sugarbudd Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 I recently went on a date with a girl who I am pretty sure used me. She traveled several hours to spend time with me and as an escape from work etc. She was very warm, fun and friendly before meeting up and was great when we spent the day together too. I assumed we were friends as she hadn't shown any major signs she was into me. She then however kissed me and we ended up having sex. I felt a connection (first time in a long time since that happened). The day after she left I asked if she would like to see me again, she said she would like to but wants to be single at the moment and doesn't want to lead me on. She said she likes me, but became incredibly distant from me, rarely responded and was very uninterested in having a conversation with me since leaving in comparison to before we met - we spoke a lot and she was very warm and open with me. This is when I realized I had been used for sex (possibly to get over her ex she still speaks to). I told her I didn't want a hook up, and if she did she should of been more clearer from the beginning so I had a clearer idea of where I stood. She denied she wanted a hook up and that she likes me. However, her behavior to me being suddenly very cold and distant, and saying she doesn't want to lead me on or be on a different page to me if we met up convinced me otherwise. It's been a few weeks now since I went NC and I still feel dreadful. I've had rejections before and I've dated quite frequently the last few years, but this feeling of hurt isn't going away. I feel depressed and angry that I feel I've been used for sex by someone I felt the spark with. I've had a hard time getting my mind off it. Thoughts, opinions and advice are welcome
kendahke Posted September 2, 2017 Posted September 2, 2017 (edited) I told her I didn't want a hook up, and if she did she should of been more clearer from the beginning so I had a clearer idea of where I stood. I'm looking at the tense of the verbs you're using in this statement and it sounds like this realization happened after you had sex, not before. Should have (or should've) is used once an action has taken place, not before: used in auxiliary function to express futurity from a point of view in the past. So no. You weren't used for sex. You willingly went along with it. It was after the fact when she didn't meet your unspoken expectations of what sex means for you that you want to say you were used. This was something you needed to get clear on before your pants were on the floor. At what point from the minute you two decided to rendezvous to the point where your clothes came off did you tell her what you expected out of having sex with her? I think you're more angry with yourself because things didn't go your way and didn't align with your unspoken expectations. Sex has a way of crystallizing for some people if they're going to go all in with the other. If she was enthusiastic about you before then made it to the other side of the Kuiper Belt in 2 days, then there was something about that experience for her that made her flip the switch to warp speed--and it could have been talk of more when all she was down for from the beginning was sex. Or the sex didn't bowl her over. No judgement, just sayin'... Edited September 2, 2017 by kendahke
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