Jacqueline43 Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 1/2. He is 41 years old and I am 43 years old. He is a very sweet, funny, laid back and non confrontational guy in all areas of his life. Things have been sweet with us til we went on vacation with his sister and her son. I've always felt his sister didn't like me much. Examples are: she takes selfies with her brother, my boyfriend and doesn't include me in pictures. One time we went to her house and me and my boyfriend were outside talking and she yelled at my boyfriend in front of me about how her 10 year old son looks forward to seeing him and his purpose of visiting then is to play with her son/ his nephew. He visits his family every Sunday for Sunday dinner. He picks up his mom drives 1 hour away to go to sister home and then drives his mom back home...every Sunday. We went on vacation with his sister and 10 year old nephew to an amusement park. My boyfriend would go on rides with nephew and me and the sister would talk. The last conversation ended up being nasty. She asked if my boyfriend met my mom. I said yes, and he's now scared of her because my mom can present unfriendly and strict. I then proceeded to tell her how I need to talk to my mom about relaxing and try to be a little friendly. His sister then proceeded to tell me " So, you want your mom to be fake. I won't change for you. My mom won't change for you. As s matter of fact I told my friends that, before the last party you came to at my house, that my friends should be themselves and you will be you." All this was said loudly and her being dramatic. I was sooo hurt and shocked. After that conversation we didn't speak for the rest of the day and a half left of our vacation. When we get back she told her mom and my boyfriend that I ignored her on the trip. Honestly, I was hurt and shocked and irritated...I had nothing to say to her. Ignoring her....she never spoke to me to be ignored.
Author Jacqueline43 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 We haven't spoken since the June trip and I haven't seen her. She had a party two weeks ago and my boyfriend went to the party without me...as she said I was not invited until me and her talk. My boyfriend says we were both wrong , her for being her usual insensitive self and me for staying silent on trip afterwards. I don't know what to do. To be honest I'm hurt that my boyfriend went to her party and felt it was no big deal that I didn't go. Then I look at the fact that he's unable to speak up for himself to his family so how can I expect he will speak up for me? He's an extremely passive guy who is non confrontational
Author Jacqueline43 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 We made a compromise that he can go to his sisters parties but before going to the parties he has to first go on a regular date with me first. Once we're done then he can go. Do I like this plan? No! The problem is that my boyfriend is super passive and he doesn't speak for himself to his family and I've witnessed it. How can I expect he will speak for me?
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 You & his sister don't get along. You may never see eye to eye. You made a bit of a tactical error in confiding anything about your relationship with your BF to his sister. Her response proves that she is not sympathetic. There is difference between trying to change somebody & expecting that person to be more polite. Your mother doesn't need to go around scaring people. It's probably a good thing that your BF's sister like genuineness & won't change for you or anybody else. She does appear to be blunt to the point of rudeness but you clearly know where you stand with her. While it would be nice if she was more couth, that probably won't happen. Your BF -- who you admit is passive -- probably doesn't have what it takes to stick up for you. Have you asked him to speak to his sister about the way she treats you? She seems to treat him equally poorly so don't expect much. Q becomes can you put up with this package deal for the foreseeable future? If not, there is no sense continuing.
Author Jacqueline43 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 I love him and to me he is perfect with the exception of... he will never ever stand up for himself or me for that matter to his family....especially his sister. She's a bully. She talks to him always like she's telling him what to do and doesn't ask him but tells him. As of now, I don't care to go to her parties and he doesn't care if I go to her parties or not. We made a compromise of having a date before any of her parties. She only has 4 or 5 parties a year.... no biggie but it hurts that he will go without me and doesn't see a big issue about it. He tells me that his family has no impact on his love life so it doesn't matter to him
Author Jacqueline43 Posted September 2, 2017 Author Posted September 2, 2017 I love him and to me he is perfect with the exception of... he will never ever stand up for himself or me for that matter to his family....especially his sister. She's a bully. She talks to him always like she's telling him what to do and doesn't ask him but tells him. As of now, I don't care to go to her parties and he doesn't care if I go to her parties or not. We made a compromise of having a date before any of her parties. She only has 4 or 5 parties a year.... no biggie but it hurts that he will go without me and doesn't see a big issue about it. He tells me that his family has no impact on his love life so it doesn't matter to him
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