I wouldn't call it a breakup. Seems more like a bad marriage than anything else. But anyway, you have enough reason to be upset. This girl has a problem with the truth. It's highly unlikely these guys are just friends. Why would anyone in their right mind lie about it? When it happened to me, my ex kept putting the blame on me: she lied because I was possessive, she lied because I didn't respect her, I was being extremely jealous, etc etc. Look for these kind of signals. The best defence is a good offence and she will throw anything at you she can to make you feel insecure. In the end, my ex left me for some other dude. He had a better income than me, so she didn't need me anymore to pay the bills. Learn from my mistakes and actually dump her. Kick her out of your house and go NC. Protect yourself before she ends up crushing you and everything you believe in.
basil67 Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 If you throw her out, does she have anyone who will take her in? Parents, siblings, friends?
Reddice Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 If you throw her out, does she have anyone who will take her in? Parents, siblings, friends? Why would that be his problem? She's an adult after all. Anyway, she has that "brother" guy that will surely take her in. 1
basil67 Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Why would that be his problem? She's an adult after all. Anyway, she has that "brother" guy that will surely take her in. Yes, the 'brother' guy may well take her in. The reason I ask is because (depending on where he lives) one can't terminate a tenant without adequate notice. If she's got nowhere to go, it may become problematic for him.
Reddice Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Yes, the 'brother' guy may well take her in. The reason I ask is because (depending on where he lives) one can't terminate a tenant without adequate notice. If she's got nowhere to go, it may become problematic for him. And why is any of that your problem?
Been Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 She crossed a line and then lied about it. Now you don't trust her because of what SHE did. As far as the other concerns not your problem-she chose to be sneaky so she's got to pay for it-all actions have consequences.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 You are right to break up with her. She flirts with other men and insults your intelligence by lying about. She's also got no problem sponging off of you while she does...what, exactly? As for the living situation - whose home is it? Is her name on the lease? If it's your house and she has no claim on the rental or ownership, she needs to be packing her bags now.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 And why is any of that your problem? Because he might not be able to just boot her out without legal ramifications, Reddice. Hopefully OP can clarify whose name is on the property.
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 First you put her on the couch or in the guest room. Then you give her a deadline: she has two weeks to get out. If you really want her gone pay for it. I had to pay $500 to get an EX of mine out of my house. He swore he'd pay me back but even as he said it, I knew it was a lie. Still it was some of the best money I ever spent. If she doesn't get out, you take her to court. As an owner occupied property where she's not paying rent none of the usually landlord tenant rules apply.
Author Nfamous Posted September 3, 2017 Author Posted September 3, 2017 Thank you everyone for your input, you're right I need to just cut ties and move on. Her daughter goes back to school Monday and will be back with her father, I will have her stay with her cousin while she figures things out. All this is difficult though I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or if I'm supposed to give her another chance
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 Thank you everyone for your input, you're right I need to just cut ties and move on. Her daughter goes back to school Monday and will be back with her father, I will have her stay with her cousin while she figures things out. All this is difficult though I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or if I'm supposed to give her another chance Supposed to...according to whom? You feel how you feel, based on her dishonest and disrespectful behaviour. You can give it another whirl if you really want, but I can just about promise you that you will regret it. She doesn't love you enough to not disrespect you and lie to you, under your roof.
Been Posted September 3, 2017 Posted September 3, 2017 You DONT give her another chance. This was not an accident. She did it on purpose and didn't care. That's not love. That's being an option for someone.
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